To “merge” and to maintain a “separation” are two completely different experiences, when you truly merge there is no feeling/experience of separation. When the mind sees itself as a separate “entity” living in this universe, there is a creation of an “ego structure” in the mind, which actually serves a practical purpose. However, this ego structure (which is basically a thought structure created in the mind), starts gaining a lot of “solidity” because of the constant/total identification that you, as this conscious energy, render it. In fact, the ego structure can become so “solid” within you that you cannot imagine yourself as being anything other than the ego – you cannot sense your wholeness, because you only see yourself through the eyes of the ego structure.

Even when you realize that you are a space of awareness, this realization is soon taken up by the “ego structure” and is made a part of your identity – it’s important that you see through this trick of the mind. The ego structure will maintain its solidity by attaching to all realizations, identities, experiences and understandings you have. And as long as you see yourself through the ego, you will never be able to really merge with your wholeness. The ego structure is fine, it serves a practical purpose, but once it becomes “solid” within you owing to your total identification with it, there is now a “separation” created in your being where the ego tries to maintain its “will” over the natural movement of your life stream.

The ego becomes a problem only when you totally identify with it

It’s important to realize that the ego structure is not a negative creation, by itself, but a highly essential requirement for physical experience. The ego structure allows you to have a meaningful experience of life. But in the end, the ego structure is just a “thought construct” of the mind/brain; it creates this structure in order to keep a “reference” of itself. This “thought structure” is not who you are – how can you be just a structure of thoughts? Who you are is the “whole space” in which all these thought structures operate, including your body (which is also just a creation of thought). Unless you truly realize that you cannot be a temporary thought construct, you will not be able to see the reality of who you are as this space of being that is eternally aware and eternally whole.

When you identify totally with the ego, you give constant “focused” attention to it. Owing to your focused attention, the ego structure keeps gaining a momentum and keeps “solidifying” in your consciousness. It becomes so strong that now it feels like an “entity” living within you. This “entity” has so much momentum that it can stand in resistance to your wholeness, or your “wholistic” life movement. This “entity”, within you, absorbs all the external conditioning and starts using its “will” to stand in opposition to your natural movement. You will amazed at how powerful the ego structure is within you when you truly bring your awareness to its existence – you will notice that its just a “thought construct” but it seems to have a life of its own. The reason why ego structure has gained so much power is owing to your identification with it, and unless you “let go” of it, until it becomes “lighter” or less intense in its momentum, it will keep being a source of resistance to your life’s movement.

When your ego dissolves in intensity you sense a merging with your wholeness

It’s quite impossible to get a sense of what it feels like to be “one” as this whole being that you are, as long as you see this “oneness” from the eyes of the ego. The only way this oneness becomes evident to you, in experience, is when the structure of ego dissolves in its intensity. It’s important to understand that the ego will never “disappear” because it’s a “required”, and necessary, construct in the brain, which it uses to reference itself. If you are working at getting “rid” of the ego, it’s never going to happen and it’s a totally futile effort, in fact it’s only the “ego” that tries to get rid of the “ego” – it’s just a trick of the mind, and a lot of spiritual people get stuck in this dysfunctional loop. What’s required is to allow the ego’s intensity to dissolve, so that it becomes “transparent” or “light”, so that it no longer has the power to resist your life’s natural movement.

The ego serves a useful job of creating a sense of “me” that’s required for the brain to operate in a structured manner. The brain’s desires and preferences are all indexed, and referenced, within using the ego structure – just like a computer uses “pointers” to index its data. The ego only becomes dysfunctional when you, as the being, becomes totally identified with it and starts seeing itself as the “ego”. It’s not possible for the ego to ever become “whole”, because it’s this very structure that creates the sense of separation. It’s for you as this space of awareness to realize your wholeness, and see that the ego is only a thought structure operating in the mind.

Letting go of identification with the ego can feel like a death

There are many spiritual teachings which talk about “the great death” or talk about the adage – “Die before you die, so that you can truly live”. The “death” they are talking about is the dissolution of the power of the ego, they are not talking about getting “rid” of the ego but about dissolving its power through dis-identification with it. Several humans have tried to get rid of the ego, some even for a lifetime, without realizing the futility of such an endeavor and not realizing that it’s only the ego that tries to eliminate the ego. The space of awareness that you are is not trying to get “rid” of anything, it’s unconditionally in love with everything, but when this awareness, in its human focus, identifies totally with the ego it becomes lost to its wholeness (in the human expression).

When you let go of the ego, it’s like “dying to yourself” because for so long you’ve been thinking of yourself as the ego. A lot people fear that if they let go of identification with their ego they will become a “recluse” or a drop out, but that’s not what happens at all. What really happens is that the ego starts losing it power of resistance, and hence your life stream is able to flow freely and express itself, and create, through your physical form more easily. Your physical form becomes an open channel through which wellness and abundance can flow into your reality. Your natural expression automatically flowers through in the absence of resistance from the ego, there is no need for any strategy or techniques (because all techniques are ultimately used by the ego structure).