The space of inner wholeness arises when you release most of the negative energy momentum that has been accumulated in your body/mind. The way to release this momentum is by letting go of giving new fuel to it, so that it runs purely on its past fuel which gets exhausted with time. The various ways in which you end up giving new fuel to an existing negative momentum are
- By fearing the negative feelings, and hence trying to suppress it
- By believing the negative thoughts to be true and hence giving interest to them
- By fearing the negative thoughts and “trying” to suppress them
- By “trying” to ignore the negative thought/feelings in the hopes that they will disappear (you can sense that you are trying to ignore them out of your fear of them)
- By trying to keep yourself distracted in activities to avoid the inner negativity (this is just a form of suppression)
Basically, if you notice, anything you do out of “fear” of the negativity fuels the negativity further – it’s like an indirect fuel. Also, when you believe the negativity you are directly fueling it. When you try to push away a thought or a feeling, out of fear of it, it indirectly fuels its presence in you – you stay shackled to it. Scientifically this is because when you fear something you are giving “attention” to its presence, and attention is “concentrated focus” which has the power to amplify, or give fuel, to its presence in your reality in someway. Just like when you love something you give focus to it, when you fear something you give focus to it – fear and love both pull your focus.
Don’t protect your being
The first step to being free of a negativity is to stop fearing its presence. The only way you can do this is by consciously allowing it to arise in you – be it a feeling or a thought, without trying to get rid of it. You may think that if you allow it then it will take over your life or that it will manifest in some form, but this is a misunderstanding. In truth, life-energy being pure positive in its natural vibration cannot hold a negative vibration unless you are fueling it with your personal focus. So, when you stay open to allowing it, you are not giving any “concentrated focus” to it, and hence the negative energy gets dissolved as it’s not sustained by life-energy.
The act of allowing is free of fear, and hence the negativity does not get the fuel of your fear to sustain itself. Total allowing is total letting go because you are no longer holding on to any way of protecting yourself against what arises as a feeling or a thought – for me one of the best pointers for letting go came from a teacher called Mooji when he said “Don’t try to protect your being, it’s un-harm-able”. Only when you let go of trying to protect yourself, from your feelings and thoughts, do you realize the spaciousness of your being – when you are trying to protect yourself against a feeling/thought your being becomes “narrow” (closed), when you let go of your defenses you become “spacious” (open). When your being is narrow, even the smallest negativity can hit you hard. When your being is spacious you are not overwhelmed by anything.
Should I be aware or should I let go?
Awareness initially can feel like active watching, because it’s like you are watching a thought or a feeling almost as an effort. This is how everyone starts off on this journey of waking up from the mind’s pull, by becoming an active watcher of their mind. It does feel like an effort initially because you are not used to being aware of your mind, since you are mostly, habitually, lost in the mind. This watching of thoughts/feelings is also a “brain activity”, because this “active awareness”, or efforted awareness, also comes from the brain – its just like you are watching something keenly, only this time the “something” is your mind, your space of thoughts and feelings, instead of the outside. This type of active awareness is needed for a while to grow in the power of awareness – this is a period where techniques are of a help, you can do these following techniques to increase the power of your awareness
- Spend time watching your mind and your feelings, without any outside distraction, may be for 15-30 minutes day
- During your day, every time you become conscious that you were lost in the mind or an outside activity, spend a minute or two being aware of your surroundings and your feeling/thought space,
- Be more aware of your body movements
- Bring awareness to your body’s energy by sensing it more keenly
You get the idea, it’s just about becoming a more acute observer of your mind, body and surroundings, so that you are not lost in a haze of activity. This awareness takes time to grow stronger because you are not habituated to being aware, you are more habituated to be pulled around by the mind. Don’t be too hard on yourself though, don’t try to pull off feats like trying to be forcefully aware for long periods, it’s not needed. Just allow your ability for awareness to keep growing slowly and steadily, it naturally takes time, you cannot become strong in your awareness overnight – usually it can take a few months on its own.
While your awareness becomes stronger, you become more keenly aware of your inner negativity, the things that were suppressed in you as well as the negative momentum in your mind. It can feel a bit overwhelming to become aware of so much negativity. This is the time when you start “letting go”, and allowing, instead of trying to be aware. You consciously relax, and allow the negativity in the space of relaxed awareness, you are no longer trying to be “keenly aware”, your awareness just become relaxed and you allow the negativity the space to arise – only when you allow this space can it be dissolved, or released, because in this space the negativity gets touched by the wholeness of life-energy. At one point, you stop “trying” to be aware, you just become naturally open and spacious, this is when you start sensing the inner wholeness and feel stable in your being.
So in summary this how the phase moves
Efforted awareness – Relaxed awareness – Total allowing
The state of “total allowing” means you are no longer in any fear of the negativity, this is a state of total letting go because there is no sense of making an effort to let go or be aware, you are truly not bothered by it – not as a means of denial like “I don’t care” but as an unconditionally open space of “I am not afraid”. The state of being “just open” takes time and it comes naturally, you can’t pretend or fake it, it’s the natural state of being without resistance to life.
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absolutely brilliant
Thank you so much this is great.
Sen I have to questions.
What is a negative thought in your opinion?
and when you reach the phase of total allowing will you be pulled closer to your natural expression?
I’m light years away from the negativity I was experiencing when I first stumbled upon your articles. Thank you for that.
Having said that I still feel like I’m waiting on my natural expression to truly come out. I still have uncomfortable situations where I feel unsure of how to react to things I see or hear. I guess it will all come with time as more negativity is released?
Also you were talking about love and fear and how they both pull your focus. Can these two emotions get tangled and confused with each other? For example if my focus is on my ex-girlfriend how can I know if it’s out of fear or love? A lot of the time I feel fear on the subject but I know it’s because of all the past negativity that got bottled up inside my being. So basically my mind/heart want to focus on this I’m just not exactly sure why.
A thought that makes you feel low is what I would label as negative. Just because its negative doesn’t mean it should not be present, or that its wrong. Negative and positive are polarities in the brain since its has dimensions of fear, love, hatred, joy, boredom and sexuality. It’s not about trying to shut off negative thoughts, rather it’s about releasing your resistance to them. High and low are part of physical existence, your body per se has its high and low cycle on daily basis, negativity is in true sense is when we try to resist this natural movement, by trying to cling to the high and trying to avoid the low. Whether you focus on love or fear, both can lead to an imbalance – love can create as much imbalance as fear, for example obsession is a form of imbalanced love. You can label love as positive and fear as negative but both has an equal capacity to get imbalanced – in physical life. The way you bring a place is by allowing your awareness to start coming out of the mind’s pull.
Hello Sen
If you’ve had experiences of awakening – if there were times in which the aperture opened up as Adya says – does that mean your consciousness is already “seeded” so that you can move into the letting go phase?
Cause I’ve had experiences of pure being but it seems I went back to being deluded again, and this time the pain and suffering seem to be even more acute – it’s a really despairing place to be – as if you’ve lost your certainties but at the same time you’re at the mercy of your ego’s agenda, if that makes sense. I am having a hard time making sense of this process because it doesn’t seem to be coherent at all.
Thanks again
Dan, you can only let go “consciously” and for this your awareness has to be strong. It takes time for awareness to grow strong as I’ve mentioned in this post. You may notice that your brain has a penchant for the “extra ordinary” and hence it associates with extra-ordinary terms like opening of aperture or some other spiritual labels. In truth, opening of aperture just means that you’ve woken up from being lost in the mind and are now starting to become aware of the mind – of course you will sense a lot of negativity present in it, because awareness is like switch on the light in a dark room which makes all the objects become visible clearly. Just allow yourself to grow in awareness by watching your thought/emotional space until you no longer feel scared of it, at this point you have the stability to really start letting go because now there is no fear in you towards these thoughts or emotions.
Sen, sometimes I detect/am aware of fear, but I am not aware of the source of the fear – which specific thought(old or new) has lead to fear. Its more of a feeling in the heart, with no associated thoughts in the brain. Does this also pass?
Ritu, for the creation of a low vibration energy like fear there needs to be a thought that precedes it. If you want to find out what’s the thought that created this fear, you need to allow this fear completely and get a sense of what it’s trying to “say”, put a voice to it. Sometimes we are afraid of seeing what the feeling is trying to tell us, it could be a past hurt, a past memory, an indecision about future, insecurity about future etc
Hi Sen,
I was practising letting go whole week . This post just came on time and very
Helpful because I couldn’t understand the line
Between ignoring negative thoughts and letting go them.
Makes more sense. I think it is a fine line going into denial of your
Negativity and letting go.
Sen, what do you do in situation you feel “negatively” about, when you’re mind can see what is happening, but you don’t yet have that “realization” in your body which enables you to take action?
I often feel that my mind can analyse a situation and has a sense of what I need to do, but there feels like a delay in my body truly believing/realizing this, and so it sets up a sense of frustration. Almost like my mind feels it’s ahead of the game, and constantly telling my body/emotional self to hurry up/catch up. And often, not always, what my mind is sensing often turns out to be right.
e.g. I experienced a situation where I was staying with a friend and I felt a lot of tension and that she didn’t really want me there, I addressed it with her, but I felt that the answers coming back to me weren’t honest/truthful, she said i was fine to stay there. I sensed that I needed to move out and started looking for places but that inner momentum wouldn’t come through to bring this about. A few weeks later, after several attempts to have truthful discussions, she finally was more truthful with me. It felt like a release for me, the momentum to move came so clearly and easily, and I had two options to move to within an hour, whereas before it felt as if I couldn’t find anything available/suitable.
Is there a way that you don’t have to keep getting into a lot of pain before you realize something deeply enough to gain the momentum to act? Especially when the mind can already see it?
It takes time for a solution to fall in place “physically” once you launch a desire for it, a lot of physical components have to be orchestrated in place. When you sensed that you did not want to stay with your friend and intended/desired to move out, things started falling in place for it to manifest physically. The mind of course wanted to “get ahead”, before the physical reality could actually take shape, and hence it started struggling to look for places even though your body was against it (because your body/heart being more in touch with life’s intelligence knew that the time was not right). Instead of allowing the “right timing” to manifest, the mind tried to force the body to keep searching, causing pain and struggle in your being – though it was futile because things were not in place yet and hence the effort was waste of energy (what I would call unproductive action). When the time was right, life gave you a clear hint/signal by causing your friend to be truthful with you, and since the reality was in place you found options within an hour (they were in place).
So basically, it’s not that mind is more intelligent than the body, rather a mind that lacks connection with life’s guidance, is always undertaking useless actions, before the right time, out of its fear and lack of trust in life. If your mind had followed your body’s clue (where you sensed that your body lacked the momentum to take action), it would have “waited” for the right timing rather than struggled to find a place. This is the reason why it’s important to reduce the momentum of the mind, so that it does not have the power to force the body into action where life-energy is not supporting it. The pain you went through was more because you were forcing yourself into action of searching without trusting life to bring forth the solution, than the mild discomfort of staying at that place for sometime while things fell in place. When your mind loses its grip/momentum, you will sense that your life feels effortless because you are no longer taking useless/unproductive struggle-based actions, and are moving in sync with life’s intelligence and hence the timing always feel right.
Thank you Sen.
Hi Sen,
I am struggling to umderstand the resltionship between
Our physical bodies and mind .
Do you think our mind can causes of physical
illnesses ? If that’s is the case how unhealthy
Minds can be on healthy bodies sometimes ?
What is the real connection between
our physical bodies and mind? Why is this body and
not somebody ‘s else or something else?
It’s a scientific fact that when the mind is depressed the body’s immunity is at a low, and hence it is more susceptible to disease. Also, when the mind is stressed out, it manifests into many bodily diseases like hypertension. A mind that is rooted in low vibrational states, cannot allow for a healthy body. Some people may seem to have a hateful mind but they have healthy bodies because “anger” is not a very low vibration, depression is far lower than anger, and hence the body is harmed more by depression than by anger. The body has a deep intelligence and can adapt to a lot of things, but a depressed mind just becomes a huge resistance to allowing well-being in the body.
The body/mind is like “one unit”, the mind is the thought-space (and emotional space) in the body, the mind is the center which interprets perceptions. The more relaxed the mind is, and the more aligned with life it is, the less resistance it carries and hence it allows the body to function freely in a harmony.
This is BEAUTIFUL,thsnks for sharing these thoughts of freedom and love xx
I am finding it so overwhelming. This sense of total loneliness and worthlessness. It’s just constantly there, this horrible feeling. I am not engaging with negative thoughts, and much of the time my mind is empty. But rather than feel at peace, I simply feel numb and empty. Like a dead body. I am losing faith
Gerard, for a while, as you open up to life, by relaxing your resistance, a lot of your past/suppressed/accumulated negativity will come up to be released. There can be surges of low feelings – sadness, depression, anger, emotional hurt etc which can come up, these energies were created in the past due to your unconscious negativity. For a while, you will just need to allow this “purging” to take place. Don’t over-analyse all this, just let it come up, it can only be released this way, consciously. It’s normal to feel a sense of anxiety when all this suppressed energy comes up, and instigates a lot of negative thinking, but if you just stay in a space of allowing they will pass, and you will feel lighter in your inner space, and you will sense yourself to be getting free of resistance. Allow this loneliness fully, and if the mind is creating thoughts of worthlessness, just stay aware of it and allow it to be. It will soon run out of the fuel, it’s running on past momentum.
Hi Brother SEN ,
I always enjoyed reading your articles. Thank you so much for bringing such wonderful and eye opening post which are very important for me during this moment.
For the past few years , i have been like a slave to my mind. It creates a lot of negative thinking which created a lot of stressful moments for me. One of the negative toughts is suspicious thinking. Why do this thing happening and it sometime creates a lot of hatred in me. All this while i am trying to suppress and divert my thinking to other place. After i read your post , then i realized we suppose to do the other way around. How can we prevent this suspicious thinking.
Thanks once again.
Vicnes, if you try to change your mind it will only amplify its present negativity, because your hatred for its negative patterns actually acts as a fuel for it – hatred fuels hatred. If you want to break this cycle you will need to allow your mind full freedom to have its movement while you simply stay as a space of awareness observing it. So when it has suspicious thoughts, just let it have them instead of feeling bad about it or making it personal, just stay as a detached witness of your mind. This will allow you to start growing in inner stability, and this will allow your mind’s momentum to start coming down – when its momentum reduces its negativity will lose the intensity that it has now and hence it wont disturb your being.
Thank you Brother Sen for your reply.Can you explain to me how we can stay as a space of awareness observing our mind ? Sometimes the intensity of this negative thoughts are very strong which creates fear in ourselves. We starts to wonder whether our thinking are normal or not. Thank you and have wonderful day.
Vicnes, it takes time for awareness to gain some stability in you, and initially it will feel like you are being pulled into the mind easily. Just continue watching the mind whenever you become aware, and maintain this awareness for a while. Don’t be hard on yourself, it takes time for awareness to gain some stability. Continue with this practice and your awareness will keep growing. At one point, when you feel stable in your awareness you can just stay relaxed and let the mind/body to release its accumulated negativity in this open space of allowing.
Hi Sen, thank you for your replay. I have a close friend suffer from depression last 15 years. She is in really bad place right now. I know her almost 10 years she been on and off with the depression but never physically sick. She doesn’t even get colds.( If I get upset about something I’ll catch a flue very quick. My immune system almost shuts down. ) But she won’t! This friend spent last two years to come off from the medication bit by bit and she did it. After 3 months she went back on them. She is worst then ever. I love her and so sad to see her suffering. I sent your article to her with the hope she may use the information.
There are so many people I know they are on depression medications I only know a few people they are not in medication for depression. I also have plenty friends in yoga world which includes them. When I meet to new people I am just wondering are they on any medication? I judge them. Of course I don’t like judging but I do. Because I want to see the real person who I feel they are not drugged. I live in Ireland,interestingly I thought it was more for Irish people than others ( because the bad weather, alcohol, genetics..) when I went to home to Turkey I start asking to people I knew and here it was again. Almost everyone, very same pattern. Also in Turkey you can buy these medication on the counter you don’t need to go to your doctor.Most of the drugs available.
That is why I can not understand how come this people can carry depression so heavily in their lifes and still have healthy bodies. After reading so much about depression I wonder would you mind to share your explanation of depression ?
Thanking you in advance.
Deniz, its important to understand that different bodies have different makeup and robustness, some bodies are just more robust than others and hence can handle a lot of chemical abuse or stress. Some bodies are not that robust and they break down easily when they r subjected to stress and chemicals. The best environment you can give your body is the one where your brain does not carry a strong momentum of negativity, and your body does not have a huge accumulation of negative energy from the past. When the body is stressed it has less vitality (as the cells are under the duress of resistance) and hence its immunity is not at its highest possible level, but it depends on the robustness of the body as to how it handles the stress and chemicals.
Another thing is to understand that when the body has low vitality it does not have the power to release toxins, and it will just keep it suppressed until it turns into something critical or fatal – so a person with low vitality may seem like he/she is disease free, but in truth it’s just that their body has no energy to remove the toxins and hence is just numb. So a lot of people who take medications to numb the body may seem to have no flus or cold, but this could easily be because their body has no vitality to push out the toxins. These toxins remain suppressed until they accumulated into something more critical. Some mild diseases – dis-eases or discomforts (like some cold or fever) – are body’s way of coming to a balance and is sometimes needed to flush out toxins, it’s only when the body lacks the vitality to flush out the toxins that it keeps accumulating them within until its manifests as some critical illness.
Hi Deniz,
to talk about ‘reality’ we use ‘facts’. To use facts we often like to refer to ‘scientific proof’. Medical science leads one to take drugs to get rid of a so called ‘depression’, but guess what? Most of the effects of these drugs are ‘placebo effects’, meaning these effects originate from the person him/herself, not from the chemicals contained by the drugs they’ve put into their bodies… When you perform a Google search for ‘depression medication placebo effect’, or similar keywords, you’ll find that ALMOST ALL EFFECTS of the drugs given to people by doctors in order to cure their depression are in fact placebo effects (which even plays a big role in the results of surgery! Google for ‘knee surgery and the placebo effect’, for instance.
So, what I’m trying to do here is to direct your attention to the ‘fact’ that this ‘mechanical’ way of approaching life simply doesn’t work. Even the assumption of ‘genes controlling our health’, or something like that, has been disproved by the work of Dr. Bruce Lipton (again, Google will help you out here). The same goes for almost all medical (and other) ‘dogmas’. It’s almost as if there’s proof out there for any statement or hypothesis…
Combine this with the findings of quantum physics and the mechanistic paradigm, which the majority of people still use as a basis for approaching life, goes out off the window.
Hope this information proves to be helpful.
God bless
Dear Sen,
In one of JK’s talks he says that the observer is the observed; thinker is the thought and the doer is the entity who is doing and that there is no division. This is JK’s way of explaining ‘total allowing’ as what you say, is that right?
Thank you very much.
Suhasini, there is a simpler teaching by JK where he said “I don’t mind what arises”, this is what total allowing is.
Hi Sen,
So what do we do when negativity kicks in? I’ve read about shifting our energy from low to high (positive) but this seems like avoiding negativity now.
Thanks.
Joey
Joey, when negativity kicks in, just be conscious of it and allow it to come up, don’t try to escape it through trying to suppress it. Also the fact that you are conscious of it means you are not fully taken up by it, and this space of “dis-identification” causes the momentum of negativity to start ebbing away because it’s not getting the fuel of your belief, attention, fear or interest. When you try to push negativity away, you are fueling it further through your energy of “fear” – the only way to allow negativity to ebb away is not fuel it with your fear of it, or hatred of it, if you just stay conscious and allow it, it’s like an field of unconditional openness which means you are no longer giving it any fuel and hence it starts dissolving on its own.
You are so smart. This is what I’ve been getting at all week and you just hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much
Hi,
Amazing, I really do feel like I am locked up in my brain, infact, I dont even feel my body sometimes (wherein you have said, feel your body, movements, its a hint that I am not feeling it). I am so locked up in the brain sometimes , that it has become a part of my personality. What would you call meditation Sen… I know you say it should not become a crutch, but could it initiate the whole process of being more and more aware of your brain being a seperate entity and leting it come up with whatever it wants to without supressing it?
Regards,
Ketan
Ketan, if you sense that your brain has a very high momentum owning your awareness being totally pulled in by the “thought space”, you would need to go through a small phase of develop some stability in your awareness so that you have some space beyond mind-identification (outside the mind). Meditation, of any form, is helpful during this phase of growing in awareness, but what I personally would recommend would be the simple sitting meditation where you simply sit, close your eyes, and let go of “trying” to think (allow the mind to think passively) – I’ve described it in this post – liberation from mind’s pull, it’s a simple state of openness to what arises as thoughts/emotions. Doing this practice for a while will give you some stability in your space of awareness, after which you can reach a place of totally allowing the release of suppressed energy, and the natural movement of life’s creation cycle in you.
It is amazing how happy one can feel in their life once they allow everything to be as it is and openly allow all that is. Depression and anxiety and so much suppressed anger and fear just float away over time. This blog of yours and your realization that you share Sen have saved my life. Thank you dearly. I will always be grateful
>- Spend time watching your mind and your feelings, without any outside distraction, >may be for 15-30 minutes day
>
>- During your day, every time you become conscious that you were lost in the mind or >an outside activity, spend a minute or two being aware of your surroundings and your >feeling/thought space,
>
>- Be more aware of your body movements
>
>- Bring awareness to your body’s energy by sensing it more keenly
>
> You get the idea
well, actually, no!
awareness of body’s energy? what’s that?!
what I can do is suddenly become aware I’m tensely thinking about something and then let it go, like a sigh, and be still for a moment. I feel the tension fall away. but I have the suspicion I may be just avoiding stuff.
am I?
>- Spend time watching your mind and your feelings, without any outside distraction, >may be for 15-30 minutes day
I meditate but I don’t know whether I’ve ever ‘watched’ a thought or feeling.
for me it is, a thought comes, I notice I’m engaged in it, I let it go, a moment’s pause, and repeat!
I don’t know what progress looks like and it’s been 20 years.
I can only look on in wonder.
Kris, the practices I’d mentioned in this post are for people who are just starting out towards understanding their nature as awareness. When one is lost in the mind, its like being in a sleep state or a trance, and to be introduced to the possibility that you can be aware of the mind instead of being lost in it, is a new perspective for them, and it takes time to get used to this domain of awareness – so for them, these practices of watching the mind, watching their body energy (which just means feelings,sensations and emotions, in the body) are ways through which they grow in the power of awareness, which is nothing but becoming more “observing” rather than being “lost”.
You say you’ve been meditating for 20 years, and you don’t know what progress you’ve made, but the question is did you ever ask what’s the purpose of you meditating? Or like most others in spiritual circles, you start meditating because that’s what everyone seems to be doing? The purpose of watching the mind should be grow in the ability of being aware, nothing more. Once you sense you have a strong enough awareness, you need to now move to a place/phase of “letting go” of all techniques and practices, and just allow the release of the suppressed negativity, and allow the mind momentum to reduce, it’s about surrendering your “will power” and just allowing what arises to arise fully. I think you are at a phase where you need to start letting go, and not get into new practices. You can get some relevant insights from these posts
http://www.calmdownmind.com/at-peace-with-the-moment/
http://www.calmdownmind.com/the-space-of-being/
http://www.calmdownmind.com/awakening-transcendence-and-the-return-of-focus/ (this post cites the phases involved in getting fully aligned, what I would call enlightened living)
Thanks for the feedback Sen.
So I am a lapsed meditator. Maybe I felt its inadequacy.
I have followed your reading suggestions but I am still not sure if what I am doing is compatible with what you describe:
I sit quietly, at some point I notice I have become wrapped up in a train of thought, the train and attendant emotion dissolves into nothing as if I suddenly lost interest and abandoned it,
there follows a period of nothingness, repeat.
So noticing my thought, it disappears . I am concerned that in reality I may actually be avoiding the observation of thought by derailing it.
How do I tell?
Your words welcomely assert that letting go is a very simply process. So often spiritual material seems to lead to endless complexity and thus confusion followed by abandonment of effort.
Kris, the point is not to watch thoughts as practice, the point is to be free of the fear of the mind, in the sense if your mind is creating negativity how free are you to not be taken in by it? Watching thoughts is just a practice that may be required for people to improve the power of awareness of the mind, it’s not a practice that you need to do if you already has a good awareness, which you seem to have. For you the only deal should be to see if you are taken in by some negativity in your mind, if so you just need to let go of your being hooked on it when it arises, by simply staying as a space of awareness.
Dear Sen
Thank you Sen, deeply. Today I’ve experienced the feeling of spaciousness you’ve been talking about in a real way. I know I probably still have a lot more negativity to release and fears to face up to, but i feel this is a significant step for me.Part of me has been doubting whether I would actually reach this stage after almost 2 years of glimpses and much negativity. In a way, the spaciousness almost feels a little scary.
So, thank you, for all of your help and guidance. Thank you.
Hei Sen,
I understand that you have to stop fearing and believing the negative thoughts and let them enter your mind but what then? let them stay and they will disappear?
Rob, if you don’t feed a thought with your belief/interest it will die down on its own. A thought is never self-employed, it needs the fuel of your belief/attention/focus/interest for it to sustain itself in your consciousness. When you fear a thought you are automatically giving it the fuel of your interest, and this fear keeps feeding the energy of the thought and hence keeps fueling its momentum. The pointer of “letting go” is to simply develop a space of awareness when you don’t unconsciously keep attaching to thoughts, but have a conscious freedom to stay dis-identified and thus allow their momentum to die away.
Hi Sen, I understand the mechanics of becoming dis-identified from negative thoughts. However, my problem arises – because I am totally identified with my negative thoughts in a conscious way and fully believe them. How do I give up/ surrender / stop defending negative thoughts when they relate to negative facts in my life? I seem totally stuck in this thought pattern and would welcome any insight of yours on this. Many thanks, as always.
Jel, you may find some insights regarding your query on this post – A question of attitude
Hi Sen, Thank you so much for referring me to this article. Along with this one, it helped enormously as well as your ‘Working with Thoughts article.’ Ahh, as I am becoming more aware of the truth of life & the nature of the mind – I am understanding that negativity is natural, but I no longer have to hold onto it, it is not reflective of my true nature and to allow it to surface without giving my attention or belief means it quietly disappears. Wow, life changing. Sen, your teachings are truly remarkable. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Thanks Sen,
I have read a lot of your articles for last couple of days, i find them simply brilliant!! My biggest problem is that lately i find myself afraid of everything. I am afraid while i am driving( of crashing and dying). Afraid of offending somebody and then scared that they will get back at me. It happens all the time and it drains all the energy out of me. When i am praying A offensive thought appears in my mind towards God and i have to start all over again. I am afraid that God will get angry and punish me. My mind is full of fear but i hide it well but my wife knows this but she does not understand. I visited a shrink but she called this OCD but i feel that your articles are 100 times more helpful than she ever was. last 2 days i have been free of anxiety after reading your articles. I just want to be normal. Can u help? why is my mind making up stuff to scare me? Are these thoughts real? Can i be free from fear?
Thanks
Rob, you may find insights in the recent post – Transition from unconscious to fully conscious
Dear Sen,
I’m an adult guy in late twenties and still I sometimes suck my thumb. I tried many ways to quit but nothing worked. I am also gay and have never had any relationships in my life and have never had any love. I sometimes think it is because that I suck my thumb, I hide it but I feel that it may have unseen effects on my life and is blocking me having love in my life but when I look at others there are people whom smoke packs of cigars or are alcoholics and they have lovers in their life so my situation shouldn’t be worse but I was wondering if sucking my thumb is preventing me from having a relationship? Also There are so many people who are negative and nagging all the time with bad attitudes but some of them have still great lovers in their life but I have a very positive and pleasant attitude but never had any lover. Does it mean they are all clear and resistance free on the love side and attract it but I have seen many people with – personality and I honestly can’t believe that they have love because they are resistant free about it. It is not fair to me not to have it while others who are not as optimistic about me have love but I don’t. I am so tired of waiting and don’t know what else to do? Someone told our family that we have black magic surrounding us since my sister is also having a very hard time finding a partner and sometimes it really makes me think maybe we really have been affected by this black magic. Or does such thing ever exists or if it does how can we get rid of it. Please help me and thanks for your help always.
It’s not about trying to be “nice guy”, that’s like an imbalance towards light nature, and that’s not really in integrity with your true human nature. You need to integrate your dark nature with your light nature in order to gain an inner power/strength that makes you attractive because of your inner fearlessness – you cannot come to a place of true fearlessness without balancing your dark nature with your light nature. Right now you are trying to avoid your dark nature, and basically are trying to be a projection of a “nice guy”. You can read the below posts for more insight
http://www.calmdownmind.com/integrating-your-light-and-dark-nature/
http://www.calmdownmind.com/the-dimension-of-hatred-in-the-mind/
http://www.calmdownmind.com/which-dimension-of-your-mind-is-attracting-your-reality/
The “outside” force can only influence people who have a low level of awareness, wherein they are prisoner to the influence of the outside without having the freedom to stay true to their inner alignment consciously. Instead of worrying about outside forces, like black magic or whatever else, focus on finding your freedom from the negativity of the mind, thus coming to an inner balance.
Hi Sen,
Just found your site. Great stuff. Ive been working on this awareness thingy for quite sometime and i must say you are right. At first it is quite an effort to “Watch with awareness”, but the more you do it the easier it becomes. But i must mention one thing, i had and still do at times physical pain in my body. Shoulders aching, twitching, head aches all sorts of stuff. As i am not completely aware at all times at this stage, i find when i go “Unconscious” so to speak, my body start to ache again. Its like a wake up call. Im not to sure if anyone else has had the same thing?
Ps. There is nothing wrong with me as i have been to Doctors and they could find nothing.
Clay, we immediately judge the “aches” to be something negative instead of looking at it as a phase of moving into harmony – sometimes what looks like a disease is just the body trying to come back to harmony and to suppress this process just causes the disharmony to continue to exist. When you let go, and relax, your body has less resistance and hence its energy starts re-harmonizing, and this energy movement can feel like aches, and in fact even cause some temporary physical discomfort like a clench in the gut etc. However, if you can simply allow this “discomfort” for a while, you will see a release happening as a harmony sets in. As you said there is nothing physically wrong with you, it’s just that there are blocks of energy suppressed in some parts of the body which need to be released, and their release causes the sensation of aches.
Sen,
Great piece. Thank you so much for your posts, they are truly wonderful. I have recently been trying to accept my thoughts/feelings of negativity with some success. However, in certain situations in which there is pressure to feel happy, such as social situations with friends, it is very hard for me to accept such negative thoughts/feelings. I have still been trying to accept such negativity and ‘feeling down’ in these social situations, but it is very difficult. I find myself feeling guilty and uncomfortable for accepting such negativity and appearing down around my friends, as opposed to trying to fight the feelings and acting as though I feel happy. I understand that it is my suppression and fear of these feelings that is causing me to continue to feel down, but even when I try to embrace the negative feelings and don’t pretend that I am happy, it doesn’t seem to be helping.
My question is whether I should accept these feelings and behave negatively around people in situations (which is exactly how my true self feels) until the negativity subsides, or is this not part of accepting the thoughts/feelings? I have only tried this strategy for a couple days now, so I am not giving up, but it is frustrating and difficult to accept feeling down for long periods of time.
Please let me know. Thanks so much for your help Sen : )
Thank you so much! I suffer from depression and obsessive compulsive disorder,I’ve tried a lot of methods for finding inner balance… but techniques suggested in this blog seem to be the best ones I’ve seen so far!
Hi Sen..I will be really thankful if You can clear my doubts here…I am in the process of allowing these days and Yes there is great variance in experiences that I have each day. When I am in a state of allowing is is normal for me to feel anxious as if brain is asking for something negative to hold on and i could feel that anxiety in my stomach FOR NO REASON ? Is this anxiety the negative energy that’s releasing?
Also,
I have another doubt which i wanted to clear. As I read in your post
1.) The various ways in which you end up giving new fuel to an existing negative momentum are: “By believing the negative thoughts to be true and hence giving interest to them”
2.) And you also say :that when one is doing allowing of thoughts i.e., if he is having a fear that he might be suffering from disease he should allow that thought to come and accept fearlessly of the chance that he might be really suffering from such disease till the point that he longer fears it. So this is something like BELIEVING in this negative thought which contradicts the 1st point.
Please throw some light on it. Thanks Sen.
Dear Sen,
I have tried in the past to watch my mind, as soon as I become the witness, the thoughts subsides and the mind is quiet for a while, there after my breathing becomes prominent, or in other words my focus shifts to the breathing. At this point I feel quite suffocating and tend to give up the process. Could you kindly let me know what is that I am doing wrong here, or is it a gradual process?
Secondly, at times, I tend to become aware that I am lost in the mind and try to detach myself and watch. This happens mostly when I am dwelling on a negative thought and the feelings disturb me. When I watch the mind, as I mentioned above the thoughts disappear, but the feeling persists for some time and I become restless. I tend to think whether I am suppressing my thoughts instead of allowing it. I t seems like there is a thin line between the two.
I really appreciate your guidance.
Shanthy, the question you need to ask yourself is what your state of being when you try to watch the thoughts or when you try to be aware in general? It’s possible that your attitude is one of being fearful (meek or anxious) or rigid, instead of truly being open and relaxed (by relaxed I don’t mean trying to “feel good”, I just mean a sense of effortless surrender in your being). As you mentioned, you become restless, or your focus shifts to your breathing, which is all indication that you are “strained”, and are doing this as an effort, from a place of fear, which makes your awareness very “narrow” and contracted. What’s required is to move into a state of true openness, where you are not “restless” to get this process done with, where you are not “restless” to get it right, rather you are just open for the sake of being open – in a true state of opennes you are not waiting for anything, you are simply open to “what is”. When your awareness is “waiting” for something, it will become narrow in its focus, it will become fearful, restless and contracted, which is what is happening in your case.
Thank you so much Sen.
I am trying consciously to manifest this position in a place of work. I think that I’m acting from ‘lack’ because I feel desperation, since I need to start working again. Instead of acting with desperation, the rest….. is what I feel is missing.
Hi Sean. I have read you articles and going them brilliant.
I hope you can give me some helpful advices:
I believe I am through a transition state where am learning to become more aware, after being lost in my negative mi d for so many years and reached a point of trying to suicide more than one time( that was last year).
However, we know that the past does not matter so I won’t e wasting time to tell you what happened to me, as we both know that it was the way my mind interpreted it that has causes too much suffering in me.
I believe I am still depressed and very heavy, and have also recently graduated from college and don’t have a clue of what I would like to do with my life. I have been seeing a spiritual counsellor since a year and he has helped me a lot int the stage of rescue, being doing bik ram yoga, Pranic healing, acupuncture but am still trapped in my mind, despite I am more grounded and not have panic attach and suicidal thoughts anymore.
The advice I wanted to ask is regarding my present life situation: am currently working into a restaurant where have worked while paying my studies and its very stressful job, but when it comes to search for a job in the areas of my studies I don’t feel motivated and don’t know if I want to do it. The biggest problem is when I am stuck in this restaurant and I want to escape because is do unbearable that I can go crazy because dont know where to start and find it difficult to seat in front of a pc to look for a job.and depending on my mind mood I can either feel desperate because I am stuck in the suffering of this place and can’t take a direction, or I can say to myself, don’t worry when you are more conscious you ll know what to do and this scars me because I can’t predict it. The question is/ how can I become note aware in a place where all the environment does is to try to make me feel even more and more negative, and depressed, and usually it succeeds?
It seems my path is not easy because I have to take some important decisions about Amy future but don’t know where rod start and don’t know what I would be liking doing, having always lived in my mind and despair emotions?
And the fears? Yes there are plenty , and my mind tries to hide them.
Would you say something about this?
Thanks,
Marcello
Dear Sen
Have been at my practice of allowing for about 3 months or so now and although I am still suffering I do feel a reduction in the intensity of thethoughts and feelings at times so it would seem that things are improving slowly. I still have a long road to travel I guess as I am letting go of a lifetime of negativity, fear and anxiety\low moods etc.
One thing I would like you to clarify for me is the notion of increasing ‘awareness of oneself and the body’ etc – as part of my fears\anxieties I feel very self-conscious\suffer paranoid feelings at times – could you please outline the distinction between the two as I find this a bit confusing at times. However I am fully committed to the process and I dont care how long it takes. I am definitely more allowing and sometimes I am even laughing at the ridiculous thoughts that my mind throws up.
Mac, the term “growing in awareness of oneself” is simply a pointer to deeper in your internal focus (or self-consciousness) but from a place of “observation” rather than being lost in identification with the negativity present within. Awareness is the capacity to observe without suppression or over-identification – that’s why I use the term “open awareness” or “relaxed awareness” which does not mean you have to force yourself to relax, rather it means let go of any form of force and just allow what arises, allowing yourself to just observe. With time you can let go of trying to be aware, just work on being allowing, just a total state of openness without requiring any assurance.
hi sen. i think you are absolutely amazing. i have been reading your articles for a while, and i am amazed…I would really appreciate it if you could help me! if i desire to get into a relationship with a person, in order to manifest it should i visualize it from the 6 dimensions of the mind? i mean thinking that even if i get into a relationship with this person there are things that i am not going to like about him.. or it doesnt matter?
Mary, the deal of visualizing for the 6 dimension of thinking/mind, is simply to become aware of any resistance you may have to the reality of having a relationship – every reality has a dark nature along with light nature, for example a relationship also brings with it the surety of loss at some point (at the latest by death), and also a relationship can cause you to feel possessive, take up your time, take up your energy and possibly require you to let go of certain realities that you are habitually attached to currently. You can read this post – grounded in reality – for more insight on aligning your thinking with better a understanding of reality.
thank you sen. If i want a relationship with a specific person, and this person for the moment does not want the same thing, and if i really want to have this experience what should i do? please help me, i am so lost i dont know what to do…i just know that i want to experience this, and i sure wont give up no matter what!
Mary, if you notice, what you are feeling is akin to a vibe of “neediness” and this vibe is by its very nature is repulsive towards the very reality that you desire, which is for a fulfilling relationship. You would need to bring awareness to this sense of lack/neediness that has a hold on you, and work on letting go of being identified with its pull – it’s like releasing your attachment to that specific “outcome”. It’s counter-intuitive, because letting go can feel like giving up on the desire, but in truth it is like freeing up your energy (by releasing resistance) and thus be more receptive to allowing the desire to unfold in an aligned manner. You can read the post – Finding love – for more insight on this.
Hi Sen,
In this state of allowing, what if we get an impulse to be mindful and observe our thoughts, rather than allow them to be? The impulse to be mindful often interrupts my natural flow of thought, because I may randomly become mindful and aware of these thoughts, and thus lose the natural trajectory of these thoughts. In a sense, my ability to be mindful and aware seems to be interfering with my ability to think and allow, naturally. How do I react to this in a state of allowing?
Thank you
Hasheem, the state of allowing is not a disconnection with being observant of your mind’s thinking – you can be observant of your thinking, the only deal is have this sense of awareness about not becoming over-identified (or giving validation) to a certain negativity/imbalanced pull while also not being in a state of contradicting/suppressing the thoughts as they arise. Don’t worry about losing the trajectory of thoughts, rest assured that anything that’s unresolved will keep coming up until its truly seen through and dissolved of its negativity.
I just want to say, thank you Sen, thank you for sharing your learnings with the world.
Myself, I am just starting on the self awareness process and letting go of many negativities in my mind. But your blog has been by far the most beneficial find on this huge, huge web of knowledge and opinion. It resonates as an inherent … I’m not sure of the right word, truthfulness, common sense … but I think “how it works” is better of what I mean.
Anyway, I have a long way to go, but I feel I’ve started, and your blog has given me the reinforcement that I needed to know that I was indeed “on to something” in this whole self awareness / transformation thing.
Thank you again, Sen
Andrew
Hello Sen,
I was just wondering that after we do our daily 20-30min practice of allowing, how do we spend the rest of the day? Should we try to be in a different mindset, consciously trying to allow? everything I find it difficult to just “allow” for a whole day because I have classes I need to take, responsibilities, exercise, exams, etc. Also, I’ve noticed that in this state of allowing, sometimes my mind feels overwhelmed and unable to think clearly, and this translates to a feeling of strong, irrational panic in my body that usually fades away in a minute. This can happen out of the blue, but how should I deal with this when it happens and how can I act differently to prevent it from happening in the future?
Thank you
Hi Sen,
After practicing awareness for a month or so, I feel confused and afraid of it. I feel like I’m not sure who is the watcher and the watched and this frightens me. It also seems that awareness takes over whether I want it to or not. where do I go from here?
thank you
Hi Sen
I’m at a point where i am gradually starting to allow my feelings snd thoughts that arise, i’ve only been reading your posts for 2 days now and a lot of it makes sense. I have been supressing my emotions for a very long time but not my thoughts. Since i got derealization and depersonalization about 1 year and 4 months ago, i’ve supressed my thoughts now aswell as my emotions and feelings. For example i would feel so much anger towards a family member, but because i was taught to see them as authority, i was not allowed to express my anger towards them, i would conciously ignore the feeling and absolutely hate having this tense anger in me with added anger of not being able to express this anger.
I have been trying this technique of letting go and allowing thoughts/emotions to arise, and even allowing the thought of progress to just be and not identifying with progress but instead just “being”. I know and fully understand this will take sometime before i actually see any changes due to the years and years of suppressed emotiond and thoughts, but during these two dsys, after the “allowing” technique, i’ve seen some good results, i wont go into detail but you get the process.
To be brief, i want to get these questions answered and off my chest:
* Does the act of “allowing” and “letting go” and “accepting” link with recovering from derealization and depersonalization?
* I’ve noticed since i’ve used the allowing yechnique, i’ve noriced my mind and thoughts have become difficult to deal with, i probably havent fully grasped what “allowing” is, i’ll try allowing any thought or emotion to arise and i wont touch on it, but after a few moments, this becomes strange and difficult. It’s sort of like my minds telling me, “ur not getting anywhere”.
* At times i feel like i am ready to work on allowing any thought/emotion that arises, however those emotions and thoughts sometimes are absent, i want to feel as if im getting somewhere, i want to feel that anger in me so that i could allow it to be, but sometimes its not there. Maybe the answer to this question is, it will take time? Can you clarify this for me?
Hi Adam,
I am not a guru as Sen. And maybe I haven’t got the full grasp of what allowing is, but I just want to tell that allowing is not a technique. You just need this as a technique to practice at first, but once you can observe the mind/thoughts, you have to let go, dont cling to it. Allowing simply means, allow what the mind wants to do, if it wanted to think, then so be it, if it changed it’s focus to something else, then so be it. It’s like playing along with your mind, think of it as a child who wants your attention, treat it with care just like your best friend. It’s just want to warn you about negative feeling but mostly all of them are delusions, and making things more complicated which in reality is quite simple. Just be aware of the thoughts and play along with what it wants. If the emotion is too overwhelming, dont force yourself, you can drop the thoughts for some time, because it will come again sooner or later. Allow every thoughts and emotions without identify yourself with them.
Hope this useful.
Hi Sen,
Thankyou.
I have a specific question I hope you might help with. If I am aware that my fear is caused by the loss of intimacy from a recent relationship, how do I go about consciously allowing that thought. I recognise that I am thinking of my ex-partner often and that is generally followed by a great pain in my chest. I seem to have the awareness but the “letting go” is alluding me.
Billy
Dear Sen,
I observe that I could do this “total allowing” only whenever I’m aware of my breath. So, is both essentially the same?
Thanks,
Uma
i feel the exact same way. when i allow everything. i then realize that im breathing…
Hello Sen,
I’ve been practicing watching the recurring negative thoughts in my mind for quite some time. I now feel the mind’s ‘pull’ whenever the negativity arises…
Sometimes I am able to detach from the negativity when it arises, and at other times, the negativity possess my entire being. Whenever a negative thought arises in my mind, I simply do not give it interest by depriving it of my attention and focus on the present moment. When this happens though, I still feel the negative energy in my body and I watch it happen without resistance. At times, this technique works but at other times the feeling is so overwhelming that I cannot help but become one with negativity.
My question is, is there anyway to tell whether my removing of attention from negative thoughts is just another state of denial/suppression/indirect fear of a thought? I can safely say that I do not fear negative thoughts, I do my best to welcome it. At the same time, I remove my attention from the negative thought as it arises in my mind but still feel it’s energy in my body.
Thanks,
Joe
Joe, the deal is to be open to what arises, without shielding yourself from a place of fear. When you mention – “at times this technique works but other times the feeling is so overwhelming that I cannot help but become one with negativity” – first of all, this is not technique to “feel good”, it’s a pointer towards a true openness to what arises. If there is a “negative feeling” that comes up, then allow yourself to experience it fully as it is, nothing can feel overwhelming if you are fully allowing of it, it’s only when you start resisting something that it feels overwhelming. It’s important that you understand the logic of what openness implies, it’s not some technique to find a place of relief, it’s the invitation towards developing the inner space/power to consciously allow anything that arises (be it a negative thought or feelings) without needing to suppress it or sort it out – this inner space is what translates to inner freedom.
Is it okay to use the state of allowing just as a practice in order to get rid of the momentum, provided you still use it as a state of being after the momentum is gone, or would you have to use it as a state of being in order to get rid of the momentum?
The reason I ask is because I have become something of a recluse because of my negativity (which in this case comes in the form of misophonia). I have been getting out and about more often, because I know that what I am doing is not healthy, but I find it is harder (but not impossible) to be allowing then, though I am still mindful of the choice to do so, as well as my thoughts and emotions. When I am at home, however, I find it easier to allow the layers to arise, be left alone, acknowledged, and ebb away.
sen
so your saying you have to be allowing and conciously aware at the same time?
Nour, you can only allow when you are “aware”, in a state of unconsciousness your tendency would be to either suppress or get totally identified with what arises in you
Hi Sen,
Your site is great, I have read lots of your articles. Just like you said, at first I was afraid of many of my negative thoughts/feelings, I was afraid that if I thought of them too much, they would manifest somehow. So I tried to ignored them, then they just became bigger and bigger. Until a day when I found out that I had to face them, and those feelings, they just wanted to tell me that I was doing something wrong. And when I did the right things, they just disappeared naturally. Now I am not afraid of them anymore, I just do the right things, and they just don’t come to me anymore. If they come, I just listen to what they want to tell me, once i understand their messages, they just go away…
Ly.
” when negativity kicks in, just be conscious of it and allow it to come up, don’t try to escape it through trying to suppress it. Also the fact that you are conscious of it means you are not fully taken up by it, and this space of “dis-identification” causes the momentum of negativity to start ebbing away because it’s not getting the fuel of your belief, attention, fear or interest. ”
One question how exactly do I accomplish this? It’s like the more allowing I feel i’m being , the more outside forces come in to knock me down and make me angry and stressed out so i can’t even remember what allowing is or what to do. When I “allow” it just feels like It’s “me” thinking thoughts . I’m somewhat detached in that i’m sort of observing them but they’re still there taunting me 24/7. My kids screaming and misbehaving also throw me out of alignment. Making me want to scream and break things i get so frustrated. And after i lose i’m right back to square one feeling like it will always be like this and my efforts to be inwardly free are always in vain. Any thoughts? Thanks man.
KFH
kenny, it sounds like you have great momentum in what is pushing you. Constant thoughts point to this, as do ‘outside forces’ – which reflect your state of inner imbalance. Every repeating challenge is an opportunity to do differently from last time.
Children can be frustrating, but remember that you are the grown-up here. They will scream when they don’t know how else to express themselves. They misbehave because they have not yet learned proper behaviour. And they will learn how to behave by watching how you behave – no matter what rules you make, or how you explain things.
If you still scream and misbehave (break things), what does that tell you? Maybe you did not get the chance to learn better ways when you were young? It’s never too late. Sometimes a good start is simply breaking the old pattern that creates suffering. Then you have room to figure out some new way of being and doing.
While you are caught up in frustration and anger, allowing might mean to just accept the situation (as long as the children are safe, of course). “I can’t control this, I will not even try,” or whatever thoughts get you to stop acting angry. Feel the anger – not think about it (that will fuel it), just feel it. No words, just pay attention to the feeling as you calm down (that is allowing the feeling and letting it go). Once you are calm, you can take care of the situation from a more balanced state of mind.
It’s not in vain – you are working on yourself so that your whole family can grow. By learning to do better, you teach your children a better way. That’s a big deal.
Hi Kenny,
after I saw your post, I just want to share with you my own experiences. I used to feel that way like being back to square one. My process is like, after I have been through some time with the allowing, there was a period of time that I feel peace, joy, and silence in my mind, about a week more or less. And the next day my mind just like exploded, there was this sudden outbreak of thoughts, and I felt like i am a super sensitive guy which easily think of negative thoughts or get emotional, that time, i felt anything on the street, anything i hear or watch is constantly trying to provoke me 24/7. However, the truth is, I was not back to square one, it’s just that my awareness is getting stronger moment by moment, so i am more aware of deeper imbalances in me, remember that Sen said in his blogs that the release happens in layer.
So, you are not back to square one, there are 2 possibilities here, 1st, like Markus said, you have a great momentum and you need to release them by allowing them. I know it’s hard, unpleasant. I dont like it too at first, but hang in there. You are an adult, just stay aware. I still have some problems allowing anger. 2nd, is your awareness is growing, but this only you can know. Stay aware, allow everything that is happening. Feel the silent background in you, you will feel amazed by it’s presence, it’s like you are in a middle of chaos but you feel calm instead of panic.
Hope this is useful.
Hi Sen!
I become aware of my negativity and then watch it,but when i watch, the flow of all thoughts stops and the emotions ebb away.Am i doing it right?Or should I become aware and then allow all the emotions to just come in .The problem is if i allow all the emotions to come in,then i lose my awareness.I am confused.Kindly enlighten!
Many thanks in advance.
Marcy, to be aware of the negativity is the starting point towards the journey of finding conscious balance. This awareness is like the “ability to observe oneself”, nothing more – it’s just about becoming conscious of what’s going on in your mind and emotional space, without becoming fully lost to their movement in you. Along with this growing awareness you also need to get acquainted with the state of “allowing”, which is simply an openness to be fully allowing of what arises in you (be it emotions, or thoughts) – this openness is an “attitude” where you are not constantly seeking a means to get rid of what arises in you, where you are not trying to escape what arises and not trying to look for relief mechanisms. The state of allowing is not about “trying to feel good”, but about allowing whatever it is that comes up, emotionally or at a mind level.
When you say “I lose my awareness when I am allowing the emotion”, I am guessing that you mean that the emotions seem to over-whelm you or that you feel taken in by the emotions that come up or that you can’t hold on to “understandings” when these emotions arise. This is alright, you don’t have to try too hard to maintain some “strict awareness”, neither do you have to try to hold on to any understandings/pointers that you’ve read, rather just allow these emotions to come up, in a state of openness, without clinging to any techniques. You can read the post – The attitude required for inner freedom – which talks about this attitude of real openness that’s needed for getting aligned with this journey of releasing all the unconscious accumulation of past imbalances and mind momentum.
To be “watchful” is one thing, and to be allowing of what arises is another – to be “watchful” is required to grow in awareness, and to be allowing is required to let a balance start happening in through the unearthing of all the emotional/mental momentum that starts happening. Don’t “try” to make “watching” (or awareness) into some cold technique, if you do that you will just make it into some form of mental habit/crutch that you start indulging in to find “relief” or some sense of security as soon as you sense negativity coming up. Awareness is only needed to let go of “unconscious identification”, or suppression, of what arises – it’s simply like a light that shines in a dark room, exposing the objects there. Once the objects start getting exposed you need to then be in a state of allowing without trying some technique to keep yourself from fully experiencing the objects as they come into your view. You will notice that, with time, you will continue to unearth deeper accumulations of emotional/mental momentum – the release happens in cycles, and layers.
Quite simply, awareness causes an “unearthing”, and when you unearth something you will have to be open so that it can release – the only way to be open is when you let go of all techniques and simply allow what gets unearthed. In fact, you will feel assisted in this “unearthing” in the way your life moves, you can see how some things happen around you to trigger the unearthing of some inner imbalances, or suppressed emotions – as they get unearthed you need to be a state of allowing, so that they can find a release, so that a balance can start getting re-established, consciously.
Thank you Sen !I have gone through most of your articles .Out of curiosity I wish to know if you are an enlightened being and if all this wisdom comes from you being rooted to your centre?And is it this state of absolute clarity that is claimed by many spiritual saints to be God realisation?
Marcy, there is a lot of “spiritual imagination” that can get instigated my terms like “enlightened being” and “rooted in the center” causing you to have some extra-ordinary ideas about it. For a kid an adult may seem more “enlightened” because the adult seems to have better understanding and more control over his life, but it’s a relative comparison – so there is no such thing as “enlightened being” who knows all, rather there is such a thing called degrees of maturity, degrees of understanding and degrees of creative potential, and one can keep growing in the direction – so the comparison can only be “relative”, and there is always potential for higher growth, and thus there is no ultimate state where one says “I am enlightened totally, with nothing more to grow towards” (if a person proclaims such a thing it’s just evidence of his/her own ignorance rather than enlightenment). Also, being “rooted in the center” is more like a metaphor for the state of inner stability where one is not lost to the influence of emotions/thinking to the point of losing touch with wisdom – this ability comes in when you go through a “phase of release” where you can allow the past-momentum of emotional/mental pull to ebb away in intensity so that they no longer act as a “force” in your being. From that perspective I feel rooted in the center, and I feel enlightened compared to my past way of being rooted in low-awareness, immaturity and delusion about reality.