To Think or Not To Think

Posted on by Sen.



Take a moment to recognize what are the parts/functions of your body that you can “control” voluntarily. You can control your hands, your legs, the movement of your head, your eyes, your lips, your tongue etc, plus you can control your mind voluntarily, for a while, through focus and you can also control your breathing, through focused effort, for sometime. However, a vast part of your body is totally out of your voluntary control – the blood/lymph circulation, nervous system, digestive system, heart beat, cell generation/destruction, temperature balance etc

If you look deeply, you will notice that even the parts/functions, that you have some voluntary control over, are also working on “auto mode” whenever you let go of making an effort to control them – in a simple sense, your body is on “auto mode” all the time, driven through a deeper intelligence, except when you make a “focused effort” at controlling certain parts/functions. Your mind/brain can also be left on auto mode and it will function in a harmony, but most humans try to “control” their brain through “effortful focus” which causes resistance to its natural flow. It’s totally unnecessary to make any effort at controlling or forcing your brain/mind, and the only reason we ever do this is out of “fear” of losing control or fear of letting go into the “unknown” natural flow. (A lot of spiritual teachings refer to this as the “fear of unknown” that keeps you from letting go of the mind)

Let thinking happen, don’t make an effort to think

This may be a completely new perspective for many of you, something which you may not have consciously considered before – to just make no effort “to think” and just let thinking happen as per the energy of the moment. This is a huge part of aligning with your natural expression. As long as you are making an effort to control your mind, you are constantly in resistance to “letting go” into the flow of the moment.

The only reason we make an effort at thinking is because we don’t trust that the right understandings, insights, solutions will come forth if we just allow the mind to be free in its thinking. However, anyone who has let go of their mind (let go of making an effort to think) has experienced that there is a harmonious functioning that comes into place where everything that’s needed gets done at the right moment, insights arise at the right time, solutions come through, actions are taken and everything happens in a flow.

No matter what the situation may be, no matter what the challenge you are facing in the moment – just let go of making an “effort” to think and just “allow” thinking to happen, allow actions to come forth, allow the body to move without any “effort” at control. You need to have trust in life to be in this state of “allowing”. If you’ve never experienced the flow of this state of simple surrender, you may be very skeptical about it and may even wonder if its safe to be so effortless – but just ask yourself, how would it be if you had to consciously control your breathing to survive, most of us would be dead within the first 15 minutes, someone who is really strong in focus might make it to 30 minutes at max through extreme concentration. Thankfully, the body’s intelligence takes care of breathing. Similarly, just imagine how would your life be if you had to control every movement of your hands and legs consciously at all times – it would be totally sluggish and un-coordinated, thankfully your body’s intelligence takes care of your movements too.

You can exercise conscious control on your mind, or these body movements, for a while, and thus enjoy the feeling/experience of “control” whenever you want – but it’s totally unnecessary and un-required to do this, and every time you make an effort at control there is “resistance” in you to life’s natural movement at that moment (that’s why you cannot hold control for long before natural movement takes over). So the good news is that you can just let go of your mind and everything will be just fine, in fact everything will come back into a real harmony on its own. Most of our suffering/misalignment is because of this habit in our human consciousness to keep wanting to “control” our thoughts or keep forcing the brain to do what it does not want to do.

The impact of consciously letting go of the mind

Here are few definite impacts that would take place in your life when you let go of the mind, or let go of thinking (allowing the mind to think on its own), through conscious surrender.

– You will no longer be doing “unproductive” or unnecessary work, you will only be moved into action when something that’s necessary, for the moment, needs to be done. (My estimate is that humans who force their brain into action usually perform close 60-80% unnecessary effort which usually either goes to waste or creates new problems for them instead of solving their problems).

– You will no longer be able to work at jobs that are not suited to your aptitude. To do work that’s not suited to the natural aptitude of your brain, you need to make “effortful thinking” and force your brain to function in a way that’s not natural to its make-up. Any work that gets done this way will never have “excellence” in it because it comes from a place of struggle, at best it will bring mediocre results, not to mention that the huge stress/strain on your brain, through effortful thinking, would cause tremendous fatigue in your whole being (making you acquire stress based diseases)

– You will move into work that feels natural to you, that brings a sense of joy to your being, and feels effortless in action. The work you produce will have a lot of quality in it and will be greatly appreciated by people who receive its service. Abundance will naturally flow into your life because of the joy oriented vibration that becomes dominant in your being.

– The momentum of negative thinking in your mind will ebb away in intensity because it’s no longer getting any fear based attention. In the space of letting go there is no focus, or contraction of attention, on any negative thoughts in the mind and thus they start fading away in power and influence, to finally just ebb away in intensity.

– Your body will have a lot more energy and vitality every day. Diseases created through the stress of effortful thinking start dissolving and a harmony sets in to the body.

– Your actions will come from a place of inspiration and will always be a step in the direction of the unfolding of your desired realities. You will find yourself becoming disciplined in certain actions without requiring any “will power” or determination. When the duration of the action is done with, you will smoothly move into another routine without any friction. Everything feels effortless and harmonious.

These are just a few impacts that I’ve mentioned above, to give you a fore-taste of how effortless everything becomes when you let go of effortful thinking, allowing thinking to happen on its own. Of course, it requires time to let go of this life long habit of trying to force the brain, and one also requires an understanding/trust to surrender this habit (which is basically the point of this post). A lot of old realities, that you created through effort and struggle, will melt away when you align with this effortless state and a new reality which is rooted in harmony will come into place – one has to be “allowing”, with some initial trust and courage, to allow for this transition to happen (because society at large is so focused on an effort-based way of living).

It’s common for the mind to get fearful when some old realities start dissolving when one lets go into this effortless state of being – this is one reason why most people let go only when they reach a “dead end” through all their strategies and effortful thinking, because then there is no other option but to let go. But you don’t have to wait till you reach such a “desperate” situation, you can just let go now and start allowing the harmony of the natural movement of life take you over. All the pointers eventually are so that you acquire an understanding of life enough to trust this movement of just letting go and becoming aligned with your natural movement.

Continue to part 2 of this article – “To Think or Not to Think part 2




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20 Comments

  1. Jay

    There’s a girl that I enjoy spending time with and everything was very natural and most of the words I had spoken was motivated by enjoyment. However, one day, suddenly, out of no where, she started giving me the cold shoulder. From that point on, I feel somehow rejected and after a while, I just want to give up. Now, I am feeling very awkward and so is she. I can’t find the joy as a guide to motivate me and tell me what to do next. I have been reading some of your articles and understand that I shouldn’t make effort and struggle in order to do the right thing. What feeling should I depend on when I am in the middle of this confusion and arkwardness? To make things worse, I keep repeating this pattern through out my life. If I can’t rely on thinking or my feeling, which is very confusing at this moment, what else can I rely on to make the right choice? Personally, I get fed up repeating this pattern in the past and I have a feeling that if I don’t change my behavior, I will definitely repeat this pattern in the future.

    1. Sen Post author

      The question you would need to ask yourself is if you feel whole by yourself or do you feel incomplete within, and feel the need to attach onto to an external source for the feeling of completion. As long as you feel incomplete within yourself, there will always be an element of lack-based thinking where you would want to “cling” to certain people/objects in your reality for your happiness. This “clingyness” can be quite suffocating for the person who is subjected to it, and they might try to distance themselves from you as a result – in fact the vibration of such a behavior is rooted in lack and hence it attracts an experience of lack or rejection. If you are honest with yourself, you can recognize if there is a vibration of neediness, in you, for someone’s attention/love/approval, this neediness always translates to some dysfunctional experience in your relationship. This neediness arises because you don’t feel whole within yourself, because you are not connected with yourself in all your wholeness – may be you are only focused on the “mind” part of you while completely not recognizing the space of awareness that you are. As you rest in this space of awareness you become more and more rooted in your wholeness, which removes any form of “craving” or neediness in your external movements. There is a vibration of abundance in a person who is aligned with his/her wholeness within and this vibration attracts a reality of abundance in all forms externally, be it in relationship or material wealth.

    2. Arthur

      Isn’t it natural for humans to seek companionship though? Everyone feels lonely from time to time and the desire to have someone close to them seems natural. Not talking about being needy, just the fact that we all need a little love.

    3. Sen Post author

      To enjoy the experience of having a companion to share your life with, is a celebration of physical life. Friendship and social connection is again an experience that our human nature desires and enjoys, all of this is a part of enjoying the experience of physicality. All these desires arise in the human mind and the movement of your life stream allows the manifestation of your desires (you can read the post “the science of manifestation” for an understanding of the actual process of how desires get manifested by life energy). However, neediness or craving comes from a feeling of “lack” or incompleteness within one self. Desire does not imply neediness, but one can become “needy” of a desire. Desire by itself is just a thought of creation, or thought of a reality that the mind wants to experience – but once the desire is created the mind can become “needy” of it and cling to it for its happiness, this “clinging” creates a vibration of fear/lack within oneself which is basically a negative thought pattern (all the negative attitudes like jealousy, over possessiveness, neediness, greed, over-indulgence arises from this vibration of lack in the mind).

      As long as one does not find their happiness within first, there is tendency to want to cling to external objects/people for happiness. You can “enjoy” the external, but if you cling to it for “happiness” or security, you will constantly live in fear and also suffocate people who you cling to. When you find your happiness, and wholeness, within yourself by merging which your “beingness”, rather than just be identified with your human body/mind, a balance comes into play where you freely allow the expression of your physicality, and enjoy physical experiences, while also not “craving” them for happiness – you find your wholeness in your being, and don’t depend on something external to you to make you whole, rather you just “enjoy” the external for the experiences that it allows. This balance is what allows for a reality that’s rooted in harmony.

  2. Alliswell

    When does real thinking come into play? How do you let thoughts flow and yet make rational decisions? How do you know the difference?

    1. Sen Post author

      The assumption in you is that when you let your mind be free “rational” decisions will not be made – this is a common fear (which I’ve mentioned in the post is also called “fear of the unknown” – not knowing how things will get done if you let go of the mind). But once you do let go the “habit” of trying to figure out the “rational” decisions, you will notice that decisions get made for you in a very harmonious manner at the “right time” – you know exactly what you need to be doing when the time is right. One of the habits most beings have is that we constantly force our mind to think about situations that are not even “real”, we just project imaginary scenarios and try to figure out solutions – this is a highly unproductive state of being because it’s not necessary to take decisions about scenarios that will not even happen. When you accept that you can’t ever know the “big” picture, you can just trust life and let go of trying to figure out things before time – if you just let be, the right decisions will be inspired in you at the right time (not before), at the “required” moment.

      You will need to experience this state of being in yourself for a while, and your questions will get answered in your own life experience. This is a totally new way of living where you simply let go of your conditioned thinking patterns (which are always inspired from the past) and allow the freshness of life’s intelligence in the moment to operate in your being. When you just let go of the “need” to figure things out, and allow the mind the freedom to run freely, you become prone to the grace of life’s intelligence that’s operating all the time when you allow it. It’s simply a pointer to let go of your “efforting mindset” and stay as a relaxed space of awareness allowing life to inspire the right actions, insights and decisions through you on a moment to moment basis.

      The “me” that’s constantly sitting in the center stage trying to figure things out, trying to understand things before the time is right, trying to know before it’s required to know, trying to do what’s not even required, is always moving from a place of insecurity – that’s why its always so fearful. The pointer for this “me” is for it to relax and let go, allowing life to sort things out in its own harmony. This “me” itself is a just a thought in the mind, nothing more – it feels that its carrying the responsibility of handling this life on its shoulders when in truth it’s totally irrelevant and unnecessary to the flow of life, in fact it’s basically the root cause of resistance to the natural flow of life in a body. As you stay in awareness you can see the movement of this “me” thought, in the mind, trying to figure out things, trying to know all the time without ever letting go. In fact, all the questions that come forth about “how to let go” are coming from this “me”, just let go of even of the need to figure out the answers and the right answers will come into your experience at the right time.

  3. Alliswell

    Thank you. I appreciate your response. I push people away unconsciously all the time by projecting my negative feelings on them. Your approach seems the most healthy way to stop this behavior and over-thinking. I was driving my self crazy trying to figure things out in a relationship and where it was going.

  4. Jay

    I am not quite familar with some of terms being used. For example, vibration means, in my case, my need to attach to something/someone externally will fluctuate from time to time and I just have to recognize it and it will gradually go away? Also, does wholeness mean being content even I am alone? Thanks.

    1. Sen Post author

      When I use the term “vibration” it always refers to the “state” of your energy. Love, joy, peace, abundance, fulfillment based thoughts create a vibration of “positive”, while fear, hatred, lack/neediness based thoughts create a vibration of “negative”. Vibration is a “physics” term which is used to refer to the frequency of a signal – your thoughts can have a “positive frequency” or a “negative frequency”. The natural vibration of your being is pure positive – but the thoughts in your mind can be positive or negative in vibration. When you are aligned with negative thoughts the vibration of your physical body becomes negative, what i also call “low vibration” – this negative vibration contrasts with the positive vibration of your wholeness/being, this contrast creates resistance which is felt as “suffering” in the body. When you let go of attaching to the negative thoughts, your physical energy field start becoming free of these negative vibrations and thus you become more and more aligned with the natural vibration of your being, which is pure positive.

      “Wholeness” refers to who you are in totality. Most of us only think of ourselves as being a “body” with a mind, but that truth is that this body is just a small physical aspect in the eternal space of non-physical awareness (or aware energy). To only identify with the body and forget your nature as this eternal space of aware energy is the cause of feeling “incomplete” within, because you are missing the larger part of you. Wholeness is when you merge with this space of awareness that you are allowing the body to operate in the intelligence of this state of allowing. When you let go of the mind you automatically fall into this vast space of awareness, and you feel “whole” without needing anything from the outside – this is a state of fulfillment which in turn attracts abundance in your external reality.

  5. Arthur

    What if you’re a writer? I find myself banging my head against the wall for a solution to a problem in a story or just coming up with an idea that works. If I put myself in a state of not thinking, I wouldn’t get any work done. I wouldn’t be doing it at all, I’d probably be off watching a movie. I do enjoy it though, but like most writers, I find it quite difficult.

    1. Sen Post author

      To let go of “effortful” thinking is not a state of “no thinking” – it’s a state where you allow your mind to think freely without trying to “control” or focus the thoughts. To control your thinking is like controlling your breath, it’s possible but requires effort and it resists the natural flow of breath. The same way when you force your brain into thinking, or when you try to focus through effort, you are in resistance to the natural movement of the brain at that moment. When you let go of your mind it doesn’t stop thinking, rather it thinks freely without any resistance coming from you. Inspirations, ideas, insights, understanding and new solutions flow in with ease in this state of “allowing”.

      You can see the dysfunction of “effortful thinking” in the words that you used, you said “I bang my head against the wall for a solution or to come up with a idea that works” – This “banging the head” is what I refer to as “effortful” thinking. When let go and relax into a state of “allowing” the mind full freedom to run in its natural state, solutions and ideas will come up with ease. The secret is to not sit there “waiting” for the ideas or forcing an idea to come up, it’s to “let go” and allow the intelligence of your wholeness to bring forth the right ideas. There is no need to struggle, it’s a option you have – if you relax you become connected to your intelligence of your wholeness, when you get into effortful thinking you “narrow down” your intelligence to narrow domain of your conditioned mind. You will need to taste this way of being for a while to really understand its power.

      You are “assuming” that if you let go, of effortful thinking, nothing will get done. This is a totally baseless assumption because once you do let go you will be able to experience how things get done smoothly in a flow. It’s possible that you might head for a movie, which in turn would relax your mind and some inspiration might come through from the movie you are watching or from an interaction you have with a person on the way, or something you see on the way – the intelligence of the whole universe seems to orchestrate events to manifest our desired result when we let go of effort.The masterpieces of the greatest artists always came from the spur of inspiration in the moment when these artists were not straining to produce it.

    2. Jay

      From Arthur’s story, I can sense that some task has a time constraint issue. What about some job that requires up to the min response. For example, the stock market, if something goes wrong, you hardly get any time to relax and respond. As for myself, I don’t have the time constraint issue. So, I have plenty of time to work out a solution. Also, there were some books I was reading about treating the present either to a mean to an end, an obstacle, or enemy. If I were to work on job that has that much uncertainty, how can I just “let go.” I do understand that “letting go” is an emotional respond but yet how do you cope with issue like these. Also, I keep getting this idea that becoming enlightening means you have to become a monk that gives up all pleasure and at the same time give up all suffering. Could you clarify the difference? BTW, thanks for all the help, all you comment is really helping me.

    3. Sen Post author

      Actions that stems from a place of fear/lack usually lack an element of wisdom – such actions are either unproductive or they cause more damage than what they solve. You will notice a lot of people running around in a haze, working away frantically, taking anxious decisions, stressed out and harried in their movements – the type of work that emanates from such a “stressed” state of being is usually devoid of wisdom and quality, even though it may look as if they are really “busy” and “doing a lot” most of it may be totally counter-productive and unnecessary. If you look at the software industry, they say close to 60% of their projects are junked midway (after investing a couple of years in it), that’s a lot of time, money and manpower wasted in unproductive pursuit – if one were analyse these projects it would be evident that they were lead by people who were lost in “frenzy” rather than be rooted in a calm wisdom. It’s not how much work you do, but the quality of the work that determines the returns you get from it – and frenzied state of mind, full of effortful thinking, may create a lot of work but most of it would be below quality, fruitless and inconsequential. On the other hands actions that come from a place of relaxed allowing are imbued with the wisdom of the wholeness of life (which has the bigger picture) and thus are not only highly productive, and of high quality, and meeting the need of the moment, but they also contain a vibration of abundance which reflects abundance back at the person who did this work.

      The example you gave of “stock market” – there is plenty of evidence of how a harried/stressful mindset leads to bad investments, unwise decisions and counter-productive work in this area. A lot of people don’t allow a space of awareness to be present, and are just lost in their mind by constantly straining to think through fear based patterns – you can sense stress and effort in their movements, rather than a calm flow. Actions coming from such a place are bound to be couter-productive because of the energy that’s underlying these actions. I am sure there are some stock market professionals who understand the significance of allowing a space of awareness and allowing inspiration to guide their actions rather than forcing actions through effortful thinking – such people not only make huge profits through inspired investments, but also enjoy the whole process of work rather than feel stressful during these hours.

      When you are in a state of allowing actions come forth from you in a flow – that does not mean that you are “slow”, when required the intelligence of life can make your body move really fast and get things done which are to be done within a certain deadline. A lot of martial arts experts would tell you how the most swift actions of attack, or defense, come from a place of relaxed awareness. The doubtful mind is always doubting the intelligence of life, and it assumes that it knows more than life’s wholeness – but in truth your mind has very limited intelligence and it does not have the bigger picture, only when it connects to the wholeness of your being that it connects with the intelligence of life (which has the bigger picture because it’s totality itself). When you are in a state of allowing, your actions become aligned with the movement of totality and hence are always aligned and in tune with the need of the moment.

      Any person who talks about “giving up” pleasures of physicality is hardly enlightened in any sense of the word. A person who tries to “avoid” the world by running away into a cave is just an “escapist” no different from a cocaine addict who tries to escape the world through semi-consciousness inducing drugs. A truly enlightened person rejoices in his/her physicality and allows their natural expression to unfold creatively in this world. The very reason life takes a physical form is so that it can enjoy the experiences of physicality. The attitude of renouncing the world always comes from a place of fear rather than from a place of freedom. When you are truly free you would not be talking about renouncing anything but would rather be aligned towards allowing the expression of your physicality to unfold with ease. This physical existence is your playground and when you become awakened, to your wholeness (by understanding the truth of who you are in your entirety), you realize that you are not here to struggle but to allow the joy of physical experience. Anyone who is trying to give up the world of physicalness (or the material world) is not enlightened but actually in the wrong vision or deluded.

    4. Arthur

      I’ve tried letting my mind think freely but it just goes off on it’s own adventure. If I kept waiting for it, I would never get anything done. Perhaps I wasn’t doing it right?

    5. Sen Post author

      The part of you which is constantly “judging” the mind’s movements, is the part that’s the cause of all resistance. I also refer to this part as the “negative ego” and if you sense the vibration of this part, it will be rooted in fear, insecurity and lack. As you can see, as soon as you let go of the mind, this part of you started “waiting” for results, getting impatient, and soon tried to get the mind back in a “leash”. The very nature of the “negative ego” is to sit in effort with the fear that letting go will “disorganize” your reality. In truth, when you “let go” your reality starts coming to a harmony but it can only do so while it brings down some old patterns of habit which are not congruent with this state. When you truly start letting go, the “negative ego” needs to be discarded too, you need to stop being influenced by its fear based, insecure thoughts. It’s possible that you are not ready to let go of this negative ego as yet, which is fine. You can continue to work under its influence till the time you see through its dysfunction. When you do realize its dysfunction you always have the option of letting go and trust your life stream to bring your reality into a flow of harmony and well-being, what I call effortless abundance.

      The pointer I can give you right now is to observe the antics of the negative ego, and sense its vibration, you will notice that it moves from a place of fear, lack, insecurity, doubt and also hatred. As long as you identify with this negative ego, you will also stay rooted in these vibrations to a large extent. A large part of awakening is to awaken from the influence of the negative ego, because this is the chief source of resistance. The more aware you become the more you will be able to sense the dysfunctional vibration of this negative ego part in your human consciousness.

    6. Sen Post author

      It’s also possible for the mind to start making an “effort” at letting go – this something the mind can do because it takes this pointer as a “technique”. Letting go is not a technique its simply a pointer to a state of “allowing” without resistance. If you try to understand this with your mind and use it as a technique, you will soon feel impatient and frustrated – but if you just get the essence of what this pointer points to (you can sense in your heart) you will get it easily. Letting go is not an “inactivity” state, when you are without resistance you feel motivated towards actions that allow the manifestation of your desired result. The pointer is simply to let go of “struggle”, let go of forcing the mind/brain, and allow it to move in a natural flow in alignment with the inspiration coming from the intelligence of your wholeness rather than be dependent on the narrow intelligence of the mind alone.

  6. Pavlo

    Dearest Sen,

    You may not remember me, but a few months ago I mentioned I was starting to
    reduce my dosage and eliminate the Anti-Depressant/Anxiety/OCD medication
    I’ve been taking for the past 20 years. There are two types of drugs I’ve been taking.
    The first one I started weaning off in April and have been completely free of the stuff
    for almost 6 weeks now. The second drug I’m in the process of reduction as well and
    in all, things are going extremely well. There were substantial withdrawal effects from
    the first drug but I always felt guided and I trusted in Life enough to orchestrate
    events and I am aware the whole SSRI withdrawal thing is something that happens
    to everyone and it was simply a process of my brain getting used to being in it’s natural chemical state again.
    Of course, there also a new “learning” going on as well Sen. The masking and suppression the drugs have been doing for so long is disappearing, so the OCD symptoms can come on very strong, as well as the constant chatter in my head which brings me to my point Sen.

    As far as the Obsessive thoughts go, I’m doing quite well, I am able to “drop” the anxious thoughts by denying them attention/interest . The Brain is trying it’s damndest to “pull” me into the thoughts and there is definitely a tension and a pull I can feel but by just witnessing and observing the thought without being pulled into the mind, the tension and pull dissipates, resulting in a more natural coming and going of “normal thoughts”. Please note I’m only re visiting the practice of witnessing because of the strength of the pull into the mind due to not being on the OCD medication anymore. Once the strength of the pull dissipates, I will be
    able to be in an uncontrolled state of Relaxed Awareness.

    My second point is related to this post.

    I am able to simply “Be” without thoughts. I simply “don’t talk” in my own head, if that makes any sense. I allow thinking to happen, but somehow I’m able to maintain a silence
    by not verbalizing and chattering inside my head and by simply dropping language. There is a great peace in this state and insights/thoughts come and go freely. My question is this and Sen, I really want to do this right. Is this silence a “forced silence” Am I suppressing the mind by doing this? am I setting my self up for something nasty down the road or is this silence simply the beginnings of the death of my negative ego?

    I look forward to your response Sen,

    Best Regards.

    1. Sen Post author

      Pavlo, you come to this place of stability through the process of allowing, and this is not a “forced silence”, it’s just a natural state of inner stability/calm that you are getting grounded in, so you are on the right track with this and the momentum of negativity will keep ebbing away even further from here on with less intense releases.

  7. Pavlo

    Further to my above Sen, I am always in a state of total allowing as well
    throughout this process. Anxiety was especially bad after the drug withdrawal
    but the intensity and duration is subsiding remarkably. I have been in a state
    of Total allowing since about March when I first communicated with you.

    Regards.

  8. Carl

    One night i adopted the relaxed attitude of letting life move me. I went to sleep and woke up feeling absolutely wonderful and worry free. But somehow, at some point i began consciously controlling again. My question is, i can know for certain, 100%, without a doubt, that any idea, inspiration, or argument, that feels bad as it arises, IS the negative ego? I apologize if this sounds like assurance seeking but i cant seem to introspect and hold conviction and unwavering awareness to my fullest capability with this sleep debt of 2+ years.

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