For most people life is just about “crisis” management. Look back upon your life, and ask yourself if the whole journey till now has been just about “problem solving”, in most cases the answer would be “Yes”. People bring the same attitude towards “awakening”, their primary objective is – “how can awakening solve my problems”.
To want a problem free life is very natural, but if you really want liberation you need to look for the truth for the sake truth, and not for the sake for solving your problems. Do you really want to know the truth, as it is, even if it meant that “you” got nothing out of it? Or Do want the truth only so it can solve your problems?
In my experience, as long as I looked towards truth to solve my problems, I could never really come across the truth. When I started looking for the truth purely for the sake of knowing the truth, irrespective of whether it solved my problems or created more of it, I came to the truth easily. And the truth did solve my problems, but not the way I imagined.
When I stopped looking for assurances, stopped wanting anything from the truth, I was finally able to see the truth of who I am. The paradox is that when one is only interested in the truth, without any consideration for whether it feels good or not, one always comes across the truth easily. And the truth always sets you free, it liberates you, and ultimately you end up feeling good. But when your only motivation behind seeking the truth is to “feel good”, your chances of finding the truth are very slim.
Your only desire should be for the truth and nothing else
So ask yourself – Do I authentically want the truth or Am I only looking for another avenue to solve my problems. The truth will solve all your problems, and your life will be really fine, but you can’t come to the truth when your motivation is only to “feel good”. Coming to the truth involves going through the fear of realizing your “emptiness”, and this can be quite terrifying in many cases, so if your primary focus is to just “feel good” you will shrink away as soon as something fearful comes up.
The Ego wants assurances. The Ego wants to know if everything will be alright. The Ego wants to know the truth so that it can use it to make life better for itself. Unfortunately the Ego can never get the truth. This whole process of coming to the truth is about annihilation of all that in you which is “not true”, and the Ego is “not true”. So the Ego has to exit the premise before truth can come into the foreground. The Ego is only concerned with feeling good, so there needs to be something in you that is willing to seek the truth beyond the Ego’s need.
The Ego will get nothing out of the truth
Truth is not a concept to be gained by the Ego. The truth is not here to enhance the Ego and take it to a higher place of living. If anything, the truth will tear the Ego apart and shred it to pieces, because the Ego is the veil that keeps the truth from shining through. So it’s time you ask yourself if you want the truth for truth’s sake, or is this just another venture to “feel good”?
Remember that the truth will liberate you, and make you free of suffering, but you can’t come to the truth as long as you are not willing to be fully open to it. Truth cannot be gained as per your convenience; it has to be allowed to come through in its own terms. If there is a deep desire in you to know the truth of existence, only so you can really “know” the truth, and no other hidden agenda, you will be surprised at how easily the truth starts coming forth.