Becoming grounded in the state of stability requires a release of the imbalanced force of all the “influences” that are present in our being. If I have to categorize the primary influences, it would be – love, hatred, joy, fear, boredom and sexuality, basically the six modes/flavors of thought and emotion. An influence becomes an “imbalance force” when you either try to suppress it or you get over-identified with it. Suppression and over-identification are the only two causes of any form of imbalance. A state of stability is when you are not suppressive towards any of these primary influences, neither do you get over-identified with them to the point of being a prisoner to their force. When you release the imbalanced force of all these influences, then you can work purely from the state of wisdom, and this way of functioning is the hallmark of the state of stability (other words I use to describe the state of stability are “inner balance” or wholeness). The journey towards finding stability is a phase of evolution in a being, and if you feel that you are being called upon to venture upon this journey then you would be served by having a better understanding of what’s involved in this journey.
First of all it’s important to understand that not everyone present on Earth, currently, is required to go through this journey – it takes a certain evolution of the soul/being before it’s ready for this kind of a journey and so it’s not a “requirement” for everyone. Different souls/beings have different journeys based on their soul-age, their growth requirements, their choice of experience and the collective requirement. Also, the journey towards finding the state of stability is not some “higher journey” from an absolute perspective, it’s just a part of the natural evolution of a soul, and hence it’s not something extra-ordinary from an absolute perspective – just like one cannot say that adulthood is better/higher than childhood, because childhood has its own flavor and adulthood has its own flavor, the sense of betterment is only a “relative standpoint” not an absolute standpoint.
Of course, there are many beings, on Earth, who’ve already gone through this journey of finding stability (in their past), and they are the ones who you might observe to have a “natural flair” for being stable; you may observe some kids who are just born with a sense of stability and adults who seem to develop an instinctual sense of balance without needing any understanding – so, it’s not some new phenomenon, it’s just that there seems to be call towards a general increase in the awareness on Earth currently, and a lot of human beings seem to be going through this journey of finding conscious stability. Quite possibly, you could be on this journey for several life-times, dealing with gaining freedom from imbalances towards each of the primary influences, one at a time, and this lifetime could be just another an opportunity to find a real stability or it could be a part of getting there.
The cause of imbalance
I don’t find any real merit in trying to understand the cause of an imbalance, it’s far more prudent to simply use your awareness towards acknowledging that a certain imbalance is present and then start working towards finding a release from its influence. People seem to spend way too much time, energy and effort, in trying to understand their past, in trying to analyze their past, trying to understand why a certain imbalance got created – this form of investigation may have some relative value in terms of creating some understanding/awareness of past behavior, however, it’s mostly pointless because the imbalance is “present” and you may as well start working on releasing the imbalance rather than analyzing why, how, where and when, it got created – if such an investigation pikes your curiosity, and interest, then you can have at it, but it’s not a requirement towards releasing an imbalance.
From an absolute perspective the state of imbalance is not a “mistake”, it’s creation as per design in order to have the experience of finding conscious balance and to have the various experiences created as a part of this journey. The fact is that you cannot truly be balanced until you find balance “consciously”, and to find a conscious balance one has to go through the phase of being imbalanced. The journey towards finding balance, starting from a state of imbalance, causes you to learn about all the dynamics involved in finding balance, and hence brings a certain “knowing” in your being – this learning becomes embedded in your being and hence you no longer fall back into a state of imbalance, irrespective of the external influences. On the other hand, if you are “unconsciously balanced” it would just take some external influence for you to lose your sense of balance and get identified with the influence to the point of creating an imbalance, mostly because you’ve not learnt to maintain a conscious balance in the face of external influences.
As I mentioned earlier, one doesn’t necessarily have to investigate the why, how, where and when, of the cause of imbalance. It suffices to realize that the root cause, of the state of identification with imbalance, is the lack of awareness, or a “low awareness state”. For example, one can say that the original human bodies, of different races, created on Earth, were lacking (or were engineered into lacking) a brain/heart, or DNA structure, that was conducive to state of higher awareness and souls (the low-awareness ones) that incarnated into these bodies took over the imbalances, and in turn re-fed the imbalances into the body, thus creating a cycle of soul and body perpetuation of imbalance – this is just one scenario of how imbalance can gather momentum. The being/soul, that we are, needs to grow in awareness and connect with the state of balance, and from this stand-point establish/manifest a balance in the human body – it’s has been scientifically illustrated that the brain’s chemistry tends to change when one brings a conscious awareness to it, physicality can be balanced once we develop a sense of balance as a being. Again, the causes imbalance are really not important, and eventually are just open to conjectures. The bottom-line is that if you’ve become aware of the presence of imbalance, and the suffering created by it, then it inevitably becomes a call for you to move towards the journey of finding the state of stability.
Rest of the post discusses the dynamics involved in releasing the imbalanced force of each of the primary influences.
Releasing the imbalanced influence of love
Love is felt as a feeling of connection. There is an inherent desire to express love, and to experience love, as a part of our nature as a being of life-energy. When love is suppressed, or when love is not felt/experienced, there is bound to be a feeling of emptiness, which is painful. You can either start trying to suppress this pain by numbing yourself in some way or you might end up expressing this pain into something destructive, like causing pain/hurt to other people (like a retaliation, to make others feel the pain that you feel). You can notice this behavior in kids who are brought in “unloving” households, they either become very needy, and weak, because of this deep sense of emptiness in them, or they become very cold, and sadistic, expressing their pain through inflicting pain. This doesn’t mean that kids who come from “loving” households are immune to the imbalanced influence of love – for example, you may grow up and feel attracted to someone who does not reciprocate your love, you can enter into a state of imbalance where you start feeling helpless to your attraction (and the fact that you did not get to face a lot of dark nature as a kid, causes you to be unprepared for dealing with such a pain). The force of imbalance becomes a self-feeding cycle, because imbalance once created continues to create further imbalance unless once consciously lets go of its pull – For example, a person who feels needy just keep attracting circumstances that make him/her feel more needy , and it feels like an unending loop.
To love, and to be loved, is a basic need/desire in all beings, there is nothing wrong with this need. However, if you are not conscious of this influence, and you are not stable enough to deal with its force, when this need (for love) is not met, there is a sense of desperation that starts creeping in, and this desperation is what I call “neediness” – the pain created by this “unfulfilled” need can also channel into hatred; you can notice how people who can’t deal with the pain of being unloved, or pain of losing love, can enter into anger/rage quite easily (evident in break-up situations, when someone breaks up with you, your love can turn into anger/hatred towards that person in a moment). You can also see how people can enter into dysfunctional behaviors from their need for attention, and their need to be feel accepted and approved of, which are mostly forms of needing love. If the influence of love is not consciously dealt with, it has the potential to turn into a deeply destructive force.
In order to find balance towards the influence of love, you would have to find a balance between your nature of desiring love and the openness to be without love, openness to the absence of love. It’s not about suppressing your desire for love but it’s about having the ability to be open towards the pain of being without love. If you can’t be open to the pain/emptiness of the absence of love, you are bound to enter into the imbalanced influence of this force. You develop this openness through the state of allowing, where you allow yourself to experience the pain (of love’s absence) without trying to suppress it or looking for a way to escape it through some temporary fix. A lot of people suppress their desire for love because they don’t want to feel the pain of being rejected, or being abandoned – this form of suppression can feel like a temporary relief, but sooner or later it becomes a destructive force taking the shape of physical and emotional dysfunction.
Life is a dynamic force, which is constantly in movement, and nothing is static. Everything is bound to change, which means that, sooner or later, you are bound to lose someone/something that was close to you. Also, there are bound to be moments when there is an absence of love, and these moments can be short or long depending on personal and collective circumstances. Hence dealing with the influence of love, in a conscious manner, is important towards retaining a sense of stability instead of getting into a cycle of dysfunctional behavior. Sometimes, as a soul, you may choose a certain lifetime (or a period in a certain lifetime) where you go through a phase where there is an absence of love, possibly an alone-ness or isolation, created by the circumstances, which inevitably give you an opportunity to consciously deal with the pain of it, as part of finding growth towards the state of conscious stability. Of course, when you are living the situation, and going through the pain, the unconscious reaction is to either suppress the pain or get over-identified with it in a destructive manner, and it can take a while (sometimes a few lifetimes) of dealing with such a situation before one gains the awareness to stop repeating the dysfunctional behavior. The journey of growth is not always enjoyable, in fact, in most cases, growth involves some aspect of dealing with pain.
Releasing the imbalanced influence of hatred
Hatred is also a natural part of our thinking (the dark natured part), and it can have a variety of expressions ranging from dislike, irritation, bitterness, resentment and various forms of rage. A lot of people, especially in the spiritual circles, tend to imagine that hatred is something they can totally get rid of, and that they can become “all loving”, however, there is nothing more delusional than this form of thinking and it lends itself to various forms of suppression and unnatural behaviors – such a goal is unrealistic because you can’t really change the nature of your mind, and the dimension of hatred is a natural/normal part of your mind as a being of life-energy. Hatred is a dark nature aspect of life-energy, but it’s not really “negative” unless it becomes imbalanced (just like how love can be negative if it becomes imbalanced).
When you try to suppress thoughts of hatred, or when you end up judging yourself negatively for having such thoughts, you end up trying to fight this normal/natural dark nature aspect in your mind. Trying to suppress hatred, within you, is the surest way to a strong momentum of hatred – you can notice how people who try to be overly sweet can suddenly snap, out of blue, under some stressful situation. Before you can bring a balance to the influence of hatred, it’s important to first accept this dark natured aspect of your mind; it’s just a part of your nature and it’s not something you can get rid of. If you’ve been suppressing a lot of hatred within you, or if you’ve been deeply judgmental about yourself (feeling guilty), for having thoughts of hatred, it’s bound to have created a strong momentum of imbalanced dark energy within you. In order to release all this suppressed energy of hatred you will have to open up to allowing this energy to come up fully – when this imbalanced energy comes up it can take the form of sudden outbursts of anger, hateful/resentful thoughts and violent imagery in the mind. You don’t have to get identified with these movements in you, just let them arise freely, in a state of openness, without judgment, until they run out of momentum – just remember that the “intensity” comes from the accumulated momentum created by your past suppression, and hatred by itself is not a negative energy until it becomes imbalanced. If you constantly judge “hatred” as a negative force, you will continue to keep suppressing it and create an imbalance within you.
Getting over-identified with hatred, leads to an imbalance of its own. Holding onto thoughts of resentment, bitterness, vengeance, retaliation, unfairness or spite, just leads to an over-identification with hatred in oneself causing it to become an imbalanced force. A balanced form of hatred does not create suffering for you, or for the outside, it just assists you in understanding your preferences, and in fact gives you a certain power (like the ability to say no when you want to say no). An imbalanced form of hatred creates internal and external suffering, and basically any imbalance that you put out there is bound to get reflected back on to you – you can call it karmic reaction, law of attraction or the simple truth that life is just one energy and so what you do unto the outside eventually gets done unto you, because the outside is the inside. Vengeance and retaliation don’t serve any value because you will be perpetuating the cycle of imbalanced hatred. Use your awareness to observe any form of over-identification that you may have towards aspects of hatred, don’t judge them but just let go of your “clinging” towards their force in you – whenever the pattern arises, just observe it and let it be, don’t fuel it with judgment or involvement. The force can be strong, owing to past-momentum, and it can take a while before you see its pull ebbing away; during this time there may be moments when you feel that you are “taken over” by the pull and this is fine, don’t feel guilty about it.
In a state of balance, sometimes you may have to take some aggressive stand (a stand which pertains to creating lesser of the two evils), when you see that there is no other option, but internally your stand does not come from a place of imbalanced hatred, it just comes from a place of wisdom – to take such a stand you need to have a balanced connection with this dimension of hatred, it’s an idealistic thinking to imagine that love alone can bring balance, sometimes one has to use power. To have a balanced connection with the influence of hatred gives you this sense of power.
Releasing the imbalanced influence of joy
We are usually sold this idea of “permanent joy” as some goal to reach at some point in the future. Some people try to find this state of permanent joy through physicality, like trying to get fame, money or attention, while some try to find it through spirituality, through ideas of enlightenment or Nirvana – there is no difference between both these mindsets because they are both deluded in their own way, each trying to find a state of “permanence” which does not exist in life’s reality. Joy is just one aspect of our mind, just one aspect of experience, it’s not an ultimate experience neither is it superior to other experiences from an absolute perspective. In fact, for the very experience of joy you need the contrast of the absence of joy (like boredom, hatred or fear), and hence joy cannot be a permanent state, it’s just one of the states of the mind. There is nothing wrong with desiring the experience of joy, but if it creates an attitude where you suppress the other expressions/experiences you will end up in an imbalance eventually – just like how a druggie ends up degrading his/her body constantly craving the next high.
People who are too focused on joy, or over-identified with joy, are highly unstable – you cannot expect such people to be organized, responsible or committed. Their motivation is always towards the next high and hence everything/everyone becomes a filler to manipulate towards reaching the next high. Sometimes the over-excited persona is labeled as being “full of life”, which is actually quite a misplaced label because such a person is mostly just avoiding a large part of life and is simply clinging to the one dimension of joy alone. Also, the state of over-excitement is never conducive to wisdom and the extreme high is always followed by an equivalence of low. An obsession with joy can cause the mind to lose its ability to focus, which basically makes you inept towards getting any meaningful work done, which means you can’t really make any useful contribution, which means that you basically become a leech who is just obsessed with consumption. Passion has to be tempered with aspects like dedication, patience and focus, in order to allow for any real productivity. There are many people who have a passion, for their talent, but they are not able to channel it into productivity, and eventually they live far below their true potential.
On the other hand, the tendency to “suppress” joy arises from a mindset that’s rooted in fear, bitterness or conservative thinking. The whole idea of trying to deny yourself pleasure, and treating it as some “virtue”, is rooted in a fear-based thinking – if you feel guilty about being true to your pleasure, it could well be stemming from some fear-based conditioning that you are holding onto. Also, the mindset of painting everything in a negative light, and constantly complaining about life, stems from an attitude of bitterness which leads to inner toxicity – getting identified with this mindset leads to an imbalanced momentum of hatred which then takes over as the predominant influence in one’s life. Conservative thinking is just an aspect of a lack of being open-minded towards the diverse expressions of life, there is nothing wrong with holding certain values, or living life by a certain set of principles, but one has to make an aware inspection of whether these choices stem from a certain rigidity, inflexibility and intolerance to various modes of living – in fact, a lot of conservative thinking stems from a place of fear rather than adherence to values/principles. If you are constantly regarded as a “kill joy” by people around you, it could be an indication that you are identified with close-mindedness or are prone to a suppression of joy from a place of fear/hatred.
Finding a balance towards joy, by releasing its imbalanced force, can be very challenging because the “light-nature” aspect of joy can easily be made into an excuse to over-indulge in it or the fear of the dark-natured consequences of pleasure can become the reason for suppression. If you’ve been over-identified with joy, then as a part of release (the “fierce grace” aspect of the intelligence of your life-stream) you may feel subjected to some situation where you have no choice but to deal with the absence of joy so that you can find freedom from its influence – the mind can feel very desolate, depressed or “stuck”, during this phase, and can come up with several negative interpretations (including feeling suicidal). If you’ve been suppressing joy then as a part of the release-process (as you start letting-go of your rigid control) you may feel surges of joy-energy coming up in you and may feel inspired towards connecting with expressions relating to entertainment, relaxation and revelry, and for a while it may feel like you are over-indulging in joy but this is just a compensating mechanism to balance out the past-momentum of suppression.
Releasing the imbalanced influence of fear
The influence of fear is a strong force, especially for a physical being, who is in a survival mode – however, fear is not just about “physical survival” but also about “psychological survival”. To feel fearful of being judged by other people is an example of how we try to protect our psychological identity, or ego, from being hurt or dented. Of course, fear is a normal/natural part of our mind and it’s not about trying to get rid of the dimension of fear but about developing the openness towards working with it and integrating it from a place of wisdom. In most cases, the unconscious tendency is to be opposed to the presence of fear, what I call “fearing the presence of fear”, and this is mostly because of the way it makes you feel – fear has to be the most uncomfortable emotion to deal with because its natural movement is towards “contraction” as a means of protection, and this movement of contraction when manifested in a physical body can feel physically painful, suffocating and dysfunctional (for example, intense nervousness can cause the gut to contract to a point where you feel paralyzed or nauseous). It’s very normal to push away from fear because of this nature of “discomfort” that it creates, however this very resistance to fear is what creates the imbalanced momentum of fear which eventually end ups creating a situation where you are constantly feeling a surge of fear-energy coursing through you.
It really doesn’t matter what type of fear-based thought is haunting you – the fear of uncertainty, fear of abandonment, fear of survival (like fear of flying or fear of closed spaces) and fear of judgment are some broad categories into which your specific fears can fit into. And, irrespective of which category your fear belongs to, the bottom line is that the only reason why you feel dysfunctional towards fear is because you are resisting fear instead of being open to allowing it. The moment you open up towards allowing the energy of fear in you, without any form of resistance, there will be a release of all the imbalanced momentum, of fear, gathered over the past, and you will reach a place where fear no longer has an “intensity” in you – it just becomes a mode of thinking that’s present but is no longer a factor that makes you feel crippled. Openness to fear requires you to be open to the feeling of “contraction” that fear produces, to no longer resist it, to no longer look for a solution to get rid of it, to no longer cling to distractions in a bid to avoid it – you will continue to fuel the momentum of fear if you keep resisting its presence in you. Stop trying to look for a solution to get rid of fear, rather just become open to allowing fear in you, it’s not a “technique” to find an escape from fear rather it’s a pointer towards the attitude of openness.
People have the tendency to use various “mechanism” as a bid to find pseudo-security, or a temporary protection from facing an inner fear. These mechanisms actually don’t serve any value and indirectly becomes the fuel for the very fear that you are trying to get rid of. Some common mechanisms that people use include trying to hold on to some beliefs (finding security in beliefs), trying to silence the mind (using all forms of mind techniques including suppressive meditation, or using mind numbing chemicals or just various forms of distraction) or trying to isolated oneself from living (detachment). Detachment, distraction and pseudo-security mechanisms can temporarily shield you from facing your fears, but sooner or later you will have to inevitably face the same, and the longer you delay it the more momentum that gets built owing to the suppression. There are no quick fixes, there are no magical fixes, and there are no unconscious means to finding freedom from fear, the only way towards releasing the imbalanced influence of fear is to connect with a “conscious openness” towards fear.
Releasing the imbalanced influence of boredom
Life is a dynamic force, movement is an inherent part of living, and being “static” is an unnatural state which will get challenged by the natural movement of life towards growth. However, the period of rest, recuperation, non-activity/peace is an inherent, and required, part of this “movement” of life – there is a difference between “being static” and being rested, the former is a mindset of resisting change, the latter is just a requirement towards being ready for change/movement. If you are not well rested you cannot be truly powerful in your movement. People who are imbalanced towards the need for “activity” can get restless, and start avoiding the natural need for a space of non-activity, and eventually they enter into a period of burn-out where they might feel forced into in-activity in a dysfunctional manner. There are various reasons why one can get imbalanced towards activity, some common ones are – a sense of unworthiness about being non-productive, fear of facing some inner turmoil (using activity as a distraction), a deluded view towards ambition/achievements and a lack of self-love (guilt towards pleasing oneself, thus avoiding relaxation).
On the other hand, there are cases where people become overly identified with boredom translating into expressions of lethargy, hum-drum and a blasé outlook towards living. In “spiritual circles” it’s quite common for people to use some pointers like “life is inherently meaningless”, “nothing matters in the end”, “there is no end to reach” etc, as some excuse towards lethargy and non-activity – the value of these pointers is towards giving a balanced outlook to someone who has a deluded view towards activity, it’s not meant to be taken as some excuse towards inactivity. The very nature of life is towards movement, and dynamism, and hence an imposed attitude of lethargy is bound to create an internal “pressure” that’s felt as constant sense of “something’s missing” – you cannot hope to find some “static peace” through detachment from living, such states of peace are simply short-lived experiences that soon give way to the natural sense that you need to be doing something. It gets deeply dysfunctional when the natural impulse towards action is suppressed by some misconstrued spiritual view-point like “I should do nothing, I should just sit in a state of surrender” – the pointer of surrender is not meant to be a pointer towards inaction, rather it’s supposed to taken from a perspective of balance where you are asked to be open to allowing what arises in the moment instead of living in resistance.
If you have been over-indulging in activity, and are using activity as some form of distraction from facing your inner-turmoil, or if your constant preoccupation is causing you to be rooted in a state of “low-awareness”, you can be certain that during the phase of release you will be moved into a situation where you feel a sense of “forced inactivity”, where your distractions no longer work (or are no longer available), and you are placed in a situation where you don’t feel any motivation towards activity (you may feel a lack of meaning towards everything). Instead of resisting this phase, and feeling afraid that you are entering into some permanent dysfunction, just become allowing of this state fully – it can bring up a lot of your fears, it can bring up a lot of restlessness and irritation, it can bring up a sense of meaninglessness, but eventually it’s all just a part of the reinforcement of balance which you’ve been suppressing all along. On the other hand, if you’ve been over-identified with lethargy, you may feel a push towards getting involved with life (sometimes through “fierce grace”) where you can no longer hide in your cave of detachment – this push can unearth several fears and resistances within you, which you will have to let go of clinging to, as a part of the release.
Releasing the imbalanced influence of sexuality
The energy of sexuality can be seen as the core driving force of creation or creativity. For many reasons, humans have created several hang-ups around the area of sexuality, either due to guilt or owing to their inability to deal with its force – several fear mechanisms have been put in place, in various forms like orthodox religious doctrines, cultural belief systems, pseudo-moral teachings, as a means to control the influence of sexuality, and in many ways the expression of sexuality has been adjudged with labels like perversion, loose character, loose morals, dirtiness or impurity, creating an image of “wrong” in the mind. Children, as they start growing up, are usually taught to disassociate with their sexuality, by parents who are not comfortable with their own sexuality, and usually fear-based mechanism are used to impose this conditioning, creating a society of repressed sexuality which only leads to dysfunctional expressions of the same. There are also gender-specific suppressive mechanisms, where men try to suppress women’s desire for sexual freedom through using derisive labels/judgments and control mechanisms, and women try to wield power over men by using their sexuality as a tool of manipulation – such a mindset leads to a disconnection with the natural essence of sexuality and corrupts it into a negative expression.
Since sexuality is the driving force of creation, it can also be directly linked to how abundant your reality feels – suppressed sexuality usually manifests as blockages in creativity which directly leads to a lack-centric reality. Also, when you are not comfortable with your own sexuality there is a certain lack of magnetism/charisma evident in your personality, and it also manifests in the form of social awkwardness, contracted body-language and lack of drive/ambition. Suppressing, your natural expression of sexuality, can also manifest as energy blockage in the body leading to hormonal dysfunctions resulting from the malfunctioning of specific glands, and organs, relating to the production/circulation of hormones. Different bodies, and different personalities, have different requirements, and different expressions, with respect to sexuality and you have to come to terms with your personal make-up, without comparison, without judgment and without conservative hang-ups. Understanding your sexual requirements, and your particular desires for sexual exploration, is a vital part of aligning with your expression as an individual in this body. If you’ve been suppressing your sexuality, you will notice that, as part of the release-process, you will feel a surge in your sexual energy and may be pushed towards dealing with sexual hang-ups (unearthing fears stemming from narrow or conservative thinking) in your mind – the surge will get balanced out over time as the suppressed energy gets released.
It’s important to first develop an “open mindset”, where you release your hang-ups around sexual expressions, before you can truly understand your personal balance with regards to your sexuality. Every person is unique and hence you cannot compare your needs, and your sexual expression, with someone else and hence only you can determine if you are going over-board (into over-indulgence) with respect to your sexuality. An over-indulgence in sexuality usually manifests into physical fatigue, lack of focus, disconnect with emotions, reckless behavior and a general sense of escapism. This over-indulgence could also be stemming from an inability to handle/contain the “sexual energy” in oneself, and thus being unable to channel this energy into pursuits of creativity, when needed – this ability to contain the sexual energy gets developed when can be open to arising of this energy in you without feeling dominated by it towards finding an immediate release/expression. Once you develop this ability to contain your sexual energy, you can then work on various expressions of your sexuality from a place of personal balance. Though sexuality is a natural part of our being it has to be balanced out with “emotional intelligence”, the hallmark of a balanced soul/being is the ability to bring a balance towards his/her emotional expression along with sexual expression – in an unconscious state (or low-awareness, or imbalanced, state) the tendency is to either get too occupied with emotional influxes or get too “nonchalant” through sexual excesses.
This may be a generalization, but a lot of men find it difficult to be sexually aroused while also being connected with their emotions (this is the reason why men seem to get aroused through “visual stimulation”, like adult-entertainment movies, rather than emotional stimulation) and hence they can make sex into a very primal act of objectified lust without connecting with the emotional essence of their partner. On the other hand, in general, women seem to have the tendency towards emotional stimulation (and hence a romantic/emotional movie can be arousing to a woman) and are less connected with the primal aspects of lust (or possibly even have hang-ups towards it). One can actually bring a balance to these gender specific imbalances, in a state of awareness – men can integrate their sexuality with their sensitivity connecting with the emotional energy of their partner (which is what love-making would infer), while women can release some of their emotional investment and be more connected with the primal energy of sexuality – a mix of primal sex and love-making is what allows for a balanced sexual expression in most relationships. Also, most men seem to completely associate their sexual stimulation with the physicality of a woman which leads to an imbalanced perception and objectified imagery, and of course the media is quick to cater to this imbalanced perception, and even women start being manipulative towards this tendency in men – eventually, a balanced environment is where a man can understand a woman’s emotional make-up and find sexual attraction towards her mind (or her human-ness) as much as her body, and women let go of trying to use sex as a means to manipulate men, which is just a form of negative power.
Sexuality has a masculine element and a feminine element, and it has nothing to do with being a male or a female – for example, it’s possible for a male to have a strong feminine element of sexuality and a female to have a strong component of masculine sexuality. It’s just that, in general, men seem to be more connected with the masculine element of sexuality and women with the feminine element of sexuality, though it could well an expression of the past imbalance. In the state of higher consciousness, the masculine and feminine components can get balanced out in men and women. Feminine component of sexuality is the aspect of emotional arousal, where there is a romance, tenderness and sensitivity to the expression of sexuality. The masculine component of sexuality is the aspect of primal lust where there is a raw energy of hunger that feels the need to be satiated through an animalistic ravishment. As a part of balance, you would be moved towards connecting with aspects of feminine and masculine elements of sexuality in you, and it can brings up fears towards losing the past sexual identity that you may have been holding onto – for example, a heterosexual man can feel uncomfortable about connecting with feminine element of sexuality in him and may associate it with becoming gay, which is not what happens; or a woman can feel uncomfortable about connecting with the masculine element of sexuality from the fear of becoming “perverted”. Once you drop your inner judgment, you will see it purely as a process of balance which leads to a more harmonious expression of sexuality.
The challenge of transition
The process of release is simply a transition from imbalance to balance, and like any transition process it’s bound to feel disorienting as it happens. The fact that you can understand what’s happening allows you to be more comfortable with the process but that does not mean that you won’t feel the discomfort of transition – in a sense, it’s like being open to the discomfort without going into the mode of added resistance or misinterpretations. The release does happen in layers, with more and more subtle components of imbalance coming up as the release reaches towards a finish. If you can understand that the state of balance is a state that’s free of the tendency towards suppression and the tendency towards over-identification, then you would be able to understand what the attitude of openness implies.
Elements of suppression will be brought up for release along with the elements of over-identification – this process is not about holding on to what feels convenient to your “imbalanced ego”, it has nothing to do with gratifying the imbalanced aspects of your mind/ego. Every element of imbalance is brought to the light, and you start realizing that there is no hiding and that the mindset of escapism is no longer going serve you.
Also, it makes sense to let go of your “ideas”, and imaginations, regarding what the state of balance looks like. You can be sure that you won’t be walking around like a haloed angel when you are connected with your state of stability/balance, and it’s best to drop such imaginations; it’s all about being totally authentic with yourself, and living your expression as a being with a mix of light-nature and dark-nature. This process is not about becoming some numb, feeling-less, insensitive, detached being, who seems to have a delusion of freedom based on detachment. This process is all about becoming a highly functional being, someone who embraces “living” by accepting the dark and light components involved in it, someone who is not holding on to delusions but also someone who is not holding on to some idea of “pointless-ness” or meaninglessness, someone who can see the ordinariness inherent to everything in life while not making it into an excuse to stop being motivated by what feels right/required/responsible/important to his/her individual expression and desire for experience, someone who can be true to his/her natural sensitivity, instinct and inclination, without living in a bubble of hang-ups or some ideas of glorified righteousness.