This is a very powerful question that can reveal your true state of being if you are totally honest/authentic with the interrogation that this question instigates within. Inherently there are only two states of being
1. A state of inner wholeness
2. A state of inner incompleteness
If you are honest with yourself you will always know what your state of being is. The state of inner incompleteness is not a permanent state because you can transition into a state of inner wholeness from here, as you awaken to your truth. You can get a glimpse, or taste, of the state of inner wholeness while still being rooted in incompleteness, and it’s common to unconsciously cling to the external object/person/experience that you “assume” gave you the taste without realizing that it was your temporary letting go of resistance that allowed you sense your inner wholeness. If the state of wholeness is fleeting in you (if it comes and goes), it means you are still in a state of inner incompleteness. The true state of inner wholeness is permanent, once you reach there you don’t ever feel an inner “incompleteness” again irrespective of your physical life situation.
The experience of life that you have when you are moving from a place of inner incompleteness is completely different from the experience of life you have when you are moving from a place of inner wholeness – though on the outside it may look as if you are doing the same things. Actions will go on, movement will continue, what will change is your inner experience of life – in a state of wholeness there is no sense of “neediness”, you don’t seek to do anything out of a need to feel complete, you just do things because you feel inspired to do it in that moment.
The reason why you feel an inner incompleteness
This state of inner incompleteness starts developing the moment your focus became identified totally with the physical, specifically with the mind – usually by the age of 4. You get identified with the narrow, label based, identity created by the mind – what is called the “ego structure”. The ego structure by itself is not a problem, and serves a practical purpose in allowing a meaningful physical experience, but when you become totally identified with it, your perception of yourself becomes very intensely narrow. Looking at the world totally from the lens of ego is the most narrow perception you can ever have, there’s very little place for “wisdom” in such a narrow perception. This is the reason why ego identified consciousness always moves into dysfunction of some form or other.
Some very apparent patterns of behavior which are present, when your state of being is one of inner incompleteness, are as below
– You feel needy of approval from outside and many times your actions are influenced from this place of needing someone’s approval of you.
– There is an element of “craving” that’s always present in your being because of the delusion that some manifestation/experience will make you feel whole permanently. There is an energy of obsession or desperation towards your desires arising from this place of inner incompleteness, which creates a sense of suffering in you and keeps you in a vibration of lack.
– You sense momentary peace now and then, in your being, subject to some external outcomes but this peace is soon clouded by the feeling of incompleteness
– You don’t feel a sense of stability within yourself and you fluctuate in sync with your mind’s volatile movements
– There is a constant background of unease/frustration/irritation within you which you constantly blame the outside for
– You feel tormented by your mind and by this physical realm as a whole, and desperately want out of it
The stronger your identification with the ego structure, the narrower your awareness becomes, and the more incompleteness you sense within yourself. In a simple sense you are disconnecting from your wholeness by becoming narrowly focused on the physical realm. The physical realm does not have the capacity to take you to permanent wholeness because by its very design it’s a “temporary” realm and is subject to constant change, dissolution and impermanence – in which lies its beauty really, but when you are totally identified with the physical this “fleeting” nature of its movement creates fear and anxiety in you.
Reaching the place of inner wholeness
Total identification with the mind’s ego structure, and it’s consequential negativity, created the sense of incompleteness, and a movement of “dis-identification” with the momentum of the mind takes you back to your original wholeness. It’s totally an “inner work” and it’s a process, and it takes time. For years your awareness has been totally embedded in the mind and it will take some time before it can free itself of this identification. When you understand the dynamics of this process it’s easier for you to keep allowing this process to continue, thus reach your inner wholeness without getting stuck in the pitfalls along the way.
You become more functional in this physical realm in this place of wholeness, you are no longer shying away from your total involvement in physicality, neither are you moving from a place of neediness, and thus you will allow the full potential of your physical being to express itself. There is always a background of peace irrespective of the circumstances on the outside. This inner wholeness ensures that you keep allowing the wisdom and well-being of your life-stream to be active in your physical reality all the time. You always have a free energy about you.
Don’t try to imagine what this place would feel like. The mind, as usual, has the tendency to associate “extra ordinary” ideas about this state of being. It may imagine that this state feels like some constant trip of exhilaration or an unending high or some blissed out state, like what you get out of a drug – but all these are “excited” states, that are temporary and fleeting, what I call surface level ripples on your being. If you have such imaginations, you will end up running into some unending pursuit without ever resting in the ordinariness of your being. Wholeness is very ordinary, it’s very simple, and it does not come with any bursting lights and sounds, it’s the undisturbed calmness inherent to the space that you are.