Most of us start disconnecting with who we really are, as a human being, in a bid to fit in. During our growing up years, we are taught to “conform” to certain ways of behaving, and perceiving, through our parents, teachers and religious institutions. Our attitude, preferences, behavior and aptitude is compared with others, we are made to feel inferior or superior based on these comparisons.

The education system, in many countries, does not focus on guiding the “creativity”, or natural inclination, present in a kid but is more inclined towards a narrow judgment of intelligence which causes many kids to develop an inferiority complex towards themselves and also causes them to disconnect with the natural inclination while focusing on using “hard work” and effort to score grades to impress the parents, teachers and peers. This same pattern plays out in our mind even as we become adults, we continue to try to conform to the expectations/standards of others which losing connection with our own individuality.

Suppressing individuality in a bid to conform

To stand true to one’s own individuality, in the midst of all these comparisons and pressures, can be quite difficult for a child especially since they are so dependent on the parents and the society for their upbringing. Also a child is not conscious enough to really have the conviction in pursuing his/her heart’s calling and thus is more prone to just allow the external environment to influence his/her movement. By the time we are adults in our mid twenties or thirties, many of us are quite clueless about who we are as an individual and what our actual preferences are in terms of career, relationship and lifestyle.

We try to copy others, or try to conform to certain set standards of living, and hence become “monotonous” in our way of living. This causes a conflict/confusion between our heart’s calling and our mind’s “external conditioning” (created through trying to conform), and mostly we just follow the external conditioning out of “fear” and we try to suppress our natural inclinations. This internal conflict causes us to attract a “conflicted” reality on the outside and hence we find ourselves in a job we don’t like, in a relationship that does not feel right and in a lifestyle that seems to sap our energy daily – in simple words, we manifest a reality that does not suit us. Unless you take the courage to stand true to who you are, and move towards aligning back with your heart’s calling, you will find that you are not be able to attract reality that feels congruent with who you are.

Let go of trying to be like others

Who you are is unique in your make-up, and your brain has a unique way of perceiving, and expressing, reality. When you ask your brain/mind to conform to a way of living that is not congruent with its natural inclination, you find yourself in a situation of struggle, conflict and effort. We try to over-ride the mind’s natural inclinations (or heart’s calling) by forcing discipline and will-power on it, and try to use hard work and effort to make it through. Stress, mental fatigue and dullness are the natural by-products of living a life which is conflicted with our natural inclination.

If you find yourself in a life situation that feels totally disconnected from what you want to experience, you will need to take the time to move within and understand who you really are as an individual and what your mind’s natural inclination is. For this you will need to sieve through a lot of “limiting” beliefs that were taken up unconsciously. You will need to accept the reality that you cannot conform to someone else’s standard of living, and you will need to find your own expression in order to feel connected and whole.

Life can orchestrate events in a manner as to create a reality that matches your individual preference, but first you need to align with yourself and let go of holding on to thoughts of conformity – you have to be yourself fully for your external reality to reflect this congruence back at you. Sometimes it takes courage and conviction to stand true to who you are, rather than succumb to the pressures of the external circumstances, but when you take the inner stand to align with yourself life takes care of arranging your external reality to match your preference.

Asking yourself the following questions can help guide you towards your natural inclination and individuality.

– If I had all the money I wanted, what would my mind like to do? Or In other words, if money was not the motivation for doing a job, if interest/passion was the only motivation, what type of job/work/creativity would I like to pursue?

– If I let go of my guilts, hang-ups, judgments and fear, what’s the natural make up of my mind, what are its inclinations, preferences, likes and dislikes? (If you take this question deep enough it can help you align with your natural talent, skills, aptitude, sexuality, sensitivity and interests)

– What type of a relationship am I most comfortable with – short term, long term, polygamous, monogamous, committed or open, emotional or surface-level? And what type of a partner would feel most aligned with who I am? (Allow yourself to imagine the most ideal situation you would like in a relationship from your present stand point)

These questions are just means of going within yourself to really connect with the person you are. You can be quite surprised at the findings, you may realize that you are a totally different person than what you “forced” yourself to be unconsciously. When you start aligning with yourself, you will notice that there are some major shifts in your reality in the type of people you attract, the type of vocation you get involved in and your lifestyle as a whole. The transition can be exciting and also a little frightening to the mind (which likes to hold on to the familiar) so it always requires some courage to keep staying true to your alignment with who you are.