A relationship is simply an external manifestation of your inner reality. If you are willing to be authentic, you will notice that your relationship is simply reflecting back to you what you are feeling within yourself. In other words, if your relationship is fraught with conflict, it’s simply a reflection of your inner conflicts, you can stop blaming your partner for it – actually you attracted your partner through your vibration. Instead of trying to change your partner, what’s fruitful is to resolve your inner conflicts. Once your inner conflicts are resolved your relationship will be harmonious and rooted in joy, this is the secret to a happy relationship.
Don’t look to your partner to complete you
If you are feeling lackful, incomplete, unhappy and limited right now, and you are hoping that a partner will come and somehow make you feel complete, it’s just not possible. It’s against the very law that creates realities – the law of attraction, which simply states – “you can only attract what you vibrate”. So if you are vibrating in a frequency of “lack”, the relationship you attract, from this place, will reflect the same lack back to you and amplify it – in other words you will just end up in a relationship that makes you feel even more “lackful”. Look around you at your friends, or may be in your own life, and see if this is not true. The law of attraction is always precise in that you can only attract what you vibrate.
You cannot attract a happy relationship from a place of feeling unhappy, needy, lackful or incomplete within. However, the good news is that who you are is already joyful and is based in love and peace, this is your natural vibration. The only reason you feel negative emotions in you are because you believe in the negative patterns of your mind. Once you let go of the mind’s lack based, fear oriented, thinking, you automatically start aligning with your true nature which based in joy. When you align with your true nature you feel the “fullness” of who you are every moment, and thus you stop feeling “incomplete”.
A partner that you attract from a place of already feeling “complete”, and joyful, within yourself, will always feel like a perfect match to you because he/she will reflect the joy that you are already feeling within. So seek the fullness that you already are, this is what is primary; everything else will be taken care of by itself.
Desire a partner from a place of fulfillment
To the mind it seems like a paradox that one can desire when one is feeling fulfilled, but that’s how life moves. Who you are is already “all that is”, it’s already joy, love and peace, and nothing that it manifests can add anything to it or remove anything from it. Yet, consciousness desires to express itself and creates realities for the joy of it. Desire does not mean that you are lacking, it just means that you want to express your joy through a creation. Neediness is only possible when you are not aware of the fullness that you already are.
When you let go of your negativity (by resting as a space of awareness), you automatically start sensing the joy that you are. You realize that you don’t need anything, or anyone, to feel complete and yet to desire to have a relationship to “enjoy” yourself. Life is your playground, you are here for fun and play, to enjoy yourself – you are not here to fix something, you are not here to become “complete”, you are not here to fulfill a lack – you are simply here to express yourself and enjoy yourself. If your mind tells you that life is not about joy, it’s simply because it’s in the wrong vision – in a fear based vision.
A happy relationship is a celebration of life. When two people come together to share their life, they become co-creators, and there is nothing more enjoyable than sharing joyful realities with each other – your joy is the best gift you can ever share with anyone. Stop looking for someone to give you joy, find your joy within – it’s who you are, and then you will attract someone who will participate in your enjoyment – this is what a happy relationship is.
Tnx sen,u have made a change in my life(sobn) this very day,hour,minutes,seconds and miliseconds,ur words are of life
Tnx sen,u av changd m way of thinkng
This is great. Sen will you marry me? 🙂
No, he’s marrying me… If Sen is a he..:)
Lol, yeah I am a guy
funny:)
hi sen,
i would like to identify more with thoughts of abundance rather than neediness in my relationships. can you elaborate more on this change for me. my previous desires only lead me to lack/fear. how do i efind the right desires for my new person? ( the one who im trying to fully accept and appreciate.) im just still a little insecure about the ideas of my sense of fulfillment and/or desires within myself.
thanks,
treeter
Treeter, what’s required an inner focus to see through patterns of conflict within. The outside will sort itself out once you are clear of your inner conflicts. For now you can use your external reality as a feedback to help you see the patterns of resistance within you. When you bring a steady awareness to a pattern of conflict/resistance within you, it will start dissolving in power and allow you to go past it. When your inner resistance dissolves your external reality will also reflect the end of conflict.
Sen, that totally makes sense to me and my feedback is exactly what concerns me. this is what im getting: my cat is mental (as with most cats per my vet yesterday), my sister says shell call me back and she doesnt (twice in 2 days),and my husband got arrested! (which i totally flipped out about and after 2 days i got closer to enlightenment because of it??? and our vibe is totally different now ) All that just in the last 7 days and thats not the half of it! but… i have had more enjoyment/joy/peace within and im definately not as stressed out about it all as i would have been in the past. im sure a good sign. however i am definately entering a new way of viewing things and tf feels bitter sweet. i know thats coming from my mind. but my heart? i have always felt my enviornment was reflection of whats most precious to me. is it now telling me to take a hike litterally? my desires are to still enjoy my cat, family & husband. so if I change my view, my view of thme will change and I will be happy wheter they are enlighten or not? or maybe they all are? : { i feel so good when im doing my thing alone but get me around ppl and i seem to loose all conscousness?! will this change soon too?
thanks for all your help! i cant wait to get all of this behind me!!
Stumbled across your blog and I have to say, I love it. I’ve noticed I can’t ever be happy in relationships even when the other person has been nothing but kind, trustworthy, and amazing to me. Me and my currently boyfriend have an amazing relationship, but when I don’t hear from him for a while or I don’t get a text back right away, my mind immediately starts to think the worst. I know this isn’t healthy, but I can’t help it. I’ve tried to think positively, but every time I do, I get scared. I think this is because I started a relationship a year ago with someone who I thought was, for lack of a better word, “my soul mate.” I was on cloud 9 until 2 weeks in when he broke up with me out of nowhere. Now I can’t seem to be happy in a relationship. I am literally afraid to think positively because I’m afraid if I start thinking positively, it’ll happen again. Is this crazy?
Megan, you don’t have to force yourself to think positively, because doing so is by itself just a fear-based action – thinking positively should happen naturally, it can’t/shouldn’t be forced. It’s very natural for your mind to be fearful of this relationship, especially due to your past experiences – the mind really can’t help it and you don’t have to try to change it by force, just let it be – if it’s worrying allow it the freedom to worry, and if it’s feeling insecure allow it to feel insecure, if you fight with your mind in a bid to change its behavior it will just get more negative, more exhausting and more conflicted. What’s needed is to embrace your mind’s present behavior of being insecure and needy, and you can only allow this embrace from a place of unconditional acceptance of your mind as it is – what I call a space of total allowing. When you stop fighting with your mind, and stop feeling bad about being “insecure”, there is automatically some space within and this space allows for wisdom to be present, it also allows you to find some inner balance or grounding.
When you start connecting with this space of total allowing, you will see that your life-stream’s intelligence is able to work more freely through you and is able to orchestrate more well-being in your reality as a whole. The mind momentum also starts reducing in this space of allowing and it starts coming to a place of being mostly positive with time, what I call being passively positive (as explained in this post – Coming to a passively positive mind). For now, just focus on finding some grounding in your space of allowing what is, you can call it unconditional acceptance towards your mind as it is.
Hi Sen, I’d love your thoughts. I’ve had a very poor relationship history of attracting nothing, or being attracted to unavailable people. Could be my childhood, subconscious ‘blocks’, I dunno. Searching for someone and noone showing has been a painful journey. I finally attracted someone and had my first 8 month relationship. The relationship straddled between very connected, and extremely disconnected, as he was devoted but needy, and I’d felt very engulfed. Now the relationship is over, and it has given me an idea of what a relationship can bring, I find myself back in a dearth of options, but this time with a desire to emulate the connection I had. This is causing a whole world of difficulty, with my mind telling me that I’m incomplete and damaged, and my past showing me that another opportunity to connect with someone may be a long time in coming, if ever. Naturally, it feels counter-intuitive to assume even if someone did appear tomorrow that it would just solve all the inner turmoil- but the sense of needing to have what I lost and fearing not being able to attract it is a very painful inner conflict of thoughts. Have you any suggestion as to how to reconcile this? Should I be continually challenging the thoughts of lack? Should I be going deeply into allowing the painful feelings of failure and loneliness it brings up? I’m confused as to what is the most loving course of action here…
CR, it’s not really about finding “the most loving course of action” rather it’s about finding a balance in yourself towards power and love. When there is a lack of inner-power, love becomes a source of neediness, and thus becomes dysfunctional, creating a lot of psychological suffering. Find a connection with your own inner-power is a process in itself which involves growing in awareness and developing an inner openness (state of allowing). You can read this post for some details on this – Connecting with inner power