The word “hatred” immediately creates a negative image in the mind which dis-allows you from fully exploring the flavor and power of this nature in your physical being. Hatred is a “dark nature” dimension present in all minds (in all living beings) and a balance towards this dimension is required to ensure that you don’t become imbalanced in your physical energy. It’s not the dimension of hatred that’s negative, it’s when one becomes unconsciously lost it that it becomes negative, it also tends to become negative when you suppress it – this is true for all the dimensions in the mind, for example when you become unconsciously lost in the dimension of love you end up becoming needy, obsessive and overly-attached, which are purely negative states of being. To have a wholesome experience of your physical nature it’s required to have a balanced alignment towards all the dimensions in the mind, which includes the dimension of hatred.
This dimension of hatred, in its balanced state, channels into positive behaviors like being competent, having the ability to say “no” without feeling guilty, letting go of victim mindset, letting go of meekness/timidity and being clear-minded about your dislikes. A person who suppresses this dimension in him/her most likely ends up getting victimized, in some manner, owing to their meekness. While a person who is unconsciously lost in this dimensions ends up spewing negative behaviors like abuse, violence, exploitation and over-competitiveness.
Meekness is not a positive expression
One of the most misguided teachings that get offered in some conservative spiritual circles is to focus on the dimension of love in the mind, and suppress the dimension of hatred. It’s so easy to see how imbalanced people become when they try to do this – in fact they become fake, inauthentic, lacking in zeal and mostly a “drop out” of life. The whole teaching of “turn your other cheek” makes one feel that being meek is a positive/holy way of being, and basically sets one up to attract abuse and exploitation – such a misguided teaching can only resonate with someone who is imbalanced in the dimension of love, and its repercussions are there for us to see if history is any evidence. Anyone who is imbalanced in the dimension of love basically becomes a point of attraction for exploitation, abuse and sacrifice – to believe that being meek is “noble” is a belief system that sets you up for suffering.
Of course, on the other hand, the attitude of “an eye for an eye” is also an imbalanced state of being where one is lost in the dimension of hatred with little space for wisdom or maturity. However, when you have a balance towards the dimension of hatred, if you get slapped on a cheek (metaphorically speaking) you would not stand around turning your other cheek, showing your meekness, neither would you be unconsciously lost in an immature reactive approach, rather you would face the situation from a place of wisdom and allow for the right action to come forth – which can entail you to tell the other person to “back off” in no uncertain terms and let them know that you are not here to be a punching bag for someone. This is the power that comes into your being when you are balanced towards the dimension of hatred, which automatically ensures that you are not imbalanced towards the dimension of love. Wisdom dictates that you take a stand when it’s needed and not allow people to make a doormat out of you.
You will also notice that when you are balanced towards the dimension of hatred, in your mind, you don’t attract situations of exploitation or abuse of any form. In this place of balance, you attract realities that make you feel empowered and self-sustained (because that’s what you feel within). You will notice that people who suppress this dimension in them usually end up with some bodily disorders during to the dis-harmony in their body’s energy field.
Aligning with the dimension of hatred in your mind
If you look at animals, they understand that the dimension of hatred has a value as a survival mechanism purely as an instinct – you won’t see an animal sacrificing itself out of the love it feels towards the predators. Human beings on the other hand, can easily be given a lot of misguided conditioning into suppressing this “instinctual” dimension in their mind, causing them to become hunting pigeons lined up for sacrifice. It’s common to see parents program their kids to suppress the dimension of hatred making them feel guilty for their anger, dislikes or dissent, and thus dis-connecting them from a balanced alignment with this dimension in their mind. Such children usually grow up feeling confused and guilty about the natural instincts that happen in their mind and they suppress themselves, putting on a “good boy/girl” persona, leading powerless and meek lives, with a total lack of clear-mindedness because they stop trusting their own instincts.
Look at your present life situation and see if you find yourself in any of the circumstances below
– You sense that you are not being respected and are constantly being taken for granted
– You sense a lot of neediness for other people’s approval (which is usually denied to you)
– You find it difficult to express your opinions and your preferences
– You feel subjected to abuse and exploitation, or getting cheated on and betrayed
– You have an attitude of denial towards the abuse you are being subjected to
– You are always one who is expected sacrifice your happiness and joy
– You always seem to end up in relationships where you partner does not reciprocate your endless love (which, in truth, is basically just a form of neediness on your part)
– You feel hurt that people don’t reciprocate your acts of goodness towards them, which you basically do so that they are nice to you
– You are constantly wearing a “smile” to appear harmless and docile
– You find yourself in relationships of chronic emotional dependence, where your partner is almost “leeching” on your energy (which usually results in you feeling emotionally sapped and fatigued)
– You are usually the fall guy, who takes the brunt of the blame, when something goes wrong (especially in your work environment or relationships)
– You feel a seething anger within you towards the way you are being exploited, but you constantly keep suppressing this anger out of a feeling of guilt or inferiority
If you said “yes” to any of the points mentioned above, it’s an indication of an imbalance in you where you are not aligned with the dimension of hatred in your mind. Remember that there is a difference between “being aligned” and “being imbalanced” – being aligned allows for wisdom while being imbalanced causes immature/unwise actions. Sometimes wisdom dictates that you let go of a mistake made by someone and move on, whereas sometimes it’s required that you let that person know very clearly that you are not taking anymore nonsense from them. You gain access to this maturity and wisdom, when you allow yourself to align with the dimension of hatred in your mind – to align means to not suppress and to not be unconsciously lost, you can only “align” consciously in the presence of a space of awareness. Unconsciously you will either suppress a dimension or have an imbalanced identification towards it.
Thank you, Sen for the excellent article, it really helped me understand this dimension in my mind.
i grew up in a family who never tried to give me any kind of self confidence; there was no encouragement, no admiration. it was always hard to me to say “no” to anyone unless i felt guilty.
i become aware of this art of “say no to the others” several years ago, and it’s a lot easier to me now . But i recently ended a suffering relationship which was just like the one that you mentioned:
” You find yourself in relationships of chronic emotional dependence, where your partner is almost “leeching” on your energy (which usually results in you feeling emotionally sapped and fatigued)”
so i think i’m still lost in this dimension.
One more fabulous article Mr.Sen..
Just wanted to discuss one of your points;
” Sometimes wisdom dictates that you let go of a mistake made by someone and move on, whereas sometimes it’s required that you let that person know very clearly that you are not taking anymore nonsense from them”
As mentioned in the above statement, don’t you think its a conflict for the mind. In first point you are conveying to ‘let go’ any sort of mistakes.
In second point, its conveyed that you cannot take up some nonsense(could be a mistake) from other person, so directly make it clear to other person.
So these 2 statements sounding little contradict. Please clarify.
When one is unconsciously lost in the mind, there is no space of wisdom, and all actions come from a “reactive” place pulled by the momentum of the mind. Also, when one operating purely through the mind conditioning, there is a tendency to take up rigid techniques or strategies to deal with life – different situations require different responses, there is no fixed “one way” to handle all situations. The mind rarely has the big picture and it’s thinking is always limited to its conditioning and past experiences. The space of awareness allows for the presence of “wisdom” in the field of the mind, and this wisdom acts as an inner guidance to inspire the right actions in you – sometimes wisdom will dictate that you don’t pursue a certain line of action, while in a different case it may require you to pursue that action. The very meaning of “wisdom” is that it’s not rigid, it’s not a strategy, it just comes from the inner guidance in you. You become receptive to this inner guidance when you allow for the space of awareness to grow in your being.
SAT, this is colloquially expressed as “pick your battles”.
Very helpful article. Thank you Sen.
Mr. Sen,
Amazing article.
In past articles I have understood you to say that chasing the desires of the “ego” are unfulfilling and by doing this we are giving resistance to our “true nature”.
My question is how would we know if the “dream” we are chasing is really just a desire of the ego, or if this is really what our true nature wants us to do?
I am by no means enlightened or have I experienced true awakening, but I am voraciously chasing my dream in life with every ounce of energy I have. At the same time this feels very natural to me almost effortless.
Is this a desire of my ego based on the external conditioning that society, my parents, etc have thrusted on me. Or is this really alignment with my true nature? How would i know the difference? It feels too right to be wrong!
I would really like your opinion on this
Robert – Forget about having some “fancy” idea about what awakening or enlightenment is – if you feel aligned with your joy, and are pursuing your mind’s passion, you are far more aligned with your life-stream than a monk who has an illusion of enlightenment while shrinking away from facing life. Any desire that feels aligned with your mind/heart (where you deeply desire the experience of its manifestation) is aligned with your true nature, all that’s needed is that you also bring in the space of awareness and allow yourself to be guided by the inner inspiration coming from your life-stream rather than just focusing on using work to manifest your desires. You get a huge leverage when you align with your desires in your mind, and allow life to orchestrate events, circumstances, that allow a smoother manifestation than just depend on the mechanical intelligence of the brain to just focus on action alone. Of course, actions coming from a place of joy are an indication that they are coming from a place of inspiration, and thus are aligned with your life-stream’s guidance.
Dear Sen
I recently had an experience on the sexual desire. Out of now where, I suddenly have a strong sexual urge to the point where it almost took over my thinking. No matter what I do, these fantasy in my head just keep growing to the point where I wouldn’t mind having a unhealthy sexual relationship. If I were alone, I could use “relax awareness,” so it would die down. Unfortunately, I was at work. Do you have any strategy I could use to release these thoughts? Does this mean sexual desire is my dominant dimension? Also, I have been practicing “relax awareness” daily for 1 to 3 hours and the intensity of emotions decreased significantly (it did reach a peak, fear mainly) and somehow, the world (in this case, my head) has gotten a lot quieter. Thanks for all those pointer in your articles. Lastly, is there anyway to identify which is my dominant dimension? Kenshin
Kenshin – the less judgmental you are of your mind the easier it is to identify your dominant dimension(s). The strong surge of sexual energy could just be a temporary phase which is happening in response to your releasing of “resistance” (which allows suppressed energies to be released in your being). Just stay allowing of the energy, don’t try to suppress it, while having some space of awareness so that you are not pulled into any unwise actions. People who have a really high sex drive are the ones who have sexuality as a dominant dimension in their mind, as you stay aware of your mind in a non-judgmental manner you can easily recognize the dominant dimensions in your mind.
You sir are a genius!
Thank you
From my own experience I have found that, that powerless and meek life you refer to in your article, in a way, was an irresponsible way of living my life. Without being aware of it, I was avoiding myself.
One thing that at the moment is hard for me to understand about myself is a feeling of not being able to enjoy some situations where there is no reason for me to be unhappy. In the past, for example, if I was enjoying a wonderful trip, I would tell myself that that happiness was just temporary and that it was going to finish soon, so the sooner I went back to my “normal” life the better. Today I experienced something similar. Some friends invited me to come over, and I was having a wonderful time, but my mind was telling me that I wanted somebody else to be there.
Laura, it’s important to understand the brain and the heart (of your body) and understand your “being” – they are three different “intelligences” and each is capable of having its stream of thinking. So your being can be having a good time but your heart may miss something/someone, and you don’t have too be too concerned about satisfying all these three aspects at all times, it’s not possible to do so – the way to freedom is to allow each of these aspects to have a freedom of expression without feeling the need to keep “assuring” (or running to the rescue) of each as soon as they create a thought of discontent. It’s true that all experiences are ultimately temporary, including the “normal” life, and basically in a state of inner freedom you don’t cling to the experience to give you a sense of “wholeness” rather you explore experiences from a place of inner wholeness, so you are free of being a prisoner to the presence of an experience in your life.
Thank you for your answer.
Hi Sen,
when we allow hatred without suppressing, how is it different from holding on to hatred.
Holding on to hatred/anger can attract a bad reality, no?
Please explain.
Thank you so much.
Sunitha, it’s about releasing the energy of hatred (the emotional accumulation of it) and the only way to release it is to allow it to arise freely – if you keep suppressing this energy (let’s say by suppressing some thoughts in the mind or just suppressing so energy of aggressiveness within) it will just keep building up in momentum. Holding onto hatred is like being “identified” with it – the state of allowing that I talk about is about letting go of suppression as well as “identification”, it’s just an openness – like being a space, that’s why I call it connecting with your “space of being”
Hi sen, This may not be directly tied to this post. I need a little bit of wisdom form your part to help me see through a blind spot , imbalance or delusion that I may have that I am not fully able to pin point as of yet. first of all I understand the natural makeup of my mind. I am inclined to the dark nature aspects I prefer to be to myself and really dont like to ask people for things . This is my situation that has happend enough to the point where it is starting to un earth negative feelings . When I do ask people for something they are so convincing that their are going to come through for me then they end up not doing what they say they are going to do. the situation has happen to me twice this week with the same individual tying to impress me with bold promises of what they are going to make happen for me and not coming through on their promises. I am well aware that people dont have to have to come through on their promises but it was with the same person, he has a pattern of saying thing and don’t follow through. is he a reflection of my own fears of being disapointed ? I think I just answerd my own question. I would still like to hear you insights. peace
sr – People outside yourself tend to reflect your inner state back at you, although sometimes (depending on the person) they will just reflect your state back at you, while others will behave in such a way that it helps uncover something within you or helps teach you how to behave in such a situation.
One of my “friends” (not sure how long that will last) has been a source of constant disappointment and commitment breaking for years. A few months ago, it seemed like he was as good as gone, then returned, then went away for a while and may come over tonight, so I really don’t know what’s happening with that. Either his behavior will change or the friendship will dissolve rather effortlessly, such as with that friend you had back in middle school or whatever that you slowly drifted away from associating with without a giant scuffle.
Hi sr,
Try to look deep inside you when are asking people for something, aware of the feelings. Sometimes, people when they ask other people to do something is not because they don’t really need it, they ask because of personal matters, to test someone (for a couple), to show superiority, they have ulterior motives,etc. And all those reasons above make them hope that the other people will do as they say, to satisfy their ego. So if the other people don’t do it right, they will be disappointed, angry, etc. I experience this myself.
And it might be is the reflection of your fears of being disappointed, only you can find out. Or maybe you also like to do the same with other people, to impress them with bold promises. You can read Sen’s post about Law of Attraction, I am sure you can get something in that post. For now just allow everything that arises in you, any feeling, eventually you will know the truth.
Hope this help.