Overcoming Fear Through Understanding Reality

Posted on by Sen.

You cannot get “rid” of a fear, you can only become “okay” with a fear – when you become okay with a fear, you’ve overcome that fear. If you seek to get rid of a fear you will be entrapped in that fear in some way or the other. Once you accept this simple truth that you can’t get rid of a fear, you are already working in alignment with reality and hence have a better chance of finding balance/freedom. To become “okay” with a fear is not a technique, it’s not some positive affirmation deal, it’s not a pointer to try and convince yourself about the okay-ness of a fear, it’s actually about the openness to let the fear be, to allow it fully as a thought and a feeling, until you are okay with its presence knowing that fear is an aspect of life.

It’s important to understand the logic behind how the state of conscious allowing brings you to freedom. To understand the logic you would first need to understand what “freedom” really means. Most people have a highly deluded idea about what freedom means – for most people the idea of freedom is to get “rid” of anything that feels bad/negative to their being, this idea of freedom is at the core of all the mindless wars and violence that have been, and are being, perpetrated; the external violence is simply a reflection of the internal violence going on within us where we keep trying to get “rid” of whatever feels negative to our mind. Just think for a moment, if something feels negative to you, is it not possible that the problem is with you perception rather than with that “something” that you are fighting against? The deal is that most of us are too ego-centric to even admit that the problem could be with our attitude/outlook, we would rather blame, and get rid of, that which feels negative to us than work on developing our maturity and openness.

Life is just being life, if you have a problem with life you are the one who has to change in terms of attitude/outlook/openness, life is not going to change its nature. The state of allowing is about syncing up with the natural state of life, letting go of your conditioned/deluded resistances. When you stop fighting or suppressing an aspect of life (like fear) within you, you automatically sync up with the balanced/natural presence of this aspect and it starts serving you in a positive way in terms of allowing growth and improvement. For example, fear can be a force of wisdom that allows you to see a certain condition, that you would need to find solution for, before it becomes a crisis. A certain fear can also be indicative of a limitation in your thinking or an imbalance in your outlook. Fear is not a negative by itself, none of life’s natures are a negative by themselves, they all have a part to play in existence. If you stop trying to get rid of the fear, and be consciously allowing of it, you can start seeing the “seed of growth” hidden in it.

Understanding the reality of life

It’s important to understand that you are “existing” in the domain of life, and are a creation of life. You have the free-will to have your own perspectives, outlook, attitude, or in other words you have the free-will to have your own “thinking”. However, if your thinking is in opposition to the nature of life, you are the one who is going to end up suffering, simply because life is not going to change its nature for you – the truth is life can’t change its nature, life is just being itself. If your thinking is in opposition to life, it’s you who will need to change your thinking to bring yourself in alignment with life. You cannot get rid of aspects of life that are natural to life. You cannot hope that life will change its nature for your sake. If you are going to oppose the nature of life, guess who is going to lose eventually? It’s an exercise in futility to fight the reality of life. Of course, in many cases, people are totally unaware of the reality of life and hence they keep fighting reality in an unconscious manner. If I have to summarize some of the core aspects of the reality of life, it would be as below.

The two natures of life – Life (or the mind of life) has a light nature and a dark nature (yin/yang). When you support/cling to one nature over the other, you will find yourself going into conflict with life. When you cling to light nature, you will feel attacked by the dark nature, and when you cling to the dark nature, you will feel the lack/incompleteness/emptiness of the absence of light nature in your reality.

The 6 dimensions of a mind – Love, joy, hatred, fear, boredom and sexuality are the six dimensions of thinking present in any mind created in life. You can observe these six dimensions in your own mind. It’s not possible to get “rid” of any of these dimensions from the mind. It’s about bringing acceptance/openness to the presence of all these dimensions of thinking. Love and joy can be seen as light natured aspects, fear and hatred can be seen as dark natured aspects, boredom and sexuality are both light and dark natured depending on the situation.

The instinct for growth and experience – Growth is an inherent instinct in every mind owing to the presence of the dimensions of boredom, fear and hatred in the mind. “Experiencing” is another inherent instinct in every mind, owing to the presence of the dimensions of love, joy and sexuality. Desires are a natural outcome of these two instincts, the instinct for growth and experience. You can’t stop desiring – you can’t stop wanting growth, you can’t stop wanting experience. It’s totally futile to try and combat this natural instinct in life. If someone is selling you the concept of “Nirvana” as the end of desires, he/she is selling you a totally bogus teaching which has no reality in life. What’s required is to find a balance in your thinking, so that the realities you create/experience are also balanced.

The reality of ego – Mind implies “self awareness” (sense of self) or a sense of “I”. Without this sense of “I” there is no reference for thoughts. Be it the higher mind, the source mind or your mind, all the minds have an “ego” or sense of self. The ego is not the problem, the problem is when your thinking is not in alignment with the nature of life. When your thinking is in resistance to life’s nature, you end up in an imbalance towards life and thus you attract imbalance in your life. It’s not about getting rid of your of ego (or sense of self), it’s about bringing your thinking in alignment with life’s reality which includes balancing the light and dark nature aspects of your thinking.

The creation ability – The way your mind thinks is directly responsible for the reality you attract/experience. This is because you have the power of creation, in that the thoughts you give focus to (consciously or unconsciously) are “fueled” towards attracting a reality that is a match to the vibration of the thought. There are only two types of reality you can create – balanced and imbalanced. Your thoughts can either be imbalanced towards one nature (either light or dark nature), and thus attract an imbalanced reality reflecting the conflict of these natures in you, or they can be balanced in their perspective and outlook, thus creating/attracting a balanced reality for you.

Life is non-judgmental – Life is not judgmental towards you, it’s just that you can’t manifest a balanced reality in life while being resistant towards life’s nature (light and dark nature). If you have an imbalanced view, it will manifest in your reality – not because life is judging you or condemning you, but because you have the power of creation as a life-force and your reality will reflect your imbalance because that’s what your focus will create. The momentum of imbalance that you accumulate in yourself, as a being, is also referred to as your “karmic load” which continues to attract a reality onto itself until it’s consciously dissolved in momentum.

Undeniable self-responsibility – Your thinking is totally your responsibility, in that you make the choice towards what you give focus to. If you don’t exercise this responsibility consciously, it will still be exercised unconsciously. The thoughts in your mind can have a past momentum (possibly even from several life times) and yet you have the choice to let go of fueling patterns that you sense are not serving you – it’s just like how you make the choice to not keep eating junk food when you sense it’s not serving your health. There is no “how”, it’s just about getting good at exercising your conscious power of choice. If you feel powerless towards your own mind it just means you are imbalanced towards your light nature and hence are “meek”, you need to connect with your dark nature of inner power to stand up to your own mind and no longer be a prisoner to its momentum.

The reason why I am explaining the above realities of life in a post that seeks to give a pointer towards finding freedom from fear is because all the various “fears” that we hold as a being are linked, directly or indirectly, to the ignorance of the above truths, creating conflict with them. Cited below are various ways in which we fuel the momentum of fear through a resistance to reality.

– Fear is a natural dimension in any mind that’s created in life. If you have resistance to your mind’s fear, you will end up fueling the momentum of its fear. Your resistance to fear indirectly keeps fueling the momentum of fear dimension in you (your resistance is like a direct “focus” and your focus creates momentum in the aspect that you are focused on). In the post – Don’t fear fear – I’ve mentioned that the problem is not with fear as a dimension in the mind, the problem is that we are so afraid of it, instead of consciously allowing its presence. Fear is not a negative by itself, suppressing fear, as well as fearing fear (thus over-identifying with it) is what creates negativity in terms of imbalance.

– Since life inherently has a dark nature (along with light nature) you are bound to face the dark natured aspects of life during your existence. Loss, or dissolution, is required as a part of new growth and is a dark nature of life, you cannot do away with it. To fear loss in a strong way is to be in conflict with life. It’s normal to have some fear towards loss/change, but if you are too light natured, in terms of being “over sensitive”, you will end up having a strong fear towards loss, thus keeping you in perpetual state of fear towards life. It’s not about asking that there should be no “loss” in life, it’s about finding freedom from the fear of experiencing loss, by developing the openness to allow it freely within you. Allow the pain of loss until you no longer fear it.

– Your mind can have a past momentum, and its intensity can feel overwhelming when it latches on to a fearful thought. The reason it feels overwhelming is because of its “past momentum”, not because of the thought itself. The only way to reduce your mind momentum is to no longer keep identifying with the thoughts and no longer try to fight the thoughts either – just let the thoughts “be”, allow them without identifying with them, and they will fade away in force. This is not rocket science, it’s simple logic. Don’t keep saying “it’s too hard, the mind always pulls me”, of course it takes time to develop this freedom, but if you keep saying “it’s too hard” your attitude will be one of a person who is defeated before the battle begins. Nothing can fix a negative attitude, it’s totally upto you to make the choice towards a powerful attitude. (Read the post – A question of attitude)

– For your desires to manifest, there has to be a growth/change in your reality which means there will be a temporary phase of transition towards the new reality. Stop being afraid of change, stop being afraid of a temporary phase of uncertainty, stop asking for assurances all the time, stop resisting the dissolution of the incompatible aspects of your reality and be open to allowing the movement of manifestation created by your desires. Fear will arise quite naturally during the transition phase of growth, and if you fear allowing this fear you will be constantly stuck in clinging to your old reality which you want to change. This is the reason why it’s pertinent to develop the capacity to “allow” – if you can allow fear freely, you will no longer resist growth in your life.

– Self-awareness will always, eternally, be present in you since you are a being that has been created in life – you will always have a sense of self, a sense of “I”. Stop trying to hide from yourself, stop trying to be “unconscious” or detached, stop trying to reduce your awareness – all of these are movements of fear. The whole teaching of “no self” makes no sense from the perspective of a “being” that you are – you can’t go back to no-self, you can only bring forth a balanced self/ego. The way to reach a balanced self is by first aligning with life in its true nature, allowing the integration of the light and dark nature in you, and then involve in “living” instead of trying to find an escape from life.

The bottom-line is that you need to develop the capacity to “allow”. Anything which you can allow within yourself, loses its power over you – this is the reality of life. It’s only when you resist something that it has power over you. “Allowing” does not mean that you are saying “yes” to the thought, and neither are you saying “no” to the thought, allowing just means that you are letting the thought be along with the emotion it creates. Once a thought has lost its momentum, it’s easy for you to “choose” whether you want to focus on it or whether you want to focus on something else. The state of allowing is only to ensure that the momentum of the thought is released, so that you can then start making a conscious choice towards what you want to focus on (as discussed in the post – a different approach to thinking – where I explain that relaxed awareness is required to release the momentum of a thought so that you can then use “focused thinking” more efficiently)

Attitude matters

I’ve seen that the people who make the quickest progress in finding freedom, from mind momentum, through the process of conscious allowing, are the ones who have an attitude of understanding the logic of the process and applying it with commitment and patience. Your attitude should be to gain an understanding of the logic behind a teaching, instead of trying to follow a teaching blindly – doing things blindly is the attitude of a low awareness person. It’s important to let go of being an unconscious follower and start using your own faculty of “thinking”, reasoning and introspecting to see the sense/logic behind a certain teaching or pointer. If you understand the logic, then there will be no question in your mind about the effectiveness of a certain approach, and based on this understanding you can make a choice for yourself on whether you want to follow the approach or not.

I get mails from people asking for “evidence” that the practice of allowing works towards finding inner freedom. My reply would be along the lines of asking them to understand the logic of the process of allowing and see if it makes sense to them, and if it doesn’t make sense just chuck it and move on to some other approach which makes more sense. To ask for evidence that this approach works is like saying “I would like to follow this process blindly, with a total faith in you, but before doing that can you give me stories of people who have achieved freedom through this approach”. The very foundation of freedom is “awareness”, which is what conscious living entails, it’s not about “blind faith”; following a technique blindly cannot bring you true freedom ever, and that includes the practice of allowing. Try to understand the process of allowing, and see if it makes sense to you, and if it does then apply it. I am in the least interested in giving evidences, even from my own personal life (though sometimes I do it when I sense it can help the explanation), but an attitude of depending on outside evidences to be the criteria for following an approach reeks of a “give me a technique to do blindly” mindset which is totally against conscious living, and hence totally incongruent with finding true freedom which can only come in a conscious/aware mind.

There are people who would say – “I’ve tried many things in my life before and nothing really worked, and I don’t believe this deal of allowing will work either, but I will give it a shot” – I would tell them right away that they shouldn’t bother with it. The attitude of “giving it a shot” will not cut it, especially on a journey that requires your conscious commitment. The only way you can ever commit to a journey is when you understand why you are making the journey in the first place – is it because someone told you to? Or is it because you find a purpose/resonance/heart in it? If you take up a journey just because someone told you to, or because you have faith in someone, it won’t be long before doubts start creeping in and then you will keep calling up for re-assurances. The only reason you embark on a journey is because you feel a resonance with it, and you consciously understand the usefulness of the journey. Take as much time as you want to decide if a journey is right for you, it’s totally worth the time to gain a clear understanding. In this blog, it has been my endeavor to explain, in as detailed a manner as possible, to give an understanding of what the process of finding inner freedom involves, and it’s not something that can just be explained in one post or one comment – I understand that reading takes time, and patience, but it’s definitely worth investing the time to gain a clear understanding.

Patience is a key requirement in the journey towards inner freedom, just like it is with any accomplishment. I can’t count the number of times I would have repeated this pointer, in my posts, that – “it takes time”. Once you understand the process, and if it makes logical sense to you, commit to it, and give it time. I hardly had any of the understanding that’s available in this blog, when I was on the journey of finding inner freedom, and yet the pointer of “letting go” made sense to me when I heard about it through some of the teachings on youtube (through teachers like Tolle, Adyashanti and Mooji), and I committed myself to it because it made sense to me and not because I had faith in a certain teacher or tradition. Along the journey I gained a personal understanding of the mechanics of finding balance along with inner freedom, and I share this understanding via the blog. It’s the right understanding that brings you to balance/freedom, not a blind technique – life is far too dynamic to be navigated through a “technique”, however when you have the right understanding of the reality of life you are in the position to handle this journey with a balance and stability.

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  1. Priya

    hi Sen,

    all that u write makes a lot of sense,, i hv been trying to heal my life and hv realised that i hv a fearful mind and also am hugely resistant.. now that i am allowing my fears to come up and be,, how will i know that its done? i also have faced a bad financial crisis and feel that success has never been mine,, i am easily affected by what people tell me about the future or myself and my life! will all this go away when i allow my fears to dissolve,,money will start appearing when i clear my patterns? I also feel i lost out on a lot of time in the process and my dream of working at a great company wil never happen! how do i get over my disaapointments, hope u will reply,, thankss

    1. Sen Post author

      Priya, you will need to work on letting go of your identification with your old patterns of thinking which are rooted in fear and lack. To do this you need to connect with your space of being (your inner silence) and allow the momentum/pull of your mind to ebb away in force. Connecting with your “being” will allow you to connect with your inner inspiration/wisdom and create a movement which is rooted in your natural expression rather than a struggle based expression. The challenge would be the willingness to let go of the pull of conditioned thinking (the thinking that you inherited from your society, on which you may be basing your sense of success). Try to gain a deeper understanding of life, about the mechanics of the mind and about yourself (as a being), by reading with the attitude of gaining a better perspective, instead of reading from the perspective of finding “techniques” and strategies to achieve a narrow idea of success in your mind – I’ve covered these topics in the blog, so you can spend some time reading these posts (you can start with the recent 30 posts) and look for insights that resonate with your being.

  2. Jenny

    Great post! Thank you! :o)

  3. T

    Your timing of this and other articles fascinates me SEN.I realized just today that i was starting to listen and to feed my fear of betrayal re-occuring in my life again .Retrusting is a tough one ive been doing so well i had brought myself from breaking down daily to feeling safe and not worrying about things since for what seems like months .But the last couple of days ive been kinda listening again to the negative thoughts within my mind yes giving fuel to those thoughts.I caught myself in a small silly arguement with my wife i realized i hurt her feelings with a comment i made.She had done nothing wrong but because ive been fueling up i was just looking for anything to lash out at.I realized that ive been keeping a brave face on the outside but really im scared on the inside.I cant believe i was slipping back to my earlier way of thinking and how quick things go crazy.I was cleaning out old emails and stumbled upon May 28th post Dissolving Fear wich led me to today,s post and now writing to you.I did it to myself period i fell off the horse But i quickly got up and back on it …..Thank You …What a GREAT post SEN im back

  4. manola

    Hi Sen,
    Once again I read your wonderful articles- and I wondered if you have ever considered writing for a major publication/newspaper? There is so much sense in what you say, and I am certain it would help a lot of people who may never find your blog?

  5. Mac

    Another absorbing read/post Sen – it all makes so much sense and really resonates with me and all that I need to do is believe it and incorporate it into my daily routine/life. I know that this is easier said than done but I am determined to follow it through and come to a new, fearless way of living as Most of my life has been lived ina state of anxiety and fear. Like manola says I think your teachings should be disseminated to a wider audience because so many people are suffering and you could really help them. Thanks for another great article.

  6. Cat

    Your post is so relevant and timelly for me. i do resonate with your writings, but to be honest, have been looking for the ‘Technique’ instead of really understanding the logic. It helps to re-read and then talk through it logically with myself. Stating my fears and realising where tehy are coming from and applying logically how resisting them and trying to block them are keeping me from making the changes i’m ready to make. I still have a long way to go though, as I do feel like they sneak up on me and i’m unconciously making choices based on some of my fears. i get tired though some days, and just fall back into fearful living. it almost feels like a habit now, which I want to break but somehow don’t want to give up either. i’m curious how you work through allowing without getting attached to the allowing as well.

  7. Faith

    Hi Sen, I came across your blog in the last couple of weeks and have been enthralled ever since, it’s amazing! Your posts are really bringing together and clarifying a lot of questions that I still had. Thank you!

    I’ve been practising awareness and allowing the thoughts and fears that arise in the mind. This is going really well in the comfort of my own home, with husband at work and children at school. I’m totally happy in the peace and quiet and I love the solitude.

    However… when the family are home I can feel really challenged. Feelings of irritation and anger can easily arise and it can get to the point where I wish I could just live alone. I don’t really but that’s how I feel sometimes.

    Additionally, I have what I have self-diagnosed as a form of social anxiety. I feel these horrible feelings arise when I have to participate in social occasions, a type of fear. Even when I drop the children at school I can feel butterflies in my stomach as I walk to the door. I will talk to the other parents, smalltalk, make a joke etc but I still have these feelings. If I meet a friend for coffee or lunch I feel really tired afterwards as if I’m drained and it takes months to recover from vacations with inlaws.

    The social fears only arise when I’m actually in the situation or about to be in the situation and preparing myself mentally.

    Anyway, to get to my question (finally)…

    Should I be actively placing myself in these situations and giving myself an opportunity to feel the fear? Will this help me to get to a good place with the fears sooner? I want to allow the fears in order to come to a place of wholeness.

    Thanks so much for your help!

    1. Alias

      You are a sensitive being Faith, which is wonderful. If you try to overcome it, you’ll find yourself resisting it, in either way. If you force yourself to be strong (through thought) you’ll feel better at first, but you will soon discover that as it gains momentum it will become a pattern that will guide your life, dictate it – or even become a burden. So to confront your “problem” by strengthening yourself is merely a form of resistance; you are only escaping it, building a wall around you. If you choose to not participate in social events, you are also escaping it, by simply avoiding it. But it is part of your life isn’t it? Perhaps the reason for this anxiety, the root cause of it, is not the dissatisfactory feeling that you experience as stress.

      I am like that too, and so many of my friends also. Life inside a family set’s its own rules. Life inside a social structure is also fabricating its own patterns. It is rather hard to balance them out and still have a quiet mind. Anxiety in your stomach area is a physical manifestation of a desire that has turned into a phobia. You have suppressed something so much that the mind is unable to deal with it consciously. Therefore operating in the subconscious, this phobia (rather than fear) finds a way out (is released) through a lower physical center (located near your stomach, where you feel the butterflies).
      Perhaps you also feel a blockage in your throat area, like difficulty to inhale fully from time to time. It is all quite normal. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but perhaps an older thought or hope or expectation of yours (imagination or real opportunity) was left aside; either because family life took over (with its own rule’s and responsibilities) or even because you felt too weak (or unready) at the time to go for it.

      You mentioned that at times you prefer being alone, which is so normal and it’s not negative at all to think that way – don’t let it make you feel bad. Instead take your time to relax when you are actually alone, and instead of looking at the “result”, which is your phobia, be aware of any signs that will point to the “root” of it. You cannot force yourself into this, or even make a habit out of it – but rather approach it as you approach your children, with patience, understanding, a calm mind, and seriousness. The anger you mentioned is the force that solidifies whatever it is you are resisting. The feeling of fear is its actual manifestation in your body (and through that, to others too). The subtler “roots” of it are parts of your thoughts, and your thoughts are always part of your past, part of your experiences.

      To practically (but partially) get relieved from the symptoms, ask yourself to feel happy when you meet with others. Ask your mind to feel ok with even a so called “superficial” chit-chat. Do not try to trace any “improvement” in your stomach area (as this will guide the flow downwards). Instead focus on a positive attitude and try to express real interest in meeting with others. Do it for real, don’t pretend, let it release itself towards others.
      Still, you’ll have to come to peace with the cause of it, otherwise it will find a way back. The most typical way of it coming back (in a case as above), is for you to overcome it at such an extent that you overuse it and so it becomes a burden for others, and therefore you experience it back through their actions. So find the root of it in you and do it without effort. When the time is right it will come to you. Do not rush in any conclusions, or force yourself to make any choice, or change something in your life. Simply be aware of your own thoughts. Then you’ll begin to notice (through the blockages) in your life, the direction of the cause. Do not see the events that will come up as distractions, or as problems (like the social fear). They are simply manifestations that try to show you the way. You interpret them as “negative” because you resist them. Let go and see for yourself.

      p.s. Sorry I jumped in, knowing that you expected a reply from Sen, hope he offers his advice too.

    2. Sen Post author

      Faith, the “outside” is a perfect feedback mechanism for your true inner state of being. The experiences that are instigated in you, from your interaction with the outside can give you deep insights into the balance or stability or “inner freedom” that you possess in your being. It’s not about avoiding the “outside”, it’s about using it as a mirror to unearth your inner imbalances, and thus bring balance to them by releasing the momentum of imbalance. You don’t even have to “try” to put yourself actively in “situations”, you can rest assured that you will attract/create situations that allow you to see your “mindset” – the deal for you is to develop the attitude of learning and growth, instead of having an attitude of self-deprecation or suppression. I’ve mentioned in one of the posts that I don’t see anything in life as a “negative”, I can only see everything as a opportunity for growth towards better alignment with life, with its nature. Wholeness is when you are aligned with “life”, and hence with yourself, and aligning with life requires you to balance the light and dark nature aspects in you. For example, anxiety is a symptom of an imbalance towards light nature which causes you to be “meek” and would need to be balanced with your dark nature aspect of “inner power”. You can read this post – healing the imbalance – for more insight

    3. Iz

      I also have a similar problem to Faith’s. When I see people I’m not comfortable with or don’t know… my mind just shuts and becomes silent, I no longer actively take part in conversations, I just listen (huh listen and silent have the same letters). When I read Alias’s comment it really struck me and I realized that whatever the root cause of this, must have been when I was a little kid, and it’s been buried for so long that I’m gonna need awareness to find the root, and come to terms with it. But now, I have a feeling things are gonna get a hell of a lot better.

    4. Faith

      Sen, thank you! The more I read your answer the more it makes sense. I wouldn’t have considered myself “meek”, given the anger that I sometimes feel, but re-reading your reply and the relevant posts is really helping me see the things that I’m suppressing.

    5. Faith

      Alias, thanks for your detailed reply. It’s very helpful to see another perspective and you have given me some things to think about. I’m pretty sure I know why I am this way, childhood issues, etc. I thought I had let all this go as I’ve done a lot of work in this area, I’m certainly aware of the issues. But it has affected my beliefs and how maybe how I feel about other people, eg they’re not to be trusted and that type of thing – perhaps? I can’t be sure! Or that the mere presence of others is somehow going to be an imposition on myself. Maybe there’s some unconsious belief that it won’t be a good experience for me? Anyway, a lot of questions for me to answer…

  8. Casey

    Letting go takes patience to implement. Months and months and months….and months. I believe that impatience is a major road block for most people wanting to find balance. I know because I want to feel better “yesterday”, so to speak.

    Ironically, during my process of re-finding my life stream of balance, I’m often tempted to “let go” of “letting go” because conscious allowing can be very uncomfortable at times. When I give up on “letting go”, I find that it only increases resistance and anxiety…and discomfort. Therefore, I now see the logic of conscious allowing.

    Conscious allowing can be extremely uncomfortable, however, logic helps me see the tormented, endless road of the alternative: holding on to fears, becoming lost in thoughts, obsession, panic, catastrophizing, all-or-nothing reasoning. Logically, I’ve concluded that concious allowing is the ONLY way to finding balance…regardless of how long it takes. Logically, “letting go” can’t NOT work. Besides, allowing and letting go is far more tolerable than holding on, over-analyzing, increasing mind momentum, panic, catastrophizing, ect. Logically, “not letting go” is a road to nowhere.

    For what it’s worth, I’ve been working on this for just under 6 months. Thanks, Sen, for your blog. It provides many good reminders. Let’s chat soon.

    As a pointer, think of thoughs as peddaling a bike. Mind momentum is like peddaling a bike, except you don’t know where you’re going or how to get there. Conscious allowing is coasting a bike downhill. No need to pedal.

    1. Gunda

      Pretty well nailed it there Casay. It does take time though and can very challanging and at times uncomfortable.

      Agree with you it does take about 6 months. It is so worth it. Liked you bike analogy. I could add and not caring where i go. So people if you want to know if it works, keep doing it for 6 months, what have you got to lose? Only your mind. ( bit of a joke there). Its the other way around actually your mind loses you as in it really has no say anymore. Not to sure that makes any sense but who cares.

    2. cris

      i agree with you casey, i finally understand what allowing really means. it has taken me months to fully comprehend the simple idea of letting go even though i read it over and over. ironically enough, even though i was not letting go correctly i still went through the high emotional momemtum phases that sen describes in his posts during these months. now that i fully understand how to let go i feel like i am in much more control of my emotions and closer to inner wholeness. i see comments from others saying that it has also taken them months to really understand letting go, which reassures me that i am on the right path.

    3. Kevin W.

      Great analogy. I’ve also been working on allowing for around six months and I have started to come to some of the understandings that you just listed

    4. Casey

      Again, don’t focus on time. It can’t help but work. Generally, it does take longer than six months.

  9. Kevin W.

    I feel like I have reached a place of total allowing. I am no longer guarding against anything that comes up in my mind or my emotions. I’m just starting to see my emotions for what they really are. It seems stupid to me now that I used to live life trying to avoid the emotional impact of my fears and other thoughts. Some of my resistances are still somewhat prevalent, but I’m no longer afraid of the feelings of discomfort that they bring. It took me around 6 months of reading your blogs to really grasp what total allowing truly is. I’ve been reading you write these pointers over and over and I had a hard time truly understanding it until now. True freedom comes from the ability to face everything. It makes sense to me now.

    Thanks for everything Sen

  10. Geppetto

    I still have difficulty with allowing disturbing thoughts to pass through me without putting up a struggle or fusing with them. I need to work on this aspect of allowing and not fearing. As I read in ACT readings, What you are not willing to have ( in your mind) , you will. Thanks.

  11. Jo

    Hi Sen, I have depression since I was a child. Later it slowly developed into anxiety. I have alot of fears throughout my whole life. When I was a little kid, my mum forced me to go to alot of temple and asked me to knee down infront of the statue. She has mentally abused me. She said if I do not pray to the statue, I will get bad luck and will fall sick. The statue can do alot of ‘things’ to me if I do not listen and only the statue has the power to protect me. I have been suffering OCD since I was a child. When I have negative/bad thoughts, my mind will automatically imagining myself kneeling down infront of the statue and keep apologising to the statue. I am very tired and even though I am an mature adult now, I cannot stop thinking about that. Every move or every word that I said, the image of the statue is in my mind. I am very afraid. I have been molested by several people and one of them was my brother in law. When I told my mum, she said that it was the statue(god) that make hime did that to me. I am very very tired. How can I break free.

  12. Laura

    A recent experience made me realized that sometimes we could experience fear as a result of a hurtful or dangerous event that was stored in our memory. And that sometimes we may not even know that we carry a fear with us until some external events triggers it. If we are not able to identify or connect a fear with its root, it becomes more difficult to allow it. How can we use our fears to gain a better understanding of ourselves?

  13. Matt

    Profound and beautifully fundemental as always. This kind of understanding is the keynote of meaningful evolution, experience, and growth. Thank you and keep being awesome!

  14. kenny

    what are your thoughts on the belief of advaita folks that it takes n o time to be who you really are. you know people like mooji and papaji. not saying i “believe” that just playing devils advocate i suppose

    1. Sen Post author

      Kenny, at best these teachings give a sense of spiritual fascination, at worst they create a lot of confusion for the mind. Who you really are is “life” in essence, which is obviously true, but to discover your nature is a conscious process – your nature as a being and as the mind/body that you are living right now, it’s a process of self-discovery which takes time, so this concept of “it takes no time” becomes a huge ambiguity. There is individuality in your being and your current body/mind (the mind being the sum total of your heart and brain), and aligning with your individuality is what allows you to live your natural expression and hence feel a sense of wholeness in your existence. Releasing resistance that curbs your expression, letting go of the baggage of emotional and mental momentum that encumbers on your inner freedom, all of this takes time, and conscious choice in terms of “letting go”. Connecting with the natural personality of your mind also takes time if you’ve been disconnected with yourself. Personally, I see no practical value in the teaching of “it takes no time to be who you really are”, it just has a spiritual fascination which, I must admit, I was taken in by for a long time.

  15. abet

    what is your guys definition of “letting go”? how do we know when we have truly “let go”?. For me, one of my main problems has been the fact that i worry so much about whether i am truly in a state of allowing or not.. Any help from you guys will be greatly appreciated..

    1. gunda

      Abet, i use to think the same thing, was i doing it right? am i letting go ?, ect ect ect. Found that if you forget all that and just go with what comes up, it eventually works itself out.

      Im sure Sen can explain it a lot better than me.

    2. Jenny

      I have known Sen and the writings of this blog for 6 months now. I came across the blog some time in May, which I spent reading article upon article, then in June, I knew that I had to release the momentum of negativity that I had accumulated throughout my life.
      There was a moment, which I recall to this day, a moment where I gained an understanding that rippled through my entire being that I simply had to stop and feel everything. It wasn’t intellectual, as many other understandings had been. It was deeply personal and out of that, a deep, unwavering commitment to this process was born that has brought forth a shift in me that is simply dumbfounding. This particular article is a magnificent example of what helped me – I gained an understanding of what was being asked that my mind could not argue with. It was an understanding that resonated with my entire being and that led to the commitment that I needed to see it through and still do.

      The understanding I have gained through these articles gave me the courage I needed to allow the release process which is perhaps the most terrifying state I have ever gone through (it seems to come in cycles). Somewhere, in the midst of this release, all the questions fell away. When will it be over? Am I doing it right? Am I letting go? How do I let go? I also had all these questions but I have even to this day, been willing to allow these questions to arise, to allow the possibility that I may be doing it wrong (as Sen states in one article) and still face everything that was arising in each moment.

      Now 6 months later, I have a stability that I cannot deny. I have grown in awareness and with it has come responsibility you cannot believe. Where I place my attention now is a choice I make and I know that I’m making it.

      How do I let go? I see, watch, hear and face whatever is arising in my experience as it is, without suppression, without judgement. With courage. Then I get up off the floor and go to work and do the same over there, except I can’t just lie on the floor at work, you understand….my boss wouldn’t take too kindly to it I expect. Then it gets easier. You don’t need to lie on the floor so much having those fantastic conversations with God where you tell him that if he expects you to ever come to earth again, he needs to check whatever it is he’s smoking. You start to laugh, for no reason. Often. You get stronger and stronger in your stability where situations arise and you get to watch yourself simply moving through the experience without clinging to any aspect of it. Your conversations with God change – they become friendlier. Now you are willing to come back to Earth but mind you, you want to have this wisdom already, not have to discover it all over again, uh uh no way Jose!!

      In all this, nobody has helped me more than Sen. These articles, so simply written and devoid of the nonsensical flowery or stringent tones adopted by most other writers, have helped me gain understanding that my mind resonates with! That helps enormously – when your own mind is cooperative in regaining alignment, it’s amazing! I have also sought Sen’s help privately through chat with aspects I struggled with, for which I am eternally and profoundly grateful. Thank you Sen, as always, with all my heart.

      So to answer your question Abet. How do I let go? With courage. Humor helps too. This question is itself the answer. Just let go, even if you do it wrong. Ever seen Serenity, by the genius that is Joss Whedon? I’m reminded of that great quote by Walsh – ‘I’m a leaf on the wind, watch how I soar.’ It’s very much like that. Leaf, blowing with the wind. Sometimes up, up, up, sometimes, down, down, onto the ground, sometimes dancing in the wind, willy-nilly, happy as Larry.

      Now, if you’ll excuse me, I really need to get off this floor…


    3. Markus

      abet, any time you worry, you are seeing something about yourself to let go – worrying. Do you ever react inappropriately with anger or annoyance? Do you ever justify your actions with mind-based explanations? You might convince yourself, but it’s just covering up something that can be let go.

      I’ve found such clues to be like flags marking moments upon which I can reflect. My friend points out something I’ve done in a critical way. If I can hear what she has said and not take it personally – that is, reflect and either agree or not without getting defensive or justifying – then I am allowing. If I feel the need to explain why, or point out her part in it, or grumble that I don’t need such drama, then I’ve found one more piece of ego to let go.

      Likewise, her complaint shows me where she is. If I can see what she is showing me about herself (sensitivity to whatever my word or deed was) with compassion or understanding, I am allowing. If I recall or bring up similar patterns from the past, I am hanging on to some anger or resentment. Must let that go, too.

      Jenny brings up something good – if you can laugh at your poor choices (later, of course!), you are learning and growing. I did that?! What was I thinking? No more! Laughing not only reminds us to not take our egos so seriously, it seems to come when we have truly moved past something that gave us trouble before.

  16. kenny

    yeah i agree , alot of teachers who preach that it takes no time almost seem …i dunno very in your face about it. almost taunting you with it like they had a realization in a microsecond and if you don’t you’re doing something wrong.
    papaji, mooji, and even eckhart tolle to some extent are kind of like well you’re not realizing who you really are so you’re ego is still present in you so you are still flawed and we may be but it seems slightly arrogant to me.

    1. Markus

      There does seem to be some ego in that. However, some teachers can sound sharp while actually saying helpful things. I recall a brief dialogue in a book, between the elder, enlightened shaman and her apprentice:
      Elder: “Are you afraid of being enlightened?”
      Youth: “No, I’m not.”
      Elder: “Then why aren’t you enlightened yet?”

      An ego reaction might be to think she was a jerk. An open mind might instead hear a valid, important question.

  17. J

    I was having fear of abandonment, loneliness – intense one..

    It was mixed with sadness, pain, hurt and anxiety, but I didn’t have one strong emotion, so i didn’t know what to do with such momentum.. I didn’t know how to allow or what to be aware of because of all these mixed negative emotions.
    I guess i was trying to ‘get over’ and waiting for this momentum to ‘die out’.. which probably was the problem.. because all these ‘dark nature’ thoughts are just inherently part of the mind and it just doesn’t make sense to rid of it -not possible.

    So I started accepting this ‘loneliness’ and ‘fear of abandonment’ as a part of dark nature and just be okay with it..

    As soon as I accepted this low feeling (that I wanted to avoid/get rid of) as part of this life/mind dimension i felt the momentum die away..

    Me trying to ‘overcome’ such feelings had been actually fueling the momentum..

    Just wanted to share my experience and hope to remind myself that impatience of trying to ‘reach’ or ‘get there’ is in a sense a lack-based thought..

  18. X

    I completely agree with you, i had a similar experience. you have put is across very rightly.
    thanks for sharing your experience.

  19. Sanu

    Dear sen, i am in love with your writing.how did u understnd so much abt life?

  20. nurgis

    It just been so amazing to read your blogs. I have been on a real search for “something” for the past two years. I went through a life experience I have never had before and now I know why I was given that experience. It has been so painful and senseless until now because I understand the meaning behind it. Between that experience and finding this blog, my life will never been the same. I feel as all my questions (which really boils down to one thing) have been answered. Feels like a clog has been removed from my heart. Amazing!!!

  21. Paulmark

    My own fear always is that, whatever am thinking/about to do something. My mind always tells me that i may not make it but when i can’t go away not doing the thing, i found myself being the best among others. How will I get rid of those intitial fears.

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