How Can I Stop Judging People?



The human mind has the ability to “prefer”, and hence the capacity to like or dislike. It’s the function of the human mind to have preferences, thus allowing a platform for “expansion” and improvement. Without the human mind desiring for better conditions there would be no avenue for expansion.

By its very nature, the mind is designed to see contrast in its environment, and based on its conditioning (natural and acquired) comes to new preferences, thus launching an expansion in life. So the human mind is here for a purpose. A deep appreciation for the mind arises, when one is no longer identified with it. As long as you take your mind to be personal, you will always judge its preferences and thus resist its movement.

A human mind is bound to judge and prefer, because this is its function. Only when you are identified with the mind, and take it to be personal, do you judge the judging mind. When you are free of your mind, you allow the mind to judge and prefer, and thus allow it the freedom to do the job it’s meant to do.

Why are you judging your mind?

The mind is like a programmed machine and it has an inherent purpose here. It’s meant to prefer and have choices. The mind will judge its environment, look at the contrast, and come to new preferences based on its perspective. This is the natural movement of a human mind. The question is, who has a problem with the mind?

Consciousness, when it identifies with the mind, makes it personal and thus “judges” the judging mind. Who you are is consciousness, you are not the mind. The mind is like a machine, doing its job. You are the witness of this machine, you can watch it functioning. But when you identify with this machine and make it personal, you start judging the movement of the mind. This creates suffering, because you not only resist the mind’s movement, but you also judge yourself and feel limited about yourself.

Once you dis-identify with the mind, you will no longer have a problem with it. You will allow the mind full freedom to have its natural movement. Remember that the mind is designed to judge and prefer, that’s its natural functioning. People, who try to suppress the natural movement of their mind, as usually the ones who end up feeling confused and self-critical.

Nothing is personal, because you are everything

Think about it this way – everything is a manifestation of the one consciousness that you are. So in essence everything is you. So who is judging whom? It’s just a play of life. Existence having fun with itself. It’s not serious stuff, it’s all just a dance of life. Only when consciousness forgets this truth, does it suffer, because it then takes the mind seriously.

Let the mind move the way it wants to move. The natural expression of the mind is never a problem. All problems arise when “you” judge the mind, when you try to suppress the mind or take your mind personally. It’s a “human” mind, it’s not you, it’s not personal. Let the mind be, don’t identify with it. Just like you don’t get an identity from the way your computer functions, you don’t need to get an identity from the way the mind functions. Each mind is unique in its make up, and by its nature is designed to see contrast, judge and prefer.

Stop judging your mind

So the question is not how do I stop judging people, the deeper question is why am I judging my mind. At the root, the problem is that you are “identified” with the mind, and you take it to be who you are. Awakening is simply to realize that you are not the mind. When you are fully “awake” you no longer take the mind seriously, and you allow it the freedom to do what it wants to do. There is deeper wisdom at play when you are no longer identified with the mind. You are no longer a “reactive” being.

Your constant practice should be to “watch” the mind impersonally. Know that it’s not you. With time you will be able to see clearly that the mind is not “personal” and you will no longer judge it, or judge yourself. When you stop judging your mind, you no longer judge other minds as well. It’s not the mind that has to stop judging, it is “you” who has to stop judging (you being the mind-identified consciousness). Wake up and stop being identified with the mind, know that you are the one eternal life, pure consciousness itself.







16 Comments

  1. Ajit Krisshna

    Dear Sen,

    What you say makes a lot of sense, but how does one (consciousness) dis-identify from the mind? How do you approach life when there is gnawing at your insides? Let’s say for instance that I am jealous of someone. Do I let that jealousy flow through me, by just letting it be?

    1. Sen Post author

      Such type of thoughts will be produced by the mind/brain since it’s oriented towards “relative” or comparative thinking, more so when it has not gained a deep maturity. The only way to allow wisdom to touch your mind is to stay dis-identified with such thoughts, that are rooted in the vibration of lack/fear/hatred, and thus allow the silent intelligence of “awareness” to dissolve these patterns. I call the space of pure awareness as “silent intelligence” because it does not argue or resist the mind’s movements but brings forth insights/wisdom from within and thus brings a congruence to the conflicts in the mind. Staying as a space of awareness, without being totally identified with the mind’s thoughts or the thoughts happening in your human consciousness, allows you to stay connected with the intelligence of the wholeness of who you are – this allows for a harmonious functioning of your physical form and thus allows for a positive experience in the physical realm.

  2. Oscar

    I have a problem of judging people for no apparent reason. I do feel that i have not matured mentally as i should have do to the type of lifestyle that i use to live. Now that i have changed my ways and have developed character, responsibility and all of the other basic social norms i catch my self judging people for no apparent reason. i know it is a defense mechanism for justifying why i am were i am in life, financially mostly. Any ideas on how to stop putting people in a box?

    1. Sen Post author

      Oscar, when you accept yourself as who you are, you will not be interested in judging people in a comparative (superior/inferior) way. The mind has the tendency to compare and label, and it’s totally fine for it to do so if you are not identified with it. It’s also important to accept that this is the nature of the mind, and stop fighting it. As long as you are not fueling these comparisons with your attention and interest, it’s totally fine for the mind to have this tendency.

  3. Michelle

    I will try to explain this as clear as possible. How do you prevent judgment from the past with negative people who want to be present with you in the future? I’m taking about those so called friends and old relationships that still do drugs, excessive alcohol drinking, physical abuse, or behavioral problems. I know I am judging them by my old experiences with them. However, I still see patterns that have not changed in them that I no longer want to be part of. How do you not judge old patterns or experiences with people who what to continue to be part of your life? Do I continue to be friends with them and take the chance to be in a negative environment or hope it will all change? At what point do your experience teach you that if you put your hand in the fire it will burn.

    1. Sen Post author

      Michelle, what we feel as negative is “personal” to us. What you might find negative, someone else may not find negative, though there are many negatives that most humans would collectively agree as a “negative” and hence we create laws to restrict them. In your personal reality, if you are experiencing some negativity, it’s fully attracted by you, in the sense that you are totally responsible for the experiences you have. A severely negative experience indicates the presence of severe negativity within, a mildly negative experience indicates the presence of some mild negativity. It’s much easier to judge/blame the external without wanting to look within to identify the patterns of negativity inside us that’s attracting this experience for us. You can read this post – different types of negativity present in the mind, to get a sense of the various possible negative patterns you may be carrying within. Once you identify them, you need to let go of these negative patterns by bring an awareness to them – the space of awareness creates a distance between the negativity and your being, allowing the negativity to dissolve. Once your inner negativity dissolves your external reality will also change, removing the elements that were reflecting this negativity.

  4. jazz

    Hi sen, i have a job on nights on my own which leaves me with my own negative thoughts. I find myself judging my gf for her past sexual encounters, how can i stop these thoughts from affecting my behaviour towards her? Plus i get jealous of really silly things ie when my gf says a hollywood actor is fit, i feel very uncomfortable and jealous and have become verbally abusive towards her, i also dont like it when my gfs crude how can i stop feeling uncomfortable and judgmental i also feel uncomfortable watching sex comedies ie american pie with my gf why do i do these things can you give me advice

    1. Sen Post author

      Jazz, anything that makes you uncomfortable is a call towards more growth, and this growth is about you. You will notice that we only grow when we find a resistance, and the growth allows us to overcome the resistance. So presently, you are bothered by some thoughts instigated by your gf’s presence and her behaviors, and the only way you can be free of this influence is if you can grow enough within yourself to no longer feel decapitated by it – if you just try to escape the influence by pushing it away, you will notice that you just keep attracting the same influence over and over again in different faces.

      You feel uncomfortable about your gf admiring someone other guy’s body, or if she is being expressive of her sexuality in a way that feels uncomfortable to your present way of thinking. Basically, it’s an opportunity for you to become more mature in your thinking with respect to the aspect of sexuality in humans. It’s very possible that you are not comfortable with your own sexuality, where you feel guilty about expressing your sexual drives or kinks – what’s also called being very “prudish”. Plus, you may want to see the difference between admiring someone and being in love with someone, just because your girl admires some other guy’s body or personality, or has a sexual attraction (like a fantasy) towards some guy, doesn’t mean she’s in love with him or that she would want to have a relationship with him. One perspective is to see that she is being honest with you about her thoughts, so instead of rebuking her for expressing herself honestly you may want to look at appreciating this aspect in her. You may also want to be more aware of your own sexuality, of your appreciation for the physical beauty/sexiness in other girls, instead of being uptight and guilty about your natural instincts. You would also need to accept that your gf has the independence to follow her choice, and you can’t really control it, rather you just need to find your own choices and stay true to them – if your gf doesn’t fit in with what your preference is, you would can either change your preference (grow out of a limiting preference) or you can let go of your gf and find someone who may fit in. You can’t ever control someone’s thinking, you may try to control their behavior externally, you may try to keep a check on her and try to discipline her, but eventually you can’t control her thoughts – rather a freer way of living is to let her be free in her expression, and if you find it too uncomfortable for you then move on and let her be, or try to “open up” and be aligned with her, but don’t try to suppress her way of thinking for you to feel comfortable.

  5. Tibrahi

    Hello Jazz,

    Currently, this job is giving you the opportunity for the past accumulation of energy and mind momentum (including thoughts and emotions) to be brought into the light of your awareness. As these feelings or thoughts arise, allow them fully. If you try to sort them out with the mind they will persist and/or become stronger. This is because you are part of life and connected to life’s energy and the way life works (including the law of attraction). For example, if you fight a thought it gains power because your attention to that thought attracts more thoughts like it and increases the intensity of that thought.

    The way that these thoughts will loose power is by consciously allowing these thoughts fully without trying to sort them out by sitting in the space of being. This starves and kills the thoughts because they no longer have the attention they need to survive (your attention to sort out or “fix” the thoughts). Along with this, once the thoughts loose their intensity you won’t feel the need to be aggressive towards your gf, or towards the outside. The thoughts will not disappear immediately, because this process takes time and they currently have intensity. Just like Sen says its pure physics that these thoughts are have energy and anything with energy will require time before that energy comes to a halt (stopping point). For example, while you push an object forward with your hand, it is put into motion because you have given it energy, but when you stop giving this object energy by removing your push on it, it will naturally (by itself) after some amount of time come to a stop. It works the same way with these thoughts. Finally, the thoughts will loose power quickly when you consciously and fully allow them.

    Also, if you are with your girlfriend and you feel a certain way about sexual things (including her past) the process is the same, to fully allow this uncomfortable energy and it begins to loose its intensity and energy. Also, from the relationship itself it’s important to sense within your being (not with these negative thoughts) if this relationship is currently bringing you joy and give her the freedom to be herself fully. If it does bring you joy then you can continue to grow within the relationship and if doesn’t bring you joy then its important to develop the courage to move on and allow another relationship to come in that does bring you joy. But do not see that moving into another relationship without first allowing the thoughts and your suffering to come to a halt, because the inside will attract the partner on the outside. Its like the outside is a mirror of yourself.

    I can say from experience that I’ve had the same sexual issues, such as jealousy over little things, and that the first step was to allow the intensity of my thoughts and mind to come down. And I can say that, these things don’t affect me anymore, and I do not attract them into my reality anymore. Not only that, but as I come more towards “inner wholeness” I can see my relationship bringing me more joy.

    Some articles that are worth looking into from this blog:
    http://www.calmdownmind.com/reducing-mind-momentum-is-the-key/
    http://www.calmdownmind.com/allowing-the-release-of-suppressed-energy/
    http://www.calmdownmind.com/inner-wholeness/
    http://www.calmdownmind.com/love-attraction-and-neediness/
    http://www.calmdownmind.com/the-power-of-allowing/
    http://www.calmdownmind.com/overcoming-obsessive-thoughts/

    Finally, if you don’t agree with what I have said, just disregard it, and follow your own wisdom, hope this helps.

    1. jazz

      Thanks tibrahi, i apreciate the advice, if i let the thought continue in my head and accept Its just a false thought will my mind just change Its thought process? Because sumtimes i’ll think about my gfs past when shes driving me to work and i go quiet, wierd on her, i love her v. Much and i know shes done nothing wrong the fault is mine, i need to change, shes my fiance and shes amazing.

    2. Tibrahi

      Jazz,

      It’s fine to accept a thought as a false thought as long as you are not trying to suppress it. This requires an authentic look at yourself to see if accepting that the thought is false is a technique to suppress the thought or not. If it is a suppression of the thought (because of fearing the thought or fearing the pain that the thought will bring), then this thought will gain power because there is attention in fearing that the thought will surface in the mind, and thus this thought will attract more intensity until it is back in your mind. However, if you are accepting that it is a false thought and just knowing that it is false without having to do anything about it (such as in your mind you do not have to continuously tell yourself “okay its just a false thought”, “don’t fear it, its not true” etc.) then essentially you are going in the right direction because you are just aware of the thought, longer fearing it, and no longer trying to sort it out or fix it. I once read Sen say something like (paraphrasing) “you cannot fix your mind with your mind because its like the mind is the cop and the robber at the same time, how can the cop catch the robber, if they are the same person and the robber knows all of the cops moves.” Then the thought does not have your attention feeding it. And without this attention a thought cannot survive.

      So basically what is essential to the thoughts is to first allow the intensity of the thoughts to come down and release the negativity in the body, which is done by simply being aware of these thoughts. Eventually you will notice as the thoughts loose momentum you can see the brain’s thought patterns, its traps, and you will start beginning to feel all the stored up energy that has been accumulated in the body.

      Also, as the thoughts die down through awareness means that the intelligence of life and your life stream is able to touch all of the issues and bring in an understanding to your sexuality and sexuality in general. The understanding will be what really free’s you in the end from these sexual issues, but this understanding is developed either from inside or outside (sometimes through certain events that are created by your life stream so an understanding can be developed) as one develops awareness, you will always be taken more towards understanding and well being.

      At one point I remember for me, my gf would say something that would usually cause me pain or cause me to worry, and I noticed that she said something that I would react with fear and pain to, however, nothing came. It was like there was a hole in my being, and absence of some protection that should be there (the fear and pain). It was like my mind and body didn’t have its armor of fear, pain and worry on to protect itself, but there was nothing to protect myself from.

      Just remember Awareness will always bring you more towards well being, an aligned reality that feels right to you, and more of an understanding of life. Sexuality takes a lot of understanding due many misconceptions we are conditioned with when we grow up, witness certain events in others from the outside, or are unconsciously identified with our mind, which causes the mind to produce these feelings such as guilt or fear. So when your gf mentions something that causes you to go uncomfortable just be aware of it and be aware of the thoughts that happen, and the way the brain is thinking. If there is pain during awareness (which usually there is at first because you are releasing all the negative energy and mind momentum that has been accumulated) just be aware of that too, its not about not trying to be happy or unaffected by these thoughts because that again is a form of suppression and fear of the thoughts. You will naturally come to happiness through this awareness and understanding because you will have freedom from the thoughts and they will no longer create suffering.

      http://www.calmdownmind.com/what-is-awareness/

      Hope this helps.

    3. Tibrahi

      Also Jazz,

      I wanted to add in that yes as you are aware of a thought and consciously allow it to go through your head without trying to change or fix it, then the thought process itself will naturally die (because of the lack of attention to it). Then a new understanding and wisdom can come in, thus bringing a more mature mind that doesn’t use these old thought processes. From my personal experience, I can say that the old fearful patterns don’t exist in my mind anymore.

      Also, I think these articles would help:
      http://www.calmdownmind.com/working-with-thoughts/
      http://www.calmdownmind.com/freedom-from-the-grip-of-negativity/

  6. Starlight

    Good one, Tibrahi. I especially appreciate the analogy of pushing an object with your hand.

    Jazz, just to share my experience with you, whatever that triggers us ‘outside’ always reflects some inner unresolved issues inside. And you can either let the momentum of the intense feeling die down by itself or question and understand what it is that gets triggered. Or you can do both, whatever works for you.

    From past experience, when I get jealous by comments made by ex-partners, it just reflects my insecurity and lack of self confidence as well as unresolved past pains from comments made by family members. Of course, I am only able to look at it with clarity when I allow the momentum of feelings to run its course and reduce in intensity before understanding arise from the space of inner wisdom.

    1. Tibrahi

      Thanks, Starlight.

      I have noticed as well that the outside is a mirror of our inside, and for me this understanding is one of the most important. The fact that the outside reality will never change before the inside changes causes me to allow the change inward and mature/gain understanding from this space. From personal experience nothing ever changed from blaming the outside for my suffering and for things the outside did that were “wrong”, but once I started allowing the inner change my suffering diminished. But this was a big step in understanding of how life works and how the law of attraction works within our lives.

  7. Alex

    Sen,

    Thank you so much. That is all I have to say.

  8. EB

    There is a saying “When you point a finger at someone, there are two fingers pointing back at you.” If everything is a manifestation of the one consciousness that we are, I now understand just how true this statement is!

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