When your awareness becomes focused in this physical body, during your waking hours, it immediately becomes identified with the mind/brain because the mind is the only “noisy” part (or the part of body that produces wordy thoughts). When you are in this state of being, you give constant attention to the mind’s thought space and you also create unconscious interpretations of your own based on your identification. In this unconscious state of being there is a total identification with fears of the mind plus your own fears (out of your sensitivity) owing to being identified with a physical body.
Your attention has the power to amplify, or create a force of attraction, on any thought it focuses on (this is the potential of the energy that you are). So when your attention is lost in mind identification, over the years, you end up creating a momentum of negativity through your unconscious focus on the negativity of the mind and your sensitivity to physicality. Some people have lower negative momentum compared to others because 1. their mind is less prone to fear (owing to genetics) 2. their surroundings create less fear conditioning. However, in a state of unconscious identification there is bound to be a presence of momentum of negativity in your energy space – the intensity of it can vary from person to person. This momentum of negativity acts like a “block” that keeps you from sensing your wholeness (that you were naturally connected with as a child).
Carrying a heavy baggage of negativity
To carry this momentum of negativity in your being is like carrying a physical baggage that’s constantly weighing you down and creating fatigue in you. This momentum is “real”, it feels “solid” within you. Because this momentum is so strongly present, it feels like a part of you and you become identified with it to such an extent that you are fearful of letting go of it – this identification with negativity is what leads to the creation of a “negative ego” which acts like an entity that thrives on negativity and attracts negativity on the outside to feed on. When you take yourself to be the negative ego, you see through the lens of negativity and hence end up interpreting reality in a negative way, plus your focus keeps amplifying elements of the negative ego.
You only realize the “congestion” created by this negative energy accumulation within you when you are free of it. It’s like realizing how much space is present in a room when you clear it of all the clutter. In the presence of the negative momentum, it’s not possible to imagine what a state of wholeness feels like – you can get a taste of it now and then during moments of relief or when you are in love with someone/something (when your focus shifts to love for a while, instead of being focused on the negativity momentum). This makes you feel that you have to cling to the object/person in whose association you felt this taste of wholeness, and this clinging just ends up adding more elements of negativity to your negative momentum. This is one reason why we keep searching on the outside for wholeness because in our memory we tasted this wholeness when there were moments of love/relief on the possession of something/someone.
The question is whether you want to keep tasting wholeness all your life or if you would like to be permanently rooted in it.
Dissolution of negative momentum is a challenging phase
As I mentioned above, over time the momentum of negativity becomes so solid that it feels like a part of you, and you take yourself to be the negative ego. So when you awaken to your truth and see through the dysfunction of being identified with a negative ego structure, and negativity per se, you start moving towards letting go of it. This process feels very challenging, initially, because of years of identification that you hold with negativity. There are strong neural paths created in the brain in response to the identification with negativity and they create a sense of “addiction” to negative patterns. When the mind senses the dissolution of the negative ego, it feels a sense of panic because it feels that a part of its identity structure is dissolving. If you just allow all these fears to arise and not be taken in by it, they will pass away automatically, and this whole dissolution phase happens smoothly.
If you equate the process of dissolution of the negative momentum with the process of becoming free of a certain addiction (like addiction to smoking), then you get a sense of the discomfort you can feel due to the withdrawal symptoms. When you quit smoking, after years of smoking, the body goes into re-aligning with its harmony and this energy movement feels unpleasant in your being – the intensity of discomfort can last for close to 3 weeks or may be even a month. But as long as you know that something “positive” is happening, you will not be too worried about the discomfort. The same way, when the momentum of negativity is ebbing away, it creates unpleasant sensations in the body (because of the energy movement) and its intensity will keep ebbing away with time. Remember that this momentum has been built over several years of identification, so it takes a few months for it to die down in intensity (depending on the load you are carrying). Knowing this will ensure that you don’t feel any anxiousness about the energy movement that happens in your being as you start letting go of fueling the negative momentum (this is a very “physical” process and your body also goes through an inner re-structuring to adapt to this “resistance free” state of being).
The Experience of being free of the negative momentum
The simplest way to describe the experience of being free of the momentum of negativity is that you feel “spacious” in your being – it’s as if you have no boundaries within and nothing really penetrates you anymore with any intensity. It can simply be called a place of “no psychological suffering” and that’s a very accurate description of what you feel because you are incapable of “emotional hurt” in this place. You don’t become “uncaring” or insensitive to your environment, it’s actually the other way round where you become more capable of love but without any emotional suffering/drama.
Physically you feel “free” within, it’s like there is nothing within you that seem to anchor onto anything – it’s like you are just space, everything just passes through you without putting up tent. I speak from personal experience, so none of this is any airy-fairy spiritual talk – it’s a very real thing, a very real place that’s always here but was clouded due to the momentum of negativity which gets created through unconscious identification. We all have equal access to this place within us, all that’s required is that we have a brain that’s capable of some introspection and reasoning – it’s a very available state of being and you can reach this place by going through the process of letting go of identification with negativity (allowing the deconstruction of the negative ego and the dissolution of the momentum of negativity).
I call this place “wholeness” because you don’t feel contracted in this place, it’s open just like space. Since you are in touch with wholeness in yourself, you no longer cling to people/objects to give you this taste – hence you are free of neediness and craving. You are also free of emotional suffering and drama, and you don’t feel overwhelmed by anything. This place is just the right place for creating a positive reality because you are not moving from a place of inner lack/incompleteness. All it takes is the allowing of the process of dissolution of the negativity momentum through dis-identification, it’s very scientific and you can sense progress happening on daily basis – it’s not some vague spiritual process rather it’s a very practical process of scientifically letting go of identification with negativity by seeing through it in your awareness.