One of the aspects of having a balanced mindset is that you are no longer prone towards extremist view-points. You don’t see things in a “black and white” manner, rather you start perceiving the “grey areas”, which is what allows you to be free of delusional thinking.
For example, the adage of “you can do anything you set your mind to”, or “impossible is nothing”, can feel very emotionally motivating, and it can create a spur of adrenaline, and it makes for a great pep talk, but it’s also a very “black and white” statement, which is delusional at best.
It’s just a fact that there are many things that you just can’t do, no matter how hard you try, simply because your body is not made for it.
A cow can’t run as fast as a leopard no matter how hard you train it. The cow is meant for a certain expression and the leopard is meant for a certain expression. It’s just evident that the cow can never match a leopard’s speed no matter hard it trains (or how long it trains), it’s just physically impossible.
No-one is limitless, we all have limitations, and the limitations are not a “negative”, they just provide a direction for our expression in life. It’s not about making all your weaknesses into your strength, some weaknesses can be worked at towards some level of efficiency, whereas some weaknesses/limitations just have to be accepted. Your limitations can act as the guide-post that allow you to take decisions on the direction you need to pursue in life, also the “experience” of limitation is valuable towards growth and balance as a soul.
Understanding your limitations, and working with them, is a part of understanding your individuality.
Another aspect of understanding your individuality is to see through your “past”, see through your old self, your past conditioning, that no longer resonates with you currently. If you are not aligned with your current awareness there is bound to be an inner conflict between the “past-you” and the “present-you“.
This post addresses these two dynamics of understanding and aligning with your individuality.
Being aware of your current individuality
“Individuality” has its value because it’s individuality that allows life to have a diversity of experience and also allows for co-operative balance.
If we were all born to be singers, there would be no-one to record our singing.
Understanding your individuality may be one of the biggest challenges for you if you’ve been living a life based on trying to meet the outside expectations/standards or if you are holding on to some delusional thinking where you don’t see your limitations in the light of reality.
How aligned you are with your individuality has everything to do with how compatible your life feels to you in areas of relationship, finances, health and lifestyle. The key-phrase here is “how compatible it feels to you”, because it’s possible that your current life-situation is quite compatible with you but it’s just that you are not able to see it and hence you are constantly complaining and having a miserable experience.
For example, you could be in a compatible relationship but because you are not really aligned with yourself you are not able to see/sense the compatibility, and you keep vying for some dreamy idea of a partner based on some delusional thinking on your part. Vice versa is also true, where you might be in an incompatible relationship but you keep trying to make it work because you are not really aligned with yourself, and so you are not able to see the incompatibility for what it is.
Seeing yourself in the present light
One of the aspects of understanding your individuality (which includes understanding your personality) is to see yourself in the “present” light rather than constantly perceiving yourself from some past image, or past conditioning.
It’s very possible that certain aspects of your individuality can change over a period of a few months (or sometimes even a day) depending on a certain growth experience that you go through, or a certain shift in awareness.
Life is very dynamic, and it’s important to keep in touch with your “present” state rather than color your perception through some past idea you have of yourself.
For example, it’s possible that the job that you are doing might have been compatible with you in the past (may be for the past 5 years) but is no longer compatible with you now, but you might be doing it purely as a “habit” of the past, and suppressing your current preference, possibly out of the fear of change.
In this sense, understanding your individuality is not some static process that you do once a year, rather it’s a very dynamic deal of being aware of what’s going on within you on a regular basis. Sometimes, especially when you are living in denial, certain events may happen in your life purely to act as a mirror to show you that you’ve changed, so that you can no longer deny the change in your individuality.
Letting go of your old self
Usually, what happens is that there might be a shift in your maturity, or perception, based on a certain growth experience, after which certain aspects of your individuality no longer resonate with you.
However, these old aspects still have a past-momentum and so they continue to come up in your mind/emotional-space. This is when you may feel like there is a “dual personality” inside you, the old personality and the new personality co-existing within you.
Though the old personality no longer resonates with you it can take over now and then until its momentum ebbs away fully.
If you’ve been going through a certain journey of a growth in awareness, it’s very likely that you feel a sense of conflict within you where parts of your “old awareness” are in battle with the parts of your “current awareness”, which can feel like the battle of two personalities/individuals within you. This conflict can be very exhausting to say the least, and it creates a sense of disorientation, uncertainty, lack of clarity, indecision and a certain “stuckness” where you want to make a move but you are not able to find the energy to do so.
The reason for this conflicted state of being is quite simply because of the battle between the past-you and the present-you. Eventually, the present-you wins out, but how long it takes can depend upon whether you keep trying to hold on to the past-you from a place of fear, delusion, unconsciousness or just confusion.
It can be a much smoother transition if you allow yourself to go through this feeling of “disorientation”, that you sense within you, without trying to cling to the past-conditioning, or the past-you, out of the fear of unknown. Every transition has to go through a period of “chaos”, or disorientation, it’s just unavoidable, however, the intensity/degree of the chaos can be low if you are open to experiencing the phase of uncertainty without trying to cling to something (especially the past elements) from a place of fear.
History is a proof of how a new era of relative betterment is always created based on the dissolution of an old era, however, during the transition between the old and the new there is a period of confusion, disorientation and uncertainty. It’s just a nature of life that you can’t avoid growth, you can’t avoid change, and now it’s the question of whether you go smoothly or you get dragged while you go through unnecessary psychological suffering.
The more aligned you are with your current individuality the easier it is for you to integrate the required changes in your life. Of course, certain changes may not feel very convenient, they just feel inevitable and required from a place of wisdom.
Spending time connecting with your inner space is what it takes get a sense of your current individuality, and to get a sense of any past momentum of, aspects of, individuality that you might be hanging onto, that no longer resonate with you. Connecting with your inner space is just about “observing”, or being aware, of what’s happening within you.
You can do it as a practice of just sitting with yourself for 30 minutes each day, or just being aware of yourself whenever you have the free time to do so. I talk about “the practice of relaxed awareness”, in several posts, which is just a pointer towards observing your inner space.
If I have to summarize relaxed awareness, as a practice, this is how it goes:
- Find some place where it is relatively silent, where you can be on your own without being disturbed.
- Sit in a comfortable position, possibly on a chair/couch. (Avoid lying down because the act of lying down can signal your brain to start shutting down towards sleep)
- Don’t try to relax, don’t try to meditate, don’t try to focus on anything, don’t try to “do” anything; the fact that you are alone with yourself, without any distraction, is all that’s needed.
- Close your eyes and just be with yourself, let the mind activity happen, let the emotional activity happen, let the body do whatever it’s doing.
- If you feel restless, just allow the restlessness. If a voice comes up and says “am I doing this right”, just allow that voice without trying to look for an answer. Remember that this is not some “relaxation exercise”, it’s just a way to be with yourself.
If you can just be with yourself, without distraction, you are bound to get a deeper and deeper sense of what’s happening within you. Of course, like everything, it does take time for your awareness/observation to become deeper.
If you are just starting out towards this practice of relaxed awareness just work with letting go of the sense of restlessness, or the sense of “what’s the point of this”, for a while, understanding that it will take time for your awareness to get used to your inner space. It’s like how it takes time for your eyes to adjust to the dark once the lights are switch off.
Awareness of your inner space
This “awareness” of your inner space is required to ensure that you are able to sense the current aspects of your individuality, and so that you can see through the past-momentum that may be dominating your mind.
As you become aware of this past-momentum, you just need to enter into a state of allowing (where you don’t try to fight/suppress this momentum, but also no longer “identify” with it, and just stay in an openness towards letting this momentum play out inside you for a while until it dissolves in energy/intensity). The past-momentum can include past aspects of self-image, past conditioning, past accumulation of emotions, past memories, past personality patterns, child-identity (identification with your childhood patterns which are no longer relevant to your current adulthood).
In order for your current individuality to shine through fully, it’s important for the past-momentum to ebb away in force.
If you feel that your past-momentum keeps “grabbing” you, and causes you to act in a manner that no longer resonates with your current awareness/individuality, it’s just an indication that you need to work on a deeper release of this momentum by entering into a state of conscious allowing (when I use the term “the state of allowing”, the “allowing” does not imply that you allow yourself to get identified with the past-momentum, it implies that you dis-identify consciously without trying to suppress the momentum that comes up, so that the momentum can release).
Implications of living your current individuality
It’s important to understand that living your individuality is not about being a struggle-based rebel.
You might need to rebel against certain outside influences, of the past, and might have to take a stand against being treated the way you were treated in the past, but you don’t have to do it in from a place of being the “wronged victim” or the “righteous protagonist” with an energy of chronic blame/resentment towards the outside.
Rather you need to realize that the outside treated you the way it did because of the way you were, or because of your past maturity (or lack of it), and in that sense it’s no-one’s fault per se, it was just situational.
Also, some elements in your external reality (including your friends and family) may not really be comfortable with your current individuality, and may even try to get you back to your past-self, possibly by saying something like “you’ve changed, I liked you better before”, in which case you would just have to shrug your shoulders and stay true to your individuality without getting defensive, without rendering futile justifications, and without connecting with mis-placed guilt, knowing that you are simply doing the right thing for yourself.
You don’t have to accommodate people who are not willing to accept you in your current individuality, even if it means that you let go, or reduce, your acquaintanceship with them – the elements that are not aligned with your current individuality are bound to start dropping away.
Living your current individuality may not always be “pleasant” in terms of experience, because there may be times when you have to deal with the sadness of loss (of elements that no longer connect with your present individuality), with uncertainty of the new reality you may be entering into, with an inner aloneness (which can come as a part of standing on your own individuality), with the external opposition and the fear of unknown.
Eventually, it’s far more pleasant to stay true to your current individuality than to hang on to your old-self, that no longer resonates with you, it’s just that it’s not “always” pleasant. Like everything in life, staying true to your individuality comes with its own flavor of light and dark, however, this attitude is most aligned with the reality of the dynamism of life and hence lends itself to least amount of psychological suffering.
Holding on to the old-self can give you a sense of pseudo-security based on “familiarity” (clinging to the known), but it also leads to a lot of psychological suffering inherent to being disconnected with your required growth.
An example of aligning with your current individuality may be in the realm of social interaction, where you may sense a desire to be more extroverted in your approach and the aspects of introversion no longer resonate with you. Or, it could be vice-versa, where you sense that you desire more space for yourself, where you desire some isolation, and no longer feel as motivated towards your extroverted pursuits.
Another example may be a change in your preferences with respect to what you look for in a relationship, emotionally, mentally or sexually.
You can imagine the sense of disorientation one can feel while making such a shift – it’s like entering into some unfamiliar domain. Fear is the most prominent emotion that comes up during such shifts, and lower the momentum of fear the easier it is to stay true to the shift without vacillating in instability. The way to release the momentum of fear-energy is to work towards the “release” of the past-accumulation (after all, it’s the past accumulation that lends towards the intensity/momentum of an emotion) through the state of allowing.
Limitation is inherent to life
Growth and limitations go hand in hand, since growth is eternal, in life, limitation is also an eternal experience.
You are bound to have some experience of limitation in your life at all points, there is never going to be any sense of “permanent fulfillment” or perfection. As a soul, you are limited by your level of awareness, which is dependent on your evolution/maturity, and there is no end to this journey of evolution – even the highest source is evolving in its own way.
So, even if you do get to a higher evolution you will still have something more to evolve towards, and hence you will feel some limitation at any point. It’s similar to the pac-man game analogy that I gave in this post – a false sense of extra-ordinariness – no matter which level you are at, you have to deal with the challenges of that level, so in that sense, from an absolute perspective, there is no real difference between someone at a low level of evolution and someone at a higher level of evolution, however, from a relative perspective one can compare the levels and see the relative betterment.
The fact that there is never a possibility of “permanent fulfillment” can also be seen as a limitation of life, but in truth it’s just the nature of life, in that the desire for growth in inherent to the nature of life.
Since there is no such thing called “perfection” in life, you will see that every physical manifestation (be it humans, animals, birds, insects, or one-celled amoeba) has its own set of imperfections/limitations to deal with. Your unique human body has its own unique set of limitations that it’s born with, and these limitations become apparent through comparison – the experience of limitation may be relative, created through comparison, but it’s a part of reality, and it’s not just a delusion.
The “feeling” of limitation is inherent to life, and it’s not an imaginary feeling which can be removed through some “positive affirmations”, it’s a very real feeling that you are bound to feel as a living being, at all points in your life. To accept the feeling of limitation is more aligned with life rather than trying to delude yourself through some positive affirmation of “I am the best”. Confidence built on “delusion” is always on shaky grounds, and it needs to be constantly “repaired”, whereas a sense of confidence built on reality (of accepting your limitations) is on a stable foundation.
The experience of limitation shapes your individuality
Your human body comes with its physical limitations which include limitations of your brain.
Different brains have different capacities, and though a brain’s capacity can be improved to a good degree, through some training/brain-exercise and practice, the bottom-line is that you can only work within the limitations of your particular brain – it’s similar to body-building, you can work on some efficient exercise routines (like lifting weights) to create a better-muscled version of your body, but your muscle-creation is limited to your specific body’s form/make-up (like your bone-structure which cannot be changed).
It’s a well-known fact in the body-building community that guys who win the big titles always have some genetic advantage compared to the runner-up, and it’s not just about the amount of work that was put in the gym. The fact is that in order to have the experience of winning someone has to have the experience of losing, since all experiences are relative, and so, in that sense, losing is not a “negative” it’s just one flavor of experience of living/life – it’s possible that in this particular lifetime you choose to have the experience of losing in many ways, and possibly in your previous lifetime you majorly had the experience of winning (this is just a very simplistic statement, it’s never so “black and white”, usually a lifetime has a wide range of experiences with some primary experiences).
It’s possible that in this lifetime you are experiencing (or you choose to experience) a primary experience of “limitation”, where you feel a sense of being inferior, or being lesser, through comparison. It’s possible that certain aspects of your individuality, in this physical body, have some major limitations in comparison to the average population, and this causes you to have a strong experience of inferiority or helplessness, which can result in self-hatred and depression. You may have tried some form of “positive affirmation”, or positive thinking, without much use, because it’s not really possible to bluff yourself when your reality screams in your face.
The fact is that the way you choose to experience your limitation makes a difference between whether it becomes a growth-factor (for your soul) or it becomes a factor of suffering.
The problem with the whole teaching of “positive thinking/affirmations” is that they discount the value of the experience of limitation for the evolution of a soul’s maturity.
For example, lets say that you were a soul who was imbalanced in arrogance, you were drunk in a sense of superiority, and in order to evolve in maturity you attracted an experience of being born in a body/environment where you have an acute sense of limitation. (Remember that these examples are mostly simplistic just for the sake of explanation, to give you some idea of how a certain experience that may look negative may have a value from a non-physical perspective; I don’t contend to know with certainty on how a soul-journey operates).
The bottom-line is that instead of labeling an experience of limitation as “negative”, allow yourself to be open to living that experience fully in yourself; if you feel inferior allow the feeling of inferiority fully instead of trying to suppress that sense. Something in you will balance out, and evolve, in this state of openness.
Your current lifetime, your current body, and individuality that you experience through it, enables certain primary experiences – these experiences could be light-natured or dark-natured, from a relative stand-point, but they have their own value from the perspective of your individual soul-growth as well as from a collective perspective.
For example, let’s say that the primary experience that you had through a good part of your life was one of inferiority, loss or failure, these experience have a value towards shaping your maturity, thus shaping your individuality as a soul. Instead of looking at it as a “negative experience” just see it as a required experience; it’s not a way to put of a “positive twist” on things, but it’s just a more reality-based perspective. You can work with your strengths, you can also work on some limitations (to make the best of it), but you would also have to accept some limitations for what they are, and allow the “experience” of this sense of limitation – some limitations are just meant to be limitations that can’t be worked on, for a reason, and it’s part of your current individuality in this human form.
Sen,
I have been doing releasing for the past 6 or 7 months, and at first what i was able to release were things that were ”on the surface”, for example my need to succeed in a particular department in life. I say “on the surface” because those are the obvious things that you are aware that you are holding on to/chasing after. And as time goes by you start to let go of them one by one, layer by layer as you say. And the more you release the more you discover deeper layers of things you were holding on to that you were not even aware of. Then the mind starts to wonder in a very impatient manner “what more do i have down there that i need to let go of ? / i need to get this over with quick so i can be happy”.
Only to realize that what your mind/false ego is trying to do in secret, is to try to get rid of the “blockages” so it can fulfill its same old agendas based on the false perceptions of the past. Until you reach a point where you become aware of the false personality (old self) in a deeper layer. You start to feel the false personality as a “platform” on which you stood your whole life to in order to deal with everything (including yourself), and this platform is the agglomeration of all your fears, perceptions, delusions, beliefs etc. One realizes that the platform is who we “thought” we were, but is nothing but an “idea” of ourselves. And this is where i am… i am at the point where i feel that i need to let go of that general “idea of me”, and to step off that platform and not be afraid of the “void” that lies beneath it. Because you know deep down that this is where your real being resides.
So far i find this “layer of the platform” to be the most challenging yet. Its as if this is my false ego’s last attempt to stay alive in the war. Although now i know better than to believe that after this there are no more layers of negativity left to be released, because so far every time i think i am done with a certain level of negativity, and i am convinced that from now on I’m only gonna get better (“feel better”), another monster wave hits me. Thankfully i no longer dread the negative phases i as used to. I went back to read one of your old posts ( i think it was called Why Do We Fear The Mind), and i realized that the most painful part of the negative phases of releasing is that we are terrified of the negativity in the mind. Since i realized that, the negative phases feel a lot less uncomfortable. There is a saying that i read a long time ago, and its only now that i understand its value: “The only suffering that is guaranteed in life is the pain that comes from resisting the suffering”.
What did you experience around that “phase of the false ego platform” ?
PS: Thanks for everything.
Wil: “i am at the point where i feel that i need to … step off that platform and not be afraid of the “void” that lies beneath it.”
When you have let go of your fears, you learn that the platform is not real – you can step off it and be ok. There is nowhere to fall, as falling was nothing but a fear to keep you on your platform. All of it is delusion created by our minds to keep us in line with ego fears. You seem to be near a breakthrough understanding.
“i need to get this over with quick so i can be happy” …
“i no longer dread the negative phases i as used to.”
And there you have growth. Happiness lies in no longer reacting to the waves of negativity, even if they keep on for the rest of your days. One can also let go of hope that the waves of negativity will end. Then you step off your platform, come what may. As all the negative possibility was propped up by your fears, things may turn out better than expected.
Hey Wil – I’m in a similar place as you (3-4 months into a phase of release). Sen has written a few articles about the 4 phases, so do a search for those. That’s been helpful for me to understand the end of the phase of release and what comes next.
At first, the releases would wipe me out for a few days. It gets easier over time probably because we aren’t identifyng as much with those thoughts and emotions. We know when they comes up that it’s a false brain message or old trauma being released. It doesn’t mean there won’t be an emotional response, but it makes it easier when you understand what’s going on.
The issue I have now is that those issues were my driving force – acting out of fear, needing to be “successful” or recognized or perfect, needing to be needed… Once those motivations are dealt with and go away, why do anything? (Other than the things necessary to survive.). Right now I’m just focusing on what I need day to day and being more present in the moment. But I’m hoping to find some clarity on how to set goals or find motivation again.
Quote by a French Philosopher: “La Résistance c’est l’Enfer.” meaning “Resistance is Hell.”
Sen, thats a wonderful article.
Please, i wana ask; this art of sitting down to sense our body/inner domain (which you gave a step by step approach), is it to be done tenaciously/persistently or should one stop doing it once his awareness grows to a certain level and is able to allow effortlessly.
I feel like I’m well into the phase of release, possibly coming out of it now, but one thing I continue to “struggle” with is understanding what my true expression is.
I’m a 23 year old male who works in Boston and previously led a life that was highly centered around hooking up with girls. Looking back I could probably have been defined as a sex addict. Bedding women and garnering their attention completely consumed my life. I also was diagnosed with OCD and had a variety of anxiety issues.
Now I have a greater awareness, and have very limited anxiety, and “know better” with my interactions with women. But I have this recurring internal debate about what’s right to think/do, and what’s not. What is part of my old, anxiety-ridden self, and what are the normal machinations of a horny 23-year old male?
Playing in the realm of simply being myself with women, and in other aspects of my life (at work, etc.) is a really new experience. I feel like a toddler learning to swim in the deep end of the pool for the first time.
Nick, good post! I applaud you for even attempting the phase of release and being only 23 this will and can only help you in all your future expreiences.
I too am in the state of allowing and releasing and at times found it difficult to balance the “outside life” with my “inner workings” but as time goes by it is all connecting with me and the uneasiness of the negative or dark aspect of me is no longer a burden but a real embrace from my true self. I am not saying it is easy but i am allowing these things to reach my surface and understand them
Another good post, Sen. It’s interesting how big some changes can be, such as accepting limitations. Suddenly all the drama I created by resisting limitations goes away. Such a seemingly small or subtle change turns out to be a big deal.
Thanks for the response Markus, i appreciate it.
How one can know which limitations is those which can be “worked with” and which ones those which can only be accepted?
Maybe a high mind momentum & anxiety can also be an inherent limitation (due to high inborn levels of some chemicals in the brain or so) and no matter how good one becomes at observing and allowing, it will never really reach a zero point?
Questioner, the higher, and clearer, your awareness the better your capacity for wisdom, and it’s only through wisdom that one can work with the grey areas of living, and have an objective view-point that’s not deluded by imbalanced thinking. One of the requisites to reach higher/clearer awareness is to let go of the emotional/mental momentum that ends up clouding/blinding the access to wisdom-based/objective thinking. This “momentum” is a limitation to start with, and a person can carry the momentum in their being as well as inherit the momentum in their physical body through cellular memory passed on genetically, and end up fueling/accelerating this already present momentum through unconscious living/identification. Also, each body has a different capacity to deal with this “momentum”, and this depends on genetic factors and chemical/hormonal issues of the body – some bodies can deal with the momentum is a much better manner, and can be functional/healthy despite a strong momentum, whereas some bodies can have strong physiological reactions to the emotional/mental momentum, for example, there are bodies which go into a “high adrenaline” mode as soon as some fear energy is create emotionally, whereas some bodies have high tolerance to fear-energy’s impact – this is why some people can naturally deal with stress/pressure better than others.
Now a person who has a “weak” body, which reacts strongly to the momentum, and goes into strong panic attacks fueled by adrenaline rush, is going to find it very challenging to enter into a “state of allowing” because the physical sensations are intense, and the only thing the mind wants in that momentum is to suppress it somehow, possibly through medication. This is again a “limitation” that this person has to deal with, but that does not discount the fact that this person can work on the state of allowing, gradually/steadily, and over time manage to release the bulk of the momentum, thus making it easier for the body to start dealing with emotional/mental movements – it’s a challenge, and it’s eventually up to the person whether he/she uses the understanding/awareness, of how a momentum can be released consciously, to get over this limitation imposed by their inherited, and acquired, past-momentum. It’s my understanding that anyone, who has enough awareness to understand the logic of the state of allowing (and has some understanding of the dynamics of the phase of release), can reach a “zero point” momentum through the state of allowing, irrespective of how much momentum they are already carrying to start with – the difference would be in the time it takes and the degree of challenge.
Btw, speaking about a “platform” and “void”, this could be a visual depiction: http://www.photoriga.com/2013/07/out-of-riga-sunday-blue-hole-in-malta.html
Yep Questioner, thats exactly how it feels…
hi sen.thanks for another insight of awareness.I would like to get clarified about the whole question of ebbing away thoughts so as to be in a more still state but from such a void state then where do thoughts arises and even if it arises then how will it be trustworthy to react to it or should I ebb away the same?
Antony, the way I define “inner freedom” is a state where you don’t feel strongly influenced by anything, be it your emotions, your thoughts, external factors or life-situations – I also call it a state of “ordinariness”, because nothing influences you in an extra-ordinary way anymore, neither the light aspects, nor the dark aspects, of living. In order to find “inner freedom” you have to be free of the influence of your mind’s pull, and your emotional pull. It’s not realistically possible to be free of these two “pulls” until their momentum ebbs away fully in you. The “phase of release” is simply a period where you allow yourself to be in a state of openness to allow this past-momentum to play out fully/freely, without fighting it, without trying to sort it out, without clinging to it, simply letting it arise – in this conscious openness to allowing the momentum to arise, without identification or suppression, its intensity/force starts ebbing away over time until you reach a point where neither the mind, nor your emotions, have a pull over you. Once you find this inner freedom, you can then enter into “conscious living” where you start operating objectively, using your wisdom, using your body, mind and emotions, in a manner that’s conducive towards balance – you can’t have this choice until you find inner freedom. Without the mind/emotional momentum, your motivations can come purely from a place of wisdom rather than from a place of being driven by the helplessness to these pulls – this is why inner freedom allows you the freedom to follow wisdom, that can arise in the form of intuition, inspiration and objective/reality-based thinking. We already have a sense of wisdom, and a sense of balance, it’s just that the imbalance of mind/emotional momentum disallows you from “living it”, once this momentum ebbs away you become free to start living your wisdom.
Sen,
I have this thought that inner freedom is accumulated day by day by allowing, by being open. Is this right? Because I realize that the grip of negativity of my mind is less and less powerful, eventhough the thoughts are still there. And sometimes whenever I am intensifying a thought, the more I think about it the more I feel there is nothing special in it. Thanks Sen.
Hi Sen, my question is this.
What if one does not wish to become enlightened? The concepts of allowing and dis-identifying from the minds negativity is so important when it comes to healthy functioning. But is a person with faulty conditioning, deluded interpretations, and fear-based beliefs only chance at peace to become enlightened?
Yosef, when one is a state of low-awareness there is no possibility of “conscious choice”, and one simply functions from “influences” – for example, in a state of low-awareness, if a person falls in “love”, he/she may feel totally dominated by the feeling of love without having the awareness to have some freedom from this emotion/feeling to introspect whether the relationship has a “practical viability/compatibility” – being totally motivated by the force of emotions (or force of physical/mental conditioning) can cause one to be blind to wisdom, and thus lead to some imbalanced experiences. These “imbalanced experiences” are bound to cause some suffering that causes one to become more aware, and thus they act as a “wake up call” towards growth in maturity. Of course, there are many means to find “peace” even in a state of low-awareness, but they are all “suppression based” mechanisms which have a temporary-relief deal – the suppression-based mechanisms include distractions of various forms, taking drugs/chemicals that create a state of stupor, becoming some form of a “blind follower” to a leader or a doctrine (using that as a way to suppress one’s own awareness) or using spirituality (and spiritual techniques, like some meditations) as some means of escape etc. However, sooner or later (time spanning through life-times), a being is bound to grow towards higher awareness, owing to the constant reflections of the imbalances, which impels one to find a balanced understanding/maturity. In this sense, “enlightenment” (which is simply a state of having a balanced understanding/mindset) is unavoidable for a being, it’s just a phase of journey that one eventually goes through as a matter of growth.
Sen,
I have recently started and accepted my state of allowing and releasing to surface to my conscience and at times it is so overwhelming I cry and sometimes I am not quite sure of what it is I am crying about. I am not one to “show” my emotions or in a better way, which I can understand now of myself, is I have been attempting to cover my true self by ignoring it and “pushing” it back down to where supposedly I can’t reach it. Always afraid of my “weirdness” to show; but I can see now that this was the old me always trying to conform to the outside expectations. I no longer crave the acceptance of the outside, I just want to understand me for me and I believe that a balance of self will always gravitate to the true balance of nature. The old me would gravitate towards positivity and suppress bad feelings, just wanting to cling on for dear life to all that was associated to good. I have seen much change within me, on the outside I am still me but the inside has surfaced and I can feel the shift. I still feel like my thoughts are scrambled but as I write them down I can see a great change and progress. I feel like my inner work is beneficial to my whole self. I am only now attempting to find my own path without being careful of what others will say such as my family or no longer trying to seek approval, but at the same time I do not want to leave them behind and not at least have them understand me or inform them of my thoughts and feelings. I no longer want to pretend… nor do I want to feel the need for security from others.
How do you distinguish the compatibility of, whichever aspect of your life to that of delusional thinking? For example I am not too thrilled about my job any longer; I work at an infertility clinic in NYC. How can I determine if either I am afraid of change or I am compatible with this job but not aligned with my current situation? If I am just complaining or need to go through the change and all the emotions associated with change? Just by writing this down I can sort of see where I am and the conflict of my old self and my current self… I feel the struggle and the fear of the unknown. But as I go along this journey I can only embrace the negative and positive in a way that will always allow my thoughts, feelings and desires to reach my conscious surface and understand them to understand the true me. When I am in my deep dark energy, I feel as if the world is collapsing on me or as if nothing can change this darkness in me. I have tremendous fear as I allow these feelings and thoughts to come out. I can see my true self attempting to find that balance and at the same time embrace these dark energies that need to surface. I no longer seek “happiness” I just want balance. And within balance, I am slowly understanding, comes along all aspects of the spectrum; negative positive light dark up down right wrong fear love.
I appreciate all of your posts; it seems as if when you write a new post it speaks volumes to me in regards to my current situations and thoughts. It’s as if my thoughts are caught in a web and as I get clarity from your posts I begin to allow and release in a clearer form.
Thank you
Cristine
Cristine, if you are unclear about a decision, it’s best to just let go of trying to force yourself to make the decision and allow yourself to stay in a place of openness. The state of openness can allow you to come to “clarity” quite effortlessly because in this openness all the aspects of reality start becoming evident to you at the right time – of course, you will have to allow the “time” that’s needed for this clarity to come through. The way I see it, if you are not able to take a decision on something, it just means that it’s not the “right time” for the decision, in the sense that the resources are not available (internally and externally) for a decision to be taken – you will just have to allow the feeling of uncertainty and stay in a state of openness; the clarity/instinct will come through with the right timing.
For example, let’s say that the right decision for you is to quit your job (based on the your current awareness and balance), however, the external reality has not yet shaped up towards creating an opening in the company/field that’s suitable for you (things are in motion towards creating that opening, but it might take some more time before it materializes), so in this case the external “resources” are not in place yet, and hence you don’t feel the “instinct” to quit yet and hence you “feel” undecided – the external reality is “time-based” and there is no option but to wait for the external-reality to shape-up the resources for a certain movement to happen. So in this case your indecision is not because you lack the clarity, but because you don’t feel the instinct to quit yet, because your “higher consciousness” is aware that the opening has not materialized in the other office yet. Of course, this is not always the case, sometimes the resources are ready and the “indecision” is due to the “fear” of change, feeling stuck due to the fear-momentum within – however, in this case, you can feel a clear indications from outside (like a job opening that’s made evident to you, or the situation in your current office becoming totally mis-aligned with you), and you can feel that the ball is in your court. Also, most decisions are not just “individual”, they are “collective” in nature – for ex, you may have skills that may be more suited for a different field, and there may be investors working on this field who need your skill-set, and hence their desire for an employee matches your desire for a new job, and these two desire in collective create an “instinct” (and pressure) within you to quit.
The bottom-line is that a state of openness is most conducive towards making decisions because in this state you are most connected with your inner-intelligence (can be called instinct, intuition, wisdom), and when the time is right you are bound to feel a clear instinct or a clear external indication – until then you just have to be open to the feeling of uncertainty and allow the time.
Sen,
I have been reading a lot about sexual energy and kundalini, and its relationship with the overall health of the mind/body. I also have been practicing the state of allowing for quite some time. But here is what i have noticed. The practice of kundalini recommends to contain the sexual energy and allow to vitalize our whole being, and in fact when i go even a few weeks without ejaculating (masturbation or sex), i can feel a huge difference in how i feel, my mind is clearer, i have more energy, and as for the releasing work i feel as if my being has more energy and vitality to release more subconscious things.
Its a paradox, because releasing requires the absence of force and struggle and to simply relax and let go, but when i contain my sexual energy i also feel that i am more “vitalized” to allow the releasing itself. as days go by without expelling any semen I can feel as if the releasing is happening quicker the more sexual energy i contain.
Now my thing is that, the deeper i go in layers further down, im also becoming aware of a lot of buried sexual hang ups, deep sexual fantasies that i really feel ashamed of. Now i know that they too need to be fully allowed in order to be released without fear. And once i reach those layers i feel this almost irresistible urge to watch porn with those “so-called-shameful” fantasies But once i ejaculate i feel empty, with no more vital energy. I feel that my mind goes chaotic, and my thoughts go all over the place. And i feel that i wasted my energy to further the releasing, and its as if i have to start from the bottom again and rebuild energy.
The link between sexual energy and the brain/mind is undeniable. Even science now recognizes that when one ejaculates one expels actual physical brain matter. Hence the “chaotic mind” feeling that ensues right after. It took me a while to let go of the need to “contain my energy and get the releasing done quicker” mentality. I now allow even the most profound sexual urges to fantasize and to masturbate without any mental barrier. Im now allowing my self to “feel like crap” after i expel the energy, because i realize that allowing the sexual hang ups to come to surface is more important than contain energy to accelerate the release work. It took me a long time to come to that understanding. If anyone has any thoughts on the link between sexual energy and the releasing work, please feel free to express.
Sen,
Over the past months I have been coming to terms with my darkness from within, allowing it to rise. In a sense I have come to allow my state of allowing. I can say I thought I understood what you were writing in regards to the State of Allowing. but there is no clearer lesson learned than through self experience!
I recently had a jolt or a shock come to me from someone’s words… In actuality I was lying to myself or blinded by my beliefs of “being a certain way” or thinking that ” I had things under control” when in fact I was lying to myself. I was unable to eat or sleep well, I lacked any sort of drive to be around anyone nor did I find pleasure in anything and I thought this is how I’d be forever. I thought I was over. And now i understand that lesson as being an eye opener for me as to how I view things or thought of things just only a month ago. It was basically information of a state of allowing process that I could not accept or did not want to accept. I took it as “an end” of a “relationship” where I can grasp now it was an awakening to a further strengthening of a true and great cosmic bond/friendship.
I was seeking comfort from an imbalanced mind. Those few months were so dark and highly imbalanced for me, I thought I was going to die. I thought my life was over and I’d shrivel up and just waste away. reading thru your posts Sen, and allowing myself to delve into the true state of allowing has opened me up to starting the process of seeking true balance. It amazes me constantly at how people, myself included, can take any situation and turn it into something bigger than life; that was me when I got the news that pushed me into what I am now thankful for. It is through openness and consciousness that one can truly connect with any and all of life’s situations and be able to address them accordingly and in a balanced way or at least going towards that direction.
Although those dark moments are hard and at times highly painful I can only see these dark moments as a process, allow it without trying to “fix it” or ignore it. I know I have more to get through but I am forever thankful for the darkness as it has showed me the way to balance.
your post on connecting with inner power was also a helpful read while in my dark moment. Eliminating that “extraordinary” feeling towards people alleviates that powerlessness. Its as if I am putting someone higher up than reality, as a grandiose affect. The balance of power and love seems so logical, only now I truly understand it. Its all about experiencing, that is what life is all about, and understanding as you go along; with hopes as all this occurs there is always the constant desire to draw towards balance and openness.
thank you for your great writings!
Hi Sen,
First, let me thank you for this web site, I have never found any one, that has come close to your understanding. Just your words, can liberate, as I am reading them.
But I have a question. Above, you wrote,
(where you don’t try to fight/suppress this momentum, but also no longer “identify” with it,)
what do you mean by, no longer identifying with it? If I say or think, “I am this resistance or anger or suffering”, is that the same as identifying with it? (I am this emotional pain), is that what is meant by identification, or is it something entirely different?
Thank you Sen
Natilie, there two ways through which a person feeds a certain pattern (thought pattern or emotional pattern) in oneself
1. Through acts of suppression
2. Thought acts of identification
Suppression implies that you trying to force something into “silence” because you are afraid of dealing with it – it’s like sweeping the dust into the carpet, the room can look clean for a while but the dirt is just accumulating inside the carpet and there is a threshold after which the accumulation will become evident. Identification implies that you’ve become completely lost to something – for example, a rigid belief is like a total identification, where you cannot be open to anything other than your belief and hence you are “run by your belief”, another example is when you are totally lost to the fears of the mind where you have no space to think/act outside the pull of the mind’s fear. Another example of identification is when you become totally identified with your brain’s conditioning to the point where you are run blindly by the conditioning rather than using the conditioning with wisdom – in order to have the freedom to use your brain you first need to have some space of freedom from the brain’s influence; if you are totally identified with the brain’s movement, you become like some robot who is helpless to the programming. The state of allowing is simply a “conscious openness” which implies that you don’t suppress but you also stay open towards not being totally identified – if you try to suppress you are not being open, and if you get totally identified you are not being open.
This attitude of openness is needed to develop the space of inner freedom after which you can live objectively without the motivation of being driven by any influence in a helpless manner.
This article was very helpful for me today. In regards to where I could use some direction though is related to “letting go” of your future self vs. your past self. I have no problem letting go of my past or past self. But I have a huge problem with obsessing over and worrying about the future, and not living in the present and constantly feeling like I should be doing more than I have done or am doing right now. Like I’m just existing and wasting me life. Examples — currently being overqualified for my job, but I’m happy in it because of the life balance it offers. Not having children or more family or friends … and often upset about that … but I’m an introvert … but who will I have in the future to be with and to help me? … but at the same time enjoying the solitude and peace. Feeling like I’m creative and should be doing something artistic, but don’t have any particular skills, and finding it very frustrating or just not enjoyable to try and try and try a new hobby. I also worry about a ton of things in the future–if I’ll have enough money, if I’ll be alone, if I get sick and don’t have anyone to help me, what will become of me, etc. I’m very conflicted about all of this. Help. 🙂
Ivy, our mind can’t see the future and hence will always have a fear of the future, this is normal and this fear just needs to be allowed for what it is – it’s just a reality that our minds will always have some fear of the uncertainty of the future. However, the reality also is that life is not chaotic, life has an order to it, it’s not a haphazard movement where you will find yourself in some position which feels like some solution-less dead-end. Everything that born already has a reason to be born, in our human mind we can only thing in terms of linear time along the span of hours, months, and a few years, but the non-physical intelligence that’s the source of creation obviously has the capacity to see time in a much more extended fashion (lets say a few thousand years into the future). Just imagine how a child sees time, and how an adult sees time, as an adult we can sometimes set plans a few years in advance (like joining a college and looking to graduate in the next 4 years) – there is a difference between a child’s brain capacity and an adult’s brain capacity in terms of projecting into time, the same way there is a difference between how we see time in through a physical brain and how time is seen from a non-physical perspective (of the source). Everything that’s created has plan in place, which I would destiny which can be see as a “blue print”, or skeleton structure, which gives an order to the movement – this destiny gives a structure, and order, but it also allows for the space for spontaneity and choices within the structure. It’s like how you can draw a blue print of a house, but you have the freedom to set up the interiors the way you want to – the blue-print simply gives you a structure to work with, and it’s helpful in that sense. Every blade of grass that’s conceived has a value and place in the order of things, and so does every human.
The fact is that it’s normal to worry about the future because to the human mind the vision is limited, but the reality is that there is an order to everything including your future. Where you are right now is where you need to be, and as you’ve mentioned in many ways you feel aligned with where you are, it’s just that you are worried about the future – eventually you keep observing that things just keep shaping up as per what’s needed, you will notice an underlying order – the more you observe life the more you will see this order at play. It’s just that the mind will naturally have a fear of uncertainty, it’s something you will have to get used to, something you will have to allow.