A lot of words like “happiness”, “bliss” and “fulfillment” create a skewed imagination, in the mind, about what it feels like to have a space of inner wholeness. The deal with inner wholeness is that it’s a state of balance or stability, it’s not necessarily a state of a constant high where you jump out of the bed like an over-excited puppy everyday (there may be days when you do that but there are just as many days when you can feel a little blah about the morning). The physical body is not meant to be on a high all the time, and anyone hoping to achieve such a state of being has no real understanding of the biological and physiological cycles of the body – it needs the low cycle as much as the high cycle. If you can let your body “be” it will be fine, it knows how to balance itself, it’s just that we have perfected the art of creating an “artificial high” either through pumping chemicals into the body or some forced emotional high created through some “mind” technique. There are a lot of people who feel guilty about not feeling high – it’s as if they are committing a sin by feeling low. A lot of spirituality has also become a mindless pursuit of attaining some high-state experience, which is just “deluded” living.
Look around you at nature and you will see the art of “energy balance” at play – the spring is followed by autumn, if the trees were like humans they would make an effort to retain their blossoms through out the year, in order to “look good”, and finally get exhausted, because they missed the rest period given by autumn, and lose their capacity for quality blossoms. Nature, in its pure form, is naturally in a state of inner wholeness – this is the natural state of being of life-energy, the state of stability. Even Earth as a whole, as an entity, understands the need for balance and there are many ways through which she (well, they call it mother Earth) maintains harmony which to the human mind may look like disasters. So, when I talk about “inner wholeness” I am not talking about some “mind driven” state of enjoyment, neither am I talking about a physical high, neither am I talking about “feeling great” – all of these are “experiences” which are fleeting in nature, inner wholeness is the space of life in which experiences happen. This space is an aspect of you, it’s sometimes referred to as the “unmoving part” but in truth it’s also moving, dynamic and alive, it’s just that it’s “stable” energy – experiences are unstable energy formations that happen in this stable space of energy.
“Happiness” can be called an experience which happens in the space of inner wholeness, “Sadness” is another experience which can happen in the space of inner wholeness – however, when you are stable in your space of inner wholeness, both happiness and sadness lose their pulling power (their intensity or momentum), you are not in a place of “craving” happiness neither are you in a place of fighting sadness, both are allowed when they happen, they are both experiences/flavors of physical life. So, in a simple sense, I call “inner wholeness” as a state of balance where there is no dark or light polarity, while allowing these polarities on the surface. I think Mister Eckhart (a 14th century Preacher) gave a very accurate description for it – “a silent desert where distinction never gazed” – it seems poetic but it’s one the best ways to describe the space of inner wholeness, this space of life which is within all of us, it feels like home because it “is” your true natural vibration. You don’t attain it through force, you come to it by taking the backward step of letting go of your struggle-based mindset – through “total allowing”.
The practical value of inner wholeness
No-one wants to experience suffering, and the low states are considered to be suffering, and hence the desire to cling to the high states. But low states by themselves are not suffering, it’s only when their intensity is high do they become a source of suffering. For that matter even an imbalance in high states can become a source of suffering, over-excitement blunts your wisdom terribly and problematic accidents take place in this state. When the low-states lose their intensity, they are not a source of suffering, they are just passing, surface-level, experiences that don’t bother you within; in the same way the high states also lose their intensity and you are not constantly looking forward to the next high – you become a stable human, you feel a sense of “reliability” about yourself, you stop feeling so unpredictable within.
Inner wholeness is a pre-requisite for living in this physical world, it’s not a luxury. Without inner wholeness, physical living can easily be a nightmare – just imagine how painful it is to fall in love with someone and seek their presence in your life all the time, being a prisoner to their attention and time, it’s excruciatingly painful and a huge drain on your body’s energy/harmony, it’s a terrible state of neediness and people who’ve felt it know how horrible it feels (there is nothing poetic about it, nothing remotely romantic about it the way it’s projected in movies). This is just one example of how painful your physical life can be in the absence of inner wholeness. Physical living is rife with challenges created by the simple truth that only “change is permanent” and change always entails some form of dissolution, and dissolutions are very painful if one does not have the stability of their inner space. In fact, we resist “positive change” because we are holding on to an old, possibly incongruent, reality out of fear of not bearing the pain of its dissolution. Physical living is “smooth” when you have inner wholeness, simply because you are no longer influenced by the surface movements, be it thoughts, feelings or circumstances, while being fully capable to engaging in them and enjoying/experiencing them as a flavor of physicality.
What inner wholeness is “Not”
Let me elucidate a few things that inner wholeness is not, just so as to remove a lot of misunderstandings created by vague teachings in the name of spirituality or philosophy.
It’s not a state of being desireless – Desire is the force required for life to have “movement” and movement is what creates the experience of life, without movement of energy there is just death or nothing. Life-energy inherently cannot stop desiring, it’s very nature is one of being a creator, it enjoys creation. To say that “enlightenment” is a state of being desireless has to be biggest misunderstanding one can ever feed a student seeking clarity on life – if you buy into this misunderstanding you will spend a whole lifetime trying to be desireless without ever achieving it simply because it’s just not “natural” to you as life-energy. Inner wholeness allows, freely, your nature of desiring, it aligns you fully with your heart’s desire for expression and experience. It’s just that inner wholeness also dissolves a lot of “incongruent thinking” thus removes any deluded desire you might be holding – by “deluded” I mean a desire created out of your inability to know your heart, usually from a place of comparison or negative thinking of some form.
It’s true that, with inner wholeness, you are free of the “grip” of the desire, in that you are not craving it like a druggie craves a fix. The desire may be strong in the mind but the space of inner wholeness allows you to not be held by the mind’s angst about not having it at this present moment – this is what it means to be free of the hold of desire, but being free to desire. This is what the teachings of “desireless-ness” imply, though it’s always misunderstood if not explained clearly. Entertainment and creativity is the basic desire of every life form, it’s the very nature of life-energy to enjoy itself, and you need to get a sense of your preference/desires with respect to the expression and experience that’s congruent with you, and align with it.
It’s not a state of unconditional love – The term “unconditional” doesn’t even make sense in any way, be it in the physical or non-physical perspective. Everything is “conditional”. The only reason for a stream of consciousness (a creator) to love its creation is because it’s “its” creation, it’s personal, it’s a selfish deal. The consciousness that created this cosmos is in love with it because it’s a “personal” creation for it. Love is highly selfish, you can only love what you feel love towards, you can’t make yourself love because someone wants you to love them. Everything is “one”, that’s for sure, but it doesn’t mean you can love everything – you can only love as per your preference, and in this human form we all have our own preferences, and our preferences define our “conditional” love. Just because a certain teacher is in love with the “simple things” doesn’t mean that he/she has the right to tell the students to also love the “simple things”, it’s perfectly fine if you love luxuries of all kinds – it’s “your” preference that counts for you.
Stop trying to be “all loving”, it’s the biggest gift you can give yourself. It’s so pathetic to force yourself to love out of a concept that you “have” to be all loving. If you don’t love something feel free to move out of it, feel free to say “no” to it, that’s what it means to have an integrity or authenticity. Anyone who is asking you to “practice compassion” is basically asking you to be fake in some way, instead of asking you connect with your inner wholeness and let your natural love come through as per its expression in your human form. Compassion cannot be practiced, the moment you try to practice it you’ve already lost compassion for yourself, and you can’t give others what you don’t have yourself.
It’s not a state of perpetual “good mood” – The state of inner wholeness is simply an inner stability that allows the free movement of the surface level aspects of physicality, including bad moods, good moods and no moods. The intensity of your “moods” no longer penetrates your being, but you also lose the struggle to fight your moods – you just let yourself “be”. The fact that your moods don’t have a grip on your being ensures that you don’t feel unpredictable within, but this does not mean that you don’t have bad moods especially when your body has a low cycle going on. Suffering, as I mentioned above, is caused by the “intensity” of the low-state, and when you have a space of inner wholeness, within, the moods lack an intensity and hence are not a factor of suffering, they are just fleeting physical expressions. Stop trying to force yourself to be in a good mood all the time, it’s an “imbalanced” way of thinking – the low states are just as essential as the high states to maintain a balance of energy in your physical being.
It’s the suppression of the low-states or the over-indulgence in the high-states that causes the momentum of negativity to start building up. Suppression and over-indulgence are both imbalances, and imbalance is what I refer to as “negativity”. By itself nothing is negative, unless it goes into imbalance. Light nature can go as much into imbalance as dark nature, and both can be causes of suffering. It’s easy to admonish dark natured imbalances while not observing the suffering created by light natured imbalances.
Inner wholeness is the only solution to psychological suffering
Ultimately all short-term fixes end up creating some form of imbalance. None of this is a “pep talk” to get you through another day, it’s meant to be a pointer towards a lasting stability that frees you from the need for pep talk. I can basically give one answer to all questions on “how do I become free of this negative situation or negativity” – find your inner wholeness. Having relationship problems? find inner wholeness, Having financial problems? find inner wholeness. Having health problems? find inner wholeness. It basically is a “one stop” solution to everything that you find negative in your life. Inner wholeness makes you “self reliant”, you no longer have to depend on someone else to answer your questions, you no longer require “assurance” from the outside, neither do you need someone/something as a “crutch”. Of course, guidance is of immense value while getting to the place of inner wholeness, and questions, and seeking assurance, has a very important place in this journey – it helps expedite the journey if you gain the right understanding, trust or assurance.
The quintessential question is – how do I find inner wholeness. The answer is simple, through coming to a place of “total allowing”. The execution is simple – just allow what arises totally, within you, in your mind and in your emotional space, without fighting it, and you will naturally reach inner wholeness. If doubts arise allow the doubts, if pain arises allow the pain, if fear arises allow the fear, if hatred arises allow the hate, if panic arises allow the panic, if laziness arises allow the laziness, if inactivity arises allow inactivity, if confusion arises allow the confusion – everything falls into place if you just stay in the space of effortless allowing. Let go of the mindset of struggle, of fighting life, of waging a war within yourself towards “what is”. Once you hit inner wholeness you will feel free enough to engage with life in any way you want/desire/prefer, but until then just be willing to stay surrendered – only in a total surrender can a quick release take place, and this release, of the momentum of negativity in the mind and body space, is essential to find inner wholeness.
About the only use of a true teacher/guide is to point you towards the space of inner wholeness and then just be a source of “assurance” as you make the journey, because he/she has already seen the journey and understands it. The “essence” of this journey, towards inner wholeness, is always the same for everyone, only the degree of experiences may vary. At some point, you will no longer need a “guide” of any form, you feel self reliant and feel confident of making this journey on your own. You don’t want to be a “follower” all your life, you don’t want to feel the need for outside guidance for a lifetime, it’s just needed until you learn to walk on your own – just like a baby needs the support of parent to stand up, until it can stand up on its own. Being self reliant, within yourself, is the mark of a true adult, till then you are still a kid in some way. And being a kid is a necessary experience towards becoming an adult, no-one is born an adult, we grow into adulthood.