Anger by itself is a very normal expression in a human mind, however an intense/overwhelming anger that grips your being, to the point where you sense that you’ve lost control of your reaction, is a symptom of a high momentum of negativity, in this case an imbalance in dark nature. Anger can get overwhelming when your mind’s “normal anger” mixes with the past store-up of anger (emotional energy) and also syncs up with your mind’s momentum of negativity. When your mind loses its momentum, and as you release your past store-up of suppressed emotional energy, you will sense that anger does not have a grip on your being rather it’s just felt as an expression in the mind which you can follow up on, or let go of, based on the wisdom of the moment – there are times when it’s needed that you express your anger as a matter of being authentic and there are times when it’s best to let go of anger by understanding the need of the situation – this sense of inner “control”, or inner wisdom, can only be present when anger, as a movement, does not have the capacity to overwhelm, or hijack, your being.
The paradox is that you can only come to balance when you first stop feeling guilty about the imbalance, when you stop trying to suppress or fight the imbalance. The first step is always about being okay with allowing what arises without adding further negativity in terms of guilt or self-hatred. As you grow in ability to observe your mind, you will naturally be able to sense the energy of your anger more clearly, and you will also catch yourself being highly aware of your angry reactions (sometimes after the episode of outburst or in the middle of it) – instead of feeling bad about losing your stability, just bring awareness to its intensity in your mind, and feel it in your body, and don’t add any further negativity by judging yourself for your anger.
As you continue reducing your mind momentum and releasing your past store-up of negativity, through finding connection with your space of being and coming to a place of total allowing, the intensity of anger will keep reducing automatically until one day you sense that it has totally lost its grip on your being.
Don’t expect people to understand your anger
When you express your anger towards someone, or something, it’s very natural for the people in your surrounding to react negatively to you – a human mind automatically gets defensive/offensive when it senses anger from outside and it reacts in that fashion in a bid to protect itself. Anger is always sensed by a mind as a threat to its safety, that’s the primary reaction. So, you need to let go of asking people to understand your anger or to react patiently to your anger, it’s a tall task for anyone to do unless that person has a strong sense of inner balance.
A lot of people get upset that their partner, or parents, or friends, don’t “understand” them when they get angry, the truth is that it’s no-one’s responsibility to be understanding of you and it’s best if you don’t impose such a responsibility on someone, it’s too much of an expectation for anyone to carry. You have to be willing to accept the consequences of your anger, and the negative reaction that you get from your external reality, as a reflection of your inner imbalance and not blame the outside for not being understanding of you – this is how you take full responsibility for your state of being rather than place the onus on the outside to help you with it.
Also, it doesn’t make sense to keep feeling guilty about your imbalance in anger – the guilt only serves to add more fuel the negative momentum in the mind. It’s normal for guilt to arise, the mind feels “bad” since anger is judged as a negative, however you need to consciously let go of identifying with this guilt, and just let it ride out. If you get identified with the guilt, you will end up in a very low vibration such as depression or self-hatred.
You need to stop being overly “apologetic” about your anger, apologize where needed but not all the time; sometimes anger is a very valid reaction to a situation and you need to have enough self-love to realize that what you did was “fine” under the circumstances. And when you know you are on a journey towards balance, you don’t have to feel bad about an imbalanced reaction of anger on your part knowing that you are on your way towards more stability. Anger by itself is a higher vibration than depression, and it’s far more vitalizing to your body than a state of depression or self-hatred. It’s much better to express anger than to sit slumped in depression, however the journey is to reach an inner balance and not be a prisoner to any imbalances.
Handling anger from the outside
If you find yourself to be the brunt of other people’s anger on constant basis, it’s an indication of a “victim mindset” on your part. The various reasons why one ends up attracting a lot of outside anger are as below
- Holding onto patterns of self-criticism (your inner criticism is reflected as external criticism). The stronger your patterns of self-criticism that more the instances of attracting anger from outside.
- A tendency to want to please people for the sake of acceptance/approval usually through a subdued meekness or unnatural humility or servility. This tendency is seen in people who go out of their way to appear friendly, mostly out of fear or inferiority, to seek outside approval – also called the “nice guy/girl syndrome”. Such people wonder why the outside is being hostile in-spite of them trying to appear nice (it’s their inner fear that attracts the outside negativity).
- Holding on to thoughts of hatred or fear towards the outside (situation or person). Your feelings of hatred or fear will always get reciprocated in some way by the outside, fear is reciprocated by behaviors from the outside the amplify your fear, hatred is reciprocated by behaviors from the outside that amplify your hatred. Anger is a very common reaction that is attracted by people who hold strong patterns of fear/hatred within them.
When you face anger from the outside the general tendency of a fear-based mind is to get more fearful and defensive, whereas the tendency of a hate-based mind is to get more hateful and offensive – both these reactions don’t break this cycle of imbalanced reality and keep on fueling the attraction of such negative experiences. The way to attract a more aligned reality is to bring an inner change, or rather an inner balance, by first identifying whether the anger you are attracting is based on your inner fear or hatred, or both. To identify your inner negativity you need to first allow your awareness to come within, instead of sitting in blame of the outside. If you are authentic with yourself, you can easily see the patterns in you that are attracting anger from outside and after that it’s about a conscious dis-identification with these patterns – allowing them to run out of fuel by no longer buying into them when they arise.
Releasing the fuel of anger in you
Anger can be a reaction created from your inner fear or some form of hatred. Irritation, frustration, grumpiness or tantrums, are all varying expressions of anger. Fear induced anger has a slightly “defensive” quality, whereas a hate induced anger has an “offensive” quality – you can sense if a person’s anger is coming from a place of fear or hatred/disdain. A huge store-up of fear or hatred, as suppressed energy, will always result in the person getting into overwhelming episodes of anger now and then. Of course, anger is a protective mechanism in the mind in it’s bid to keep you facing the intense fear/hatred within, however as you grow in awareness you can allow yourself to face the inner fear/hatred that was fueling the anger – it’s about seeing below the anger to sense the fear, or hatred, that’s providing momentum to it. Once you bring awareness to this suppressed negativity, it can start getting released.
If you have the mindset of feeling negative about your anger, you will never allow yourself to bring awareness to the fear/hatred that lies below the surface-level reaction of anger. It’s only when you are willing to allow the energy of anger, fully, that you get to the bottom of it and thus be able to start releasing the emotional energy (usually in the form of a store-up of fear/hatred) that creates the intensity for your anger. Without releasing this past store-up of emotional energy, you can never feel spacious enough in your being to feel free of the grip of anger.
Whenever you become aware of yourself being in the grip of anger, just use it as an opportunity to release the suppressed energy within, all that you need to do is stay fully allowing of the energy of anger in you (it’s easier if you can isolate yourself for a few moments) and thus sensing the energy of fear/hatred below it. Anger is a very strong movement and hence it takes sometime before you can have enough stability to start allowing its energy without feeling overwhelmed by it – the more you practice relaxed awareness or connecting with your space of being, the more you grow in inner stability and the more you are able to release suppressed energy, that’s how a positive cycle develops.