The journey towards finding your inner wholeness involves freedom from three forms of resistance – the ego force, brain momentum and emotional accumulation. All these three factors, in combination, contribute to an imbalanced “mind” momentum (or momentum of negativity), the mind being just a pointer to the space of thoughts in a being. The ego-force contributes to negativity, a brain in an over-drive contributes to negativity and a high emotional accumulation contributes to negativity – a combination of all the three spells out the condition of strong inner imbalance. Negativity is a term I use to indicate a disconnection from a state of balance/wholeness. Identifying each of these resistances, in you, is the first step towards understanding the root cause of negativity; without a conscious identification of these core causes you cannot really work towards releasing them. The second step is to allow a release of their momentum by consciously letting go of being identified with that particular force in you. The step of identifying the resistance requires a capacity for “awareness”, and the step of letting go requires a capacity for staying in a state of conscious/aware allowing without identification.
Understanding and observation causes an increase in “awareness”. However, it does take a certain amount of courage to let go of identifying with the pull of these “forces”, without trying to suppress them (which is what a state of conscious allowing is), to allow a release of their momentum until they are no longer powerful enough to influence your being, thus bringing you to a place of inner wholeness. Of course, awareness is the key, without being aware, of a certain force of resistance/imbalance/delusion in you, it’s not possible to release your identification with it. The state of unconscious living is when a person is lost to the pull of these forces to the extent of being a prisoner to their influence – this is what it means to lose your inner freedom. If the state of unconsciousness is continued, sooner or later, these forces gain enough momentum to become a source of constant psychological suffering, around this time is usually when a person realizes the extent to which he/she is trapped to their influence. This realization is usually the “waking point” towards seeking conscious freedom.
Bringing awareness to the ego-force
In your true essence you exist as a non-physical “being”, which I also call a “stream of consciousness” or soul, and when you are focused in your physical body you are working in tandem with the brain and the heart, which are two primary intelligences present in a body. You have an ego as a being/soul (the sense of “I”), the brain has an ego because it’s self-aware, the heart has an ego in the sense that it has preferences (the heart, as an organ, is not unconditional in its love, it has preferences towards what it connects with). Ego is not a problem, it’s a nature in life-energy, the problem is when it becomes a “force” that resists your connection with your natural wholeness, which inherently means that you are disconnected from wisdom and are lost to an egoic perspective.
In the physical realm, as a being, you become identified with the body, and take it to be your only identity, forgetting your connection with the body of life which you essentially are. Your focus can narrow down so sharply around your physicality that you end up becoming disconnected with the inner wisdom coming from your life-space. I just use terms like life-space, body of life, intelligence of your life-stream, intelligence of totality, the space of being, the space of life etc to refer to the “one” space in which everything is happening, which is all there is. I like the analogy of how different water bodies (like rivers) emerge from the ocean but are inherently connected to the ocean, and are just different expressions of it – a river cannot survive in disconnection with the ocean. As a being, you are like a river, but you can become so totally identified with your form as a river that you forget your connection with the ocean, this what it means to have a strong ego-force, which disconnects you from wholeness. You, of course, have your individual existence (just like the river has an individual presence), but you are not independent of the wholeness of life, and if you move purely from an egoic perspective you lose connection with the wisdom of wholeness.
As being you can become totally identified with the brain (along with its ego) and be a prisoner to its influence. You can also become lost to your heart, and be a prisoner to it. It’s one thing to understand your brain, and your heart, and allow a harmonious expression, but it’s a totally different thing to be a prisoner to their influence to the point where you feel helplessly pulled around by them. The brain, and the heart, on their own, lack wisdom – there are totally moved by their impulses and can go into imbalances when over-indulged. Balance requires that you bring the wisdom of wholeness to your brain, and your heart, while understanding their preferences. For example, consider the dimension of sexuality in your brain/body, if you are totally lost towards your brain’s impulses you become a prisoner to this dimension and live from a constant place of depravity – a dimension which can be enjoyed in a state of balance can become a source of psychological suffering when one is lost to its influence without any sense of inner wisdom.
The ego-force is simply the force generated by total identification with a sense of “me” without the balance of connecting with the wisdom of your life-space. Higher the ego-force stronger is the imbalance i your being, and there is some form of an evident crash that happens, eventually, as a manifestation of this disconnection. In a state of balance the ego is not a problem, as it’s working in conjunction with the wisdom of wholeness, and is not a singular force that runs your being. It’s very important to understand that the ego is not a problem by itself, it’s the imbalanced ego-force which is the problem – I reiterate this several times just to ensure there is no misunderstanding; the last thing you want is to try to reach some state of being “egoless”, which just becomes a deluded, endless, pursuit. It’s about balance, it’s not about moving from one extreme to another.
If you are wondering how to identify the ego in you, consider the below pointers
- Your ego is what feels insulted or hurt
- Your ego is what feels needy
- Your ego is what feels joy/excited on a personal achievement
- Your ego is what feels jealous of others’ achievement
- Your ego is what falls in love or feels attracted to that “special” person (heart’s ego in conjunction with your being)
- Your ego is what’s “trying” to be all loving
- Your ego is what spews anger, and it’s also what feels guilty about anger
- Your ego is what’s anxious in a social situation
- Your ego is what’s afraid of being alone, and it’s also what seeks refuge in being alone out of fear of the outside
Basically, the ego is the sense of “I” that operates in your life. When it’s in imbalance it’s a source of psychological suffering, however, when it’s not a strong force in you (and thus allows you to have connection with your space of being) it allows for a “healthy” expression. It’s easy to determine if your ego-force has a high momentum in you, just check out if you lose yourself to your ego the moment you are hurt, anxious, angered or over-excited, see how strongly you hold on to these feelings/thoughts – the stronger your hold, the stronger your ego-force.
The resistance of brain momentum
The brain, as an organ, can go on an overdrive when it’s imbued with too much attention from you (as the being). Your attention/focus has the power to “fuel” anything that it rests on, this is the principle of creation – this is the potential/power you have as life-energy. Knowing this power, in your being, is a big step towards living a conscious life of not creating an unconscious imbalance through an over-dose of focus on anything. Also, the brain, by itself, can keep re-fueling its momentum when it’s constantly “active”, and hence is in a state of “feeding itself” through its focus. For example, people who are given to watching TV, for long periods of time, are keeping their brain focused inordinately and it keeps gathering momentum. The same is true for people who are lost to a work that requires mental focus (even some creative work like writing a novel), or just lost to the habit of “thinking” inordinately, thus keeping their brain active all the time with no space of conscious rest. Such an unconscious movement causes the brain to keep building a momentum to the point where starts feeling “out of control”, where you can’t relax your thinking even if you desire to, that’s when realize that you’ve become a prisoner to your own brain.
OCD, in all its minor and major forms, is one of the symptoms of a brain that has a high momentum (though it can also be caused by a high emotional accumulation). However, it’s not the brain that’s to blame, of its own, it’s your unconscious identification with the brain, and patterns of unconscious living, that contributed to this hike in momentum. The brain can also have a strong momentum of ego-force going for itself, when it develops a strongly self-obsessed pattern of thinking – this is basically a consequence of having no understanding of the oneness of life, and thus moving totally from egoic perspectives. This ego-force, in the brain, takes the shape of strong neural pathways that take time to dissolve even after you’ve become “conscious” and are letting go of being identified with these self-obsessed patterns of thought. Even if your being is “enlightened” in terms of seeing through the influence of ego-force, it still takes time for the brain to let go of the momentum of ego-force present in it (as the neural pathways are “physical constructs” which take time to dissolve).
Imbalance created by emotional accumulation
“Sensitivity” is a nature in life-energy. Sensitivity simply means the capacity to “feel”. Sensory feelings (like the sense of touch) and emotional feelings are the two ways in which we experience sensitivity as a human being. Emotional feelings are created through our “perception”, basically they are created by what we feel about a thought, about a sensation or about an experience. In a simplistic sense, our feelings can be categorized as love, fear, joy, hatred, boredom and sexuality-based. Feelings are also “energy”, and they can get stored/accumulated when one is overly identified with them, or when one is trying to suppress them. Your identification, and suppression, are both forms of “focus” which cause the amplification of the energy of the feeling and causes the excess to get stored up as it does not find a release – this is what an emotional accumulation is all about. As a being/soul, you can have an emotional accumulation over several life-times depending on your level of unconsciousness.
The emotional accumulation becomes a problem for three reasons
1. Your emotional accumulation becomes a fuel for instigating your brain’s thinking
2. Your emotional accumulation creates resistance in your being towards inner wholeness/wisdom and causes you to move purely from the place of seeking relief from its pressure
3. A high, past, emotional accumulation (of a certain emotion like fear) causes you to feel “intolerant” towards that feeling (in your present), as it becomes too painful to handle. It’s like when the ballon is filled up with air, every ounce of air you add brings it to a point of bursting.
Letting go of your past emotional accumulation requires you to go through a phase of consciously allowing these stored-up “energies” to come up and be released – it feels unpleasant to sense these accumulated feelings come up in your consciousness, but without this conscious release the momentum just keeps regenerating itself.
All the three forces (ego-force, brain momentum and emotional momentum) get released, and you find a space of inner wholeness in your being, as you consciously allow their momentum to ebb away. It involves growing in awareness of their presence in you and then releasing their momentum in a state of allowing by letting go of your identification.