During our childhood we are mostly dependent on elders to take care of us and instruct us on “how to be”, be it our parents, teachers, relatives or some external authority. The schooling system being focused on “group education” cannot really cater to individualistic needs, it’s not customized for the needs of every child, rather it has a generic mode of operation and the best you can expect from such a system is some form of forced discipline towards learning the generic subjects. There is, of course, a time and place for this type of life (of dependency on elders and external discipline) and this type of education, after all it’s very important to have an overall “generic” knowledge and outlook, so that later you can pick and choose what suits you best. The problem arises when we fail to grow out of this “childhood mindset”, and stay following this pattern of working through external discipline/influence without exploring our individual expression.
The question you need to ask yourself is “how original is my life”, by original I mean how much of it is really you and how much of it is just an “outside influence”. You are not born to mindlessly live an outside conditioning – you are born to express your originality, and when you live your natural expression this originality shines through. In that sense, it’s almost a responsibility that you owe towards your own life. It’s not that life is judging you for whether you live your expression or not, however, your life-stream will always pull you towards your natural expression. As long as you resist this pull, you live in struggle, because you are basically resisting yourself. When you go with this pull, your life is aligned with effortless, joy-based, passionate, adventurous and “original” expression. “Adventurous” does not just mean that you be swinging from a bungee and climbing a mountain wall; Adventure is a feeling, it’s a natural feeling that you have when you are living an aligned life – there is always a sense of anticipation for what is to come, for the growth, for the new realities that will be part of your expression/creation.
Living your originality by staying true to yourself
One of toughest challenges for a human being is to stay true to oneself. The reason it’s tough is because since childhood we are “instructed” to do the biding of the outside, to fit in, to be a conformist, to be a model student or a “good” boy/girl, to regurgitate teachings, to not think for yourself but just follow an external “discipline”, to take on beliefs of the culture/society, to be submissive, to compete with others, to vie for society recognized status etc You will be amazed at how thoroughly your mind has been programmed to be a slave to the “conventional society”, or the conventional mindset – so much so that any form of deviant thinking (thinking outside common belief systems) on your part creates intense guilt, or fear, within you. You start judging yourself by external standards, and you start feeling guilty for not meeting the outside expectations of you – and easiest way for the outside to make you feel guilty is by calling you “selfish”, but it’s not the outside that’s to blame, the fact is that they are only reflecting your own inner sense of guilt – the outside is only a mirror reflecting your inside.
Consider the institution of marriage. Like anything in life, marriage is a “choice” that’s available to you, and you need to make this choice based on your understanding of yourself, not out of pressure from peers, family, relatives, and personal fear of being unconventional. Personally, at present, I like the concept of marriage and being monogamous would be my preference, and that’s a preference I’ve come to after contemplation of the various choices of lifestyle, however this preference can change at some point in my life. Preferences “can” change as you age, as your circumstances change, as you gain more knowledge, as you see more of the world, and that’s part of the dynamism of life – but at any point you need to come to your preferences through having an understanding of yourself, being free of any limiting/incongruent thinking created by external influence/conditioning. Don’t base your choices on the below factors
– To look cool to the outside
– To stand true to some rigid “principle” that you adopted due to your external conditioning
– To conform with your friends, family or other external influences
– To “seem” rebellious
– To fit in with the pop culture
– To follow a lack-based mindset
You need to develop an understanding of your mind/brain and heart, and for that you need to develop an “inner connection” rather than being so “externally focused”. You need to understand your brain beyond the cloud of external conditioning, and you need to have a sense of your heart beyond the mind’s logic alone – the heart is the center of instinct and intuition, it’s the wisdom-center, and a lot of times wisdom defies mental logic. For example, your mental logic might dictate that it’s foolish to stay committed to one person when you have the opportunity to have sex with multiple partners, but your heart might want you to stay true to that one person. Don’t try to use your “logic” to convince your heart, that’s what a lot of people try to do, it never works out, and you just end up being in-congruent with yourself. Experience will show you that following your heart always ensures a peaceful/conflict-free life. In order to understand your mind’s movement and your heart’s voice, you need to bring a lot of awareness to your inner space, that’s why self-awareness is also called self-realization.
Don’t compromising on your natural preference
Let go of the mindset of copying others. It’s one thing to be inspired by some outside influence but it’s a totally different thing to become a “follower”, of trying to copy/duplicate their expression. It’s not about following what is “cool” from the outside perspective, it’s about staying true to what feels aligned with you. To be true to yourself you have to accept yourself as you are with the understanding that if you align with yourself your life-force will attract/manifest a reality that’s congruent with you, without requiring any struggle on your part. You don’t have to compromise on what your natural preference is, whatever it is be assured that there is a way to manifest it, scientifically a reality that produced a preference in you has the resources to fulfill it – what’s needed is that you stay true to your preference (of course, the first step is to have a clarity on your preferences, which comes from self-awareness).
It’s so easy to create “idols” in our mind, to become a follower, to try to meet expectations, to seek approval, to fit in with the popular mindset, to create an image of how you “should” be to conform with the image of what’s “cool”, but all of this is just unconscious living, through an externally conditioned mindset. When you have a strong self-awareness and thus have clarity about yourself, you always live your truth, you never compromise on yourself – not for money, not for approval, not for acceptance. And the thing is, when you stay true to yourself, you always attract a reality around you that accepts you as you are and you attract your type of lifestyle – that’s what it feels like to experience true love and abundance.
Beautiful…..another great read….my favourite part “the heart is the center of instinct and intuition, it’s the wisdom-center, and a lot of times wisdom defies mental logic”….WOW those words sooooooo hit home with me…..thank you SEN
Wonderful post. I am seeing changes in my personal life that I did not think were possible before.
Thank you Senji
Anu
Sen, my husband and I are new readers. Every time, we are impatient to get your next post!
Amazing article !!!!!!! 🙂
Sen your posts are my sunshine in this cloudhy country.
what a way to start the day. Thank you another great article .xx
I’m crying silent tears after reading this and have to wonder, will I ever uncover my true self? I’m so much what other people want me to be, expect of me and circumstances dictate what I need to be, I don’t have a clue how to be true to me.
teodora, i feel the same way. Lol i find myself checking the site two and three times a day for a new post
Thank you Sen
Am so happy sen for your article…… Thank you very much! I think i understand everything perfectly…
Christina,
My advice is to keep reading this blog and taking it all in. I was in a very dark place in my life when I first found this blog. I read and read and scheduled a personal chat with Sen, too. I felt the same… that I didn’t know who I was at all. But, things have turned around for me, now. Whenever my mind starts acting up, I remind myself it is just mind chatter and I return to that place of inner peace; Staying true to myself and what I want and believe. Not allowing others to influence me. Changing yourself to be what another wants is torture. You will always feel stressed and angry at those that make you change.
Thank you Alliswell. This site is exactly what I need at this time in my life.
Sen,
What if your natural expression requires breaking the law? Hard for me to think of anything specific, but if what you truly want to do/be is illegal should you still do it? Is it just a matter of accepting the consequences of that choice?
Crow, by natural expression I mean an expression of your natural makeup which comes from a place of inner wholeness (a state of balance) and thus is aligned with wisdom and harmony. A criminal/illegal activity is rooted in a “lack mindset” where the thinking is not in sync with the well-being of the totality and hence cannot be coming from a place of wholeness, and hence cannot really be a part of any natural expression rather is a part of an unconscious/imbalance expression. When you are truly in alignment with your life-stream guidance (which is a pre-requisite for your natural expression to unfold) your inspiration is always in sync with wholeness, internally and externally.
To all of You:
THIS WORKS! I have applied the pointers and wisdom, as described by this blog and it is fantastic! If you have doubts or are still in fear: please go on. Come here read often, apply…fail…apply…it takes a while to get the negative momentum of the past to ebb away.
Imagine a big ship (with full load) that stopps the engines….it will still take a few miles until it completely stopps….depending on the past negativity (full load in your brain?) it will take a couple of days/weeks/months to come to a full calm mind.
Don’t despair 🙂 I have tangible evidence that THIS IS IT! You don’t need anything else to calm your mind, find inner peace and true power in yourself.
Please don’t forget to support Sen in anyway you see fit! I think this should be supported. Great work Sen!!!
Peter
I have experienced this kind of feeling ” Being mine & start shining by my own nature”:)). This’s incredible. Don’t not copy anyone, just being you and start shining like me:)). Thank you Sen, you have empower many of us and give us direction and guidance to live a better life. Best wishes for you:))
Sen, as I am becoming more “self-aware”, I am starting to see that my mind is constantly trying to play out or script what I am going to say in a future meeting or to someone and I always find myself playing out a future event in my mind. Is this thought pattern normal? I guess the only reason why my mind plays/scripts these future events is because it wishes to control it and ensure that it goes “according to plan”. Please note that these thoughts are positive and I get a good feeling about these future thoughts, however these are thoughts that are yet to be materialized and every time I snap out or my awareness kicks in, the thoughts disappear. I must admit that these thoughts interrupt and reduce the efficiency of whatever I am doing while I get these thoughts. I guess these thoughts arise in the first place because I place importance on that future event so give attention to it, but how can I not place importance on a work meeting? I guess at the end of the day, I don’t trust my heart (life force) enough to let it perform in the meeting without my mind’s interference and I guess I am afraid of embarrassing myself if I slip up so that’s why my mind intervenes and tries to “sort” or “plan” things out in my head. Please bring some clarity to my situation as it’s really hindering my progress. Thank you in advance Sen.
IF I KNEW
If I knew it would be the last time
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would hold you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep in peace.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and smile..
and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute
to stop and say “I love you,”
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
Well I’m sure you’ll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there’s always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.
There will always be another day
to say “I love you,”
And certainly there’s another chance
to say “Anything I can do?”
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
I’ll surely regret the day,
That I didn’t take that extra time
for a smile, a hug..
and I were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So I hold my loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
want to tell them how much I love them
and that I’ll always hold them dear
I would like to take time to say “I’m sorry,”
“Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” “It’s okay.”
And if tomorrow never comes,
I ‘ll have no regrets about today.
I didn’t know where to post this poem that I found when I was searching for some thing, it touched me.. I wish I could say this to one who holded my handed so far in this journey,Wish you keep shining forever, like the Sun in the sky.