A Deep Desire for the Truth

Posted on by Sen.

For most people life is just about “crisis” management. Look back upon your life, and ask yourself if the whole journey till now has been just about “problem solving”, in most cases the answer would be “Yes”. People bring the same attitude towards “awakening”, their primary objective is – “how can awakening solve my problems”.

To want a problem free life is very natural, but if you really want liberation you need to look for the truth for the sake truth, and not for the sake for solving your problems. Do you really want to know the truth, as it is, even if it meant that “you” got nothing out of it? Or Do want the truth only so it can solve your problems?

In my experience, as long as I looked towards truth to solve my problems, I could never really come across the truth. When I started looking for the truth purely for the sake of knowing the truth, irrespective of whether it solved my problems or created more of it, I came to the truth easily. And the truth did solve my problems, but not the way I imagined.

When I stopped looking for assurances, stopped wanting anything from the truth, I was finally able to see the truth of who I am. The paradox is that when one is only interested in the truth, without any consideration for whether it feels good or not, one always comes across the truth easily. And the truth always sets you free, it liberates you, and ultimately you end up feeling good. But when your only motivation behind seeking the truth is to “feel good”, your chances of finding the truth are very slim.

Your only desire should be for the truth and nothing else

So ask yourself – Do I authentically want the truth or Am I only looking for another avenue to solve my problems. The truth will solve all your problems, and your life will be really fine, but you can’t come to the truth when your motivation is only to “feel good”. Coming to the truth involves going through the fear of realizing your “emptiness”, and this can be quite terrifying in many cases, so if your primary focus is to just “feel good” you will shrink away as soon as something fearful comes up.

The Ego wants assurances. The Ego wants to know if everything will be alright. The Ego wants to know the truth so that it can use it to make life better for itself. Unfortunately the Ego can never get the truth. This whole process of coming to the truth is about annihilation of all that in you which is “not true”, and the Ego is “not true”. So the Ego has to exit the premise before truth can come into the foreground. The Ego is only concerned with feeling good, so there needs to be something in you that is willing to seek the truth beyond the Ego’s need.

The Ego will get nothing out of the truth

Truth is not a concept to be gained by the Ego. The truth is not here to enhance the Ego and take it to a higher place of living. If anything, the truth will tear the Ego apart and shred it to pieces, because the Ego is the veil that keeps the truth from shining through. So it’s time you ask yourself if you want the truth for truth’s sake, or is this just another venture to “feel good”?

Remember that the truth will liberate you, and make you free of suffering, but you can’t come to the truth as long as you are not willing to be fully open to it. Truth cannot be gained as per your convenience; it has to be allowed to come through in its own terms. If there is a deep desire in you to know the truth of existence, only so you can really “know” the truth, and no other hidden agenda, you will be surprised at how easily the truth starts coming forth.


  1. nvibes

    “The Ego is only concerned with feeling good” – “you can’t come to the truth when your motivation is only to “feel good””

    I get this and then i don’t get this. I’m confused between “uncomfortable feelings” inside me warning me that something is not right, that I need to “protect” myself in some way (and I’m becoming better at this, before I was in denial of the “truth”- wanting to believe that everyone is good, not seeing my own dark ways), and the feeling of discomfort when I am facing a challenge – i.e. not feeling confident, not feeling self assured, feeling “out of my depth” – but deep inside not feeling I should leave, that there’s a lesson to be learnt.

    I’m confused as to whether this feeling of not feeling good is related to the ego, or if it’s a sign that I’m not aligned with my path – shouldn’t we always feel confident when we are aligned with our true path?

    What are the “symptoms” of ego discomfort versus the symptoms of not being aligned with your true path?

    1. Sen Post author

      nvibes, actually the pointer of – “you can’t come to the truth when your motivation is only to feel good” is for people who suppress the release of past negativity because they are fearful of allowing this energy, by “truth” I just mean your natural vibration or inner wholeness. You cannot come to inner wholeness unless you release the past negativity consciously, and the only way you can release it is by allowing it the space in your awareness when it arises – so during this phase if your motivation is only to feel good, or blissed out, you will immediately get afraid when the negativity arises for a release, or you will imagine that you are doing something wrong. During this “detox phase”, it’s best to not cling to “high” and just allow the low-vibration energies to release as they come up. As the detox phase comes to an end you will be towards the end of the negative cycle and your predominant vibration will be rooted in wholeness/joy because there is no resistance present – but to get to this place one needs to be allowing of the release first.

      Actually the part of you that’s trying to over-analyse the release is just the fearful mind, which is what I would call the fearful ego. There is no need for any analysis, when the negativity arises just stay allowing of it in a space of open awareness, that’s all that’s needed. This release will break down any “forced behavior” on you part, whether it’s you trying to be a nice person or if it’s you trying to keep a distance, these are both strategies of the mind which does not allow you to be authentic to the moment. Sometimes compassion requires that you let a person deal with his/her suffering on their own, sometimes compassion requires that you be with them, the mind cannot really know what’s the right thing to do because it’s always moving from a place of fear. So at this point, you can just stay allowing of your own negativity, which arises, allow your mind momentum to keep reducing, and in this release you will come to an inspiration or solution on what you should be doing, actually if you are totally allowing you will be moved into the right action without even needing to contemplate it.

  2. nvibes

    Sorry, another question related to my last one!

    I can sense myself feeling better about myself when I feel loving and caring towards others, but I feels very uncomfortable when I have no “feeling” of love and care for someone, especially when they are in need. And I’m not sure if this is just to do with my ego wanting to feel good about itself or something deeper?

    I know love is not just about good feelings, but when I feel blocked towards feeling naturally loving towards others, it concerns me because I cannot tell if it’s something to do with my own resistances/issues (e.g. jealousy, fearing someone’s growing sense of power) I haven’t yet dealt with or whether this block is “truthful”? In the past I’ve tried to override similar feelings, thinking there was something wrong with me/something in me I needed to deal with.

    It’s not that I don’t care, I do, I guess the action I think is necessary is not fluffy or warm or affectionate or caring – it’s to block someone from attaching to me too much because I think they are strong in themselves, they just haven’t realised it, and also in their feeling of unworthiness could end up using me. It just feels so wrong to do this, to push someone away esp being a close family member when I know they have nowhere else to turn to (because they keep coming back).

    Do I allow them to stay and simply stay allowing of all the “negative” feelings being brought up in me, or am I trying to do the “right” thing that makes my ego feel good? But the “right” thing doesn’t feel good – it doesn’t feel right to keep blocking and ignoring someone. I’m just really confused…perhaps I’m looking for a clear solution when there isn’t one…

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