I always describe the natural vibration of life-energy as “wholeness”. I used to refer to it as “pure positive” in some of the older posts but that term was highly misleading, just as the term “negative” is misleading.
The reason why “wholeness” is a better term to describe the natural vibration of life-energy is because one can’t construe a narrow meaning from it. Wholeness means “that which encompasses all”. When you integrate your dark and light nature, you always sense wholeness. If you either go too dark or too light you lose touch with this vibe of wholeness, and basically you start vibrating in an unstable mode.
Dark does not mean negative, and light does not mean positive – it’s like yin and yang, masculine and feminine, day and night. One is not positive and the other is not negative, it’s just two polarities of the same energy.
Negativity in its true sense is simply a resistance to this “balance” at any moment. When you go too dark or too light, you go into negativity in that moment, and you will then need to come back to balance to feel whole again.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with negativity, it’s just an indicator for growth, an indicator that you are out of balance – and unless you are really unconscious, you can always “sense” the negativity in you. It’s always about being authentic with yourself.
When you come to a place of inner stability, this balance is your pre-dominant state of being, moreover you feel very aware of any form of imbalance/negativity that a situation may create in you and are not lost in it for long, you are quick to gain an understanding of the negativity – the balance gets restored very quickly even when its disturbed.
Isn’t dark nature a negative force?
I’ve not seen the movie Star Wars yet (I can sense the incredulous expression of Star Wars fans), but I have read its script, out of interest, especially because I learnt that the movie is about a fight between the “Dark side” and the “Light side”.
Though the movie used the the term “light side” to describe one community, in truth this community had people who were “balanced” (they were not imbalanced in light nature) – they had integrated their dark and light nature to create a balance in themselves. This is the reason why these people were about to defend themselves against the “dark side” (a community of people who were imbalanced in dark nature of hatred), and in fact defeat them.
The “light side” community in this movie, had warriors/teachers who were professionals in the use of weaponry and in utilizing the “life force” to fight against attacks from the dark side. To be a warrior of peace one can’t be fully light natured, one needs to bring in a balance between their dark nature (of hatred) and light nature. If one is imbalanced in light nature one would just “surrender” to any force that tries to invade them.
If you look around, or see any super hero movie, you will notice that a “good guy” who can be a “bad ass”, when needed, is the one who can make a difference towards eliminating an evil force. A super nice person who is all “sweet” will be no match to an evil force (By “evil” I just mean a force that’s imbalanced, it could be imbalanced in light nature or dark nature), and would sit on his/her haunches being a victim. We see this balance in all our heroes.
This is a prime example of the good that emerges out of a balance/integration of light and dark nature in a person – one word to define such a person is “powerful”. And this is the potential we all have, because that’s our very nature, and if you are conscious you can tap into this power by creating this balance within you. You can see this in all good vs evil movies/books/folk-tales, the hero is always someone who has attained a balance of his/her light and dark nature.
Consider the example of a human who has a very loving nature; if you do a reality check, and notice his/her personal life, you will find a lot of suffering. A very loving nature immediately translates to over-sensitivity (someone who can be emotionally influenced easily) and it also translates to a victim mindset where one is willing to sacrifice oneself, and one’s happiness, for others.
Obviously the “others” are happy to have such a person around, someone who is willing to sacrifice himself/herself for their happiness, but this person’s personal life would be a tale of suffering. Now, you may suggest that it’s the “others” who make this loving person’s life miserable, and if everyone was as strongly loving as this person then there would be no problems in this world and it would be “utopia” or paradise.
So let’s imagine a world where everyone is “strongly loving”, so basically we always look to conform with each other and never do anything that we perceive may be a cause of dislike for others. We are all always looking to be super nice. What you will notice in such a society is the end of individuality, it will just become a homogeneous society. Individuality always requires you to be a non-conformist at some level and an all loving person is so concerned about the outside that he/she will always suppress his/her individuality.
Expressing individuality is part of your dark nature, conformity is part of your light nature. A progressive society is the one where there is a balance between individuality and conformity.
One has to be cognizant about the well-being of others, while also being true to one’s individuality, and this requires a balance. If you are only concerned about conforming, or if you are only concerned about your individuality, in both cases you will create an imbalance of some form. People who are only concerned about their individuality, while not heeding to their environment/surroundings, end up becoming “exploiters” and create suffering through their rebellious mindset. People who are only concerned about “conforming” are too meek to do anything original, as a part of their individual expression, out of fear of being judged.
Once you balance your dark and light nature, you can balance your individuality with collective harmony.
A society which is deeply light natured is highly weak, and can be erased immediately by an outside challenge. A society which is deeply dark is highly violent, and would erase itself on its own. A balanced society, which has a balance of dark and light nature in its people, gets the best of both these polarities – they are powerful while being oriented towards collective harmony.
Negativity is an indication of imbalance
Balance is what we move towards once we become “conscious” – as we bring a deeper awareness to our mind and to life in general.
This balance becomes established easily once you “identify” your imbalance in a very conscious/non-emotional/scientific manner – you could be imbalanced in the dark nature or in the light nature.
Any “negativity” that you sense as your personal experience, of your reality, is an indication of an imbalance in you that this negativity is reflecting.
- Neediness, guilt, meekness, getting exploited/abused, feeling helpless, feeling vulnerable are examples of negativity that’s evident in the reality of a person who has imbalances in his/her light nature – this person is, or is trying to be, too inclined towards light nature.
- Greed, over-indulgence, violence, over-competitiveness, strong jealousy, racism are examples of negativity that’s evident in the reality of a person who has imbalances in his/her dark nature.
Being aware of “negativity” is something very personal – only you can tell if you are experiencing negativity, it’s something very personal to your consciousness.
You can be unaware of your negativity and keep attracting imbalances, until you finally “wake up”. Also, circumstances don’t define negativity. Two people can be living in the same household and one may be experiencing negativity within while the other may be at peace – negativity is always a personal experience, because this feeling is an indication of “your” reaction, and your reaction comes purely from your own inner imbalance/balance.
You may say that the outside is prompting you to be imbalanced, but that’s not how life works – the outside came later, the inside comes first. Just be honest, if a situation can cause you to feel imbalanced, how balanced were you? So, is the situation at fault Or is it just revealing an imbalance you were not aware of before?
When you are imbalanced in your light nature, you automatically try to suppress/avoid/”get rid of” aspects of dark nature in your mind and vice versa. This suppression is what comes out as an imbalance of energy, and is reflected by the outside.
If you want to bring a balance to yourself you need to let go of blaming/fighting the outside, and start asking yourself – What is the growth that I can allow in myself to be free of this imbalance within?
The growth could be in the form of letting go of a limiting belief, changing a habit, changing your attitude, facing a fear, developing your understanding of life, becoming more open minded, letting go of lack/struggle mindset, understanding yourself etc, but ultimately, at the core, its about balancing your dark and light natures. And this growth/balance happens automatically when you “let go” of identification with the imbalance, I’ve explained this in the below sub-section.
If you take the time to “introspect” you will always find out what exactly is the imbalance in you that’s causing the negativity – you are either imbalanced towards dark or towards light, these are the only two imbalances possible.
For example, living in guilt about hurting others is rooted in an imbalanced light nature, and it can/will attract a lot of negativity for you unless you balance it with the understanding that people attract their own experiences and you are not responsible for how they make themselves feel. Be sensitive to others but don’t let them blackmail you emotionally by making you responsible for their happiness.
A balance happens when you let go
The quickest way to balance out an imbalance is to become aware of it and then let go of identification with it – nothing else is needed.
It’s only your mind that gets into an imbalance, your life-force is already in a movement towards bringing a balance to your mind. So as soon as you let go of holding onto a pattern of imbalance, the balance happens on its own.
Of course, you may have exercised this imbalance for so long that it feels like a part of your identity and to let go of it feels scary.
For example, a person who is rooted in guilt is afraid of letting go of the mindset of guilt, out of the fear that he/she will become a different person. It does take some courage to let go of an old mindset. The mind will keep producing the old patterns of thought for a while (may be for a few months), but if you just stay dis-identified it’s bound to die away.
Actually, being “dis-identified” requires some amount of dark nature, where you don’t succumb to the pressure of the mind’s old patterns (and its threats of doom) – so you can see how the dark nature is powerful towards bringing a balance.
Your whole genetic structure, including your brain’s neural pathways, gets re-programmed as you release your imbalances (your negativity) by staying in a place of “letting go”. Your DNA gets re-coded.
Of course it only gets re-coded towards a balance that was always supposed to be your natural state. You will feel like a new person only because you moved from an imbalance to your natural balance. However, you will sense that your “core” natural makeup is not altered – only the aspects of your personality, and outlook, that were rooted in imbalance will be altered towards balance.
For example, if you were deeply introverted before as a part of an imbalance (imbalanced dark nature), the balance/re-coding will cause your brain to have a balance in its social behavior – you will be introverted as a person but would also find a balanced extroversion in your behavior.
This re-programming happens on its own if you just stay relaxed, resting in your space of being.
Your life-force already has the blue-print of what it takes to balance your mind and if you just let go of your struggle, with your mind, your life-force will re-program it for you. Re-programming takes time, and since it has a lot to do with de-construction of old patterns and embedding new patterns, it’s a lot of energy work, and for a while your body will feel this agitation of energy movement within, mostly just sensations (sometimes high intensity) – it’s not something you need to be concerned about, it’s just a normal process of transition from imbalance to balance.
Of course, I understand it’s not as easy to just be “not concerned”, especially when you have restless nights (which does happen during the re-programming) now and then, and sense a lot of activity in your brain and agitation in your body – but it can’t be helped. It’s just the way energy works, and it’s all about movement of energy. There would be nothing better if this process was just a ride of bliss, but I would rather give you a realistic picture than give you a “sugar coated” version of what to expect. This way you know nothing negative is happening when you sense this process of balance taking place in you.
A game of self-realization
It’s about integrating the dark and light nature through the mirror of physicality.
There can be a whole gamut of feelings – anger, frustration, insecurity, powerlessness, and a whole gamut of events, or life-situations, that happen for you, that trigger these feelings (that cause them to be unearthed) depending on how imbalanced you were, and it’s all part of this balancing act done by the intelligence of your life-force. It’s orchestrated for a reason, to get you to a balance.
You may wish that there was a sweet path to balance, but “sweet” is just light nature and this balance is about integrating dark nature and light nature, so unless you get exposed to the imbalances of dark nature, or to the imbalances of light nature, you can’t really come to conscious a balance. None of this is done while tampering with your well-being, it’s just that the mind can make hasty conclusions (mostly negative ones) about what is happening and pull the alarm chain too soon. If you stay relaxed you will notice how things keep falling place effortlessly.
This journey’s intention is not to make you suffer, it’s about a growth that you desired in your soul perspective – you desired an understanding of what balance/wholeness is, and you wanted to experience it “live” for yourself, that’s one reason you made the choice to make this journey on Earth.
Once you come to this “balance” you no longer go through these “lessons” anymore and your life just moves towards living your natural expression effortlessly. From a simple perspective, this journey is just a “game” that you partake in order to have the experience of understanding how to integrate the dark and light nature aspects of the energy that you are – it really is not any more serious than this, and I am sure in your heart you get a resonance/memory of this truth, especially if you can relax your seriousness for a moment.
You are life-energy, you are already “wholeness” (balanced) in your true nature, and the reason you are making this journey is for the experience of recognizing/realizing this wholeness through coming to a balance from a state of “created” imbalance – because the only way you can know what wholeness is, or your natural state is, is by first going into an imbalance.
The only reason I am giving you this perspective is so that you don’t take this process to be more serious than what it is. It’s really just a game that you decided to play as your own choice (from your non-physical perspective), for having an experience of having this understanding and realizing a conscious integration of this balance in you – and everything that’s happening to you right now is part of this desire that you had. Just get a sense in your heart and see if this perspective creates a “recollection” for you, or if it resonates within you.
If you find yourself in the midst of a lot of problems, don’t see your life-situation as “negative”, rather see it as a situation you had to experience for you to come to a conscious realization of your wholeness/balance. Allow the integration of your dark and light nature by staying consciously “allowing” of what arises (be it a dark energy or light energy), instead of resisting it, thus allowing your life-force to “create” the balance in your physical body/mind, and you will sense these problems dissolving of their own (they’ve served their purpose).
I still can’t get past the fact that you haven’t seen Star Wars yet…hahaha.
I can always tell when I am “out of balance now” by paying close attention to physical signs in my body.
Usually my neck gets tense on one side, or if it’s really serious, I immediately get a major stomach ache.
Something like this occurs when I go against my true nature.
I am learning to bring awareness to the imbalance to get to the core of the feeling or belief that made me feel this way.
Dear Sen,
Interesting article Sen. I understand your articles now, it’s as if I know this.
Also,
Is this part of the process? I’m in a state where I take actions as it was meant to be and once the action is taken meanings from another depth reveals itself. And although now thoughts/visions come up from my mind, I feel a strong entity from within choosing. And once chosen if it’s misleading, there is a force (i sense its inner guidance) correcting what my soul chose. It feels so right! It almost feels like I’m a child.
Ehsan, we can have different experiences of how inner guidance works for us and a deeper awareness allows us to get in tune with our mechanism of guidance. It can feel a little bewildering to sense the power of being guided this way, but soon one learns to trust this movement and it starts feeling very natural to work from this guidance rather than working from the fear-based pull of the mind.
Wow, needed that. I just feel everything is a secret which makes me feel unsure/ insecure/gullable. In my heart thisit resonates and I see my imbalance most definatly………sometimes I’m not sure what to resist especially when it leads to senselessness/agony/more problems. . I do want balance but seriously if this is what I asked for 15 years ago I almost wished I hadn’t? I’m not really seeing the benefits especially since now I’m a heart attack waiting to happen? Sen your so spot on but I want relief/mercy/happiness.
Thanks for your help!
this was so genius!
Fascinating how I have been pondering this exact question about my light and dark nature for a couple of days now and I received the exact answer I needed from this post
excellent..I found this very helpful. I have for years been too focused on my light side..which did lead to much suffering and unhappiness with myself. When I allowed my dark side to show, I always had regrets. this has been very helpful with the same story a different way..Balance it is all about balance..Thank you
Ah. Thank you!
Ive been married over 20 years to a woman who has always been very light natured,always doing so much for others never doing for herself even when encouraged to do so.She,s just a wonderful, kind, quiet giving type of person.Out of nowhere i discoverd she was having an affair of course shock,rage,disbelief i felt every possible emotion you can imagine.What a change of character for her to be so dark natured .I just never seen it coming she discribes how she hated her life,felt she never fit in,hated how she looked to herself,how she was even hurting herself (hitting/punching),she just didn,t care anymoreand felt alone.Just like your article says i was the one ok with everything no super highs or low,s in life for me but for her the opposite feelings sooooo sad and dark.For me if things were that bad i would simply share my feelings and talk why are some people so afraid why not tell your husband , friend, your mother or someone if you feel like that.How can people do that to themselves dig so deep into a rut like that ?
A lot of people don’t feel secure in sharing their “dark nature”, even with their intimate partner, for the fear of judgment and thus we keep projecting a “mask” of how we “should” behave – the deeper problem is that we don’t even accept our own dark nature and constantly suppress its presence, or judge ourselves constantly. Of course this mask is so suffocating by itself that we go into an imbalance and at some point this imbalance hits a threshold enough to move us into some unconscious actions which may not be wise. It’s mostly because we grow up knowing that we are not accepted the way we are, that we need to put up a pretense to be accepted – this belief causes us to not even accept ourselves within us, and thus try to block our natural mind movement by judging it, this constant suppression creates an imbalance which gives out at some point.
Never read an article so timely. Yesterday I had a long conversation with a friend precisely about integrating the dark and light side, and about not fighting with against yourself. I’ve been reading these articles for about a month now and I must say, and this is no false praise, after years of reading and listening to people like Osho, Krishnamurti, Alan Watts, and many others it’s just great to have these suitable pointers, telling me honestly that coming to a certain clarity and wholeness of mind is a bumpy ride sometimes and should be. I’ve known decades of living in either dark or light side, one always fighting the other, but that’s pretty much a thing of the past.
This allowing business makes a whole lot of sense to me and there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s working. It’s not a method, it’s a sort of remembrance and then a feeling of relief. Indeed, something tried and true. I understand in my heart now that having no fear is simply letting fear be.
I think your articles are putting a lot of people on the right track towards an unforced, balanced, imaginative and real life, free of illusion and dogma. For myself, the deep realization that there are no external crutches to lean on for my ‘salvation’ really changed something. You’re very right when you say it does take some time and I’ve noticed these waves of negativity, anxiety, a sort of releasing indeed. The key is allowing, trusting the process. What you call the life force IS real and it WILL shine through. Keep up the good work and thank you Sen.
Some major synchonicities for me here 🙂
I also have the feeling that issues I face, are written about in perfect timing in Sen’s texts.
And I’m feeling the same, Mark, you are somehow writing my thoughts…
I also love Krishnamurti, Watts and Osho, been studying all that for years… Negative patterns still occur, but they lose their grip. Somehow, they are becoming distant, blurry – lots of them already completely faded away. And it was scary, like Sen wrote about it – “I need something to hold on, at least negative stuff, what am I without all that, blahblah” 🙂 And the pointers are very simple, aren’t they? Let go, allow everything. It’s like love and compassion blooms in allowing, in surrendering to what is. And second is trust, or faith or whatever you wan’t to call it. There is fear and trembling (that’s what, I think, Kierkegaard wrote about in his work, that trembling state when you canno’t let go. and he wrote also about resignated state and said that’s not it either), a doubt in life, in yourself in wellbeing, and …then let go. Complete let go. And in-between, in that brief moment, there is a call for trusting the proces, for faith, for courage… I don’t know where it comes from, that courage, but more and more, it’s there.
I’m coming back to mu natural state. It’s not anything special, it’s nothing very high. It’s simple state of “desirelesness”, what I had as I child, and lost it somewhere in my life. It’s not even a state. It’s just natural and relaxed, and thoughts have their flow – when I become self-concious, it’s actually a thought, that interrupts the flow and claims that’s “I” and that it got something, blah blah. It’s fascinating how self-obssesive thoughts can be destructive.
And my major question and doubt is, is there an end to this cycle, to this process? It is still effort, effort, efortlesness, effort… Sometimes it’ very painful. And that’s where Sen helps with saying that it will all eventually come to balance, to not worry…:)
Thanks Sen, for good new writing.
And, what do you think about that (Alan Watts spoke about it, among others), if you relax, everything will get done? Life simply lives us. Intellingence in us will move us and do whatever necessary. It will remember everything that is required, and respond accordingly. Is it really simple as that? Watts spoke about life lives us, only that ego thought comes after, and claims it is “I” doing… I don’t know if I understand this completely and accurately. One time, I was broke, and I had no money for the rent. I didn’t know what to do. So I decided not to do anything. I just waited. I was scared, allright, so I was testing the “Tao”… And after a couple of days, there it was. A “gift”, some unexptected income, that helped me. Is that it? Maybe it can easily slip in some denial, escape from life?
Yes, i agree with mark a hundred percent
“I’ve not seen the movie Star Wars yet …”
I`ve seen one , when I was little-(boring)
so,with today`s date in mind:
May4th be with you.
haha…you made me laugh. 🙂
That’s hilarious, I’ve not seen the movie but I do get the joke since it’s a pretty famous dialogue
Can`t claim the line as mine- but glad to make you laugh- one of the most beautiful things I think laughter. x
Sen, what I experience in moment is clearness and decisiveness of my likes and dislikes, an acceptance of all without uncertainty. I must say it is first time I feel this way. Feels like dark nature, also feels natural to have this settings now, it feels just as recognition without doubting. I feel this new feelings gives more space to be and freedom to act in accordance to who i am. Open, yet clear and decisive about self. It is so different from all I did in past. I never let myself be clear about my own settings. I was misinterpreting beliefs and natural make up, also freedom, by suppressing it. But vibe below this and what was before says for itself. Is this a phase of balancing dark nature, and natural place to be while in transition?
That’s right, this is exactly what this integration feels like, it’s an indication of coming very close to the state of inner balance/wholeness
I also have need to say, that this was obviously “falling in place” phase during several days (what i was able to notice) with intensity of active integration on auto-mode, that felt like fast “reprogramming”, right after last cycle of release.
I am now experiencing bliss cycle, but with space and stability to contain what feels like fast stream and fullness. I am certain about “possession” of what you call “cool aliveness”, just simple and joyful containing life with clear perception of its play, also inspiration to fully go in manifestation with it again, in co-creation, with attitude of just “go with, not against”, an full security about whatever will be in play, and me witness it.
It is full 3 months for me now on this blog, that opened fully my being for detox that was needed for shift from being totally lost and miserable to this point of fearless allowing and enjoying Life within me. Happy birthday CalmDownMind, and again Thank You Sen. Without this blog and your unique way of shaping the truth, I wouldn’t be in this place for sure.
Sen,thanks for these articles,i have notice one thing in all your article,are negative thought cause by worrying since without worrying we enter into these space of being,worrying continue fueling thought by our attention and beliefs
Worrying is one form of negativity, which actually could well constitute a major percent of a mind’s negativity. Other negativity include guilt, inferiority, self-loathing, jealousy, victim-mindset and over-aggression. So negative thoughts are not only caused by worrying but by a whole range of negativity, though worrying is a pretty major contributor.
Hi Sen,
I have a couple of questions.
1) What is your take in confidence?
2) I have been practicing being aware, but now I feel like that now “I am not in the moment anymore.” For example, emotions fuel my energy. For example, if someone criticizes me about doing something wrong or not perfect, emotions fueled my energy to do the task better. Or if I am in school, and have procrastinated (which probably 90% of students do) , the stress or the sense of urgency made me get worked done. But now, when (which is not always) I am aware, those emotions do not fuel me anymore, and I have just done this by acknowledging my emotions and sort of being aware of them. It really feels weird now, and honestly makes me restless. I feel like I am being lazy, or indifferent about my school, work and progress.
Also, in social situations, it is really hard to be aware, but as I try to be, I also feel like I am not in the moment, like I don’t put myself or engage totally in the moment or that I am not experiencing the moment fully. Is this normal?? Also by trying to be aware when socializing, it has made me become self-conscious and a big sense of restlessness takes over my being, like “I am not sure what I need to do next” kind of thing. It has made become sort of “slow” if you know what I mean.
Is dark nature everything that feels uncomfortable? A negative thought, a person, a situation? And what if the feelings of fear or anguish develops very quickly like a reflex, before I have time to allow it. I experience allowance before some of this things reached their high momentum but not always. What if I allow after it develops in the mind and creates emotions? So the idea is to allow not the structure and the meaning of a thought, person, situation but the just the fact that it is in your mind or it manifests in your exterior reality as it is.
What if I feel at some point in this process, because of my dark nature, very angry of something or someone and I express negative emotions? The idea is not to feel any guilt and just accept my attitude easily? This could bring balance? I see that my attitude is causing suffering to the person before me. I that ok? My negative attitude doesn’t attract negative things if I allow it and accept it as being also my nature? In this manner somebody could do horrible things if just allows this in his mind and feels ok with it.No bad karma for a criminal who is ok inside himself with the killing? It is obvious that a negative attitude comes from negative energy that someone has and it is also imbalance. It is like you find the balance thinking and doing whatever you feel like good or bad and feel ok with everything, without discrimination? The conditioning mind tells you what is good or bad. If you neglect this you could do anything what comes as an impulse. If someone is very angry he could hurt or kill because of a terrible impulse in his dark nature. If this occurs when he is oriented in the light nature, could you say that this is a way to balance the two forces in himself?
Anca, by dark nature I don’t mean “negative”. I’ve mentioned in this post – healing the imbalance – what I mean by “negative” is an imbalance, it could be an imbalance towards light nature or dark nature, for example a person imbalanced towards light nature may become very submissive, over-sensitive and thus be privy to get exploited, whereas a person imbalanced towards dark nature can become aggressive and exploitative towards others – basically both are imbalances. So light nature by itself is not “positive” and dark nature by itself is not “negative”. By “positive” I simply mean a balanced state of being, and by “negative” I mean an imbalanced state of being. Negativity will feel uncomfortable and conflicted in your being, be it an imbalance towards light nature or towards dark nature, both feel off as you connect more deeply with your inner being.
Basically the state of allowing is about letting the mind have its movement while staying in awareness, this awareness allows for the presence of wisdom and hence you don’t end up taking any imbalanced actions, rather your actions come from a place of alignment in sync with the intelligence of your life-stream, and in sync with totality.
Sen, what exactly do you mean by accepting your dark nature. Is it just accepting the thoughts that are of a dark nature till those thoughts just disappear OR is it accepting them and acting upon them?
If for example I am resisting drinking alcohol because of fear of getting into arguments with my partner and winding up alone — if i just explore this train of thought and allow the fears projected to dissolve what would the result be? would it release me from the desire to drink or would the fear of having an arguement with my partner after having a drink go away or would the fear of being alone go away?
Ravi, the terms “light” and “dark” are just references to understand that two different polarities inherent in us (in our thinking and feeling). Everything in life is made up of two polarities – for example, an atom is made up of protons and electors, protons have a positive charge and electrons have a negative charge, but we need protons and electrons in equal quantity to make up a stable atom. One can’t say that the protons are the “good” because they carry a positive charge and the electron are the “bad” because they carry a negative charge, the positive charge and negative charge are both needs to create the stable atom. In this example, of an atom, you can say that the positive charge is the light nature and the negative charge is the dark nature (or vice versa) just to distinguish the two polarities. If the number of protons, in an atom, increases beyond the number of electrons, or vice versa, then the atom becomes unstable until its able to balance out the number of protons and electrons.
In case of a human being also the same principle of balance and imbalance is at play. When you feel a certain psychological suffering in your life it’s an indication of a certain imbalance either towards light nature or towards dark nature. For example, a person who is meek and timid goes through the psychological suffering of feeling like a victim, and this sense of meekness or timidness comes from an imbalance towards light nature where you try to be selfless, over-sensitive or over-loving. The balance is attained when this person consciously integrates the dark nature of “power”. It’s important to first understand this logic of balance, and get a sense of what it means to integrate the light and dark. Of course the integration does require you to sometimes take some required action and it also involves allowing some changes in your reality and your personality per se (if your personality is imbalanced towards light-nature it will have some changes when you integrate the dark nature) – all of this is challenging, and it does take willingness to stay true to the movement of balance.
You mentioned about being undecided about drinking alcohol because of the fear of being disapproved by your partner and entering into an argument with her. It’s one thing to not drink as a conscious choice made from a place of wisdom (and inner freedom) where you don’t feel like you are being pressurized against your judgment, while it’s a totally different thing to not drink from a place of feeling like being a prisoner or victim. The second case leads to resentment, spite and self-hatred (and hatred towards the person who you think is controlling you). The fact that you have such an experience happening in your life is an indication of a certain meekness (imbalanced light-nature) present in you, which is needs to be balanced with the integration of inner-power (dark nature). Be aware of what’s going on in your mind – the thoughts of fear towards your wife, the thoughts of resentment towards yourself and towards her, the desire for freedom, the desire to stand up for yourself, the desire to feel more in control of your life etc which come up in this situation, be totally allowing of these feelings and thoughts to come up in you without trying to pacify yourself. When you are truly allowing of all these feelings/thoughts you will start getting a sense of what needs to be done with respect to certain situations (the allowing by itself starts creating the balance of energy which then proceeds to your inspire actions in you).
The actions that you undertake may not always be well-received by the outside, simply because they may be elements that are more aligned with your imbalanced state and hence are opposed to your balanced state – however, you need to stand true to being honest with yourself, following through on what needs to be done based on the inspiration that comes through as the inner balance starts to happen. It’s not possible for me to tell you what your actions should be, it’s for you to sense what feels like the movement of balance in you and follow through on it, only your own honesty, your awareness and your willingness (to balance) out can be your guiding principles. For example, the action could be that you have a talk with your wife, in all frankness, letting her know that you feel the desire for some entertainment/enjoyment in terms of drinking alcohol, once in a while, and that you will ensure that it will be responsible drinking on your part (being reasonable and objective in how you state your point of view) – a reasonable point of view is when you are not being unduly selfish and you are not being asked to be unduly selfless. Irresponsible drinking, and callous drunken behavior, is a nuisance to others, and when you do so you are infringing on the right of others towards peaceful existence, and hence it’s an imbalanced behavior, one can drink alcohol in a responsible manner from a state of balance allowing for enjoyment without nuisance or disturbance or self-sabotage. If you feel that your wife is not able to understand your point of reason, you can listen her out and see if you can assuage any fears or misunderstandings she might have, and if she is being unreasonably adamant, or rigid, you will just have to put your foot down and follow through on what’s needed for you in an assured manner without getting defensive or offensive. The fact is that balanced behavior is respected/admired/valued/accepted by the outside eventually, it may feel threatening to their sense of security initially but eventually they come around to accepting it unless they are totally imbalanced in which its for the best that they leave your company.