Reaching a Place of Total Allowing
The space of inner wholeness arises when you release most of the negative energy momentum that has been accumulated in your body/mind. The way to release this momentum is by letting go of giving new fuel to it, so that it runs purely on its past fuel which gets exhausted with time. The various ways […]
Link back to full article: https://www.calmdownmind.com/reaching-a-place-of-total-allowing/
Thank you so much! I suffer from depression and obsessive compulsive disorder,I’ve tried a lot of methods for finding inner balance… but techniques suggested in this blog seem to be the best ones I’ve seen so far!
Hi Sen..I will be really thankful if You can clear my doubts here…I am in the process of allowing these days and Yes there is great variance in experiences that I have each day. When I am in a state of allowing is is normal for me to feel anxious as if brain is asking for something negative to hold on and i could feel that anxiety in my stomach FOR NO REASON ? Is this anxiety the negative energy that’s releasing?
Also,
I have another doubt which i wanted to clear. As I read in your post
1.) The various ways in which you end up giving new fuel to an existing negative momentum are: “By believing the negative thoughts to be true and hence giving interest to them”
2.) And you also say :that when one is doing allowing of thoughts i.e., if he is having a fear that he might be suffering from disease he should allow that thought to come and accept fearlessly of the chance that he might be really suffering from such disease till the point that he longer fears it. So this is something like BELIEVING in this negative thought which contradicts the 1st point.
Please throw some light on it. Thanks Sen.
Dear Sen,
I have tried in the past to watch my mind, as soon as I become the witness, the thoughts subsides and the mind is quiet for a while, there after my breathing becomes prominent, or in other words my focus shifts to the breathing. At this point I feel quite suffocating and tend to give up the process. Could you kindly let me know what is that I am doing wrong here, or is it a gradual process?
Secondly, at times, I tend to become aware that I am lost in the mind and try to detach myself and watch. This happens mostly when I am dwelling on a negative thought and the feelings disturb me. When I watch the mind, as I mentioned above the thoughts disappear, but the feeling persists for some time and I become restless. I tend to think whether I am suppressing my thoughts instead of allowing it. I t seems like there is a thin line between the two.
I really appreciate your guidance.
Shanthy, the question you need to ask yourself is what your state of being when you try to watch the thoughts or when you try to be aware in general? It’s possible that your attitude is one of being fearful (meek or anxious) or rigid, instead of truly being open and relaxed (by relaxed I don’t mean trying to “feel good”, I just mean a sense of effortless surrender in your being). As you mentioned, you become restless, or your focus shifts to your breathing, which is all indication that you are “strained”, and are doing this as an effort, from a place of fear, which makes your awareness very “narrow” and contracted. What’s required is to move into a state of true openness, where you are not “restless” to get this process done with, where you are not “restless” to get it right, rather you are just open for the sake of being open – in a true state of opennes you are not waiting for anything, you are simply open to “what is”. When your awareness is “waiting” for something, it will become narrow in its focus, it will become fearful, restless and contracted, which is what is happening in your case.
Thank you so much Sen.
I am trying consciously to manifest this position in a place of work. I think that I’m acting from ‘lack’ because I feel desperation, since I need to start working again. Instead of acting with desperation, the rest….. is what I feel is missing.
Hi Sean. I have read you articles and going them brilliant.
I hope you can give me some helpful advices:
I believe I am through a transition state where am learning to become more aware, after being lost in my negative mi d for so many years and reached a point of trying to suicide more than one time( that was last year).
However, we know that the past does not matter so I won’t e wasting time to tell you what happened to me, as we both know that it was the way my mind interpreted it that has causes too much suffering in me.
I believe I am still depressed and very heavy, and have also recently graduated from college and don’t have a clue of what I would like to do with my life. I have been seeing a spiritual counsellor since a year and he has helped me a lot int the stage of rescue, being doing bik ram yoga, Pranic healing, acupuncture but am still trapped in my mind, despite I am more grounded and not have panic attach and suicidal thoughts anymore.
The advice I wanted to ask is regarding my present life situation: am currently working into a restaurant where have worked while paying my studies and its very stressful job, but when it comes to search for a job in the areas of my studies I don’t feel motivated and don’t know if I want to do it. The biggest problem is when I am stuck in this restaurant and I want to escape because is do unbearable that I can go crazy because dont know where to start and find it difficult to seat in front of a pc to look for a job.and depending on my mind mood I can either feel desperate because I am stuck in the suffering of this place and can’t take a direction, or I can say to myself, don’t worry when you are more conscious you ll know what to do and this scars me because I can’t predict it. The question is/ how can I become note aware in a place where all the environment does is to try to make me feel even more and more negative, and depressed, and usually it succeeds?
It seems my path is not easy because I have to take some important decisions about Amy future but don’t know where rod start and don’t know what I would be liking doing, having always lived in my mind and despair emotions?
And the fears? Yes there are plenty , and my mind tries to hide them.
Would you say something about this?
Thanks,
Marcello
Dear Sen
Have been at my practice of allowing for about 3 months or so now and although I am still suffering I do feel a reduction in the intensity of thethoughts and feelings at times so it would seem that things are improving slowly. I still have a long road to travel I guess as I am letting go of a lifetime of negativity, fear and anxiety\low moods etc.
One thing I would like you to clarify for me is the notion of increasing ‘awareness of oneself and the body’ etc – as part of my fears\anxieties I feel very self-conscious\suffer paranoid feelings at times – could you please outline the distinction between the two as I find this a bit confusing at times. However I am fully committed to the process and I dont care how long it takes. I am definitely more allowing and sometimes I am even laughing at the ridiculous thoughts that my mind throws up.
Mac, the term “growing in awareness of oneself” is simply a pointer to deeper in your internal focus (or self-consciousness) but from a place of “observation” rather than being lost in identification with the negativity present within. Awareness is the capacity to observe without suppression or over-identification – that’s why I use the term “open awareness” or “relaxed awareness” which does not mean you have to force yourself to relax, rather it means let go of any form of force and just allow what arises, allowing yourself to just observe. With time you can let go of trying to be aware, just work on being allowing, just a total state of openness without requiring any assurance.
hi sen. i think you are absolutely amazing. i have been reading your articles for a while, and i am amazed…I would really appreciate it if you could help me! if i desire to get into a relationship with a person, in order to manifest it should i visualize it from the 6 dimensions of the mind? i mean thinking that even if i get into a relationship with this person there are things that i am not going to like about him.. or it doesnt matter?
Mary, the deal of visualizing for the 6 dimension of thinking/mind, is simply to become aware of any resistance you may have to the reality of having a relationship – every reality has a dark nature along with light nature, for example a relationship also brings with it the surety of loss at some point (at the latest by death), and also a relationship can cause you to feel possessive, take up your time, take up your energy and possibly require you to let go of certain realities that you are habitually attached to currently. You can read this post – grounded in reality – for more insight on aligning your thinking with better a understanding of reality.
thank you sen. If i want a relationship with a specific person, and this person for the moment does not want the same thing, and if i really want to have this experience what should i do? please help me, i am so lost i dont know what to do…i just know that i want to experience this, and i sure wont give up no matter what!
Mary, if you notice, what you are feeling is akin to a vibe of “neediness” and this vibe is by its very nature is repulsive towards the very reality that you desire, which is for a fulfilling relationship. You would need to bring awareness to this sense of lack/neediness that has a hold on you, and work on letting go of being identified with its pull – it’s like releasing your attachment to that specific “outcome”. It’s counter-intuitive, because letting go can feel like giving up on the desire, but in truth it is like freeing up your energy (by releasing resistance) and thus be more receptive to allowing the desire to unfold in an aligned manner. You can read the post – Finding love – for more insight on this.
Hi Sen,
In this state of allowing, what if we get an impulse to be mindful and observe our thoughts, rather than allow them to be? The impulse to be mindful often interrupts my natural flow of thought, because I may randomly become mindful and aware of these thoughts, and thus lose the natural trajectory of these thoughts. In a sense, my ability to be mindful and aware seems to be interfering with my ability to think and allow, naturally. How do I react to this in a state of allowing?
Thank you
Hasheem, the state of allowing is not a disconnection with being observant of your mind’s thinking – you can be observant of your thinking, the only deal is have this sense of awareness about not becoming over-identified (or giving validation) to a certain negativity/imbalanced pull while also not being in a state of contradicting/suppressing the thoughts as they arise. Don’t worry about losing the trajectory of thoughts, rest assured that anything that’s unresolved will keep coming up until its truly seen through and dissolved of its negativity.
I just want to say, thank you Sen, thank you for sharing your learnings with the world.
Myself, I am just starting on the self awareness process and letting go of many negativities in my mind. But your blog has been by far the most beneficial find on this huge, huge web of knowledge and opinion. It resonates as an inherent … I’m not sure of the right word, truthfulness, common sense … but I think “how it works” is better of what I mean.
Anyway, I have a long way to go, but I feel I’ve started, and your blog has given me the reinforcement that I needed to know that I was indeed “on to something” in this whole self awareness / transformation thing.
Thank you again, Sen
Andrew
Hello Sen,
I was just wondering that after we do our daily 20-30min practice of allowing, how do we spend the rest of the day? Should we try to be in a different mindset, consciously trying to allow? everything I find it difficult to just “allow” for a whole day because I have classes I need to take, responsibilities, exercise, exams, etc. Also, I’ve noticed that in this state of allowing, sometimes my mind feels overwhelmed and unable to think clearly, and this translates to a feeling of strong, irrational panic in my body that usually fades away in a minute. This can happen out of the blue, but how should I deal with this when it happens and how can I act differently to prevent it from happening in the future?
Thank you
Hi Sen,
After practicing awareness for a month or so, I feel confused and afraid of it. I feel like I’m not sure who is the watcher and the watched and this frightens me. It also seems that awareness takes over whether I want it to or not. where do I go from here?
thank you
Hi Sen
I’m at a point where i am gradually starting to allow my feelings snd thoughts that arise, i’ve only been reading your posts for 2 days now and a lot of it makes sense. I have been supressing my emotions for a very long time but not my thoughts. Since i got derealization and depersonalization about 1 year and 4 months ago, i’ve supressed my thoughts now aswell as my emotions and feelings. For example i would feel so much anger towards a family member, but because i was taught to see them as authority, i was not allowed to express my anger towards them, i would conciously ignore the feeling and absolutely hate having this tense anger in me with added anger of not being able to express this anger.
I have been trying this technique of letting go and allowing thoughts/emotions to arise, and even allowing the thought of progress to just be and not identifying with progress but instead just “being”. I know and fully understand this will take sometime before i actually see any changes due to the years and years of suppressed emotiond and thoughts, but during these two dsys, after the “allowing” technique, i’ve seen some good results, i wont go into detail but you get the process.
To be brief, i want to get these questions answered and off my chest:
* Does the act of “allowing” and “letting go” and “accepting” link with recovering from derealization and depersonalization?
* I’ve noticed since i’ve used the allowing yechnique, i’ve noriced my mind and thoughts have become difficult to deal with, i probably havent fully grasped what “allowing” is, i’ll try allowing any thought or emotion to arise and i wont touch on it, but after a few moments, this becomes strange and difficult. It’s sort of like my minds telling me, “ur not getting anywhere”.
* At times i feel like i am ready to work on allowing any thought/emotion that arises, however those emotions and thoughts sometimes are absent, i want to feel as if im getting somewhere, i want to feel that anger in me so that i could allow it to be, but sometimes its not there. Maybe the answer to this question is, it will take time? Can you clarify this for me?
Hi Adam,
I am not a guru as Sen. And maybe I haven’t got the full grasp of what allowing is, but I just want to tell that allowing is not a technique. You just need this as a technique to practice at first, but once you can observe the mind/thoughts, you have to let go, dont cling to it. Allowing simply means, allow what the mind wants to do, if it wanted to think, then so be it, if it changed it’s focus to something else, then so be it. It’s like playing along with your mind, think of it as a child who wants your attention, treat it with care just like your best friend. It’s just want to warn you about negative feeling but mostly all of them are delusions, and making things more complicated which in reality is quite simple. Just be aware of the thoughts and play along with what it wants. If the emotion is too overwhelming, dont force yourself, you can drop the thoughts for some time, because it will come again sooner or later. Allow every thoughts and emotions without identify yourself with them.
Hope this useful.
Hi Sen,
Thankyou.
I have a specific question I hope you might help with. If I am aware that my fear is caused by the loss of intimacy from a recent relationship, how do I go about consciously allowing that thought. I recognise that I am thinking of my ex-partner often and that is generally followed by a great pain in my chest. I seem to have the awareness but the “letting go” is alluding me.
Billy
Dear Sen,
I observe that I could do this “total allowing” only whenever I’m aware of my breath. So, is both essentially the same?
Thanks,
Uma
i feel the exact same way. when i allow everything. i then realize that im breathing…
Hello Sen,
I’ve been practicing watching the recurring negative thoughts in my mind for quite some time. I now feel the mind’s ‘pull’ whenever the negativity arises…
Sometimes I am able to detach from the negativity when it arises, and at other times, the negativity possess my entire being. Whenever a negative thought arises in my mind, I simply do not give it interest by depriving it of my attention and focus on the present moment. When this happens though, I still feel the negative energy in my body and I watch it happen without resistance. At times, this technique works but at other times the feeling is so overwhelming that I cannot help but become one with negativity.
My question is, is there anyway to tell whether my removing of attention from negative thoughts is just another state of denial/suppression/indirect fear of a thought? I can safely say that I do not fear negative thoughts, I do my best to welcome it. At the same time, I remove my attention from the negative thought as it arises in my mind but still feel it’s energy in my body.
Thanks,
Joe
Joe, the deal is to be open to what arises, without shielding yourself from a place of fear. When you mention – “at times this technique works but other times the feeling is so overwhelming that I cannot help but become one with negativity” – first of all, this is not technique to “feel good”, it’s a pointer towards a true openness to what arises. If there is a “negative feeling” that comes up, then allow yourself to experience it fully as it is, nothing can feel overwhelming if you are fully allowing of it, it’s only when you start resisting something that it feels overwhelming. It’s important that you understand the logic of what openness implies, it’s not some technique to find a place of relief, it’s the invitation towards developing the inner space/power to consciously allow anything that arises (be it a negative thought or feelings) without needing to suppress it or sort it out – this inner space is what translates to inner freedom.
Is it okay to use the state of allowing just as a practice in order to get rid of the momentum, provided you still use it as a state of being after the momentum is gone, or would you have to use it as a state of being in order to get rid of the momentum?
The reason I ask is because I have become something of a recluse because of my negativity (which in this case comes in the form of misophonia). I have been getting out and about more often, because I know that what I am doing is not healthy, but I find it is harder (but not impossible) to be allowing then, though I am still mindful of the choice to do so, as well as my thoughts and emotions. When I am at home, however, I find it easier to allow the layers to arise, be left alone, acknowledged, and ebb away.
sen
so your saying you have to be allowing and conciously aware at the same time?
Nour, you can only allow when you are “aware”, in a state of unconsciousness your tendency would be to either suppress or get totally identified with what arises in you
Hi Sen,
Your site is great, I have read lots of your articles. Just like you said, at first I was afraid of many of my negative thoughts/feelings, I was afraid that if I thought of them too much, they would manifest somehow. So I tried to ignored them, then they just became bigger and bigger. Until a day when I found out that I had to face them, and those feelings, they just wanted to tell me that I was doing something wrong. And when I did the right things, they just disappeared naturally. Now I am not afraid of them anymore, I just do the right things, and they just don’t come to me anymore. If they come, I just listen to what they want to tell me, once i understand their messages, they just go away…
Ly.
” when negativity kicks in, just be conscious of it and allow it to come up, don’t try to escape it through trying to suppress it. Also the fact that you are conscious of it means you are not fully taken up by it, and this space of “dis-identification” causes the momentum of negativity to start ebbing away because it’s not getting the fuel of your belief, attention, fear or interest. ”
One question how exactly do I accomplish this? It’s like the more allowing I feel i’m being , the more outside forces come in to knock me down and make me angry and stressed out so i can’t even remember what allowing is or what to do. When I “allow” it just feels like It’s “me” thinking thoughts . I’m somewhat detached in that i’m sort of observing them but they’re still there taunting me 24/7. My kids screaming and misbehaving also throw me out of alignment. Making me want to scream and break things i get so frustrated. And after i lose i’m right back to square one feeling like it will always be like this and my efforts to be inwardly free are always in vain. Any thoughts? Thanks man.
KFH
kenny, it sounds like you have great momentum in what is pushing you. Constant thoughts point to this, as do ‘outside forces’ – which reflect your state of inner imbalance. Every repeating challenge is an opportunity to do differently from last time.
Children can be frustrating, but remember that you are the grown-up here. They will scream when they don’t know how else to express themselves. They misbehave because they have not yet learned proper behaviour. And they will learn how to behave by watching how you behave – no matter what rules you make, or how you explain things.
If you still scream and misbehave (break things), what does that tell you? Maybe you did not get the chance to learn better ways when you were young? It’s never too late. Sometimes a good start is simply breaking the old pattern that creates suffering. Then you have room to figure out some new way of being and doing.
While you are caught up in frustration and anger, allowing might mean to just accept the situation (as long as the children are safe, of course). “I can’t control this, I will not even try,” or whatever thoughts get you to stop acting angry. Feel the anger – not think about it (that will fuel it), just feel it. No words, just pay attention to the feeling as you calm down (that is allowing the feeling and letting it go). Once you are calm, you can take care of the situation from a more balanced state of mind.
It’s not in vain – you are working on yourself so that your whole family can grow. By learning to do better, you teach your children a better way. That’s a big deal.
Hi Kenny,
after I saw your post, I just want to share with you my own experiences. I used to feel that way like being back to square one. My process is like, after I have been through some time with the allowing, there was a period of time that I feel peace, joy, and silence in my mind, about a week more or less. And the next day my mind just like exploded, there was this sudden outbreak of thoughts, and I felt like i am a super sensitive guy which easily think of negative thoughts or get emotional, that time, i felt anything on the street, anything i hear or watch is constantly trying to provoke me 24/7. However, the truth is, I was not back to square one, it’s just that my awareness is getting stronger moment by moment, so i am more aware of deeper imbalances in me, remember that Sen said in his blogs that the release happens in layer.
So, you are not back to square one, there are 2 possibilities here, 1st, like Markus said, you have a great momentum and you need to release them by allowing them. I know it’s hard, unpleasant. I dont like it too at first, but hang in there. You are an adult, just stay aware. I still have some problems allowing anger. 2nd, is your awareness is growing, but this only you can know. Stay aware, allow everything that is happening. Feel the silent background in you, you will feel amazed by it’s presence, it’s like you are in a middle of chaos but you feel calm instead of panic.
Hope this is useful.
Hi Sen!
I become aware of my negativity and then watch it,but when i watch, the flow of all thoughts stops and the emotions ebb away.Am i doing it right?Or should I become aware and then allow all the emotions to just come in .The problem is if i allow all the emotions to come in,then i lose my awareness.I am confused.Kindly enlighten!
Many thanks in advance.
Marcy, to be aware of the negativity is the starting point towards the journey of finding conscious balance. This awareness is like the “ability to observe oneself”, nothing more – it’s just about becoming conscious of what’s going on in your mind and emotional space, without becoming fully lost to their movement in you. Along with this growing awareness you also need to get acquainted with the state of “allowing”, which is simply an openness to be fully allowing of what arises in you (be it emotions, or thoughts) – this openness is an “attitude” where you are not constantly seeking a means to get rid of what arises in you, where you are not trying to escape what arises and not trying to look for relief mechanisms. The state of allowing is not about “trying to feel good”, but about allowing whatever it is that comes up, emotionally or at a mind level.
When you say “I lose my awareness when I am allowing the emotion”, I am guessing that you mean that the emotions seem to over-whelm you or that you feel taken in by the emotions that come up or that you can’t hold on to “understandings” when these emotions arise. This is alright, you don’t have to try too hard to maintain some “strict awareness”, neither do you have to try to hold on to any understandings/pointers that you’ve read, rather just allow these emotions to come up, in a state of openness, without clinging to any techniques. You can read the post – The attitude required for inner freedom – which talks about this attitude of real openness that’s needed for getting aligned with this journey of releasing all the unconscious accumulation of past imbalances and mind momentum.
To be “watchful” is one thing, and to be allowing of what arises is another – to be “watchful” is required to grow in awareness, and to be allowing is required to let a balance start happening in through the unearthing of all the emotional/mental momentum that starts happening. Don’t “try” to make “watching” (or awareness) into some cold technique, if you do that you will just make it into some form of mental habit/crutch that you start indulging in to find “relief” or some sense of security as soon as you sense negativity coming up. Awareness is only needed to let go of “unconscious identification”, or suppression, of what arises – it’s simply like a light that shines in a dark room, exposing the objects there. Once the objects start getting exposed you need to then be in a state of allowing without trying some technique to keep yourself from fully experiencing the objects as they come into your view. You will notice that, with time, you will continue to unearth deeper accumulations of emotional/mental momentum – the release happens in cycles, and layers.
Quite simply, awareness causes an “unearthing”, and when you unearth something you will have to be open so that it can release – the only way to be open is when you let go of all techniques and simply allow what gets unearthed. In fact, you will feel assisted in this “unearthing” in the way your life moves, you can see how some things happen around you to trigger the unearthing of some inner imbalances, or suppressed emotions – as they get unearthed you need to be a state of allowing, so that they can find a release, so that a balance can start getting re-established, consciously.
Thank you Sen !I have gone through most of your articles .Out of curiosity I wish to know if you are an enlightened being and if all this wisdom comes from you being rooted to your centre?And is it this state of absolute clarity that is claimed by many spiritual saints to be God realisation?
Marcy, there is a lot of “spiritual imagination” that can get instigated my terms like “enlightened being” and “rooted in the center” causing you to have some extra-ordinary ideas about it. For a kid an adult may seem more “enlightened” because the adult seems to have better understanding and more control over his life, but it’s a relative comparison – so there is no such thing as “enlightened being” who knows all, rather there is such a thing called degrees of maturity, degrees of understanding and degrees of creative potential, and one can keep growing in the direction – so the comparison can only be “relative”, and there is always potential for higher growth, and thus there is no ultimate state where one says “I am enlightened totally, with nothing more to grow towards” (if a person proclaims such a thing it’s just evidence of his/her own ignorance rather than enlightenment). Also, being “rooted in the center” is more like a metaphor for the state of inner stability where one is not lost to the influence of emotions/thinking to the point of losing touch with wisdom – this ability comes in when you go through a “phase of release” where you can allow the past-momentum of emotional/mental pull to ebb away in intensity so that they no longer act as a “force” in your being. From that perspective I feel rooted in the center, and I feel enlightened compared to my past way of being rooted in low-awareness, immaturity and delusion about reality.
Hi Sen
I love reading your articles and im at the early stages of practicing observing, and letting go, im finding that ive very quickly come to stage of “fear ” the fear of the thoughts and feelings my mind and body are projecting, I keep getting a repetitive though ” if I focus on this negativity I will manifest it in my life “ from this there seem to be a little inner battle, I also have started to feel the “ fear “ about my past experience in depression I have had 3 small episodes in my life time when I start to let go these thoughts and feelings come up of “dread of feeling like that again… how can I best cope with these thoughts and feelings ………….. it get overwhelming at times