Awareness Will Eventually Touch Your Dark Side



As I mentioned in the post “The Descent of Awareness in You”, the movement of awareness is always all encompassing, it does not deny or avoid (or conveniently ignore) any aspect in your human/physical consciousness, rather it moves constantly towards touching all aspects, be it dark or light, within you, and it brings a wisdom and alignment into every aspect that it touches.

As a human being, we are deeply happy when our awareness brings clarity towards our “positive” nature, we naturally bask in these insights and feel appreciation for our being, but it’s not long before the same awareness starts moving into the “dark areas” of our mind – here’s when a lot of people panic and try to resist the movement, because now the light of awareness is bringing, into your consciousness, aspects of you (or aspects of the human consciousness that you are a part of) that you would rather stay in “denial” of. Here’s where the true test of authenticity comes forth, because it will reveal if you are rooting for a “pleasure oriented spirituality” or a “truth oriented spirituality”. The paradox is that when you align with a truth oriented approach, allowing awareness to touch the dark areas, it eventually aligns you with joy, but if you are stuck in a “pleasure oriented spirituality”, you will just be a “feel good” junkie who is in constant denial of the dark patterns within (no different from a cocaine addict) thus not allowing any real growth or maturity to come through.

Inheriting the dark of human consciousness

You are part of this human consciousness, your birth has been a culmination of several past human births and in a simple sense you are connected to the collective humanity (human consciousness) and thus connected to all aspects in it. Your human mind is not “disconnected” from the entire human consciousness, it’s not an “independent” entity swimming around alone in this consciousness; in truth your mind is intimately connected to the entire human consciousness and beyond it to the universal consciousness that you are – you are everything, not a “separate” human unit hanging on your own. So all the darkness that you see around you in the human consciousness, is also an aspect in you and the more awareness that grows within you the more intimate you become with all the aspects of human consciousness, at the place where it’s standing now, in your own mind. (your being born in this human consciousness gives you a total inheritance of all its “present” aspects including the dark).

The immediate tendency of the human mind is to avoid the dark and want to bask in the “light”, but the very tendency of the “light” is to touch the dark and thus dissolve it through its very presence. The “light” of your wholeness does not touch the dark with the intention to “kill” it or get rid of it, rather it does so by its very nature of love, embracing without fear, and it’s this unconditional embrace of light that finally dissolves the darkness. The mind always meets the dark from a place of fear or hatred, in a hostile attitude, while awareness meets the dark in a sense of embrace (almost an innocent curiousity) and its inherent wisdom becomes the catalyst that finally dissolves the dark patterns and allows an influx of well-being.

It’s one thing to bask in the knowledge that everything is one, but it’s a totally different experience when you sense that this “one” also includes the darkness present in the human consciousness (including you). The beauty is that your wholeness is not afraid of touching the dark patterns, but finds a joy in doing so because it does not see any “separation”, it’s only the mind with its chronic judgments that stays in resistance of really allowing an embrace of the dark by this awareness.

The experience of seeing the dark patterns within

It’s not very pleasant when awareness touches upon all the dark patterns in you, all your hang ups, anxieties, phobias, conflicts, rigid beliefs, false perceptions, insecurities, resentments, pretences and masks, comes to the forth, sometimes leaving you feeling terrified, or suffocated, of all the dark patterns in your inner space. It’s quite a jolt when the bliss of basking in the “positive” nature is suddenly infiltrated with the reality of facing the dark patterns in you. However, this movement cannot be avoided and the more you stand in resistance to it the more “stuck” and stagnant you feel in your life. The more relaxed you are the easier, less intense, and faster, this movement is. The very message of this post is to tell you that this is a positive movement, and give you an understanding of the “details” of this movement, so that you can feel more relaxed in it and not feel so confused by this inner process.

The common hang ups people have are mostly relating to their self-image, sexuality, materialism, religion, orthodox beliefs, relationships, security and various personal desires. All these hang ups are brought into the light of awareness unrelentingly, and it’s no longer about holding on to “convenient” beliefs/mindsets but rather about merging with a “wholistic” truth about all these aspects in you and around you. It’s not possible to be a fully conscious person and a relatively “hung up” person at the same time, it just doesn’t work that way. The movement of awareness is the most brutal, and unrelenting, connection with truth you will ever encounter. If you’ve not experienced this powerful movement of awareness, towards the darkness in you, yet, you may not be able to fully make sense of what I am saying here, but you will soon understand this when it starts happening within you.

To the mind it may seem as if it’s a “negative movement” that awareness would want to touch the dark patterns within – but in truth it’s a highly positive movement because only through this movement can your inner conflicts be finally brought to rest and thus a harmonious movement of life can unfold. Just because you are in denial of your dark patterns, and conflicts, doesn’t mean that they will not attract a reality for you, because all your underlying vibrations contribute to the external reality that you attract.







16 Comments

  1. Christie

    This reminds me of several people I have met ‘online’ who continually avoid the ‘dark’ and are always gushing how absolutely beautiful, lovely, wonderful the earth and everyone in it, is. They proclaim to accept everything and everyone, while avoiding and denying the truth about what they are really experiencing.
    They write blogs and speak in very flowery and poetic language. They talk about their ‘mission’ and how they are here to assist mother earth with her shifting and transmuting all of the dark energies on the planet.
    They speak to you in ‘sickening’ endearing terms, sending you love/light, blessings, etc. and that they have risen above it all and see everything from a more enlightened or higher place……
    Then there are many days when they are silent which is usually followed with an explaination that they were attending yet another workshop or enlightening conference where they spent hundreds of dollars………in order that they could ‘understand’ what is really happening on the planet and fulfill their mission and remain in the light. This message is again interwoven in their blog. They never use a ‘negative’ term or word. It’s like they deliberately and painstakenly choose every word and write how they want others to perceive them; as higher and more enlightend than anyone else with and a higher perspective. ‘Pleasure Oriented Spirituality’?
    They want others to know that they have addressed all of their negative/dark aspects and that these aspects no longer exist within them. That they have risen above it and others. YET, when I ask specific questions about their life, past and present, they either do not answer my email, or simply go off on another subject and begin ‘talking’ about how wonderful everything is.
    This behavior totally irritates and nauseates me. And then I feel like I need to make them see that they are in avoidance, and at the same time, I realize that would serve no purpose whatsoever.
    So what I have discovered is, you can think all of the good thoughts you want, all day long, and recite ‘positive confimations’ till you are blue in the face, but if you do not truly accept ALL aspects of your self and others, your dark shit will come back over and over and bite you in the ass.
    My 2 cents for the day!

    1. Christie

      ……….and you will probably tell me that I am attracting these people into my life, based on my vibration. So am I vibrating an energy of ‘people are irritating and nauseating to me’? or is it ‘people deceive their self’ or is it that I ‘believe people don’t have a right to be happy and shouldn’t focus on happy thoughts’? or is it
      or a combination of all of the above?

    2. Sen Post author

      Anything in you that is not in harmony will always find a “face” in your external reality because your “underlying vibrations” are what attract your reality, not the words or persona one puts on to cover the surface. The very movement of awareness is to go deeper, the surface automatically gets restored when the depth is restored. But trying to create a fake positive surface while having a conflict at the depth never works as an approach because it becomes a denial strategy no different from the temporary pleasure of denial that a drug addict feels. That’s why it’s important to be totally “authentic” with oneself about what’s going on within, if there are doubts, confusions, conflicts, resentments, hang ups, anxieties, hatred and fears, it needs to be allowed to come forth into the light of your consciousness. A lot of people are so afraid of feeling “unholy”, or negative, that they spend a lifetime living in fear of negative thoughts. But fear of negativity is just another form of negativity, a truly free person is not afraid of negativity or the dark, he/she is totally rooted in their awareness and understands the wisdom in this awareness to dissolve any patterns of “dark” within. The incomplete understanding of law of attraction (without understanding their truth as awareness) has created a mindset in people that they need to run away from negativity within, that they need to deny it, they become afraid of the negative which eventually ends up becoming a huge negative pattern in them.

      If there is a behavior within you where you feel the “need” to set someone right it could well be stemming for a conflict within you that you are not willing to bring awareness to. The issue is not with providing insights to someone, but more with the “energy” that seems to prompt your actions. If you are authentic with yourself you can recognize if the energy is rooted in fear/hatred or if its rooted in inspiration/love/peace/guidance – others can see the pattern in you which you may not be willing to see in yourself, which is just another form of denial. Staying in denial of the dark within you (and faking the positivity) – this is a form of dysfunction. Making excuses to defend your right to be “dark” is another form of dysfunction. A lot of people who stop denying their dark side develop a new dysfunction of defending their right to be dark in their behavior – they start defending their anger, hatred, rudeness, over-indulgence, arrogance & apathy by saying that “it’s okay to allow the dark within” by saying that “atleast I am being authentic and not being so rosy about things”. Again it’s totally your own authenticity which will ensure if you are free within, being defensive about the dark in you (by saying that its okay) leads to patterns of arrogance, superiority complex and a lack of genuine love or compassion. There are many spiritual teachers/seekers who get stuck in this realm where they feel “okay” with the dark patterns in them instead of allowing awareness to dissolve them. It’s never about becoming “okay” with dark, but about bringing an unconditional, non-judgmental, awareness to it in a manner that allows a transformation through the wisdom of this observing. If you don’t see a constant dissolution of the dark patterns in you, it means you’ve just become complacent or arrogant without knowing it. Life is a continuous journey of growth and transformation, and it’s totally our own authenticity within ourselves that will ensure that we don’t become “stuck” or hung up at any level. There are so many pitfalls where we can get stuck if we are not totally authentic with ourselves.

  2. Christie

    You speak often about ‘authenticity’. Isn’t authenticity and becomeing ‘aware’ a subjective and individual experience?
    Are not your beliefs about the ‘how’ of becoming aware and authentic, in and of itself, your personal/individualistic beliefs?
    Is it not true that the continual identification of the mind as separate from the authentic Self, promotes separation/duality; the very opposite of becoming Aware?
    I have noticed quite repeatedly in my own life, that everytime someone has ‘discovered’ their true Self and has a personal epiphany, they seem to want to tell everyone else how it ‘will’ be for others, as well, being careful not to use the ‘shoulds’……yet that is what they are doing.
    It is no different than one coming off of what they term an ‘addiction’ and wanting the whole world to know what they have discovered, YET, this discovery is only relevant to the one who is having the experience. I agree with you completely, that it is a very narrow road. I have seen many get caught up in the ‘I have all the answers, now, and I am sharing them in love’, addiction, as well.
    The only way one can truly be true to Self or authentic as you call it, is to TRUST SELF in all matters, regardless of whether or not another labels or judges the action negative or positive. And this trust cannot occur if one believes that they must always be on guard or watchful concerning their mind. The key, is to be accepting of every aspect of the mind, negative or positivve. Because mind and Self are not separate, albeit we have been taught through thousands and thousands of years of religion/myths, that they are. It is only through the absolute acceptance and trust of Self/mind, as the two are One, will the mind know calmness.
    Continually questioning whether or not you are following your ‘monkey mind’ or you true Self, creates division within Self., and is a rat race.
    This is not complicated, but it can be made as complicated as one chooses it to be, and usually, complication is created to ensure a sense of superiority. And as we both know, the need to feel superior, is fear that comes from an underlying belief that one is not ‘ok’ as they are……….fear that they are not good enough.
    One will never feel ‘ok’, until they decide they are ok right now, as they are! There is nothing that they must do or be in order to remember that natural and magnificent state they are already in, but have forgotten.
    Trust is key, and it matters not what you put your Trust in. You can choose to trust your refrigerator, or a god, or a symbol, or a planet/star, or an animal, or a person, or anything physical or nonpysical. It matters not. It is not the ‘thing’ that has the power, it is your Trust that is the powerful vibrational energy that creates the sense of calmness and that all is well…………….because when it’s all said and done, it is.
    Be well.

    1. Sen Post author

      Yes, authenticity is a completely “subjective” and individual aspect – I think that’s the very meaning of that word, “to be true to oneself”. The pointer is to be authentic with yourself, you don’t need to believe what someone else is saying but the deeper question is “are you willing to be authentic with yourself or are you denying the conflicts within to defend your stand”. Because sooner or later reality does call you on your inner conflicts, since its your underlying vibration that attracts your reality. To be truly authentic within is to not shy away from bringing awareness to any patterns of fear, hatred, confusion or irritation within. To state that “I have reached an end in my growth and there’s nothing within me that needs transformation” is just a naive and arrogant thinking because life as movement itself is one of constant growth, it’s one thing to discover the power of awareness and it’s a totally different thing to be authentic enough to bring awareness into all aspects that come up within you on continual basis – this allows for a constant inner transformation and growth.

      When you say “one will never feel ok, until they decide they are ok right now” – that’s exactly the mindset that causes an “inauthencity” within. When you don’t feel ok, there is a reason why you are feeling that way – and so there is now an opportunity to take awareness within and really see the pattern of negativity that’s causing the “not okayness”. If you try to enforce an “okayness” on it through any refuge or cloak you are basically in denial because you don’t want to really go within and see the negative patterns which are causing this feeling. It’s true that you are pure positive in your source or natural vibration, but as a human being (in the human consciousness created by the mind/brain) there this presence of several vibrations within which are not always in alignment with our wholeness, it takes an unpretentious “humility” to stand true to allowing an unconditional awareness to all the patterns of misalignment as they arise – it takes an inner authencity to not be in denial of it.

      There is a fine line between a “defensive” attitude of “I will be what I am, I don’t care about others” and the wisdom that comes from awareness of your inner space and allowing your movement to be influenced by this wisdom. In the end it’s totally for you to be true to yourself, to be authentic with yourself – if you sense that the energy of your actions are coming from a place of fear/hatred/lack (which only you can decide), you need to bring an awareness to it and authentically sense the deeper thought patterns or vibrations that are causing such a reaction. Nothing is more important than to be authentic within oneself about how aligned one is with their wholeness (the vibration of love/joy/peace) – any excuse to defend the vibrations of fear/hatred within is just a way for the mind to cleverly argue for its unwillingness to allow an inner transformation (Remember that the mind is scared of letting go of familiar identities even if they are negative so it will come up with clever arguments to defend these patterns).

  3. M

    Hi Sen
    Firstly a massive thank you for your replies to my personal e-mails. They helped me enormously.
    I have been following your advice and although it’s early days I know that this is right for me even though I still struggle sometimes with the understanding.
    Recently my limited beliefs have started coming to my awareness.
    Yesterday I realised that one of my limited beliefs what that if anything went wrong in my life or even in anyone elses life then it was my fault. I was to blame. I know that its a possibilty that this may go back to when I was a child and had to look after my younger siblings. If anything happened I always got the blame and was told ‘I should have known better’. I am not judging my parent for this as I understand that it was the way things were at that time.
    I have now become aware that I have been hanging on to that belief. If something goes wrong in my life I immediately begin to look for what I have ‘done wrong’ so that I can fix it. I also do this with any situation that arises in my family’s life. I always feel that I have to ‘fix’ it, (i.e fix them.)
    Obviously I can’t fix it or ‘them’ and then I get fearful and anxious.
    I have realised that if the slightest thing goes wrong (and I mean even small everyday things) I always seem to have to ‘blame’ something or someone. This someone may start off as someone else but will ultimately end up with me blaming myself.
    The question I have is now that I have brought this limited belief into my awareness do I need to do anything else (like do some inner work of some sort) or is the very fact that I have brought it into my awareness enough. Do I just let go now.
    I am aware that I always make things hard for myself even though I have always held a deep belief that life ‘need not be a hard struggle’
    As an older person I have accumulated a lot of limited beliefs but I usually go to the source and comfort and heal the ‘me’ who chose these beliefs. This has helped me enormously.
    Part of me now feels that I should just let go but there’s another part that thinks that ‘it’s too easy’
    that I should be doing something about it.
    I don’t want this realisation to sink back and continue to influence me as I realise now that I am trying to ‘fix’ me and everyone else in order that no ‘negative’ things happen and if ‘we’ keep ‘fixing’ ourselves our lives will be better. On the other hand I am aware that this journey is never ending and there is no such thing as reaching a continual ‘perfect life’.
    I have realised how unhealthy this it to myself and others but I haven’t felt a ‘shift’ in me like I have done previously with other limited beliefs.
    As you have explained many times I will keep coming up with more and more insights.
    I now welcome them rather than fear them which in itself is a great feeling.
    Any advice would be appreciated and thank you again.

    1. Sen Post author

      I am sure you can notice in yourself, that awareness is growing in strength and it seems to be touching all aspects of your consciousness – moving deeper and deeper, unearthing all the hidden fears and hangups. The movement of awareness is always towards touching everything that’s not congruent with your wholeness, and if you are not resisting this movement, which is penetrating your whole being, it will seamless dissolve all the inner conflicts and in-congruent patterns. Your job is to just be “allowing” what ever arises, don’t panic and don’t suppress – just let it come up and be touched by awareness. Of course, when negative patterns come up it feels unpleasant (sometimes terribly uncomfortable) in your whole being – but it’s a temporary/passing sensation and if you don’t shy away from it, it’s easier for your wholeness to dissolve the negative patterns easily. Nothing else is needed, no practices, no technique, no inner work, no mind work – just allow the silent space of your awareness to penetrate your being totally – don’t stand with an armor on, stand totally open. This awareness is the love/wisdom that will bring a balance to the fears/doubts of your mind – it’s not seeking to get rid of the mind, it’s only seeking to dissolve its in-congruent patterns.

      The mind is constantly wondering if it should be doing something to hasten this whole process, but really all it needs to do is be trusting in the ability of the wholeness of life to bring a harmony to your inner space and thus to your external reality as well. Inner wholeness always manifests as external wholeness. As you stay open, and allowing, to what arises, you will be imbued with the grace of life’s wisdom and the right insights, inspirations and actions will automatically come from this place. Of course, it’s so simple that the mind feels that there needs to be more to it, but in reality it is really simple and it’s because it’s so simple, and effortless, that one does not trust it initially because one’s external conditioning is to look for effort and struggle in everything.

    2. Magdalena

      Hi Sen,
      Thanks for great article,to reach this amount of awareness there is a lot of internal work involved .Involved in health and wellness myself and my own personal development, traveling the journey taken me to internal places that are incredible hart to explain understand with our logical mind. In the mine time I figured out until people start to understand the different part of brains and how they work they will just see from one aspect. By understanding the brain they awareness and perspective will change.

  4. M

    Yet again Sen many thanks
    Previously when negative patterns started coming up it was very uncomfortable physically.
    When this recent negative pattern came up I found that physically, the uncomfortable feeling was less intense and passed more quickly. The awareness was more in my mind than in my body.
    It then became more like a ‘so that’s what’s been going on’ Maybe that’s another reason why it felt easier.
    You’ve also made me more aware that the very fact that I struggled with it being easy means that I am not fully trusting. Thank you.

  5. Gary B

    Sen thankyou for the generosity of your heart. I can recognize that your words are guided by a clear light.When in dispair, l wonder how it is even possible for one to know that that the truth is being offered because the confusion l live in obscures my perceptions. Sen can you suggest what l can do about a self conciousness that is paralyzing and all encompassing? l cannot be even with family or anyone without being almost driven to running away and hiding.This started in my early teens and was driven back first by substance abuse and then later antidepressants .l have found your site by accident and am trying to become aware and face this huge fear that leaves me almost helpless.It has me in such a grip that l am hardly able to function and care for myself. I fled to the North country to work at a job where no one would see me but can’t continue because anxiety of selfconciousness that is everpresent. I was made to feel worthless whwn young by my family and terrified by a fundemental religion regime.Can you comment?

    1. Sen Post author

      Gary, the deal is that your mind has a high momentum to the point where it can paralyze you with its thinking and thus resist your natural movement. You may want to read this post for insights on what it entails to reduce mind momentum and thus come to inner stability.

      http://www.calmdownmind.com/reducing-mind-momentum-is-the-key/

  6. Viraj

    Hello Sen,

    Can you tell me what dark nature aspects to expect during allowing. I had really suppressed my mind for many years out of fear and now I am into allowing since 3 months. However the release is very intense as I am feeling stark depression and hopelessness. Also my body gets contracted in the neck and muscles. I am feeling as though I am stuck and I need to do something. can you please help me?? And yes, again really really thanks for your invaluable guidance.

    1. Sen Post author

      Viraj, you can expect feelings of anxiety, depression, pointlessness, dread, anger, impatience, sadness, restlessness, sexuality, to arise as a part of the dark nature emotions that have been accumulated and need to find balance. Even the feeling of being stuck is part of the release, instead of fighting it (out of fear of being stuck) develop the openness to allow it freely – the state of inner freedom is about total freedom from fear, so anything you fear will be brought up for you to allow consciously until you no longer fear it, this includes the fear of being stuck.

  7. Vrajesh

    Sen,

    The negativity that was there before has definitely went down as I learned to stay allowing. Now that my negativity has calmed down I feel a little inspiration to get involved in daily activities like playing basketball, hanging out with friends, drinking(not a lot) and it just felt right to focus on the outside a little more rathe than constantly focusing inside and stay isolated. when I play basketball I sometimes feel anger built up after something that doesn’t go my way, or I was hanging out with friends and one was clearly cheating at a game and everyone was shocked and happy to see him get it right, I also thought he was too good but then I saw him cheat and it’s weird because I felt ‘good’ that he was cheating and was getting everything right. after he left I told everyone and it felt better. Usually a automatic thought pops up in my head and then I feel angry or sad or negative. I do not try to suppress these feeling but I do not know if I am giving them unconcious attention? Also my friends seem to point out that I am non chalant to a lot of things o r call me lazy because even after I miss class or not workout ( they they all workout) and I see the tendency where they do things that will make them not feel guilt or what is right.

    Like when I feel angry sad whtever negativity i do not want to feel like that but then a thought comes and it’s along the lines of allowing and being relaxed. I can kind of see my conflicts reflecting on my reality but have no idea what to do about it.

    Thank you

  8. Mark

    Hi Sen,

    Could you give me some examples when our awareness is touching our dark side?

  9. Sasha

    Thank you Sen for your writings! There is so wisdom in them, I read and re-read them. This one was so relevant to what was happening to me today. And I must say that even though I read this article a few times already and I thought I understood what it was about but in reality I didn’t completely understood the meaning of it until I encountered a situation that helped me to see the dark site of myself. I had to re-read it because I felt so confused and scared with all that anger, irritation and hatred I was feeling that caused me to behave the way I don’t usually behave. I was afraid that this is who I am and from now on it would be a part of my personality and I didn’t like it at all. I understood the part about allowing and disidentifying with it but I wasn’t quite sure about the end result of the process. Your answers to the viewers’ comments clarified it for me. Thanks again.

Comments are closed.

Have a question? Consider posting it in the Community Forum.