3 Steps to Become Completely Free of Fear

Posted on by Sen.

One of the biggest challenges of physical life is dealing with fear. The brain being a survival machine is prone to be “wary” of life all the time, it’s constantly on the guard, worried about the future, doubting the possibility of a positive outcome, confused about existence and always wondering if its missing out on […]

Link back to full article: https://www.calmdownmind.com/dissolving-fear/
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80 Comments

  1. Valdemart

    I have read your suggested posts about “to think or not to think” and i realized that my anxieties became more and more accentuated in time because of my fear based and lack based thinking and the only response i saw in that unconscious state was one of struggle as in “if i want to do something i will struggle and i will make it”. Unfortunately there is a lot of resistance behind this mindset although it is one of society’s most respected and desirable views. So it is conditioned in kids when they are young and some stay with this mindset all of their lives. From my own experience i can say that the mindset of struggle has been implemented in me as well and i now sense that all my present negativity (imbalance) is because i saw life as a struggle and i forced myself into controlling my reality as much as i could. Also, from a very young age, i was very reactive to the exterior which is not a good thing at all. I always reacted, i always tried to prove that something bad that was said to me was not correct and this was all unconscious behavior. I was very defensive in that manner. And all of this transfered later to the thoughts i have. I reacted to them also. Hence the inner imbalance. I always tried to correct that which i saw as not truthful. And because i was totally lost in the mind when the battle of thoughts came into place the mind was fighting itself. So i think that this reactivity in me was the main source of negativity because i felt i have to correct things. Now i know that if someone calls you stupid or idiot the worst thing you could do would be to say “no, i’m not” because then some part of you would actually believe that you could be stupid and then fear would arise. The best thing would be to just let the person who cursed at you or said something out of place to say what he has to. And to meet it without force and without reactivity. To meet it with a reaction of allowing so that you would not feed the person’s aggression and momentum because that would drag you into further saying “no, that’s not true” in a more powerful manner also and from here on it would just get bigger and bigger. And i think that is the way to see your mind also. It’s just another being, another entity that is saying something to you. Even if you know it isn’t true the most clever and wise choice would be to not oppose your mind. To not react to it. Because when you react, as you said, you give yourself the impression that the mind may be right, otherwise you would not even bother to react at all.
    Sorry for the long posts and the many comments, i am just overexcited with an opportunity to chat with such a great and wise person as you. Thank you so much

  2. Valdemart

    Another interesting thing came to me. Can an unconscious person be allowing and not have negativity in the same manner as a conscious person who reaches this place of total allowing after he/she has developed his/her awareness? I mean like natural allowing versus learned allowing. What would be the difference between these people. Also i kinda think that when a negative thought or emotion pops up one should not affirm also in the mind the he/she is ok with that and just let the thought be because that would only be some kind of reassurance. But if that thought pops up afterwards wouldn’t that act of stopping it would be against the attitude of total allowing?

    1. Sen Post author

      There is no difference between a learned allowing or an unconscious allowing – the only deal is that a person who consciously understands about allowing is set for life that he/she will not be influenced by resistance, however the person who is unconsciously allowing may hit a point where he/she unconscious stops allowing out of some negativity that they hinge onto and then it needs an aware understanding to come back to alignment. To have a conscious understanding of negativity and thus gaining freedom from its influence is ultimately what affords for true freedom, an unconscious freedom can always be disrupted. As for your second question, there is no need to “force” inhibit any thought, it’s just about allowing it to be there without buying into it as a conscious choice within.

  3. Kevin

    I discovered your very insightful website in my obsessive quest to escape my debilitating fear that my wife may have a terminal illness, which has yet to be diagnosed, but is a certainty in my mind.

    I realize that my fear of an unconfirmed event is irrational, yet the fear grips me. I have read and re-read this article in an effort to escape my fear, to no avail.

    Any further guidance or referral to other essays will be greatly appreciated.

    1. Sen Post author

      Kevin, if you notice your whole focus is towards getting rid of this fear, and that’s one reason you may not be able to understand that pointer given in the post which is towards “allowing the fear”. The paradox is that you can only be free of the influence of fear once you allow it fully, instead of trying to get rid of it. So instead of fighting with this thought in your mind about your wife being diagnosed by a terminal illness, just allow it inside and accept that your mind might have a reason for this fear and it’s okay. When you stop fighting a fear, and allow it in, you become receptive to any inspiration that wants to get convey through that fear. If something is the truth, you will have to face it eventually, there is no getting away from it. And if something is not the truth, then allowing the fear does not make it into a truth, it only removes your fear of the fear. So in both cases, allowing is what lets you be free of this “inner fight” you have going.

  4. Kevin

    Thank you, Sen. Your insight is incredible. I have read many so-called “self-help” books in the past in an effort to deal with situations, and none have been presented with the clarity and understanding of your writings.

    “Allowing the fear” is exactly what I did. It released me from the frustration that having no control over the unknown was having on me. I accepted an event that was beyond my control. Also, I finally came to the realization that “it’s not about me,” and vowed to do the best for everyone else. I became numb/neutral over the whole scenario, which I always knew was blown out of proportion in my head.

    My wife subsequently had a negative diagnosis. This, however, remains a life-changing event for me.

    Thanks again for your amazing insight and helpfulness.

  5. Amit

    Sen ,

    I am finding it difficult to understand if my mind is behaving as per my OCD behaviour fear based thoughts or is there a release happening. I am faced with my fears for last two weeks , but it generally does not cause me to take any action as earlier I used to do. Just that it is creating a lot of uneasiness in the body and is causing stress . I also know that I am allowing of my fears but I find it difficult to keep it on a consistent basis , the fears always have a way of creating actions from me atleast 50% of the times by giving me reasons for my action.
    Can you advise on this situation of me or any insight from you.
    I want to be free of my OCD and lead a life that I used to before with fearlessness and a interest.

    Thanks in advance.

    1. Sen Post author

      Amit, imbalances take time to heal, but the more stable you become in the state of allowing the easier it is to deal with them. You can get more insights in the recent post – healing the imbalance

  6. Patrick

    Sen, I’m in awe of your deep insightfulness of how the mind plays with us. Thank God I’ve found your site. I’ve been suffering with OCD on and off for over 25 years. I’ve been reading a book called “Don’t believe everything you think”. There is a good amount of wisdom from this book. But after reading your articles, it’s better than any antidepressants or self help books that are on the market. My question is , when my mind flashes images of things that I fear, such as certain people, over and over, there is a feeling of dread that accompanies it. How do combat that feeling of fear in the pit of my stomach? I’m open to all and any wisdom to defeat my OCD. Thank you Sen.

    1. Sen Post author

      Patrick, gaining understanding is one thing but the understanding alone does not cause the “past accumulated momentum” of your mind and emotional body to go away. It will take time for this momentum to slowly ebb away in force, leaving you connected with your inner wholeness. For now, just work on staying fully allowing of these feelings as they come up, without getting worried about the “sensations” created by the fear or anger. You can read this post – the power of allowing.

  7. Jaish

    Dear Sen,

    I recently found your site .Such a amazing thoughts is available here. even i tried your way of thinking but I am not able to get rid of my fear of unemployment.I left my previous job before 7 months and still searching new one, whenever I went for an interview if I don’t like organization then I don’t worry about selection or rejection.But whenever I like org.At the entrance of org. I started feel , what would happen if i didn’t get selected here, what would happen of my future,career,my life, I am capable to clear interview here like others and lot of negative thoughts about that.

    I think this is the reason, I didn’t get selected where I wanted. I always have fear it would happen again and resultant would b same. I need your help.
    how can I stop paying attention on it.please reply.

  8. Fingaladinga

    When I practice the state of allowing, and the negativity and panic come up, it feels similar to the sensations I get when I am holding my breath at the bottom of a deep pool, trying to swim back up while my brain is screaming for air. Is this along the lines of what I am supposed to be feeling?

    Also, what you said about allowing being a way of living as opposed to a technique. Correct me if I am wrong, but it seems to me that if one continuously uses this as a technique until the negative momentum of your thoughts and trapped emotions goes away, then afterward there is really nothing to be pulled in by, and so using it as a way of living would be effortless (or almost). Even though negative thoughts may still pop up once in a while after, there would not really be much to have to “allow” if the momentum of your negativity is dissolved through using allowing as a technique, if all the negative energy behind those thoughts is gone. There would be no more fear to be afraid of, as it were.

    1. Sen Post author

      Fingaladinga, that’s right, with time the state of allowing becomes like a foundation in your being (what I refer to as the foundation of openness, in the recent post). Also, the sensation you mention is mostly because of the letting go of control, allowing all the suppressed momentum to come up to be released, and thus falling into the space of your being, which to the brain feels uncomfortable or scary, initially as its usual habit is to hold on to something as a form of control.

  9. Ellk

    I guess I finally understood what all this is about. Allowing, letting go, stepping out of the mind… It’s just a matter of attitude. All of this is simply pointing to a simple shift of attitude. As crazy as it seems, it took me more than a year to realize this truth.
    I know it will be hard and challenging, but now there is literally nothing that is preventing me from becoming free of the mind, because what I need in order to do it was a simple matter of changing the way I see things. I also have made this commitment of not defending and buying into negativity in any way. Even the huge load of momentum I have now seems just a minor issue.

    Just wanted to share this, thank you! 🙂

  10. mikel

    Sen,

    I’ve been living the new life of allowing for a few days, but sometimes out of nowhere i get struck with negative feelings that make me feel down for no reason for like a short while and then they disappear. Sometimes i be just sitting not thinking of anything and this happens.do you have an explanation for this? Is it related to the state of allowing ? how long will it take someone to reach the state of complete allowance ? is it possible for anyone one to gain the understanding quickly?

    1. Sen Post author

      Mikel, as you see there is a resistance in you towards the state of “feeling down”, and in that sense you seem to think that the state of allowing is always about “feeling good” – that’s the flaw in your understanding of it. There is nothing wrong with sudden “negative feelings” coming up, and making you feel down, you can see that as a dark nature energy arising in you – just stay in a state of allowing it, and eventually the intensity of all these energies will balance out.

  11. Mikel

    Sen,

    I realized that my whole focus is about totally getting rid of fear. I may get off topic but can you explain to me what is bravery in your own words and is it possible to achieve it ? thank you.

    1. Sen Post author

      Mikel, bravery is not the lack of fear but the capacity in a person to connect with his/her sense of inner power, in the face of fear, to do the “right thing” (or their perception of the right, or the just, thing) in that moment. However, I would rate wisdom as higher than bravery, because sometimes bravado can also come from a place of recklessness. Wisdom also a balance between prudence/caution and bravery – one needs have a sense of inner balance in order to have connection with wisdom.

  12. mikel

    Sen,

    I realized that my whole focus was on getting total rid of fear. Is it possible to reach such a place by the total allowing?

    1. Sen Post author

      mikel, there is a difference between “getting rid” of something and “being free” of something – through the state of allowing you will find freedom from fear in the sense that you will no longer feel imprisoned by it (and you will also release its imbalanced intensity created through accumulation of past momentum), rather you will use it as a part of wisdom (fear has its contribution towards wisdom also).

  13. mikel

    Thanks for the response Sen. Another quick question, by allowing fear can we say we should “welcome” fear instead of trying to make reaction to it? is that what we you mean by true allowing?

    1. Mark

      Hi Mikel,

      I dont know have you figured that out yet or not. But to allowing the fear, just feel it and watch the thought that triggered the fear. You will feel that the fear intensity will reduce eventually.

  14. nagamuni

    dear Sen
    i live in fear of losing my vigor and potency all the time . i am in my mid sixtees, am fairly healthy .
    but the fear that i may one day lose my ability and agility to perform kills me all the time. in the process i fail to enjoy the moments of intimacy with my wife. the fear raises its dirty head high and i become panicky.
    i am practicing the process of allowing to some good results. thank you for your post. will you please elucidate more on performance anxiety.
    p.s. i changed my name for privacy.

  15. nate

    sen, when someone reaches a place where fear has zero intensity as you stated, does it have anything to do with self confidence? how do i know if im afraid or being diffident, and can someone achieve high confidence by the state of allowing ?

    1. Sen Post author

      Nate, basically you reach a place where you have the confidence to deal with any thought/emotion (light or dark) or situation, without feeling over-whelmed by it or without feeling pulled-around by it – this is confidence in its true sense.

  16. Fingaladinga

    As I go through this seesaw of release, I am beginning to notice that both the periods of bliss and the periods of negativity are becoming less and less intense with each respective layer. Not too anxious about the answer, but does this mean that I am nearing the end of the release? Or is this due to a lack of allowing? or what? Just curious.

    Also, just out of curiosity, is it possible to be imbalanced in both dark and light nature, or can you only be imbalanced in one? (I think you may have said this in one of your previous posts, but I can’t seem to find it again)

    1. Sen Post author

      Fingaladinga, it would be an indication that you are moving towards the end of the release of past momentum. As for you second question, in most cases the imbalances are in both, the light and dark aspects, in varying degrees.

  17. leroy

    Hi sen,i would really appriciete your advice here i am a 22 year old footballer and have been playing the game over 10 years i am a really good player and everyone tells me this all the time and i know i can do some excellent stuff with the ball but everytime i go to make a pass take a shot or dribble my head is telling me im going to fail or going to miss and do it wrong fall over and then i have this thought in my head before every game and it really brings my performance down.i hate this because i know what i am capable off but i just cant seem to get this voice out of my head and it stays with me the whole match-please help

    1. Markus

      Leroy, the fear of failure can be present for different reasons. What it shows is the belief that what you do in the match really matters to who you are as a being. If you make the perfect pass, are you now a good person? If you hoof it too far and spoil the chance, are you now a bad person?

      Sport is by nature competitive – winners are “better” than losers. If you believe that this also reflects your quality as a being, you will find the self-doubt you describe. This is just trying to find your self-worth in what others think about you (that other can also be your own mind pushing high expectations). However, losing also has a light nature – it can drive one to improve.

      You can use conscious allowing to let go of the demand for perfection, or the need to impress others, whatever it means to you personally. Let go of needing to find your worth outside of yourself, in other words. Your current mindset will only smother your own ability and creativity – you’ll not push yourself for fear of messing up.

  18. Fingaladinga

    Not too concerned about this, but just wondering.

    I feel my negative reactions ebbing away at a fairly decent pace, becoming less intense (with the occasional exception). My family has been putting up with my negativity (misophonia) for about ten years, and have adjusted their behavior to make sure that I don’t flip out (its not really any major alteration, as they keep reassuring me). Now I understand that inner freedom lies not in changing your external reality, but in changing yourself, and I was just wondering if, in your wisdom, you think it would be better for me to finish my detox before I come out and say “Its alright, you guys don’t have to do things that way anymore” (not that they really HAVE TO to begin with, technically), or if I just tell them to keep doing things the way they normally would, even though they cause me some serious irritation? And again, I understand that these external triggers are just supposed to unearth imbalances, but I go through enough of those without my family doing this or that, releasing layers on my own; and I do have a certain fear (which I continue to allow when it pops up), a fear of letting my family know that these specific things don’t bother me anymore (the fear of an old reality crumbling down). Whenever I think about telling them (either that one day I will not be reactive anymore, or to just not worry about not doing the things that make me MAD), I get nervous, the thought pops up: “not yet.” It pops up, I let it slip into oblivion, and it comes back.

    Just wondering which would be the wiser course of the two.

  19. Heather

    I feel as if I have just been given a key to the universe. May I say thank you? I had heard of this concept before, but my logical mind always screamed, “That’s insane!” (You explain it very well here though, so at last I grasped it.) Who could have guessed doing the opposite (of what seems so logical) would be the ONE thing that works! And believe me, I’ve tried a lot of “things”. So now I say, “Come here, my little fear. Come sit with me. I allow you.” I do not feed it with my energy by running away or attempting to fight. I allow it, and I allow it to starve. And it really does shrink and diminish when one does not struggle.

  20. Hide

    May Allah bless you for this knowledge, it helped me.
    I have relationship problem, and i feel like loosing my sense I feel like I will lose my mind and going crazy… alot of fears alot of anxieties. I know the causes but I can’t control my brain.

    Thank god immediately with internet I try search some tip to fix myself, and it bring me here. Your knowledge’s helped me to get out of my brain control, and staying at the bay, it make s me aware about my brain false thought about many things, it making things that is not true at all.

    Thank you very much.

  21. Jim

    Sen that was an awesome article. I am thankful for the wisdom imparted to you. All good things come from the Creator.

    Jim

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