If you are feeling meaningless the cause is always the same – you are not living the life you truly intend at this moment and may have come to a conclusion that it’s not possible to have that life. If you had a hope that your life is moving towards your intended expression/experience, you would not feel meaningless – it’s when you lose all hope that meaninglessness sets in. We try to suppress this feeling of meaninglessness through various preoccupations – entertainment, work, spiritual experiences etc, but it doesn’t ever go away. The only way to really bring an end to this feeling of meaninglessness is by looking within yourself to see what you really desire and stay true to this vision by allowing yourself to trust in its fulfillment – the first part of detecting what you desire is crucial but what’s really challenging is to hold on to its vision without opposing it with your mind’s conditioning. In fact, the whole reason for letting go of the mind’s momentum (releasing the hold of negativity), through the phase of relaxed awareness, is so that you can hold the vision of what you desire without being opposed by the mind.
If you want to see how much resistance your mind has towards the vision of your heart, just try to hold this vision in your mind for a while and see how many opposing thoughts get thrown up. The thoughts can range from cynicism, doubt, hopelessness, anxiety (fear towards change) or just random negativity that goes on in your mind. When this happens we naturally let go of the vision because we believe the mind’s opposition (out of our habit of trusting the conditioning of the mind over heart) and then move on to live in this sense of meaninglessness. For your vision to manifest your mind needs to be a co-operative component to it which means it should either support the vision or at the very least it needs to drop the resistance – the only way this is going to happen is when it loses its momentum of negativity.
Negative momentum dies away in the space of awareness
It’s not complex at all, if you want to keep it simple – to hold a space of awareness just means to not give “belief” to the negative thoughts and just stay as the observing space. If you say it’s tough, I would say do it more until you get used to it, until it becomes natural to you, until you gain stability in this space. There is a huge difference between not giving belief to a negative thought and trying to “suppress” a negative thought, and there is a huge difference between “allowing” a negative thought to happen in the mind and “wallowing” in a negative thought – the former requires awareness, the latter is an act of unconsciousness. It takes some stability in awareness before you can stop giving belief to the negative thoughts in the mind, especially as you sense that they are just “conditioned thoughts” of a fear-based thinking process – the thinking mind is really not a big deal if you don’t make it into a big deal, it’s just a machine and it’s supposed to work for you not against you, but it can only work for you when you are conscious enough to stop being a slave to all its perceptions and when it loses its strong momentum.
If your mind has a high momentum of negativity, it’s will naturally feel overwhelming, initially, when you try to stay as a space of awareness – this is because thoughts are magnetic (attraction based) and hence pull your awareness. The higher the momentum of a thought, the more repetitive it is, and the higher its pull. OCD by itself is not an inherent disorder, it’s simply a normal mind in which a certain thought has been given so much unconscious attention that it has gained a huge momentum. Scientifically the only way to allow a thought to lose its hold on you is to allow it to die away by staying as a space of awareness (observe without showering belief). At one point, when the thought has lost most of its momentum, you don’t even need to stay aware, you can just be and it won’t affect you. There are no short cuts however, and you need to give the time that it requires, and the time totally depends on the past momentum the thought has.
The evidence of the reduction in the negative momentum of your mind is in the sense of freedom that you feel, if you are feeling overwhelmed by your mind’s movements it shows it has a huge momentum. Another strong evidence is when you hold your heart’s vision in your mind and can sense no real resistance coming from it – this ascertains that your mind has lost the momentum to oppose your vision. Only at this point can you be certain that you are co-operative to your vision’s unfolding.
Trusting your vision and holding it in your focus
In many cases you may not know the exact physical specifics of your vision, and would just have a “feeling” for it, and this is enough, if you can just trust this feeling and stay true to it. For example, you may have a feeling that you want to do something creative that’s enjoyable, but don’t know the exact specifics of how to go about it, or even what it is that you want to do, and so if you can only hold on to that feeling, the knowing will arise from this space at the right time. You may have a feeling for the type of relationship you want to share, and if you stay with this feeling you start becoming a match to this reality where you attract such a relationship. Another example would be that you have a feeling for a certain lifestyle that you want to lead but have no idea how to create it from your present situation, you just need to stand true to that feeling and the required understanding starts coming in. If you ignore that feeling, or suppress it out of doubt or cynicism, you are no longer a match to receiving this understanding or guidance from within and outside.
In many cases, people get into action too soon instead of getting a real sense of their inner guidance. This is because it’s easier to just be engaged in activities (in a society that appreciates being busy or the pretence of it) than have the openness to sense the inner inspiration. The mind in its fear likes to keep itself distracted in activities, even though these activities may be taking you in an opposite direction of where your vision lies. So it’s important to first hold your vision in your focus, without resistance from the mind, and then be moved from the inspiration that comes forth from within.
To allow the resistance to ebb away is crucial to allowing the unfolding of your heart’s intent, and if you just keep yourself distracted all the time you may not even sense the amount of resistance you are carrying within you towards your vision. Feeling meaningless is a “red flag” telling you that you are resisting your heart’s intent, and if you fully allow this feeling (of meaninglessness) to arise in you, instead of suppressing it, you can sense the inner intent/vision that wants to be realized.