Love in the absence of power becomes dysfunctional as does power in the absence of love.
It’s just that a person who is imbalanced towards the nature of love is usually seen as the “victim” while a person who is imbalanced towards power is seen as a cold-hearted jerk or something evil – they are both being “negative” because of their imbalance.
One is not worse than the other, they just differ in flavors of negativity.
A person imbalanced in love gets a lot of sympathy while the power-imbalanced person doesn’t. If you are getting a lot of sympathy from people and are surreptitiously enjoying it (or finding relief in it), or if you like entering into a state of self-pity, it shows that there is something very imbalanced in your state of being.
You can give yourself the balm of seeing yourself as the “good person who got victimized”, and subconsciously get a high from it, but it doesn’t do anything to make your life more functional.
There is also the constant propaganda, in many teachings, that reference “love” as the ultimate solution to all evil (evil is just another word for imbalanced behavior). However the reality is that a balance between love and power is what ultimately creates the dissolution of imbalance. Love alone is ineffective, just as power alone is ineffective, towards dissolving negativity.
Each of us, being created in life-energy, has access to the nature of love (light nature) as well as the nature of power (dark nature), and no-one is an exception.
It’s just that the realm of “physical living” can create a lot of imbalances based on physical design, and until one becomes aware of one’s ability to find “conscious balance”, the tendency is to keep fueling the imbalances that seem to be imposed.
For example, consider a lion and a deer. The lion by its physical design is a predator and thus a soul inhabiting this body is very likely to get imbalanced towards power. The deer on the other hand is physically designed to be docile, depending on its meekness to protect itself by running-away from danger at the slightest hint of it, and a soul inhabiting this body would very likely become imbalanced towards over-sensitivity/meekness.
In fact, even the physical features, or the “looks”, of a lion are threatening whereas the looks of a deer are endearing/tender. It’s very common to compare people, who are imbalanced towards power, with lions (or some other predator), while people who are imbalanced in love (over-sensitive/meek) are compared to a rabbit or deer.
This is just an analogy to give you an understanding of how the physical body, that you inhabit, can have a certain design that causes you to become imbalanced towards a certain nature, of power or love.
If you take this perspective one-level higher, and think about the non-physical realm, it can be imagined that the balanced “source” energy is split into two streams – the dark-natured stream and the light-natured stream.
Creations stemming from the light-natured stream, including souls, are polarized in an imbalance of love, whereas creations stemming from the dark-natured stream are polarized in an imbalance of power.
Why should a balanced source create two imbalanced streams?
Basically, for the experience of a conscious understanding of your nature of balance/wholeness it’s required that you have an experience of imbalance. Without experiencing imbalance you can’t ever “know”, or appreciate, what balance/wholeness is, just like you can’t know what sweet is until you know what sour is.
You need contrast for realization. Imbalance is not a mistake, it’s a requirement towards the experience of conscious-balance, and in that sense imbalance has a value to serve.
Irrespective of your current imbalance, and irrespective of the physical proclivities you may have in your current body, you can bring forth a balance in yourself (balancing the light and dark, or love and power aspects) through your awareness/consciousness.
No-one is doomed to imbalance, it’s just that it takes a certain level of awareness to work on conscious balance; if you’ve reached a point where you can be aware of your imbalances it would mean that you have enough awareness to bring forth a conscious balance (if you are willing to, without making excuses).
Freedom requires connection with power
It can be said that it’s not love that brings freedom, it is power that does.
Love is required to temper your power so that it does not get out of hand. If you feel like you don’t have a sense of freedom in some area of your life, that you desire, it’s simply an indication of a lack of connection with inner-power.
For example, let’s say that you are addicted to smoking and find it to be like an “imprisonment”. That’s an indication of powerlessness. You can be a very loving person but that will not help you find freedom from the addiction. What’s needed is a connection with power.
To cite another example, let’s say that you are highly attracted to a person, but you also see that the attraction is not serving any purpose (or may be it’s dysfunctional), and you feel like you are becoming a prisoner to this attraction. It would be an indication of powerlessness on your part. The only way you can come out of it is by connecting with your inner power to a point where it over-rides the pull of attraction.
To be stuck in situations like financial instability, where you constantly feel powerless because of financial lack, or aspects like social anxiety, where you feel powerless towards other people (and their behavior or judgments), is all an external manifestation, or externally induced experience, resulting from the reflection of the lack of inner-power (the outside is the reflection of the inside).
Love is a great healer, but it’s not very useful in contexts where you need to find your freedom. To try to use love to solve everything is a very narrow-minded approach, or a rigid approach, that will have imbalanced consequences.
When I talk about the “state of allowing”, a lot of people take it as some pointer towards “love”. They start equating it to some technique about “trying to love everything that arises”, and so they come back stating that “I can’t be okay with a lot of things that arise, though I keep trying to be okay, trying to be loving towards it all”.
In truth, the state of allowing is an openness towards the balance of dark and light aspects in you, which means that it can’t just be about connecting with love. Being open to what arises, doesn’t mean that you have to be “loving” towards what arises, so if hatred is what arises then allow that aspect in you without guilt, without justification, and if agitation is what arises in you then allow this agitation, without trying to force peace, without trying to get loving.
Allowing is an “inner work”, to allow something in you doesn’t mean that you have to take external action towards it, for example, you can allow a huge load of anger/hatred towards someone, internally, without suppression, without needing to exhibit an action like throwing a tantrum, or “things”, at that person. Allowing a feeling/thought within you, doesn’t mean that you will take action on that feeling/thought – the allowing is just a way to bring forth a balance of energy within you, caused by a release of imbalanced momentum, so that your actions can then come from a balanced place.
There are some people who try to practice the state of allowing as some “technique” to find relief from their imbalances. Of course, the state of allowing is ultimately going to bring an inner balance and thus a relief from the momentum of imbalances, however if your attitude is one of “I just want relief” then you are already operating from a very powerless place, and hence cannot truly connect with openness (state of allowing).
When I read some comments that go along the lines of “I am trying to allow, but I don’t seem to get any relief from my fears/agitation”, it seems apparent that the they are simply using the “concept” of allowing without connecting with the “attitude” of true allowing.
The attitude of true allowing is when you stop caring about the end-result of finding relief, or finding anything extra-ordinary, when you stop wanting an escape, when you can allow yourself to be fully in the presence of pain/discomfort without needing a cop-out, when you can stop asking for peace and are willing to allow agitation in its fullness, when you can stop seeking assurance and can be fully allowing of uncertainty (the fear of it) – and if you really understood this attitude you would never say “I tried, but I am not getting it”, because your attitude would be to allow even this aspect of “not getting it”.
It takes a connection with inner-power to allow anything to “be” without cringing to its influence, and even if you cringe you can allow that without getting identified with this reaction.
Connecting with power is an internal choice
If the state of allowing is not giving you a taste of your power, as a being, it just means that you are not really in sync with the attitude required for openness.
Of course, if you can’t let go of defending your powerlessness then there is nothing that can be done for you. When you start defending your powerlessness, you are making an internal choice to side with it, it becomes an excuse, it becomes an internal belief, it becomes a habit, an addiction, which you are not willing to let go of though you keep saying that you want to let go of it.
Without making a commitment towards letting go of defending your powerlessness, you can’t really internalize the teachings towards finding balance. There is no force that can over-ride your sense of inner-power, once you make a choice towards, and that’s what true freedom is. There are people who feel helpless to their fears, to their anger, to their attraction, to their passion, to their external situation, and in all of this is the indication of a disconnection with inner-power.
It never feels good to indulge in powerless behavior, it saps your energy, it drains your sense of confidence, it degrades your character, it hacks away at your integrity and leaves you feeling miserable to say the least. And yet, a lot of us, constantly, keep choosing to connect with behaviors of powerlessness. If you look at it, aspects like jealousy, seeking approval, chronic complaining, playing the blame game, self-pity, defensiveness, power-games (seeking control through imposition), emotional neediness, are all aspects of powerless behavior.
If something can influence you to the point where you lose your sense of stability, wisdom and character, it shows that you are not fully connected with your sense of inner-power. When you are truly connected with your inner-power, nothing can influence you in a manner of creating instability.
When I say that connecting with inner-power is a choice, it’s simply a direct pointer to the fact that ultimately it’s up to you to make the choice to connect with an attitude of power which eventually allows you to integrate the nature of power in your being.
You can visit as many therapists as you want, you can have as many spiritual retreats, but in the end unless you make an internal choice to get in touch with the attitude of openness, aligned with power, you can’t come to a place of freedom within you. Inner freedom in its true sense is a freedom to exist without being “influenced” into instability by any force. You cannot become free of the dark and light nature aspects of living, but you can become free from becoming “unstable” under their influence.
You can feel anything, and you can think anything, without getting lost to its influence, always having a space of freedom that allows you to remain stable and objective.
The cost of connecting with inner-power
A reality of life is that everything has a cost attached to it. You can’t get something for nothing – you need to let go of something in order to get something. There is no such thing as having the best of both worlds.
This is the reason why I talk about the ordinariness of life. Nothing is a “perfect” condition, nothing is extra-ordinary because everything has an aspect of dark nature along with light nature.
This includes finding inner freedom or finding a balance towards the state of power. There is a cost attached towards finding this balance, and the cost is the loss of “imbalanced drive”.
You may think that losing the imbalanced drive has to be a “good thing”, but that’s a relative perspective because one can say that having an imbalanced drive can allow for a lot of thrills and excitement, and losing it can feel like a real loss. A balanced drive has very different feel than an imbalanced drive, it lacks the “punch”, rather it has a very neutral sense. It’s not dull but it’s not exhilarating either, it lacks the dreaminess and even the deluded innocence, rather it feels very objective.
For example, in a state of imbalance, the feeling of being attracted to someone can be very exhilarating. It creates a drive or a motivation that stems from the desire to be with this person accompanied by a lot of delusional thinking about how “perfect” life can be with him/her. The heart feels upbeat, the brain feels a constant rush of all the good feeling chemicals (especially from aspects of anticipation), and it can all feel really great.
However, before you know it, you start feeling powerless to this attraction. The object of your attraction starts having a power over you. The fact that the attraction feels so good also becomes the reason why you feel this helpless pull towards “wanting” the object of attraction.
It’s just like how a drug addict gets hooked to the amazing feeling of “high” that he/she feels every time the drug is injected, eventually feeling helpless towards wanting that feeling/sensation.
As you can see, everything comes at a cost, in this case the feeling of attraction comes at a cost of loss of power/stability. You can start becoming needy, anxious and restless, owing to the obsession with your object of attraction, and motivations can stem from this place of powerlessness, eventually resulting in some form of an imbalanced reflection.
To stay true to your balance you have to make the choice of letting go of all motivations that are driven by the state of powerlessness. This has to be your attitude, the internal choice that you make irrespective of the consequences. If you feel powerless towards something, you would have to make the choice to let go of being pulled by its force in a very conscious manner.
It can/does feel painful but if you are afraid of dealing with pain then you can’t find inner-freedom, because you will give up your power the moment pain arises.
As you stay with this attitude of letting go of being pulled by the force of powerlessness, soon enough all the drives, that are rooted in imbalance, start losing their momentum – this is how you find a connection with power at the cost of letting go of the excitement, drama and fascination, of the imbalanced drives.
Some of the common drives that can get rooted in imbalance are as below:
- Sexual drive – being fascinated by aspects of sexual attraction or energy.
- Drive for adventure – fascinated by the high of risks and on-the-edge activities.
- Emotional attraction – fascinated by the emotions instigated by the object of attraction.
- Sensual drive – fascinated by sensual indulgence mostly in the form of taste and smell.
- The drive of discipline – fascinated/addicted to the aspect of suppression and control.
- The drive of intellect – fascinated by aspects of thinking/reasoning/philosophizing.
- The drive of aggression – fascinated by gore, violence and rage (found as the basis for the success of most gore based video games).
- The drive for success – fascinated by the high of achievement and recognition.
In a state of low-awareness, people are just lost to different kinds of drives. It’s like they are driven by these drives like a robot. A higher level of awareness is to realize how helpless/powerless you’ve become to the drives, and usually this awareness can come through when you are suffering from the imbalance created by the drive. As you grow further in awareness, you can no longer give in to a drive, you can no longer continue fueling the powerless behavior.
This is usually when you might start looking for ways to find inner freedom, to gain your sense of stability, to overcome the suffering created in this place of helplessness. The most direct way is to go through a phase of release where you consciously let go of connecting with the pull of the drive, without suppressing it in you, this basically what the state of conscious allowing is. The release allows for the momentum, of the drive, to ebb away, and the drives no longer have a pull over you, enabling you to stay true to your sense of power and wisdom.
Losing power based on deluded thinking
If you think that something is “extra-ordinary”, it’s very likely that you will have a sense of powerlessness towards it. When you have a sense of extra-ordinariness towards something it’s quite a given that you are rooted in some form of a delusional thinking, because in reality everything is deeply ordinary (simply because everything has a mix of light and dark). This sense of extra-ordinariness can come from a place of innocence, ignorance, low-awareness or just an unwillingness to see reality, as it is, out of fear. When you give something an extra-ordinary status, you become powerless to it and your actions take a “slavish”, or servile, flavor, thus losing the sense of inner-freedom. This is when you start feeling imprisoned, and can start losing your sense of character, integrity, esteem, responsibility and reason, going deeper and deeper into the enslavement.
A realization that is bound to set in, as you grow in awareness, is the deep ordinariness of life – not in a negative sense of feeling dull and drab, but in an objective sense of seeing reality in its wholeness of light and dark.
You can then no longer hold on to delusional thoughts about anything or anyone – no feeling, no idea, no person, no object, creates a sense of extra-ordinariness in you. When nothing feels extra-ordinary to you, nothing can influence you towards instability.
However, this sense of “ordinariness” cannot just be a conceptual idea that you use as some protective mechanism to feel superior/good about yourself, neither is it meant to be some philosophical outlook towards life, it is something that you naturally come to understand, in your being, as you find inner-freedom through the state of allowing.
You can love without having a sense of awe towards the object of love, you can have an interest without being lost of the interest – when you can do this it would mean that you have a balance between love and power, in yourself.
To be lost to love is weakness, and it is delusional, and it does bring forth an eventual crash.
True balance is when you can be attached and detached at the same time. It’s not a paradox, it’s just the natural state of being when you have an inner balance – you are not powerless to your attachment and you are not powerlessly trying to detach either, you don’t detach from a place of fear but you can detach at will when needed and you don’t get into the emotionally-leeching experience of smothering someone/something with your attachment.
To be lost to love can be a beautiful experience until it starts revealing the degrading effects of your powerlessness. In a state of balance you will lose the innocence, and spark, of blind love but you will have the wisdom to attract stable relationships which are not draining to your functionality as a being – this includes relationship with your work/expression, with your sensitivity, with your mind, with people, or life in general.