Do You Feel Unpredictable Within Yourself?

Posted on by Sen.

It’s quite common for people to state something along the lines of – “I don’t how/why I behaved that way” or “I don’t know how/why I did that”. If you find yourself being clueless about the way you behave, or the way you react to situations, on many occasions, it indicates that you are not fully aware of the make-up of your brain/mind and thus feel unpredictable within yourself. Another good indication that you are not fully aware of the natural make-up of your brain is that you find yourself being “indecisive” most of the time about what you want, or how you want to be. People who are fully aware, and aligned, with the natural make-up of their brain feel a sense of stability within themselves because they have “knowing” of who they are as this human expression – they are not volatile in their mannerism, or behavior, and exude a consistency in their expression.

Not knowing yourself is at the root of all conflicts

When you are not clear about what you want from life, your experience of life is bound to feel volatile and erratic, and you are very likely to get swayed by external influences much more than being guided by your inner knowing. It’s not possible to know what you want from life when you are not fully aware of what your brain’s natural make-up is like. Indecision, confusion and conflicted life situations are a hallmark of the reality of a person who is disconnected with himself/herself.

Here are a few pointers that you can contemplate to identify if there are gaps in your alignment with your mind’s natural make-up

– Do you constantly feel occupied with thoughts of how you should “project” yourself in front of someone instead of relaxing in the knowing that you will always be yourself.

– Do you constantly feel guilty about the things you say or the actions you take (when you are alone or when you are around people)

– Is there an internal dialogue in your mind where there seem to be “two entities” with conflicting point of views, confused about what’s the right point of view for yourself. In other words, does your mind feel like it’s divided into two opposing entities who are constantly disagreeing with each other?

– Do you find yourself constantly pondering over the conversations that you had trying to figure out if you were saying the right things?

– Do you usually feel that people don’t seem to understand you? (This usually happens with people who are not aligned within themselves, because they are constantly projecting unclear signals, which makes it very difficult for people to understand them).

– Are you mostly a person who you depends on others to take decisions for you, and tell you what’s good for you, because you find it difficult to really be clear about what you want in a given situation?

– Are you constantly trying to “change” yourself under the influence of others?

– Do you find yourself swaying with the “herd” mindset, following the group, rather than feeling confident in your own individual stand point?

– Do you usually feel like a victim who gets exploited by other people who seem to make you a means to their end?

– Is it easy for people to make you feel bad about yourself?

Actually if you said “yes” to even one of these questions it would mean that you would say “yes” to all these questions because ultimately they are all linked to the same internal conflict of not knowing oneself. You can see how your whole reality is influenced negatively when you are not fully aware of your natural make-up. How can you “be yourself” when you are not even fully sure of who you are.

The process of knowing oneself

Self-realization is not just a “spiritual” process but a very human one too. To realize yourself to be the one universal consciousness is just the first step towards bringing an unconditional awareness to your individual human mind. It’s easy to accept, and resonate, with the truth that who you are in your essence, or non-physical space, is pure positive energy (love) but a lot of authenticity and honesty is required to really know yourself as the “person”, or physical being, that you are.

Self-realization or self-knowing can be a very challenging process especially for people who have been under the habit of depending on the “external” conditioning to determine their life’s movement. A lot of people are afraid of wanting to really know themselves in the fear that they might discover something about themselves that they don’t want to face – so they are more comfortable allowing others to decided what right and wrong for them. But if you really want to experience a harmonious movement in your reality, it’s pertinent that you know yourself fully as who you are as this human mind and thus align with it. An important caution – Don’t try to project ideas of divinity, or holiness, on your mind because then you will never be able to see it for what it is.

When you start “knowing” yourself, the alignment part is taken care of by itself. The challenge is to know yourself without hiding behind any masks of “what’s the right way to be”. You should be willing to know your mind as it is, without projecting your judgment on it of what’s right or wrong (all notions of right and wrong mostly stem from external conditioning). Rest assured, that when you are being yourself, your life will always reflect a harmony and flow – so let go of the fear of facing yourself as you are. The longer you delay this process of self-knowing/self-alignment the longer you end up facing conflicted realities. There is a tremendous stability, harmony and sense of strength, when you are finally fully aligned with your mind’s natural make-up or natural way of being – your authentic human expression can only start flowering after this inner alignment takes place.

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  1. Christie

    You use the phrase ‘natural make-up of the mind’, quite often. Would you please explain Your specific meaning of this phrase?

    When You use the term ‘mind’, are You referring to Consciousness as a whole OR the personality construct of individual conciousness, OR are you referring to the physical brain OR ALL of the above? 🙂

    I ‘think’ I know what You are referring to, but I may be reconfiguring Your specific meaning, differently than You are projecting it.


    1. Sen Post author

      When I use the term “mind” I am specifically referring to the “brain”, that’s why I usually state it as “mind/brain”. In many spiritual teachings the term “mind” gets used very ambiguously and causes the listener/reader to assume many different ideas about what the “mind” is so much so that the mind is sometimes even perceived as the “enemy” or a convenient “punching bag” to dump all the blame on. Each individual brain has a unique make-up which I refer to as the “natural make-up of your mind” or natural conditioning of a brain. This natural make-up not only determines your aptitude, natural talents and proclivities, physical drives, but also determines the flavors of your “personality” aspect.

      A lot of spirituality, or spiritual teachings, seems to focus too much on talking about the “universal consciousness” aspect of us without much focus being provided towards pointing an individual to really understand the nature of his/her brain. It’s true that in our essence we are pure positive energy and all creation stems from this energy. The brain in animals, birds, insects and humans is also a creation of this energy. The brain, in all living beings, is designed to have a “survival” aspect built into it which causes the brain to create thoughts that are not always “positive”. You can see animals being violent and you can see humans being violent, and this violence stems from the brain’s interpretation of its reality in a “survival” or fear-based mode and the absence of “consciousness” that imbues an element of wholistic wisdom in our action. We as humans have constantly tried to distract ourselves from really looking at our brain’s movement because we usually don’t want to face up to all animalistic instincts, drives and impulses present in our brain. But unless a full awareness, or intelligence of consciousness, is brought to the movement of the brain one can never truly reach a place of alignment in their human expression. In fact, spirituality sometimes becomes a means to suppress the brain’s movement and impose some standard on “holiness” on it – this causes people to live in a “suppression” mode and pretend to act “holy” instead of really understanding the “humanness”, or physical tendencies, present in the brain. True alignment is only possible when you bring a full consciousness to your brain’s natural make-up and allow it to function freely in the wisdom of this consciousness. To be unconsciously pulled by the movement of the brain will cause a human to act many times without any wisdom and though they might be more natural (almost like an animal in their behavior), than a “suppressed” person, the lack of consciousness will cause them to become a prisoner to their own mind. A balance is automatically established when the brain’s natural movement is allowed in the light of consciousness, then there is a wisdom in the expression – this wisdom is the one which comes from your connection to the totality, and it has nothing to do with fear based conditioning that humans might preach as a means of control.

      The brain is connected with the entire body because it’s a center where all “senses” and inputs are “translated” and thus perceived. During the growing up years, the brain gets fed a lot of external conditioning (mostly fear based ones) from its surrounding. This external conditioning can “mask”, or cloud, the connection to one’s natural make-up causing one to become conflicted and misaligned with oneself. This misalignment within, caused by negative external conditioning, is the cause of all the manifestation that are rooted in conflict in our personal reality. Our personal reality will always feel conflicted as long as we are not aligned with our natural way of being and are functioning from some fear-based conditioning that we got from the outside. A lot of people try to project ideas of divinity and holiness on the brain, and force it to behave in a certain way, causing a disconnection with their natural drives, impulses and creativity. This is the caused of “personal dissatisfaction” and a sense of frustration towards life.

      When you bring the light of awareness to the thoughts, beliefs and movements in your brain, you will start cutting through the fog of fear-based external conditioning and be able to see the raw natural make-up of your brain quite clearly. It takes sometime before one gets through all the layers of external conditioning, or artificial make-up, to really get to the aspect of their natural make-up. A lot of honesty and authenticity is needed to really determine the natural make-up of one’s brain because what you may find may not be what you want to find – a lot of people keep searching for the “goodness” or divinity in the brain and want to keep projecting these ideas onto themselves and hence can never really see the raw natural make-up of their mind. In our wholeness we are pure positive energy, or what is referred to as “divine” or love, but there is also this conditioned, human mind that is a part of our physical expression right now and a balance can only be reached when both these aspects are allowed to inter-operate – this is what I call the experience of “conscious living” where the mind is allow its free movement in the wisdom of consciousness. A lot of hang ups, suppression and unnatural living stems from not being aware/aligned with the natural make-up of one’s mind/brain (some example of conflicted living are – working at a job which does not suit your aptitude, suppressing your creative impulse, confused/conflicted relationships, sexual repression/suppression, guilt ridden thoughts, indecisive actions etc).

      You will see a lot of spiritually oriented people trying to escape their physical nature, wanting to end up in some transcended state and they keep trying to do this all their lives without succeeding because its never possible to escape your physical experience as long as you have a physical body. And your physical experience is determined by your brain’s movement (its understanding, its level of consciousness, its alignment with itself).

  2. Christie

    And while You are answering that previous question, I would like to add my comment to this statement: “Don’t try to project ideas of divinity, or holiness, on your mind because then you will never be able to see it for what it is.”

    If ,by this statement, You are really saying, ‘don’t set Your Self apart from Others or think of Your Self as Better than an Other, then I totally agree.

    But, if by this statement, You believe that ‘ One should not believe that One is truly Divine and One with All That Is’ then I do not agree. You can not be a ‘little bit pregnant’. You either are or You are not. Your Mind is Your Highest Expression Of Your Self at this moment. You are Wholy(holy) and You are Divine. To believe other wise will create and set up a grand conflict within One’s Self and it will result in a myriad of physical expressions/experience that will seem to be ‘confusing’ in almost every matter.

    With great appreciation.

    1. Sen Post author

      A lot of what I call “pretentious” living stems from a person trying to project “ideas” of divinity on the brain and thus trying to be some “all loving” person when in truth the brain can never be “all loving”. The brain by its very design is bound to have likes & dislikes, preferences, inclinations, interests and dis-interests – there will always be something that the brain loves and something that the brain does not love. For example, you may love to have a warm clothes in winter but would not love to wear those warm clothes during summer, this is just a simple example of a how a physical human cannot be “all loving”. You will always have preferences of the type of people you like hanging out with, the type of food you love, the type of music you love, the type of creative endeavor that you love, and your brain is bound to feel more loving towards its possessions than the possessions of others, it’s a natural way that the brain works. These are just few examples of how the brain’s very design is to be “preferential” in what it likes or loves. To force an idea of “holiness” on the brain is the best way to suppress it’s natural movement and end up becoming a hypocritical or hung-up human being. I emphasize on the term “idea” of holiness, and we all know how most religions use such ideas to put fear into people’s mind and cause them to feel guilty about their physicality.

      However when the brain is operating in the absence of the wisdom of consciousness or awareness, it’s bound to be unwise in its movement and be a cause of suffering for self and others – such an unconscious movement is usually at root of greed, violence and exploitation. When consciousness is brought to the physical nature of the brain, a balance is established automatically where the human expression merges with a higher wisdom. So it’s important to realize the wholeness of who you are, to know that you are pure positive energy in essence, to know that there is just this “one energy” expressing in all manifestation – thus knowing your oneness with everything, to know the unconditional love of this energy towards all forms and the power of creation that you hold as this energy that you are, and it’s just as important to bring this awareness into the brain and thus release all the limited conditioning, or fear-based external conditioning, false ideas of holiness (for example, a lot of people suppress their sexuality in an attempt to be holy), pretentious behavior and lack-based thought patterns in it, while allowing the full expression of its natural inclination towards creativity, and physical drives, in the light of the wisdom of your wholeness or consciousness.

      I understand how it can be easy to misunderstand the meaning implied through the use of words and that’s one reason why it’s important to give an insight in many different contexts so that a clear understanding is arrived at.

  3. Christie

    Thank you for your explanation. I understand Your desire to diffentiate between what most, in their fear-based conditioning and in their search to ‘find’ their True Self, can often be sidetracked through their new found beliefs that ‘divine’ is synonomous with ‘good’, therefore setting up even more mind/brain connected judgements on top of or in place of previous judgements. Understood, completely!

    1. Christie

      I just read your last comment before posting my last comment! 🙂

      One very important ‘Aha’ moment that assisted me with this understanding in my awakening process, was that I realized I loved(accepted and appreciated everything and everyone) but I did not always like(prefer/agree) with everyone and everything………..and that was perfectly OK! When I tell this to Others, they do not understand.

      There is great misunderstanding and misuse of the word Love, on this planet. Love is pure acceptance and appreciation. It is not synonomous with like/agree/prefer.

    2. Sen Post author

      Exactly, a large part of aligning with the natural make-up of one’s mind is to identify its preferences, its inclinations and requirements (in the light of unconditional awareness or non-judgmental awareness), and align with this physical expression in you, instead of imposing a “spiritual diction” on yourself. When the wisdom of consciousness is brought to the human mind, it aligns with its natural movement (expressing it’s natural drives, impulses, instincts, preferences, personality) while also being wise/intelligent in its expression so that it does create negativity within or outside. This balance is of essence and its not possible to experience a harmonious human expression in the absence of it. A lot of humans try to suppress themselves under the fear based conditioning of mis-interpreted religious or spiritual teachings, orthodox beliefs system and rigid moralistic views or misguided teachings which associate “denial of physicality” with being more spiritual.

  4. Samir

    Sen thank you for this post. I often joke with my friends that I don’t know what version of “me” will wake up in this body on a given day. However, I slowly came to realize each “me” is a reaction to a type of fear or attachment I feared losing. I have found over recent weeks that all of these “me’s” are melting away and a more coherent version is emerging. However, this process is difficult and fraught with set-backs as the mind appears to always seek to re-assert itself and its patterns.

    1. Sen Post author

      You are spot on when you mention that you are recognizing the emergence of a “coherent version” – that’s exactly what I mean when a say a “stability” comes through when you align with yourself shedding all the patterns that are not really you but roles/images/identities/personality-structure that you took over unconsciously. This process is challenging because it requires you to be totally unconditional and non-judgmental while looking for the “real” you or the natural make-up of your mind, so that you are no longer trying project any external ideas of what is “the right way to be” on yourself. It will take some time to reach a stability in the “coherent” version, because old patterns have a past momentum and they will keep re-asserting themselves until they are completely seen through and thus dis-identified with.

  5. Samir

    What is particularly insidious about this process is that these old fear-based patterns are so habitual that it takes time to realize when I’ve fallen back into them. I’ve been conditioned with them for so long that they almost feel natural. It takes a concerted effort and vigilance to identify them, at this point. Yet I have had brief moments of true self-acceptance and felt the joy come gushing forth – these moments, though brief, are what I am using as my guiding points.

  6. Anonymus

    Hi Sen,

    thanks for this post, I almost said yes to every question of yours. 🙁

    I had to say ‘yes’ because i am a sort of person who is completely fine being alone, and would like to keep my mouth shut most of the times, how ever my mind is quite creatively active. But others really can’t understand this nature of mine, so before i am labeled as ‘boring person’, i just try to fit in. (But even this might be a make up of my mind, may be my shy nature wants me to be alone, no clue) And also being the youngest, i had to be flexible in everyway with every one. So i have very flexible nature, and i say yes to all your questions, thats a big regret.

    I have little to add to the ‘natural make up of mind’. In fountain head novel there is great referrence to it. There is this lady who is well know for charity and helping people who are in need. Her past is that, her boyfriended had left her to pursue his career becuase of which she feels dejected in life. And when she gives herself to charity work she finds a new meaning to her life. But one day a boy who is in need, denies her help saying he has already found some help from some one else. And this lady gets furious becuase it was first time some is rejecting her charity and her whole persona of helping and charity changes. Actually what had happened was, after the rejection from her boyfriend, she finds her need among poor people that was the driving factor for her charity but not the charity in itself. And when she realizes this she looses interest in charity. (apologies if i have understood or stated it wrongly, i had read it long back). I felt its quite a make up of mind. Just wanted to add this. Many a times we all do it.

    Thank you.

    1. Sen Post author

      In a bid to become “congruent” with the outside there is a tendency to become incongruent with your inner space – this is what disconnected living is all about. At some point we realize that its not possible to please everyone, in fact having this attitude ends up making us feel “victimized” or exploited by others. There’s a tendency to lose connection with who you are as a person, and what your natural expression is like, when you keep modifying your external behavior/movement in a bid to please the external world. People who are disconnected within themselves constantly feel a sense of incompleteness and frustration which can further lead to resistance towards the flow of well-being into their reality. The only way to come out of this dysfunctional living is to bring a deep awareness to the behaviors and patterns in you that feel “unnatural” to your being, this awareness by itself will start the process of transformation within that will bring about an inner alignment.

      By the term “natural make-up of your mind” I mean that natural proclivities in you, your natural aptitude, your talents and ingrained limitations, the frame-work within which your mind feels comfortable working. The limitations in a human mind actually are guide-posts that give a direction to one’s life, instead of fighting against the limitations it’s required that you align with your strengths and natural talents/proclivities. The only reason we try to do things that don’t feel natural to us is because we try to compare ourselves with others and try to “match” them instead of aligning with ourselves.

      The story of the lady that you mentioned is a good example of a person who keep compensating for the lack she feels within herself through seeking “fulfillment” from outside, through a lover or through charity. It’s never possible to seek fulfillment when you are dependent on the outside for fulfillment. A sense of wholeness or completeness automatically comes through when one is connected within oneself, and finds alignment in their inner space instead of depending on an outside person or activity to give them fulfillment.

  7. Anonymus


    When we are born we are almost like a clean slate, it is the circumstances, society and genes give us nature. What has come by gene is something difficult to change but rest can be changed if the chnage is for our good. Isn’t it?

    Its like saying be the way you are, but if you can be better by changing yourself, then chnage. If a person is shy and doesn’t make any effort to socialize, becuase they feel uncomfertable about it then they are the once who are going to loose. Referring to our day to day life. If they can effort they can chnage it.

    Above all, i feel everything is just a bundle of thoughts. When a thought comes to our mind, if we start believeing in it then it becomes a reality, we create reality according to that belief. But if we let it go by saying ‘it’s just a thought’ everything will die down there. You will move on.

    Thank you

  8. SAT

    beautiful article…!

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