How Can I Stop Worrying About My Relationship?



This was a query from one of the readers

I’ve been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. We have a great relationship but I constantly worry that something will happen that will make us break up. I don’t want to worry about this anymore because I know it won’t happen. Please tell me how I can stop this?

I’ve posted my reply as a blog entry so other readers with similar situation find insights that help let go of resistance.

When you look at life around you, and observe the various negative conditions in other people’s lives, it’s very easy for the brain to start thinking “what if this happened to me?” For example, you might notice that a lot of couples break up after a long term relationship and start worrying if that will happen in your relationship also. You feel worried because you realize that you cannot really control the “outside” reality through force – for example, you know you cannot control your boyfriend’s priorities/preferences/decisions. So you worry if he might decide to leave you, or something happens that causes a rift in the relationship. This is a valid “worry”, from the perspective of the mind, but it’s a “negative state” to be in. Negativity does not serve any purpose but to resist the flow of well-being into your life.

Let go of focusing on negative thoughts

If you stay aligned with thoughts that bring you joy, and stay detached from negative thoughts (by not feeding attention to them), it won’t be long before the momentum of negative thinking, in you, starts ebbing away – allowing you to start becoming free of resistance within. For example, when you get a thought in your brain which says “what if my boyfriend breaks up with me and this joy that I am feeling comes to an end”, just realize that it’s only a thought in the brain and it’s your choice to give attention to it. If you give attention to this thought, it will become stronger in force (it will repeat more often in your brain), and it will give you an illusion that your brain is obsessed with it – but in truth it’s not the brain that is obsessed with it (the brain is just a machine that interprets reality), but it’s your attention to this thought that creates fuel for its repetition.

So what’s the solution? Ignore, deny, detach, dis-identifiy with negative thinking, that’s all. It just takes some practice and discipline initially to not feed negative thoughts with attention. Make this your natural way of living, in that you don’t allow yourself to ever focus/identify with negative thoughts in your brain (no matter what arguments come forth for it). You will see that the brain is quite intelligent at convincing you that you need to pay attention to its negative thoughts – it does so because it’s a survival machine and hence has the tendency to focus on danger/threats even if it’s just imaginary. It’s your choice to give attention to it or just ignore it by detaching your awareness from its pull.

Your job is to align your life’s movement

Well-being is the order of the day because life is a stream of well-being. The only reason negative thoughts don’t feel good is because they conflict with the movement of life (movement of well-being). No matter how enticing a negative thought feels like, no matter how truthful it feels like, the fact remains that it’s in conflict with life’s movement. A negative thought will never feel good to you, no matter how strongly you believe in its possibility for being the truth. That’s why I always maintain that there is no truth to negative thoughts, because life is not supporting it.

So am I saying that your boyfriend will never leave you if you don’t focus on negativity? Well, if your boyfriend is a match to your joy and if there remains a compatibility between the two of you as you keep “growing” through life – he will stay in your reality. But it’s also possible that at some point in your life you may out grow this relationship, in which case you will move into a reality which is more compatible with who you’ve become. The point is that life will constantly keep you in a place of joy, in a place of well-being, by shifting your reality to match your joy. Your job is to stay true to your joy, by aligning with your desires and letting go of negative thinking – allow life to then orchestrate the reality for you in a way that keeps reflecting this joy back to you.







62 Comments

  1. Insecure thoughts

    This really helped me as I have been struggling with depression on and off for about a year. My boyfriend “dated” a dark skinned hatian girl who basically dated him because he was a lost puppy looking for love and because of that was easily fooled into draining his bank account whenever she asked. In short she was a gold digger taking advantage of this sweet but sheltered young man. Well shortly after we met, he broke up with her and shortly after we started dating. We fell inlove with eachother but I was always insecure because the ex worked right next door to us and he told me she was his first love the first girl he ever slept with (although he was far up the list on hers) and that he would still be with her if she didnt do this or that and that he would take her back.. All this other stuff that just made me hurt inside every time I saw her or thought of them together. It started to take a toll on my self esteem and the confident girl that I once was was reduced to a girl who I didn’t even recognize. A girl who was ugly, fat, who suddenly thought twice about everything.. Eventually she moved away but I notice that most of the girls he checks out look more like her than me, even on the computer I found bookmarks to websites of mostly dark skinned black women with white men and it just makes me think that she was his benchmark for what he is mostly attracted to and desires physically while I am just a rebound who he happened to grew to love. I felt like I was someone who he might not have ever looked twice at if we were to never have met the way we did. It just makes me feel second place and all I really want is to feel like I am his benchmark, his definition of beauty.. and not like some other girl is what defines it… because of this, it is tearing me apart and our relationship. Nothing could bring me to tears more easily than this exact issue right here. And it is ruining my life, my relationship and my happiness..

    1. Sen Post author

      As long as you aspire to be someone else’s benchmark, you will always be a prisoner to their approval and attention and this attitude will cause you to disconnect from your own inner guidance, joy and alignment. Like any human being you would desire to be in a relationship where you feel loved and respected, where your partner appreciates you for who you are (all the different aspects of your personality) and finds a connection/compatibility with you, a partner who likes being a part of your life and enjoys sharing his life with you. Such a relationship is a true celebration of life because it provides a reflection of love and joy, while also allowing you to fully express yourself as the person you are. But the paradox is that you cannot attract such a relationship unless you appreciate/accept yourself fully as who you are (every aspect of you) and you don’t feel “needy” of someone else’s approval or attention to make you feel good. As long as you are needy of someone’s love or attention, you will be stuck in a vibration of “lack” and hence will keep attracting relationships that reflect this lack-based vibration back at you. If you want to attract a positive relationship, you must first let go of all the thoughts patterns that create a vibration of unworthiness or lack in you. When you love yourself unconditionally, you will never feel needy of being the object of someone’s approval, attention or benchmark, and paradoxically this is the ideal vibration to attract a positive/harmonious relationship in your life.

      You mentioned that you were a confident girl before you got into this relationship, and that this relationship is becoming a reason for you to lose confidence in yourself. But if you look within yourself, and make an honest assessment, you will realize that you had issues with your confidence even before you got into this relationship, you were not a person who fully accepted and appreciated yourself as you are or else you would never have attracted a relationship that reflected a negative situation back at you. Everything we attract in our lives is attracted due to a vibration that is already present in us, and this reality that we attract just causes an amplification of this vibration through our attention to it. So even before you entered into this relationship you had a vibration of “lack of confidence” in yourself, and this relationship served to amplify this vibration because it brought these aspects into your attention more strongly.

      You can look at your present situation as a call to go within and sort out all the negativity/conflicts that are present in your mind owning to your past conditioning. Some of us take in a lot of negative conditioning during our childhood days and our growing years, and these patterns stay rooted in our mind operating subconsciously until we bring awareness to these patterns. Your external reality is only a mirror of your inner reality, of your thoughts/beliefs about yourself and your life. Don’t look towards finding joy/love/approval through others, but focus on yourself and look to be joyful of your own, look to love/respect yourself unconditionally, and you will see that you start attracting a relationship where your partner reflects this same love/respect back at you.

  2. Soulmate

    Thank you so much for these posts, this website, and your insight. I feel like I found it just when I needed it.

    I am in a situation and need some clarity.

    I am married and met someone who is also married. We did not plan on anything developing between us, but it did. We both recognized that there was tremendous power in this relationship. That there was honesty, connection, authenticity to it. We realized that this was unlike anything we had experienced before, including with our respective partners. We realized we shared a vision, and that we were both committed to helping others. We even realized that our respective spouses may have been the love of our lives, but that we were soulmates.

    I separated from my husband. I realized that I could not go forward in my marriage when it didn’t have this energy surrounding it. My husband and I have been able to recognize that we have grown apart, and I also realize that part of the reason I was able to connect in this new relationship is that I was unfufilled at home.

    But this is where the hurt comes into play. My new relationship constantly deals with confusion and feelings of guilt. He still maintains that we are soulmates, that in his heart he can see us together, but then he falls back into feeling guilty about leaving his wife. He says that he can see the potential of our relationship. He can see the greatness, the power, and that we would be able to live our lives together passionately, and fully. Yet, he states he’s not ready. He feels confused.

    I have become frustrated. I don’t understand how he can say we are soulmates (which I agree with), but say that he needs to take a break. Recently, he has said that he wants to try once more to work on his relationship with his wife. I resisted this from a place of fear (which I did not tell him). But ultimately, I told him that I needed a break, and that I couldn’t continue with this. He said he understood, and that he believes if we are meant to be together we will be. I agree.

    I know that once I am enough for myself, once I am full of joy and love in my heart, this won’t bother me. I know I need to shift my energy. But it feels really hard. So I was looking for your insight into how I can shift. Also, is it possible to focus on the beauty of our relationship and put it out to the universe that I want us to reconnect? Can I place that desire out in the world, that I would like the connection with this particular person, or do I have to release it completely? What is the boundary between longing, and having a clear vision?

    1. Sen Post author

      It’s never possible for a human mind to have “clear vision” of how the future will unfold, because all it can see is what is in front it and that too is subject to its own conditioned interpretations and judgments. The mind does not have the bigger picture, and its intelligence is limited to the calculations/interpretations it can make on the basis of past/present data available to it. It can never know what future is going to bring forth even 5 minutes in advance. You mentioned that you felt the two of you are soulmates, which may be your feeling right now in the present, but can you be 100% sure that the two of you will feel the exact same way after marriage or after one year of marriage? Your mind can make guesses, but it can never be fully sure. The simple truth is, that since the mind is anyway only “guessing”, it’s best that it makes positive guesses instead of making negative interpretations. When the mind is tuned to making positive interpretations about any situation, it lines up with the energy of your life stream and is no longer resistant to allowing the unfolding of a new and improved reality. Your job is to stay aligned with your life stream by focusing on being aligned with the vibration of joy, love, abundance, wellness and fulfillment – it’s upto you to figure out how you will accomplish this alignment, meditation helps, so does eating an ice-cream. It doesn’t really matter what you do, what matters is that you get back in alignment with the energy of your life stream and stay focused on being aligned. When you are aligned, everything that happens around you will be towards your greater good. When you feel aligned within, and see a relationship dissolving in your external, it just means that the relationship was not compatible with your new vibration and it also means that the relationship dissolved to allow space for a new/better relationship to come along.

      A situation by itself is just a situation, it can be painful or joyful to the mind at that moment, but whether its a negative movement or a positive movement depends on how we perceive it. Sometimes what looks like a negative situation to our mind turns out to be the “step” towards a very positive reality. For example, when a person loses a job his “mind” might imagine that something negative happened, but within a couple of months he finds himself in a business that matches his aptitude and passion, and feels grateful for having lost the previous job. So you can never know the exact reason why an “event” happens in your life, and since you can never know it’s best for the mind to stay hopeful and rooted in a positive interpretation of what’s happening and what’s to come.

      What you really desire is to have a relationship which fulfills you at all levels, where you find a deep connection with your partner. This desire of yours has been manifested in your life stream “non physically” because of the energy of this thought. Now this desire is moving towards a “physical” manifestation, and it’s pulling you (your human consciousness) towards it through the force attraction activated by your life stream. This pull is “real” and You can feel this pull in you physically, because whenever you think a negative thought, you can feel a tug in you created by the resistance of this thought to your life’s movement. So rest assured that your life stream is taking you towards the manifestation of your desired reality, of having a great relationship, and all you need to do is relax and allow it to happen without forcing any “interpretations” from your mind. Your mind can never know what is the “right” reality for you in the future, it can only judge on the basis of its present interpretations. Your life stream has the bigger picture, and it knows where its going, just trust this flow and understand that its moving in the direction of manifesting your desired reality.

      Instead of focusing on this specific person (which will, right now, activate some negative vibrations in you along with positive ones), you can look at focusing on the “general” feeling of what type of reality you would like to manifest. You want to experience a relationship that feels really good to you, which makes you feel a lot of love and connection. So focus on this feeling and this desire, without trying to put “specifics” of how it should unfold – when you tell yourself that its only possible to have a good relationship when this “particular person” is around, then you are not only rooted in lack-based thinking but also resisting the allowance the higher intelligence of life, and the movement of your life stream. It may be that this particular person comes back to you, and you have a relationship with him, or it may be that an altogether new relationship manifests in your reality in the next few days – your mind can never be sure, its job is not to try to work out the “specifics” but to have a desire and be aligned with it. Let life (your inner being/non-physical consciousness part of you/universal intelligence) decide who is the right person for you, because it has the bigger picture – you just focus on staying aligned with the vibration of joy in any way you can. Don’t allow yourself to believe any limiting/negative, or lack-based, interpretations of your mind – it doesn’t know better.

      From your words, it quite clear that you are presently dwelling in alignment, you are focused on being rooted in love/peace inspite of the agitations of the mind, and soon your reality will reflect the positive vibration that you are focused on.

  3. Nomind

    I feel that when I am alighned with my awareness. Time stops, the body seem to be on supercharge mode, I feel better but than mind takes over and you know it that mind is now in charge and time starts clicking. I read your prior posts regarding manifesting your desire. I would like this new reality but I felt I am bieng too greedy or asking too much from God. But than is it anything too much for the superconciousness.
    would like to be
    NO MIND

    1. Sen Post author

      When you are stable in your awareness, you will be able to deliberately choose the thoughts you give “attention” to and thus align yourself with positive thinking. It’s not about reaching “no mind” but about reaching “no negativity”. The mind is not the problem, the problem is with negative thinking. When the mind aligns itself with thinking positively ( in the direction of joy, love and abundance) it aligns with the natural vibration of your life stream, and thus you don’t feel resistance within yourself. The reason why the mind is so attuned to negative thinking is because of years of unconscious identification/attention towards negative thoughts. Now with the awareness that you have, it’s possible to break this identification with negative thinking and become a deliberate positive thinker. It not possible to ever reach a point where you will have no thoughts, what’s possible is to make the choice to align with positive thoughts and dis-identify with negative thinking. To become stable in awareness is a good practice to start dis-identifying with negative thinking.

  4. Mercy

    I read ur articles,tnx sen,but the problem i have right now is that,my boyfriend and I are not in good terms,i mean we av stopped talking to each other for a day now as a result of neediness which was from me,i confronted him wth few questions and he got angry,i have promised myself to change but do not know if i should settle the issue at hand and make a change or i should just let the pull ups be because am sure he is going to be the first to reach me and then let him know i have changed not by telling him but via my attitude,

    1. Sen Post author

      Your external reality is a mirror of your inner space. So when there is a shift in your inner space towards the positive, there will automatically be a shift in your external reality also. Just stay in this place allowing conscious intelligence to operate in you, and any actions that are required will be inspired in your body and will be executed in sync with the right timing. The “negative ego” part of the human consciousness/mind is always rooted in fear, and thus is looking to “manipulate” the outside to feel secure. When you start resting in your “heart” space or what I call “relaxed awareness”, you will no longer be pulled around by the manipulative tendencies of the negative ego, rather you will move from a place of wisdom following through on the right actions that will automatically get inspired in you on a moment to moment basis. It’s not for me to suggest if you should stay silent allowing your boyfriend to approach you or if you should approach your boyfriend first to resolve this squabble – but rest assured that as you allow yourself to stay connected with your heart or inner being, you will be guided through an inner wisdom on what needs to be done. This is what it means to be connected with your wholeness.

  5. Alliswell

    How does marriage figure into this?

    There should not be marriage, since it is a commitment for life? and there are no guarantees you and your life partner will continually move in the same direction together?

    1. Sen Post author

      There are different ways, and options, of living and different people choose different lifestyles based on what feels right to them at that state in their life. Preferences can change over time as we grow, and when we are aligned with ourselves our realities shift smoothly, dissolving old realities and allowing new realities to come forth. You are not a “prisoner” to any reality, but instead of “fighting” a reality it’s best to stay in a resistance free space and allow life to create circumstances that allow a smooth transition into a new reality.

      If marriage feels like the right thing to do, that’s exactly what you will end up doing. There are no guarantees of course in anything and everything is subject to dissolution. You may enjoy a lifetime of a single marriage, or you may grow out of a relationship and move into a different one – it depends on your own inner preference and growth. The more you are aligned within yourself the more you attract realities that feel congruent with you, the more disconnected you are with yourself the more you end up in conflicted realities. Eventually it’s all about inner alignment.

      When you are aligned within yourself there is a wisdom operating in your life which attracts well-being in your reality, the inner joy is what manifests as outer joy. In such an aligned state of being, you naturally move into realities that feel most congruent with your growth, preference and wellness. In the area of relationships, one may get into a committed relationship like a marriage, or stay in open relationships, some may even feel inclined to not involve in any intimate relationships – it’s all a personal choice, the only question is are you attracting this choice out of fear or out of alignment? Any reality that you attract from a place of fear/negativity leads to a negative reflection in some way (depending on the intensity of your inner negativity). When you are aligned with yourself you will automatically be inclined towards realities that feel aligned with who you are – there are no shoulds and shouldn’ts, diversity of options/experiences is what life is about. It’s like a buffet, you can choose what you like and decline what you don’t like.

      Marriage may not be an institution that’s suitable for “everyone”, but it can be extremely suitable for some people – such people enjoy the experience of a formally committed relationship, they enjoy the experience of working on the relationship, of growing together, of mutual understanding and the responsibilities of such an institution. It’s totally a “personal” preference, but first it’s essential to be connected with yourself to know what your real preference is in the stage that you are. Hence one needs to know if he/she is truly ready for such an experience and responsibility. The only way you can know if you are ready for a reality is when you are aligned within yourself, with your human make-up, with your heart’s preference, with the natural make-up of your mind. When you are conflicted within yourself and move from a place of confusion, you end up attracting some realities that reflect this conflict externally. So instead of focusing externally, its important to bring your focus “within” and become connected with yourself. From such a place of connection you will have the right foundation to attract a reality that’s most congruent with you, you will be fully aware of your inner preference and will move towards its manifestation.

      It’s fully possible that in a few years you may grow into a totally different preference, and may want to experience a different mode of living. And if you are aligned with yourself, life takes care of arranging your reality in a manner that allows the dissolution of the old reality and the emergence of your new reality in a wholistic, or harmonious manner. No reality is “binding” upon you, you are not tied to anything, you can only be tied to your “beliefs”, fears and conditioning – once you are free within, you always feel free on the outside.

  6. PrncsJen

    Hi,

    I found your article while doing a google search about worrying in my relationship. Here is my problem and hopefully you can provide some insight…..

    My last relationship ended suddenly with the death of my boyfriend. Seven years later, I am with a new guy, a wonderful guy. He loves and cares me for so much. The problem is that I am a worrier. I worry that he may leave me suddenly, whether death or whatever the situation. I worry about if I am keeping him…satisfied or will he find someone who will. I also worry about why he won’t open up and talk to me about things when I am normally open about everything.

    This is the longest relationship I have ever been in so I don’t know if that is part of the problem. I don’t want my worrying to cause the end of my relationship. I have tried to focus only on the positive, happy things, but the worrying still returns. Any thoughts?

  7. ben

    Sen, thank u for this message. I am 26 years and have been in a committed relationship a year ago. This lady seems to be the only lady i have really ever loved. The problem is all with me. I keep obsessing about her past and i keep bringing it up at every happy time we have. She has been in two failed relationships that wasn’t her fault anyways, they all cheated. I have always cheated or never really committed in any relationship and this happens to be my very first real commitment.

    I dont know if i am going crazy but i keep obsessing about her past to the extent that i can even ask her why she entered into a relationship with any of them in the first place. I have had anxiety problems with panic attacks and i keep having anxiety now more than ever. I seem to be helpless obsessing about what was happening when she was with them, if they were better than me, if she even cheated and never wants to tell me, and so many things that are plainly unnecessary. I fear she might get tired and leave but i cant seem to help it. To the extent that i dont even believe her when she tells me she loves me.
    What is wrong with me. I recently went off drugs for anxiety and now more than ever i am ready to work things out with myself in the natural way. Please help, Sen, i really need it.

    1. Sen Post author

      Ben, love cannot be forced in a relationship, it’s either present or its not. You cannot make someone love you forcibly by telling them to love you. What you can do is be true to yourself and sense if you are finding joy in this relationship, sense if the two of you are compatible with each other and enjoy sharing each other’s company in a manner that’s free of friction. If that’s not the case, be confident enough to move out of the relationship knowing that there is no “lack” in this world, and you can find a relationship which you enjoy and which is compatible. Let her be, let her live her life, don’t be so nosy about it, just see if you enjoy being with her as she is – if you do then why bother about her past? if you don’t then why bother with the relationship? Ask yourself, if she cheats on you, and you don’t know about it but you are enjoying the relationship with her, so what’s the harm? Your questioning her will not make her tell you the truth anyway. You just need to see if you are enjoying yourself in the relationship, if you are finding joy, that’s what’s important. As long as you are finding joy, the relationship is serving its purpose, it doesn’t matter what her past was or what she does when she is not with you. If you sense that you are not finding joy with her, be courageous enough to move on, follow your heart’s instinct – it’s way better than living in the exhausting environment of friction and strain of a dysfunctional relationship, and of course there is no lack, you will find something better.

  8. Natalie

    Wow…Who are you? I am so grateful that I came across your website. I have been searching for quite some time for someone else that understands and appreciates Buddhist philosophy as well as discusses polygamy, monogamy and sexual attraction with an open mind and no judgement. I haven’t known a single being to do so until now. I read several of your posts and they are well written, well developed and very helpful. I don’t feel like such a freak any longer, haha! Thank you.

  9. Sasha

    My boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a month now, (So it’s a greener relationship) but I feel like he has been giving me mixed signals, I’m the type to worry anyways. I always have been and it causes me to overthink these situations and at times I end up in tears, all because my mind has conviced me that he really is going to break up with me! It’s the small things that causes these thoughts to come to mind such as: When he doesn’t text me in a more positive mood than usual, he’s in an upset mood, or I tell him about something bothering me and that I just wish I was with him and all I get in a reply is “Oh.” or not even really a reply at all.
    I feel like I need him to tell me that he will not break up with me for me not to worry, this is getting so ridiclous and I hate it! having me down all the time, drowning in my worries is going to ruin our relationship and I just know it. ):

    1. Sen Post author

      Sasha, as long as you fear the fear a “break up” you stay a prisoner to this thought in your mind, and a lot of your actions will come from this fear. What’s needed is to totally allow this fear inside and no longer fear it, you become free of anything that you allow fully. In life you have to be open to the possibility of “change” which can often happen in the guise of a loss or a moving away of a reality or a relationship – if you fear loss you will fear living life, and this fear will make you a very weak person who can easily be exploited in the name of security. When you don’t fear the fear of loss, there is a freedom within you to enjoy a relationship for what it’s worth without feeling the need to “force maintain” it. Also, when you are no longer moving from the grip of this fear, you are more willing to look at the relationship with a clarity and deduce if it’s really compatible or not – if it’s not compatible you need to consciously move towards letting go of it instead of trying to cling to it from the fear that you can’t find a better one. You can read this post for more insight – Don’t fear fear and Finding love

  10. Dolores

    I am constantly a worrier and negative thoughts are always in my mind at the forefront. I really need to divert this negative into positive but don’t really know how. Here’s my story:
    It really hurts when my husband of 7 yrs spends alot of his time after getting back from office on the internet – mostly on facebook.
    I’ve quit my job recently, hence I can see the void between us increasing and his time with FB friends ever increasing. Maybe I was too busy working before & hence didn’t notice so much. Also he has always been a workaholic and that cannot be changed. He uses FB for business marketing too and sadly joined up with a few FB female friends to get into business associates. So if I question him on this points, his answers are ready: “you always knew that I am a workaholic, I don’t have any friends, the people on my FB are not my friends they are business associates, I am working on FB and so on”. Now he’s also started saying “You don’t trust me. It seems you do not want me to talk to any females, so I’ll quit my businesses & close them and quit my job”. The final request from me was for me to have his FB password and he gave it to me after deleting the history of private messages on FB with these women, saying that if you read the lines, you misinterpret every line and that he was not ready to fight it out with me since he was sick” Am I crazy?
    My point also is that I try to move on struggling to be positive in life and ignore these things but I know that women do not monitor or correct their husband’s behaviour, they become the foolish women who turned a blind eye to things and let it continue while every1 else knows. There are days where I think, I too need to be FB friends with some hunk to give husband the message, but it’s so demeaning that I can’t do it. There are also days where I think, if I can’t control my husband anymore, I’ve got to do something on FB to his female friends. What do I do to move on positively in life. Please guide as this is a very insecure time for me.
    PS: We don’t have kids yet, he says “how will we have kids when you hardly have sex” but he actually has a low semen problem & not willing to remedy it.

    1. Sen Post author

      Dolores, if you want a permanent solution you need to stop looking at the “outside” as the problem. As long as you use the outside to blame for you inner feeling of insecurity, you will stay a prisoner to the outside and hence there is no scope for any real freedom. What’s needed is to find your power within yourself, your inner sense of stability is what gives you this power. Any negativity in your personal reality is a symptom of an inner imbalance in you, created through suppression of some form either of the light nature or dark nature in you – the way to heal this suppression is through coming to a state of conscious allowing within yourself. You can read this post http://www.calmdownmind.com/healing-the-imbalance/ for more insight.

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