One Practice to Overcome Obsessive Thoughts
Most people who get stuck with obsessive thoughts, or people who have an anxiety condition (where their brain is constantly thinking anxious thoughts), fail to realize that this condition is a “symptom” and not the problem itself. They keep trying to treat the symptom without acknowledging the real problem. They look to try to solve […]
Link back to full article: https://www.calmdownmind.com/overcoming-obsessive-thoughts/
Hi,
I have been suffering from panic attacks for over a ywar.
I felt completely in control and on top of this. Because now I am trying to control everything I see and think, I am creating fears out of everything.
Can you pls help as I think I am going to go insane.
I hope I have explained my problem well.
Thanks,
Mitesh
Hi Mtesh.
The need for control you experience stems from fear, and fear is simply mind construction. Its limited. Its not really big thing once you decide to face it fully. If you allow fear fully, what you will see its the end of fear, so you will transcend it by allowing it. Just ask within what is true motif behind need of control. It is common reaction of people to fear certain thoughts without even allowing them, observing them first. Like~ if i think this and that, i will go crazy or this and that will happen~. Nothing of that is true.
Anything that arise within your space of being (be it thought, or emotion) is there for good reason, it is there to make you grow, it is there to assist you, it is not there to harm you on any way and there is no real reason to fear fear, to trust it blindly or block it. If you do any of that you will only continue to build more momentum that creates a suffer. So try to see through this mindset of fear within, and connect with deeper field of inner space, place of silent peace bellow the noise, while taking some solitude time in just observing your own thoughts. They are yours, so don’t try to escape from them, or suppress them, allow them to arise and get exposed in your own openness, stop to treat them as they are your enemy, realize that you have chance to discover something more powerful within you, real you.
Mind tries to control thoughts by judging them (this is good thought, or bad one, or dangerous, or unpleasant thought) There is no negative, dangerous or bad thought, its only our unconscious identification and perspective that is making problem, that is suppressing what naturally wants to balance. When we allow thoughts, and emotions, openly, without judgment, they align and balance, naturally.
Sen took time to expose this process in details, so take your time to read, use it as real support during this challenging times.
Hi Sen
I came across this article several months ago when I was having obsessive thoughts about being attracted to someone at work, that was making me feel terrible as I am in a long term relationship now with two small children. I was terrified that this attraction would result in me doing something that I knew was wrong as I have a history of being impulsive and gratifing my desires without care for the consequences. Although this happened a long time ago in the past, I don’t know if I trust myself now that I have so much to loose.
I read your article and it helped to tame down the negative fears, but it is hard to stop the thoughts as I see this person everyday. Then after a very short time the doubts started creeping in and I am back to square one! Thankfully though, each time the thoughts start coming back I resolve a little more, like I don’t think anymore that maybe I am ‘meant’ to be with that person, that they may be my ‘soul mate’ (whatever that is!) and that I am denying myself what life wants for me. etc etc.
My big issue with allowing is that I don’t actually really understand what you mean by allowing. How do you watch your thoughts? I’m just not sure how you do it. Do you try to work out what your feeling each time the though comes into your head. Sorry if this seems like a silly question but if you could give me some clarity around this, I would greatly appreciate it.
Hi Sen,
You article is always very useful.
I have one question.which always pops in my mind which I don’t have anwser.
How to lose interest in some inward thoughts. I want to lose interest,
But My brain shows interest. Inward thought comes and autoamtically my mind shows interest in inward thought. I know that the interest in inward thought makes it more powerful.
Is showing interest in the inward thought is my problem. It looks like I like the inward thought,so I show interest in inward thought. ( this is where I am confused. how to not show interest. Do I have any control over my liking. It comes naturally from heart.) ??? . Your advice will help me a lot. It will clear my path of resolving my inward thoughts mindfully ( detaching the toughts and not show interest in inward thought) ..
arjun
hi sen, I’m confused lately
I know I still have a lot of fear and momentum going on in me, and a lot of thoughts are fueled by the momentum.
thoughts such as ‘seeking enlightenment’ or ‘obsessing over social interaction’. i know it stems from lack based thinking (“I don’t have xyz, so I will figure out ways to attain xyz”-attitude)
but recently I realize n questioned why am I habitually so focused in these topic when I can engage my mind in something else in this physicality?
so my question is, even though I have many momentum yet to be released, I have space to allow other things/ideas in my life. so, will doing other things and focusing on other things mean that I’m avoiding and diverting my mind to not face the fear in me? so is this a form of trying to detach and suppress? or am I breaking free from habitual thinking due to low momentum.
thanks
hi j, in my case i can say that momentum was very strong and in full force. and it gave me an understanding that i have no other way than to go by the momentum and realize ( and not release) it fully. In between there were many circumstances( due to social pressure) in my life where in i could have stepped out and created a different physical reality from that point but there was always a deeper understanding that it was not right, because i have to allow these forces to fully integrate within me.. ..but now i can see the forces dissolving in intensity.. what is left over is the nature of human mind, which has over come soo many terrific phases that its scared of even small noise and has become sensitive.. but its fine. we need to give it some time to come to normal..and can work normally.. and i feel blessed to see how the divine grace works and frees us of the burden (negativity) we are carrying.
thanks Sen for all the wisdom you share!
May god bless you..
hi sen,
actually ,i suffer from obsessive thinking since class 8th .it used to come in bouts for 2-3 months ,then suddenly it used to go away .but ,now it has started coming more often n doesn’t allow me to study .i m a medical student myself n if i loose my precious time with these thoughts ,it becomes very difficult for me to cope up with my studies.now ,these thoughts are in the form of self doubt -like i m not seeing right,i m not listening right ,etcc…….n the other thing that scares me a lot is that since i always keep doubting myself ,always thinking about various diseases and psychiatric illness n keep on relating them with myself ,i may not develop them actually .(they are part of my studies and various projects).there’s always a feeling that i m not the right person for mbbs.actually ,i will always find a way to show myself of being not the right kind for any job handed over to me.i have a fear that during viva -voice examination ,i will speak all the opposite of what i have learned n teacher will go mad at me .actually i have a habit of making easiest thing difficult through my thinking n this goes on n on .i have a habit of finding answers to my each n every thought n question popping up in my mind .i hope not to irritate u ,ur writing have been really helpful .i was able to watch my thoughts and let it gofor about 1 yr ,but som new thoughts came n started scaring me a hell lot.
need yr help very early,my exams are coming ,i mean the most important university exam.
plzzzzz zzzzzzz reply soon
hi Shivani,
I am fellow OCD sufferer. I have made progress over last 17 months or so.
There is nothing called OCD, yes I am saying so after suffering from this since last 19 years. You will get there too.
For right now, just relax. Since you have exams coming, anything else would be too hard in short duration. For now, take it easy and do not worry so much about exams. You know, you will do your best if you relax. nothing in life is too important, I know it is easier said than felt. but, if you make it such a big deal out of exams, you will enter fear and exams will become a burden. Think about it, you are smart enough to get into med school, you can handle exams fine, correct? And in life, there are lot more exams that will allow, each with its own importance. do you best, which you do naturally, without straining too hard 🙂
Once you are done with you exams, continue to relax and keep on allowing. You will starting seeing space created between thoughts and awareness and these thoughts and they will lose hold over you. It takes time. Has taken me much longer than I wanted, but I am glad I stuck to the task.
Best of luck for your exams. And please excuse me if I sound like a preacher, that was not my intention 🙂
Anu
Thanks for all of your postings and your sincerity. I have been following Sen’s stuff for some 9 months and have been trying allowing but feel that I am ‘not getting it’ and am a bit confused over things like awareness, disidentification etc – as you say it takes time to grasp the understanding so I was just wondering if you could give us some pointers on how/when you achieved this understanding? Many thanks.
Rob
hi Rob,
I used to pester Sen all the time. I was like, I don’t get it, what is awareness and dissidentification?
– awareness – it sjust being aware. It can be done at 2 levels: 1. focusing on thoughts happening in your head, 2. naturally becoming aware. When you focus on thoughts, you give them too much focus and power and they feel very strong. I still tend to do it. however, awarenss, what Sen implies, is natually becoming aware. It happens with time, patience and relaxation.
– dissidentification – When awareness happens naturally, you can see your brain ruminating, also known as OCD, something I deal with from 1991 through 2013. but disidentification, again happens slowly when awareness grows.
I got this understanding slowly. I started following Sen’s notes since Feb 2012, so it took some time. At some point, I started seeing patterns, probably with my awareness growing. In between, I went through hell of confusion, misgivings, miunderstanding. Now, I have started feeling more grounded and I think the phase was part of th journey.
My humble opinion would be stick to this, relax (without forcing relaxation) and be patient. And allow yourself to be frustrated, devastated and being totally confused and wrong. With allowing and openness, mind/brain loses its ability to keep you hooked with fear of being wrong and mistaken. The most important change happened, when I was willing and open to not ever getting better of my OCD and having my life destroyed by it. I had strong physical manifestations in terms of physical ailments with OCD and it was not easy, but I think that is what really started opening me up.
Hope this helps. Please let me know if you have more questions.
Best regards
thanks a lot, anu .u don’t know how much yr words have mattered to me .i always felt that i was the only one suffering from this thing n this very thing made matter worse as i was unable to discuss things with anybody n my college psychiatric depart .always used to prescribe me medicine which i avoided .and after yr writings ,i m glad that i avoided medicine as i was always hopeful that i will overcome it .god bless u .
Hi,
I am new to all this. I have been struggling with a whole set of obsessive thoughts that run like a spiral inside my head about this one person. I do know people have certain inhibitions about other people but then those should not become a thought spiral that ruins your relationship with that person. And I know that it is wrong but I cannot help the thoughts every time I see him or talk to him. It is like as if they have trapped me. Is this process you’re talking about, meditation? How do you do this?
Hello Sen,
I am fairly new to the concept of ‘relaxed awareness’ and I tried it for one day and it seemed to help me to some extent. I felt a little detached from my pain and kept watching it, but the next day it seemed a lot harder to watch my feelings. I am confused with the idea of just letting go of everything. I feel like I haven’t had that epiphany yet when it comes to understanding this. I realized that I had obsessive thoughts because the love of my life just broke up with me to go on tour (music ). The next few days all I could think about is how he he let me down and betrayed me because he told me that I was his dream girl and that nothing would come between us. It was unexpected. Everything reminded me of him and my loss of a potential soulmate. And now I feel empty and anxious. So my question is how do I re gain myself back and not feel like I have great loss?
Thank you
Kristelle, what I call inner wholeness is a balance of the light and the dark, the yin/yang energy – it’s not just a happy/bliss-ridden/carefree state, it’s a balance of the high and the low. In life everything is subject to change, so there is a welcome and there is an exit, a gain and a loss, the gain is like light nature, and the loss is like dark nature. In most cases, we are happy with the light nature but we can’t handle the dark nature, and this causes us to get imbalanced, we live in the fear of dark nature aspects, and feel powerless towards handling them as they arise. You are having a hard time dealing with the loss because it has unearthed the emotional momentum in you, and its intensity is what’s painful to handle – I call such events “wake up calls” towards finding balance. The steps towards finding balance is to first use your pain as a catalyst to grow in awareness of your inner state, about your emotions/mind – just work of observing what’s going on within you, in your emotions and your thoughts. As you grow in awareness (that’s what relaxed awareness means, to just allow yourself to observe your mind/emotions without trying to sort out anything), you will also grow in sensitivity towards your inner space, so nothing stays suppressed and hidden anymore, and everything starts coming to the surface, to your consciousness – this is what I call “unearthing”. As the unearthing starts, one has to move into a state of allowing, which is simply about being open to allowing what arises to arise free, even if it’s painful, even if it’s uncomfortable (You can read the post – The phase of release and FAQ on the state of allowing for some insight on what it means to be allowing what arises). As you go through this release, the intensity of emotional/mental momentum keeps ebbing away, and this is how you start feeling a space of inner freedom from emotions/mind. This freedom allows you to live from a mindset of balance, making choices from a place of wisdom, no longer feeling overwhelmed by your emotional, or mental, pull.
Hello I’m 17 yrs old. And I keep getting thoughts about killing people. But the truth is I don’t want to kill people. I just want to lead a normal life. But I get really weird thoughts. I never got them before. I started getting it this year. And ya I want to know that how are we people different from criminals.
Hello, I am having frequent horrible thoughts throughout the day , but mainly right when I wake up in the morning. I was with my Ex fiancé for a very long time, 11 years and we had an extremely dysfunctional unhealthy relationship. We were codependent , I struggled with drugs and trouble with the law, keeping a job. But she continued to believe in me, I finally stopped using, but we had grown so far apart at that point, we were living together but pretty much ignoring one another. So long story short , she began talking to friend of ours on facebook. I became extremely anxious and jealous and I couldn’t handle it, and we both decided, well more her that it was time for me to leave ( for a break) ok, to speed things up, 3 weeks after I left , she felt the need to tell me she was dating this guy. I have horrible sickening disturbing thoughts about them constantly. its the most horrible in the mornings. I am also a survivor of sexual abuse and all the feelings from that came back up to the surface, the feeling of being worthless , less than, the feeling of disgust. I guess I am wondering should I devote time each day to forcing myself to think these thoughts about my Ex fiancé? I got from feeling angry and betrayed to feeling sad and depressed. I have a roller coaster of emotions. I have read many of the posts here and I am sorry if you are repeating yourself, but I just have a ton of negative energy I guess , from the breakup, from some mistakes I made with my family, and I am wondering do I need to just devote time each day to just sitting and allowing my thoughts to flow? should I just let it happen or literally write down some thoughts and almost force myself to think
john, you have the right idea – spend time each day sitting and allowing the thoughts and feelings to flow. If you feel the need to write, do so. I don’t know if your mind works the same way, but I found that helpful when I was unable to let things arise. That is, my mind would draw my attention to something else, or I’d feel/see nothing arise (but knew I was just avoiding it). Writing seemed to tell the mind that yes, I really do want to face this right now. Sometimes that was enough to break the resistance and get things moving.
Hi Sen
I have been following your blog for some 9 months now and I am not making the progress I would like. I am still suffering from high mind momentum\accumulation and my symptoms include obsessive\horrible thoughts, general\social anxieties\fears and feelings of paranoia as well as some specific phobias.
I have been doing the practice of allowing\being open but I am still plagued by all of these fears\anxieties\negativity on a virtually daily basis. I do find relief from time to time but there seems to be so many ‘strands’ to my negativity that I am left wondering if I will ever get to\achieve balance. I have suffered most of my adult life(age 48) and it seems like there is no end to this although it does ebb and flow at times. The accumulation has taken place over so many years the neural pathways must be so thick that dissolving them is going to take a long time. Do I just continue to keep allowing and staying open to everything? I am just feeling a sense of hoplessness\frustration that this ‘is me’ and I was born to suffer. I suspect you will say I am not fully allowing and I think you would probably be right. Please advise as I am feeling confused and frustrated right now.
thanks,
Rob
Rob – what do you think this word “allowing” means? Does it mean simply to tolerate? In an effort to “allow” the negative momentum of your mind, aren’t you simply just tolerating it just as you might tolerate a badly behaved child sitting next to you on a crowded bus? Just because you are able to restrain yourself from chastising the child doesn’t make you any less affected by its behavior. By not reacting all you have really achieved is to suppress what you really think.
This is where this pointer of ‘allowing’ can get confusing, because if you try and make it into a technique what you really end up doing is repressing what you really feel. Its clear that you are frustrated and fed up with your mind and are secretly yearning the day you will achieve balance, so how are you really “allowing”? This is no different than silently tolerating the noisy kid and waiting for your bus stop to arrive.
“I am feeling a sense of hopelessness/frustration that this ‘is me’ and I was born to suffer”
This hopelessness and frustration directly reveals to you that you are still in resistance. Because you are right, “this IS you”. That you were “born to suffer” is simply a romantic statement with no rational basis. Your suffering is a choice you make from moment to moment – stemming from this resistance.
Instead of focusing on this story of yourself as a 48 something yr old who has suffered all his life, turn your attention instead to what you are right now, in this moment. This IS you. Can you accept it? Can you accept this version of yourself? Not some futuristic balanced and peaceful version – anybody can accept that. I’m talking about this unbalanced, fearful and messy version.
If this was your last day on this planet where is the time to become balanced, where is the time left to release? If this was your last day, who you are right now is all you would ever get to be. That’s what needs your attention. That’s what needs your gentle embrace. That’s what needs your understanding.
Forget about becoming balanced one day. Instead, take this “you” that makes you hopeless and frustrated and show it your acceptance. How can you expect the world to show you compassion if you cannot do it for yourself?
Shiv – As always, beautiful. Nothing complicated, simple, but beautiful.
Rob – Your frustration is very genuine. Doing, what you understood, and still getting stuck in a rut, is painful and not the bargain you asked for.
What I understand about OCD is 1 part of our mind worrying about something and other part of our mind trying to fix it. It is odd. Read what Shiv wrote to me and Kenny in post, you will get some help !
http://www.calmdownmind.com/a-perspective-on-forgiveness/
Shiv
Thanks for your reply and the understanding and compassion that you show. Most of what you say is true as I am fedup with my mind as it is, as you say, ‘messy and fearful’. Add to this the mental and physical fatigue and the feelings of ‘heaviness’, low mood and frustration then it is incredibly hard to ‘accept\allow’ all this stuff going on in my head.
Not to sure where ‘compassion\understanding\embrace’ of my current self crosses over into ‘wallowing’ in my condition and this is the difficulty I seem to have with allowing. You are also correct in saying that allowing tends to get used as a technique and I am probably guilty of that but again this is hard to do when you perceive yourself as ‘suffering’ so much with no obvious way out (although all Sens stuff resonates strongly).
I thank you sincerely for your comments and insights and hope you\Sen can shed further light for me.
Thanks,
rob
Hi Rob,
The first thing you need to work on is in cultivating a ‘space’ between yourself and this character of “rob” that you have chosen to play in this lifetime. This Rob is the sum total of all the influences, impressions and attitudes that you have encountered in the past 48 years in addition to certain genetic propensities residing in your DNA. But it isn’t who you are. It is simply who you have chosen to be in this lifetime. The perspective you have chosen to express. And although you can’t exchange this body-mind system for another one, you can refine and relieve it so as to allow a more natural and authentic expression of who you really are. And for that, as I said, you will need to cultivate some space.
Try a simple exercise. Sit in a comfortable chair, in a relaxed position and turn your attention towards your own breath. Sense your chest rise and and fall with each inhale and exhale. No need to control it or force it. Just witness it. You may find certain distracting thoughts entering your mind, certain disconcerting emotions or uncomfortable energies – permit them to enter if they desire and permit them to exit when they will. Turn your attention instead to the rise and fall of your breath. As you attune more deeply to that witnessing awareness within yourself that is aware of the breath, of your thoughts, of your emotions and of your body’s sensations, you realize that this awareness sits outside of the body and the mind. That is why it can be aware of the body and the mind, because it is not the body and the mind. It is pure, unadulterated and raw awareness. This is the essence of who you are in actuality. See if you can allow for pockets of time in your day when you can allow yourself to become more familiar and acquainted with this aspect of yourself.
Compassion for your condition will result when there is sufficient space and maturity in perspective. Imagine a little child, comes running to you from her playground in tears. She complains and laments, sniffling and sobbing, about how unfair the other girls were to her. How this boy did this and that kid did that. How she will never go back to the playground ever again. She is inconsolable, thoroughly convinced of the sheer despair of her situation. What do you do? What is the compassionate response?
Will you become disturbed and frantic and buy into all the drama? You are an adult and you know kids will be kids, so that isn’t a wise or mature response.
Will you scoff at her and ridicule her for being so silly and naive? This response may indicate that you are no longer able to be hooked by this sort of playground drama and yet you lack compassion for your inability to relate to her.
Would you hold her and hug her and reassure her that things will be ok. That tomorrow will be another day, and that you love her regardless of whether she chooses to return? This is a compassionate response.
By creating a space of awareness you can see that your own mind is no different than the child. It is innocent. Every thought and emotion that occurs in it, is innocent, no matter how horrific the content may seem. And so although, it may become inconsolable, nervous and even hysterical at times, the only rational response to anything the mind can come up with is compassion. And that is all that Allowing is.
Hi Sen,
I have been crying over a memory recently that happened a long time ago, that I apparently had not let go of.
And ever since this recent time when I cried over it a few times. I have had waves of being clear to being hysterical. Sometimes, I feel like I would go crazy.
And I would feel very tired very often.
Is this the energy detox you were talking about?
If I keep thinking about it, won’t it just stay?
Am I really letting go of negative energy?
Please help and enlighten me.
Thanks.
Jerald, that sounds like the detox to me. During my time, I cried over my former girl and my dead cat (the cat whom I’d loved for 15 years, didn’t have much sadness towards his death for some reason). I’m sure I cried over random things, such as my eyes being filled with tears while watching a cartoon (that wasn’t sad or anything).
You’d think that it would just stay around, but the only reason why thoughts and “repressed” issues stick around is because when they come up, the person enters into reactivity of crying, throwing things, taking the thoughts to be true, and then finally tries to silence them, which only means burying them until they come up later.
Without your attention to the thoughts, they die down. It’s not really you consciously thinking about it, as in “I’m gonna think about ice cream now”, the thoughts seem to come up almost in the background, because your awareness is now there instead of hidden.
It was very reiterating for me. I have/had a very hyperactive mind and recognize now that I had been addicted to or obsessed with thoughts for past 30 years. It was as if I had no control over that. Couple of years back I was drawn to teachings of Gangaji and Eckhart Tolle where I first heard about being aware of thoughts and feeling and process them fully by accepting them.
I had become more aware but I see the extremities of bliss and extreme restlessness/nervousness where in I unconsciously think more. Since I also have some physical health issues like inflammation in intestines and hormonal imbalances it gets more challenging. I feel the physiology creates more momentum in mind and I often feel dense and depressed a lot. I intermittently go to alternative therapists to address my physical health issues but have trouble committing to any healing program or doctor.
I keep hoping that the denseness/depression is fully healed and mind becomes more calmer as I had been addressing and releasing lot of negativity in the past couple of years. But at times I feel like there is warehouse of denseness which is coming freshly every now and then and it demotivates me in the healing process.
May be I also need to keep addressing nutritional deficienices and malabsorption simultaneously.
Reading your article reiterates my strong pull towards this healing path.Thanks.
How do I use my intuition in using different healing modalities – Mostly I get overwhelmed in deciding and committing to any therapy related to physical health.
Padmaja, not all bodies are genetically “robust” in terms of maintaining good health – they can maintain good health irrespective of the emotional imbalances, these bodies are very resilient in their makeup. Some bodies are just “mediocre”, or weak, in terms of the capacity to maintain health, possibly with a weak digestive system, low immunity, allergies etc. A body with a mediocre, or weak, healing ability tends to get affected more strongly by emotional imbalances (created by an accumulation of emotional/thought energy), and sometimes the damage caused can take a long time to repair even after finding emotional balance (because the body is slow in its healing capacity). For example, let’s imagine that a person has a lot of stress, anxiety or frustration/irritation, which causes the accumulation of this emotional energy which ends up manifesting physically as “inflammation” (because emotional momentum can impede with the bodies ability to heal on daily basis), this person would have to work towards releasing the emotional imbalance, however, that by itself may not heal the inflammation simply because his/her body might have a lower capacity to heal and this person may need to get some external assistance to allow for a better/faster healing. It would be delusional to think that all bodies have the same capacity to heal, and that once you find balance all the dis-orders of your body should heal in quick-time – depending on your body, it can take a longer time to heal, or it may require some external assistance to heal.
Some bodies can heal very quickly when given the foundation of emotional balance, whereas some bodies require some external assistance (like working of a specific diet, avoiding certain foods, avoiding certain lifestyle habits, medications or energy work) to assist in faster healing, irrespective of finding emotional balance. In your case, you can possibly read up on diets that are not aggravating towards intestinal inflammation, or foods that assist in healing inflammations (for ex, I read somewhere that blueberries, oats, aloe-vera, are useful towards healing stomach inflammations), and you can consider getting a check-up done regarding the hormonal imbalance (to see if there is some dis-order in some specific glands that can be addressed with herbal, or chemical, medications). Basically, the point is that some bodies do need some external help in order to heal (or heal faster) some specific dis-orders, though finding the internal state of emotional balance is the best possible foundation for healing.
Hi Sen.
Great insight. I’ve been learning about this through other forms (books, Landmark Forum, therapy, etc.) I am most definitely in the stages of releasing energy. The bliss moments are amazing. I feel a clarity I’ve never felt. The low moments are heavy in anxiety and fear (among other things), but they are getting easier to handle, I guess because I’m becoming a bit more accepting each time. In theory I have no doubt that I am not far from continuous peace, but in practice it’s hard to believe that when you’re in the low stages, which I’ve currently been in for a few days (although I can tell I’m on my way up after being inspired by your posts.)
The question I had was this: in the “low stages” of the release, do you have any knowledge to provide in reference to feeling totally disconnected from reality? I know this is a form of “depersonalization” (I’ve been dealing with anxiety and panic attacks for 2 years or so, so I know all the terms they use.) The past few days I’ve found myself incredibly frustrated about the way I feel, probably because I’ve been reacting to the random and obsessive thoughts. Last week I felt out of it, but there was still a sense of calm in the background. This week, it’s a sense of helplessness, and that’s what frustrates me the most. Thoughts used to scare me a lot, but I’m understanding them more, and now they just frustrate me. Anyways, I feel so disconnected from myself lately, it feels like I’m floating away into the universe, in a negative way sometimes (overwhelming fear of never getting better I think.) I know I’ll snap out of it as I always do after a few days, just wondering if you’ve ever noticed or heard something like this before. It makes me feel alone, because I think no one else feels this.
Mike – Classy name, only the winners are named Michael. Anyways, the meaninglessness and frustration has been a near daily occurrence for me in the past 5/almost 6 months. I can tell that this is a very common theme for me because for years I have “hated” life and have spent a great deal doubting that life could be good.
I’d definitely say I have a higher accumulation than most people, because I focused on my bitterness in years’ past. Sometimes the meaninglessness is there because I’m not living the life I want (with the wholeness mostly) and sometimes it’s because I see reality for what it is and the thrill is gone. I’ve spent years going “Oh wow!” at the idea of moving to a big city and now there isn’t any big deal-ness, so it almost makes the desire seem hollow.
I’m not going to go “It’ll ebb away soon and you’ll feel whole!”, even though that is true, I haven’t lived it yet, so regurgitating posts is useless. The meaninglessness is a limited force though, so just ride it out.
Hi Sen,
I just discovered your wonderful site and its amazing. I have been working on this awareness theme for some time now with some success. I identify with so many of your comments. i have been in the doldrums with a blandness then next day bright again and just recently found this is normal but its been going on for mths.. What I have found is if I get my partner to gently stroke my upper body, particularly my face, it brings on tremendous emotions, lots of tears about nothing. It feels as tho there is electricity emitting from me and when he touches me I get a shock feel on my skin. Sometimes it maybe my arms to the point it almost feels like I feel bruised as it feels sooo painful to touch me emotionally. We are going with it and letting the tears happen. If I have this touch therapy 2 days in a row, I can go into panic so I have to go, slow or hysteria can happen. Are we doing the right thing releasing it this way? Am I releasing blocked energy as I believe so. My body just seems to speak to me this way as tho I am reconnecting with it thru my skin. I just discovered this one day as a self soothing idea when I had body pain by simply stroking my inner arm and tears gushed from me to my total amazement and the pain left.
Susan, it’s a form of release created through physiological stimulation, possibly you are a highly visceral being and hence are more sensitive to aspects of touch, so this route can be your significant modality for release – for example, some people have significant emotional unearthing while listening to music, some people are affected by visuals, some even by certain smells/taste, and all these are various ways through which an emotional unearthing can take place, and in a state of openness one can allow a release of the emotional momentum unearthed by these stimulations.
Sen,
I find such relaxation reading your articles and realising that we all go through obsessive thoughts at some point during our lives.
My only problem is, I find that when I ignore the mind, I think I’m resisting the thoughts, but again, is this just another thought?
I do not fear the mind as you say, that’s all they are – thoughts.
Any help here is much appreciated 🙂 And keep up the great work with how many people you are helping – You literally turn peoples lives around.
All the best,
Alice
Sen,
I’m also confused by these:
Stay relaxed and let the mind shift wherever it wants, but ignore the negative thoughts. Let them happen without taking any real interest in them.
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Consciously allow the thoughts without being identified with them – it’s not about ignoring them or suppressing them, but about allowing them to happen in your awareness without shying away from it. This fearless awareness is a field of intelligence.
Without putting in a ‘practice’ or ‘theory’ is it simply letting the thoughts, feelings, emotions and everything happen, but not fearing any of them? It we don’t identify with them, are we ignoring them? I think I’m over complicating this all!
Alice
Alice, take an example of a person who has social anxiety, in this person the prominent thought in the mind is “I can’t deal with people”, and when this person is in a social situation several thoughts can race through his mind like “should I speak or should I be silent”, “I should be making eye-contact else they will think I am meek”, “should I smile or be serious”, “do I across as being dumb”, “I hope no-one jokes about me” etc – this person’s mind goes on an over-drive in a social situation, and emotions of fear, and possibly hatred, start coursing through his body with a strong momentum causing him to get even more paralyzed, so in that sense the mind and the body are both on an overdrive. One has to understand that social-anxiety is just one form of an expression of imbalanced fear-energy – instead of focusing on social anxiety, one has to understand that the root-cause is a high-momentum of “fear-energy”, it doesn’t matter what external expression the fear-energy takes – in some people it takes the expression of social anxiety, in some it takes the expression of some form of ocd (possibly some totally irrational thoughts of fear, like “I am going to stop breathing” or “I won’t be able to sleep ever again”). So how does fear-energy gain so much momentum, to the point of becoming a paralyzing force? In life everything follow a simple principle of “attraction” – whatever you are focused on keeps getting amplified, your “focus” is like the food that gives energy to whatever you are focused on. What does “focus” mean? Focus means many things – for example, when you believe something it’s like a form of focus, when you are afraid of something it’s like another form of focus, when you love something it’s a form of focus, when you hate something its a form of focus – in that sense, belief, fear, love and hatred, are the basic forms of “focus” that we can indulge in. So, anything that you believe, fear, love or hate is going to keep getting amplified in some form within you.
When I talk about “being identified” I am referring to aspects of belief, or giving belief, and I am also referring to “giving love”. When I talk about “suppressing” I am referring to aspects of being afraid (giving fear), or being hateful/resistive towards something. The only way you can create momentum is by being identified, or by suppressing. When you try to suppress something, it grows in momentum because suppression is a form of focus. When you getting identified with something, it grows in momentum because identification is a form of focus. This is all that I mean when I use the term “being identified” and the term “suppression” – being identified, and suppression, are both aspects of a lack of inner-freedom. In the state of freedom, one has the capacity to work with thoughts without being too identified with anything, and one is also free of suppression of any form in oneself.
When you talk about “ignoring”, you need to ask yourself if you are trying to ignore it from a place of fear (suppression) or from a place of true freedom. In a place of freedom one has the capacity to ignore thoughts/aspects that are irrelevant, but in this case the ignoring happens from a place of freedom rather than from a place of fear. This is why the state of allowing cannot be called a state of ignoring, it’s a state of openness where you can allow something in you without getting identified with it – you don’t fear allowing it, neither are you blindly identified with it. For example, in the case of the person with social anxiety, he can work towards allowing the energy of fear without fearing this energy (allowing the “feeling” of fear fully without resisting/hating it or fearing it, and also allowing the mind to produce all these thoughts without getting identified) – of course, it takes time to move into this state of allowing, and one has to work on it (I suggest investing 30 mins a day, where you sit alone, without distraction and simply allow these emotions and thoughts to arise freely – with time the state of allowing becomes like your second nature and you no longer need to do it as a “practice”). Let’s say this person is grounded in the state of allowing, and he enters a social situation, the mind goes into an overdrive and he can simply allow the mind its activity without getting hooked on it, and he can allow the feelings of fear coursing through his body without tensing up, this openness gradually translates into inner freedom, and also causes the momentum of mind/emotions to keep getting released over time until the intensity comes close to zero.
Thank you so much Sen.
Thankyou Sen – Makes it alot clearer to understand 🙂
This helps more than you would think 🙂
Keep up the great work!
Alice
Alice, don’t get too confused with words like; Allowing, Identified, focus, Ignore e.t.c used in this blog. These are just used by sen for the sole purpose of understanding the attitude required to gain freedom from mental/emotional momentum – which is total openess.
To ignore a thought can mean “not giving attention/focus to a thought” and it can also mean “pretending that a thought doesnt exist”… The former can be applicable during this stage. While the later comes with a fake attitude – because you can’t pretend that a thought doesn’t exist.
It’s an individual deal. You alone can know what angle your attitude is coming from; A place of fear or openess.
When i was working with a huge load of mental and emotional momentum, i used to ask simillar question (i would read meaning to any word i see on this blog). It later dawned on me that these questions are what gets me hooked up to my mind and its momentum.
I would suggest that you allow even these questions on your mind. During an intense release Your mind will use anything -including Questions- to draw your focus or to make you feel disorientated. There will always be a period of confusion during a release, which according to my experience will fizle out. But trying to assure your self that all is well/going to be well will get you traped to your mind. These are just MIND GAMES when you don’t play allong with your mind, its momentum will keep fadding and you will find out that you have more leverage than you give yourself credit for.
Thankyou Wilfred – It makes so much sense, just like you said, it’s the mind playing games to try and get your attention back as it craves it.
Again, thankyou 🙂
Hi sen,
After reading the blog, i am feeling better that we can overcome obsessive thoughts by letting them go. but i have lot of fear regarding sleeping at night & just because i can get enough sleep i take antidepressants & other medicines. If i dont take i feel something is missing & i will not be able to sleep & stress myself. Can you help me to overcome this & also the right technique of relaxed awareness. I also get constant headaches, loss of apetite, burning sensation on body & Nausea & will continue to get this when i m practising relaxed awarenedd. Will i ever be able to live my normal life after practising relaxed awareness or will i get a new personality altogether. Doctors says that i have got obsession through my family.
Dipti – If you’ve noticed your past history, the words of doctors haven’t done shit all for you when it comes to your mind, I have the exact same story. “No cure, Michael, you’re just gonna have to take pills”.
I have all of the symptoms you have, so don’t worry, it’s normal. I have some worries too about “Is this gonna last forever?”, but thinking about it logically, imbalanced energy isn’t an infinite entity, especially not when you’re releasing it. It seems to be taking a long time, especially to the mind, but it can’t last forever, it’s not reasonable.
Hi,
I read your article. Its great and helpful. But still want to share my problem.
Negative thoughts or say any bad or dirty thoughts come to my mind without my will even if I try my best to stop it. And try to irritate me badly. It just destroys my mind. Like someone evil living in my mind to just trouble me. I am normal at any time but these attack comes at certain moments say while studying just to distract me or to brake my concentration from studying. Means when i am going to do some important work it arrives. Its just haulted my progress in life. Does these technique help me in that also. And please provide me some more advice about my problem. I badly need your help.
I suffer from this same problem as far as trying to study and stuff. But I have to tell you, there is no right way of doing this, of allowing, your mind might trick you into thinking there are certain ways to escape from the anxiety and the thoughts but the best thing to do is allow your mind to act on its own without putting any effort. When I’m reading I have music playing in my head but I just keep reading. That is my mind trying to bother me. I’ve learned how to not let it bother me though. So whenever these thoughts come up allow your mind to do whatever it does, even if it tricks you into doing something. Just remember there is no right way of doing this. It’s the uncertainty that creates the anxiety. Not knowing what to do when the intrusive thoughts come. From speaking to Sen, I was able to allow my thoughts to come and go even when my mind tricked me. Since the past couple of months I’m doing much better now. Be mindful that everyday is a learning process. There is no right way of doing this. Allow your thoughts whether they are mental compulsions and rituals or intrusive thoughts, allow them because it is the uncertainty that makes us panic.
Hi Sen,
I have got significant relief from state of allowing but now,after 2 months the negativity and anxiety has become so intense that I am in a painful misery all time.So much so ,that my brain keeps thinking during the phase of allowing,rather than staying detached.Also,Is it alright to intentionally transform your fearful or lack based thinking into anger as it makes you feel stronger than meek?Please guide.
Marcy, until there is a real grounding in the state of inner freedom it’s just the nature of the mind to cling to something as a means of security, including the concept of the “state of allowing”. It’s important to understand the logic behind what is being implied by the state of allowing, and that it’s not meant to be taken as some technique to find relief (or to use as a mechanism of escaping something) – the state of allowing points to the attitude of power that comes from an openness towards what arises within you, without looking for an escape, and it also points to the simple logic that whatever you truly allow loses its hold on you over time. However, both these points are defeated if you try to use some idea of the state of allowing as a technique to find escape from what arises in your mind/emotions. I always refer to the state of allowing as a connection with your state of power, it’s not a “weak surrender” neither is it a “I hope this will get rid of my fear” technique – it’s important to be honest with yourself about the attitude you are bringing to the state of allowing. The attitude is crucial, or else it’s very easy to just make the state of allowing into some “escapist technique” coming from the motivation of fear.
Allow the lack-based thinking to arise in the mind without getting “identified” with it (in terms of giving belief to it), you don’t have to try to “convert” it into anything – just let it be, it will lose its imbalanced momentum over time.
Marcy,
I’ve recently experienced a shift from someone with severe OCD/anxiety into somewhere more balanced. It took me probably seven months of release to finally start “getting it”, and I am still releasing. This involved several cycles of myself thinking I made significant progress, only to take a step back.
Your brain will always think. Cessation of thinking is impossible. My personal theory is that the imbalanced emotions/anxiety causes us to attach ourselves to thoughts as a way to try and “fix” the imbalances because our brain doesn’t want to accept a scenario where we actually have to feel everything that is going on inside of us. It’s easier to put a label on anxiety and search for reassurance. Over the years we learned more and more to use thinking as a way to avoid actually facing the imbalances, which makes the phase of a release a potentially long process, because you’re breaking a habit that has become extremely ingrained.