There is a lot of talk about “detachment” in many spiritual teachings and an imbalanced ego can take up this pointer as a “practice” to execute. Trying to detach just becomes another attachment, an attachment to a “detached living”, and it’s just as dysfunctional as an imbalanced/fear-based attachment. An imbalanced ego force cannot really understand what the pointer of detachment refers to, the very basis on an imbalanced ego is “lack” and it will try to fill this lack through any practice, or technique, it can get its hands on, including the pointer of detachment – you can see people trying to detach as a means of escaping life, as a means of seeking some place of peace or bliss, or even as a means of looking superior, all of this is just the imbalanced ego in play. The pointer of “detachment” in its true sense simply describes the natural state of being where the ego is not the dominant force (making it a balanced ego) – what I call “inner wholeness” is this natural state of being, and its hallmark is the sense of total inner independence/freedom. Anyone on the journey towards inner wholeness is inevitably signing up for the state of total inner independence, there are no convenient “hold backs”, you don’t get to keep a few dependencies, or bargain with the process.
In most cases, it’s the imbalanced ego that motivates the journey towards inner wholeness, when it’s tired of the suffering created by its imbalance or fears. The paradox is that the cost of coming to inner wholeness is the dissolution of the force of this imbalanced ego that started the search – it can come as a shock when this process really starts getting active in deconstructing this imbalanced ego force (what I also call the “negative ego”). This process is relentless until the negative ego is completely dissolved, without a shred being left off, and sometimes the intelligence of your life-stream will use some “aggressive” tactics (called fierce grace) to deconstruct some stubborn patterns of holding-on, however you can be rest-assured that your well-being is always taken care of and these tactics are just to dent the imbalanced ego structure. This process is not pleasant for the “negative ego” part present in you, however as long as you understand that your life-stream has the intelligence to take care of your well-being, and is only working to bring you to a place of total alignment, you will not buy into the “tantrums” thrown by the negative ego as it dissolves. There is a very strong presence of grace (life’s intelligence) that operates during this process which becomes highly evident to you soon enough.
The destruction of dependencies
The negative ego is a lack based force that’s highly insecure and hence clings to several dependencies for a sense of pseudo-security. These dependencies eventually become shackles that don’t allow a free movement of intelligence within you. You are no longer in the flow of your life-stream’s intelligence, rather you start compromising, constantly, by buying into the negative ego’s fear-based projections and perceptions. This lack of “flow” in your life is crippling to your being which is always, naturally, inclined towards evolution or growth – you can’t change this nature in your being, or life-force, to be constantly growth-oriented. Soon the pressure of resistance, created by the negative ego, is at loggerheads with the pull of your life-stream towards growth (and this can be a very painful state of being due to the immense conflict/opposition in your energy), and this state of inner conflict creates a very strong negative vibe in you that attracts struggle. Eventually, you get tired of this struggle and are finally willing to give up your resistance, sometimes purely out of exhaustion, and thus allow the pull of your life-stream to take over. A better place would be to “consciously” let go of your resistance and allow yourself to merge with the natural pull of your being/life-force, which would take you towards inner wholeness and towards your natural expression (rooted in constant growth and evolution).
A hallmark of this process working in your life is the dissolution of factors of dependency. Any reality in your life that’s rooted in a sense of fear-based, or lack-based, dependency is eventually brought to a dissolution to allow for the creation of a new reality that’s based out of inner freedom and wholeness. In any case, the dependencies never felt good to you, you were just clinging to them out of fear, or from your sense of lack, so even if you fret this process during this “dissolution phase” you will inevitably be grateful for the inner independence that you finally come to. True abundance is this state of inner independence, it’s your natural state of being, and you always know when you inhabit this state of being. Dependencies make you powerless, they cause you to resist your natural expression, they make you work against your integrity, they force you to compromise on your truth and hence sap your spirit at many levels – I am not talking about symbiotic dependencies required for your functioning/survival (like depending on your milk-man to bring you milk), I am talking about psychological dependencies created from a place of fear/lack.
One of the core dependencies that is destroyed is your dependency on the negative ego’s perspective. This dependency is at the root cause of fueling the momentum of the negative ego in the first place – or quite simply what I call the momentum of negativity in the mind. You can read this post – Dissolving the negative ego – for insights on how the state of conscious allowing (allowing without identification) causes the release of the momentum of this ego force. The post – Reaching a state of total allowing – deals with how one becomes open to this process by consciously moving into a state of allowing by connecting with your space of being. All that’s needed for the deconstruction of the negative ego is that you become open, in your being, to allow your life-stream’s intelligence to start working – you do that by consciously letting go of being identified with the negative ego, and thus not protecting its presence in you, allowing it to be deconstructed.
The price of inner freedom
The way life functions is that you need to surrender an old reality in order to allow a new reality – you have to make a conscious choice at some point. The price of coming to state of inner freedom is to let go of all forms of psychological dependencies arising from your insecurities – you don’t have to work at letting go of these dependencies, that will be taken care of by your life-force, all you need to do is be open to this dissolution as it happens. By being “open” I mean don’t panic, don’t get worried, don’t get anxious, don’t try to protect the negative ego, don’t try to hold on to a dependency (you can’t bargain with this process, it’s a 100% dissolution), and just trust in the intelligence of your life-stream instead of buying into the fear-based projections of your mind. The mind can create imaginations about becoming dysfunctional, and you can either buy into its fear and start trying to “hold on” again, or you keep staying true to the process by staying totally open in your being to see how it unfolds. Well-being will always be dominant when you are surrendered to this process, the only purpose of this process is to bring you to a place of inner independence so that you are no longer rooted in resistance, or imbalance, thus being aligned with the flow your life-stream’s intelligence.
This process has nothing to do with pampering the negative ego in any way, it’s about aligning you with your life-stream’s natural pull, towards your evolution as a “soul”, towards the growth path that you desire as a soul/being (stream of consciousness) to break out of unconscious/deluded living. When I say that this process will root you in a state of well-being, I am not trying to give an assurance to the fear-based ego, rather I am just stating a simple truth that your natural state of being is always felt as a state of inner abundance which reflects as well-being. You can’t know what your expression will be in the state of inner independence/wholeness, you can just know that it will be rooted in living from your true nature of fearless evolution, growth, wisdom, oneness and balance. The only reason to venture on this journey is when you feel that it’s your inner calling to stay true to this process of coming to a place of inner freedom and finding your natural state of being, any other deluded motivations coming from the negative ego will soon be disillusioned.
From a place of inner independence you will obviously have a non-dramatic, smooth and “quality” experience of physicality, but more importantly it allows your “being” to be free of the shackles of fear-based living/perception – it’s an “inner experience” of being free, that’s what true abundance is. Conceptual understandings don’t bring you to a place of inner freedom, the understandings are meant to be used to let go into the process of dissolution of the negative ego (which is a very physical process in many ways), and it’s an undertaking that requires your choice of not protecting the negative ego as it dissolves in force until it’s no longer a force in you – remember that you’ve been identified with the negative ego for a long time (may be lifetimes) and hence it takes time to let go of this identification (and it happens in layers); it can feel like a death of a part of you, like letting go of a strong addiction. It’s also a question of attitude, of connecting with your courage, it’s not about constantly seeking assurance, or reiterating that you feel “powerless” against the negative ego, you have to develop the willingness to let go of it, it’s your choice eventually – these pointers can be used as a sword, but you need to wield it.